Stop Dreaming, Start Scheming

When looking to modify and change behaviours it is not enough to simply identify a bad habit that we want to stop, or to identify a good habit we want to start, we ideally want to link the two. Solely focusing on a bad behaviour we want to stop leaves a void that our brain seeks to fill. Without direction concerning what we would prefer to do, our brain may select a behaviour that proves equally bad at fulfilling our ultimate goals and objectives.

Similarly, merely identifying a behaviour we want to start leaves our brain scrambling to make room for that new behaviour. It will therefore look to eliminate an existing behaviour to clear that room. However, our brain doesn't typically make judgments on 'good' versus 'bad' and may therefore replace an existing good behaviour with your desired new habit, resulting in a break-even proposition before you even get started.

The premise of my last book, Stop This, Start That, was to give you 365 different success tips that highlighted what behaviours to stop engaging in, and what behaviours to replace them with.  Clean and simple.  Although 365 ideas may seem like more than enough to keep you busy for a lifetime, if not the better part of a year, I find that I am often in conversation with clients where additional tips and ideas surface.  This blog post grew from one such conversation.

There are numerous articles, books and videos that direct you to dream as big as possible, to envision everything that you would like to have and attract into your life.  Unfortunately though, they often don't provide further instruction, leaving you with the belief that creating a vision board or replaying a dream over and over is enough to create it as a reality.

I am a firm believer in opening yourself to possibilities and to creating a vision for yourself of where those possibilities can take you, but dreaming on its own is not enough.  A dream without action will lead to disappointment and regret. You can't continue to replay the same dream over and over, without taking any action to make it happen, and expect it to manifest. Dreams need help to come to fruition.

In which case, if you have something that you have longed for, wished for, dreamed for, that has yet to come true for you, it is time to Stop Dreaming and time to Start Scheming.  You need to sit down and develop a plan of action for making that dream a reality.

• What do you need to make this dream happen?  Are there specific skills you need?  Financing? Contacts? Do you need more information, education or direction? 
• Who could you talk to, what book could you read, what course could you take?
• What would be the first step you could take toward turning your dream into a reality?  What's the second, the third, the fourth?
• What obstacles exist preventing you from taking action?  How could you circumvent them?

Dream big, dream deep, dream wide.  But don't get so caught up in the act of dreaming that you overlook the need to start scheming.  All dreams need a plan to become reality.  Start building your plan now to start living your dream.

Tip Thursday - Power of 'Next'

There will always be people that don't like you or your message, opportunities that don't work out, relationships that end.  We can get caught up in the 'why' of it all, such that we become stuck in a negative feedback loop.  We get stuck in the ending.  We can break out of the negativity by simply saying... 'Next'!

Give your time to the people who DO get you and your message, move on to a new, interesting and challenging opportunity, free yourself to enter into a more positive and fulfilling relationship. Shifting your brain into thinking 'Next' moves you from focusing on the ending into starting a new beginning.

Who's Your Target Audience?

We can easily get caught up in trying to be and deliver too many things to too many people. When looking to build our success it is far too easy to fall into the belief that the more people we please the greater our success will be.  However, it can quickly become overwhelming, and clearly impossible, to please everyone.  So where should you focus?

Your family and friends will always have input.
Your boss will certainly highlight their needs.
Your co-workers will offer their own take about what they want.
Your clients and customers have yet another perspective.

When you are just starting to build your career or new business it can become difficult to direct your energies to those activities that will best serve to propel you forward.  You have limited and finite resources.  You clearly can`t create a product that suits everyone`s needs, can`t deliver a speech that resonates fully with everyone, can`t complete a project in a way that satisfies all.  How do you decide what to do, what to say, what to deliver, what to offer?

Consider using the 2 Review process (with thanks to Seth Godin for this) to serve as your litmus test. When you look at the speech you intend to deliver, the business services you are offering, the project you're initiating, write two reviews for it; a five star and a one star review.

• 5 Star Review.  Write a review from the perspective of someone who was blown away by what you did and delivered.  This is a review from someone who totally gets what you're doing and loves it.  They admire your ambition, your drive, your vision, your message.
• 1 Star Review.  Then write a review from the perspective of someone who hates your message, who is critical of the work you are doing and the direction you are taking.

Now consider... who are you investing your time in pleasing?  Is your focus aimed at turning the naysayers into advocates or are you focusing on strengthening the deliverables to those who are championing you?

Regardless of whether you are just starting your career or business or have the launch of both well behind you, playing to those who love you will always prove to boost your success more than will trying to convert others to your cause.  

Becoming clear about what people love, whether about you or your product, and giving them more of it is the secret sauce to success.  There is a reason that corporations invest millions of dollars in consumer research... the need to continue to satisfy their customers.  You are no different.

The time that you spend in trying to minimize the negative feedback and criticism, to convert the naysayers, is time away from satisfying those that are ready to buy - you and your services. Typically, the greater your success the greater the number of critics you will have.

If you have no critics you'll likely have no success.    Malcolm X

All of the 'greats' in their field have clarity over their vision, and hold true to what their customers, not their critics, value and want from them.  Sure, it's hard not to take it personally at times, but recognise the source.  Typically, those that are critical of you, your message and your actions, are those who are not taking the steps that you are.  Their attempts to hold you back are more indicative of their insecurities than they are reflective of you.

Your goal should be to create with the goal of receiving more 5 Star Reviews and not with the intention of trying to avoid the 1 Stars.  Often, the best sign that you are 'making it' is that there are people who are ticked off by that very fact.  The best way to deal with these folks is, of course, to follow Taylor Swift's advice and 'Shake it Off!'

Everyone Starts Small

The internet has revolutionized the way in which we work.  It has connected us to more information and more people in ways that would have been impossible without it.  All good, right?

For some though, the availability of information is misleading and can prove de-motivating.  When we Google an idea or a concept we quickly see that there are 372,461 posts about that same idea.  The count may even be in the millions, which instantly leads us to believe that our idea is not new, not novel and will not be of interest to anyone else. They already 'get it' elsewhere.

The internet can quickly serve as a means of comparing ourselves  with others, proving to us that there is nothing 'new' to be done.  Believing that it has all be done before can result in our never bothering to try. After all, why would someone hire us to do it for them (whatever 'it' may happen to be) when there are so many others that have clearly been doing it longer, can do it better, have established systems in place.  With the help of the internet we can quickly find ourselves being sucked down the comparison rabbit-hole which tends to highlight for us why we shouldn't do something rather than why we should.  Our comparisons create doubts and inertia, preventing our ideas and dreams from ever coming to light.

However, we need to broaden our perspective and recognise that every one of us has a blend and mix of unique gifts that no one else has.  Your experiences, outlook and skills will appeal to some in ways that no one else's will.  There are more than 7 billion people on this planet.  It is impossible for those 372,461 folks you googled earlier to have reached them all.  As long as you are offering something that people want and need there will always be a market for your gifts.  

Despite the number of published authors out there, there is always room for more story tellers.  Despite the number of talented singers out there, there is room for more voices and songs.  Despite the number of great Italian or Thai restaurants out there, there is room for another to make a go of it.  

Don't let someone else's success hold you back from seeking your own.

Everyone starts small.  Every 'great' person began as you need to; with a kernel of skill, with limited experience, but with a lot of drive.  The 'greats' got to where they are through practice and experience.  They learned along the way. They didn't wait to be great to start.  It doesn't make sense then to compare yourself to those that are at a different stage in their journey.  

We may be skilled at something but hold ourselves back because we feel that there are others that are better.  What we fail to see though is that there is room out there for us to offer our service too, because it will be different.  Everything you do is imbued with you.  Your 'you-ness' will have an impact on the service you provide simply because it is unique to you. Your 'you-ness' is not duplicatable. 'You' have never been done before which means that, regardless of what you're offering, no one has experienced exactly what it is you do.  No one.  

Singers can all sing the same song but deliver completely different experiences, because each song is imbued with 'them'.  Some appeal to you more than others, while other audiences find others' renditions more appealing.  That's why there is room for more than one singer in the world, more than one author, more than one artist and more than one of whatever you offer.  

Whatever you offer has never been done before because it has not been done by you. You are unique and the world deserves to have you share those unique gifts. Only you can offer them 'you'.  

The Price of Success

Everything in life comes with a price.  Sometimes it is a small, negligible, barely-even-noticed-it price, which
is easily and often unconsciously paid.  Sometimes it is a bigger price, calling into question... are we willing to pay it?  Everyone focuses on success; what it means to them, how it would change their life, how much they want 'it'.  In focusing only on the desired end result, they then use that to measure where they are at, often berating themselves for not being successful 'yet'.  However, they may not be using an accurate measure for themselves of what they 'truly' want to achieve.

People focus on what they would like to 'have', but fail to focus on what it takes to get there.  If you aren't willing to do what is required to get there, pick a different destination, otherwise you are setting yourself up to fail before you begin.  If you select goals for yourself that you have no intention of EVER doing the work needed to complete it, how could you ever manage to achieve it?

No one has even succeeded without paying a price.  

John Maxwell, (Leadership expert, Author, Pastor, Speaker extraordinaire) tells a story of delivering a speech one day and being approached afterword by a young man who looked at him and said... 'I want to do what you are doing!'  John looked at the young man, smiled and said... 'Of course you do son, but the true question for you is whether you are willing to do everything I have done to get here.'

People don't get great at something overnight.  We all start out bad.  There is a price to getting good at something, at developing your skill.  There are sacrifices and choices 'the great' have made that have allowed them to build their skills to get to great.  Are you willing to make those choices, those sacrifices?

It's easy to get caught up in the dream of success.  But to truly become successful, you must immerse yourself in the actions that are needed to get you there.   You need to be prepared to pay the price that's required for you to get where you want to go.  If you are unwilling, it likely isn't the vision of success that you should hold.  Create another.  Your desire for the success you envision has to be bigger than the price you will need to pay.  If it isn't, then it either isn't the right vision or it isn't big enough.

Opportunities exist around us, doors are there for us to open and walk through.  But those doors stop opening for us when we stop being willing to pay the price that each door requires.  We all hit a point when we are satisfied, when we have created the life we want, the vision we held.  At this point, we likely aren't looking to open too many more doors at any price.

If we aren't there yet though, then we are still building, learning, creating and growing.  We need to be prepared to pay the price for the opportunities we need and want to move forward in our Success Plan.  

What is your definition of Success worth to you?  If it isn't resonating within you, motivating and shaping your days, and you're not where you want to be in life, your definition and vision need a tune-up. Revise them until you have something worth working toward.  The Vision has to be bigger than the Price if you are going to pay the price needed to move forward.  It all comes down to one simple statement...

When we stop paying... we stop playing. 

Life Lessons from the Movies - The Legend of Bagger Vance

If you haven't had the opportunity to watch the movie The Legend of Bagger Vance... do.  There are a number of life lessons that may serve you (plus... it's a good movie!).  In this clip from the film, Will Smith is a caddy providing advice to his golfer, played by Matt Damon.

What's your authentic shot?

What is your true calling in life?  We all have a perfect shot out there, one that is in perfect harmony with all of our gifts and talents, but we have to get out of its way and let it choose us.  Too often we get caught up in the 'shoulds' (what we 'should' be, do and have) and wind up following someone else's prescribed path for us, rather than our own.  Sometimes we continue along a path we chose for ourselves (perhaps as far back as high school) simply because we feel we have invested too much time, energy and money in the path to simply walk away from it.  Sometimes we force fit a path into our lives because we like the sound of it, the money we get from it, or the prestige that goes along with it. Regardless of the reason, we are cluttering the field and throwing obstacles in the way of uncovering our authentic shot.  We get so caught up in living the life we have designed that we fail to hear or respond to the signals we get that clearly tell us that we are destined to walk a different path, that our passion and calling lies on a different field.  We need to still the voices, still the noise, clear the clutter and get out of the way of our authentic shot.  Allow it to choose and flow into you.  That's where you find your passion, where you enter flow and...

Where everything that is... becomes one

Out on a Limb

We do our best work when we are out on a limb.  No, not 'good' work, not 'gee I met deadline and
budget' work, not 'that'll keep me employed and might give me a raise at the end of the year work', I mean our very BEST work, our 'This will change the face of how people see me, buy stuff, think about stuff' work.

When we are out on a limb we are leading.  We hope others will see our vision and follow, but we start by being out there on our own making change.  We are pushing, pulling, stretching, transforming, challenging  the status quo in some way, and that requires us to take a risk.  We risk being mocked and ridiculed.  We risk being seen as wrong.  We risk being out on that limb alone... for a very long time... before others 'get' it and begin to follow us and we risk being out there alone with no one following us... ever.  

The problem, of course, is that it is damn uncomfortable out there on that limb.  Fear of falling (read... FAILING) keeps us playing it safe hugging the tree (read... maintaining the STATUS QUO).  Fear can make us give in to the pressures of others around us to conform.  Worrying about what our audience will think and say about what we're doing though will keep us tree-hugging forever.  In order to step away from the tree, and out on that limb, we have to be willing to let go of the thought that not everyone will 'get it', that not everyone will 'like it', that not everyone will 'buy it'.  And worse, of course, is the personalization of  'it', that people won't get us, like us, buy into us.

The sad truth though is that too many of us spend our lives hugging the tree and never step out to discover what we are capable of.  Our fears keep us clinging to the comfort and safety of the trunk and we fail to stretch ourselves, showing the world our very best selves.  

Where would we be if many before us had not gone out on a limb?

• Christopher Columbus
• Charles Darwin
• Albert Einstein
• Benjamin Franklin

And consider the impact of Steve Jobs, Mark Zuckerburg or, even... Sir Thomas Crapper (inventor of the flush toilet... seriously!)

The limb you step out on need not be one that will change the face of the world, but if you are taking a risk on something it will mean change of some kind, even if on a smaller scale, even if only of one... you.  Too nervous to try?  Test it out by going out on a limb a little closer to the ground first, one which has less of a fall.  There's less of a risk, less of a change involved, but it is still a step forward, still a step toward strengthening your balancing skills - preparing you for those limbs higher up.

I'm implementing some changes this year, in my business and personal life, that have me precariously perched on a limb that seems pretty high up there to me.  It represents big challenges and risks but I believe it's the next step for me and for my growth.  I hope that you will join me out there at some point, that you follow me as I make those steps and changes, but I am stepping out on that limb regardless.  It is going to be scary, it will be intimidating and I know it could be a big fall for me but, and here's the big plus for those of you ready to step out on a limb of your own... I hear the view is great from up there!

The Death of Dreams

• 'You've never really been any good at that sort of thing'
• 'I've heard there are tons of people going after the same thing... almost no one ever makes it'
• 'You know that never happens to people like us'

These are the types of things 'they' say, the kinds of innocent-seeming statements 'they' make to slowly, but surely, kill our dreams.  You know - those visions and plans we have that would somehow serve to make us 'more' than we are now, that would have us do different, to get different, to be different.

We all have people in our lives that would rather we stay where we are in life. They will offer their thoughts under the guise of caring...

• 'You know it's only because I care about you that I'm telling you this...'
• 'It pains me to say this...'
• 'You know I love you but...'

The expectation, of course, is that if they care about us, if they love us... maybe they are right.  Oh, we may not be so willing to let go of our dreams completely, but their words plant the seeds of doubt and we hesitate. The continual reinforcement of these messages serves to water those seeds, allowing them to take root and grow, eroding our self beliefs, until our dreams drift away.

'They' say it's out of love that they tell us such things... the you can'ts, you aren'ts... but is it really?  Often, we are told these things less from a belief that we truly couldn't and more from a fear that we truly could! The objections 'they' offer us are less about us than they are about them.  They like things as they are.  They like us as we are.  Mostly because, in some way, we - as we are - make them feel better about themselves as they are.  If we change in some way then it changes things... for them!  They may feel bad... about themselves.  Because if we can do it, then all of the excuses they have given themselves as to why they aren't doing it get challenged.  

Regardless of the dream that you have, others in your life may not want you to change for one of two reasons.

1. they felt better about having/being/doing more than you when you had/were less (they like feeling superior to you and don't want you leveling the playing field)
2. They felt better about not having/being/doing something because you were right there with them, providing them with proof that it's not just them (misery does love company after all!)

These people are dream stealer's. They will do whatever they can to kill your dreams off so that their dreams aren't threatened.  Make no mistake, this is done out of love of themselves, not of you.  We need, therefore, to learn to maintain our own belief and momentum, by ensuring that our self-love supersedes the need to be loved by those 'others' in our life.  Out of that self-love comes the commitment to live our dreams not negate them, to live a life of self-belief not self-doubt, to live a life of purpose not regret.

Let others choose their own path, just as you need to choose yours.  And... for all those that doubted and questioned your dreams and choices?  Let your success stand on its own and serve as your personal statement of...

I Told You So!

The Motivation of "More"

I was working with a client a couple of weeks ago, he must have been all of 35, and we were speaking
about what his thoughts were for his career in the future.  Pretty basic question and, although I don't expect everyone to have a clear defined roadmap of exactly what they want, I would typically expect someone his age to respond with some variation of...  more, different, or other as desired goals.  

I was taken aback then by his response...  'I'm done'!  

35 and... this is it?  

Now, don't get me wrong.  I don't think that everyone needs to strive to be CEO, to own their own business or even want a management role.  That's not my point.  More, different or other don't require a move 'up' so much as they imply that you are open to a change at some point.  A change that perhaps tests out and develops a new skill, gives you the opportunity to try something different, expands your perspectives, lets you learn something new, upgrades your skills... SOMETHING!

But... 'I'm done'?????  A possible 30 more years of working and... you're done?

I consider myself a work in progress.  I reserve the right to be better at something tomorrow, than I was today, to know something tomorrow I did not today and to therefore make better decisions and choices for myself as a result.  I think back to what and who I was at 35 and have a hard time reconciling that with the person I am today, the growth I have experienced, the learning, the development, the career shifts...

Although we all have different levels of comfort with the concept of change, we need to leave ourselves open to even incremental changes occurring, to prevent stagnation.  We can't just simply 'stop' where we are because nothing else around us enters into the same holding pattern.  Life doesn't exist in a vacuum.  It moves, grows, shifts over time, as do the people in our lives.  We too need to move, grow and shift in order to, at the very least, accommodate the shifts and eddies of those around us, lest we be left behind.  

Leave yourself some wiggle room by keeping your options open.  Envisioning a future that is 'more' or 'different' from your current situation does not have any value associated with it as to how 'much' more different it is.  The size of the shift is up to you and whatever your comfort zone will accommodate, but not leaving that opening implies no change at all.  Nada.  This is the very essence of stagnation.  

Live your life with the one true aim of being 'more' each day.  Being more in some small way, each and every day, creates incremental but definitive growth.  This small step of possibility leaves the door open to other possibilities that you wouldn't be otherwise.  No one knows for certain what the future holds, but if you don't leave yourself open to potential and possibility, I can guarantee what your future won't hold.   

Leave a small crack in the door for opportunities and change.  Just the very acknowledgement of wanting 'more' of some kind can be a catalyst for change that you wouldn't have imagined otherwise.  

And... for those of you who dare to be bolder, join me in my preferred vision.  

When my time comes, sometime past the age of 100,  I expect to be dragged off to heaven by angels while wailing the whole way... 

But...  I'm not done yet!

A Life Well Lived

I read an article recently where they described the life of a well known author as a live 'well-lived'. That descriptive phrase stuck with me and I have to admit that I have been mulling it over for a number of weeks. In the end, I am still left with the question... What does a life well-lived look like?

Granted, we likely are all going to have our own highly individualized interpretations of what a life well-lived will mean to us. This is as it should be because, in the end, it is our life! However, I would hazard a guess that there are few of us that would look at a 60+ hour work week, spent pushing through someone else's projects and initiatives, with our off hours attached to the office through all of the devices that were supposed to save us time.. as indicative of the good life!

Instead, many find themselves living lives of quiet and consuming frustration, working consistently long hours, at a job they hate, to buy things they don't need, in order to impress people they don't like.  A life well-lived?  I think not!

Instead... we need to take back control and design our own lives.  Leaving it up to someone else simply means we spend our time fulfilling their needs and wants, never our own.  As for leaving our lives and careers in the hands of a corporation... well... let's face it.  Even the best intentioned companies want the most out of you that they possibly can. 

The Work...

To start...  write your definition.  What does a life well-lived look like to you?  Imagine it, then describe it.

Now... weigh your existing 'life' against it.  There are likely gaps, things you aren't doing and things you're doing too much of.  Did you have words like I couldn't, I shouldn't coming to mind?  Those are key trigger words for Fear.  Fear of trying something new, fear of failing, fear of embarassment, fear of ... something.  In order to live that life you imagined, it will be necessary to fight through that fear, to push beyond it.  The good news though... you don't need to push through in one giant leap.

Consider what small changes and steps you could make now that would move you closer toward truly living within the life you have, the life you've been given.  Begin taking control and consciously crafting a life of your choosing.  With list in hand... pick one action step that you can do now and... do it!

As for my definition of a life well-lived?  I've always been partial to the vision in my mind stimulated by the following description I once read somewhere (sorry, I don't know who to credit for this and I am paraphrasing...)

Life should NOT be a journey to the grave with the intention of arriving safely in an attractive and well preserved body, but rather to skid in sideways, chocolate in one hand, martini in the other, body thoroughly used up, totally worn out and screaming "WOO- HOO what a ride!"

That's my vision.  What's yours?