Dissatisfied with Work? Get a Hobby!

We all experience frustration and a sense of dissatisfaction with our work from time to time. However, when we find that those become the pervasive feelings we experience on the job, we may find those feelings spilling over into other aspects of our life leaving us feeling disheartened and perhaps even depressed.

We may feel that the answer is to move to a new job but are frustrated by the lack of opportunities available, or feel trapped because we can't afford to walk away from the salary or benefits we have, or even perhaps because we've trained and studied to do what we're doing and are reluctant to call it quits and move on to something else.

However, the solution may not require us to change our jobs or switch companies. Often the problem with what we are experiencing rests far more with our perspective than it does with the job itself. Too many people expect their work to satisfy too many aspects of their needs. When we are not feeling fully satisfied with our lives we put the blame on our work not being challenging or fulfilling enough. I can't count the number of people I've met that shift jobs every 2 years on the search for the 'right' role, never stopping to consider that their search will be fruitless if they don't first shift their thinking.

The important mental shift to make is to stop thinking that your 'work' must be 100% responsible for your level of satisfaction with your life.  I will often get my coaching clients to complete a satisfaction exercise that you can complete quite easily on your own.

• Take a piece of paper and draw a chart with three columns.  
• In column one list everything that matters to you in life.  Start by listing all of the things that a 'perfect' job would provide or contain (financial requirements, achievement, learning, etc.) but go on to include other 'life' elements that matter to you also that might not arise when you think of work (Spirituality, community, adventure, etc.)
• In the top of Column 2 write the word Work and then go down the list of elements in Column 1 indicating how well Work is currently satisfying each element for you.  Use a 1 to 10 scale with 1 being not at all and 10 indicating you are fully satisfied.
• In the top of Column 3 write the work Personal and do exactly the same thing assessing (using the 1 to 10 scale) how well your non-work life satisfies each of the dimensions.
• Review the results... look for elements that score high at either work or in your personal sphere. These are elements where you are being satisfied either in one sphere or another.  Recognise that work isn't meant to satisfy all dimensions all the time.  The key is to build in satisfaction somewhere.  These high scores indicate you are doing that. Celebrate that rather than berating work for perhaps not doing it enough.  
• Look for elements that have low scores within both spheres.  This indicates an area that you could benefit from improving. Put on your creativity hat and begin brainstorming ideas and ways that you could improve this score but ensure that you consider ways and means both inside and outside of work.
• Look for elements that matter to you most and, regardless of your score, brainstorm some ideas for building in even greater levels of satisfaction.  If it's an element that matters a great deal to you then even a small shift upward in your levels, even if they aren't bad to start with, will go a long way to heightening your overall level of satisfaction.
• Review your list of generated ideas, highlight the one or two that really resonate with you and implement those.

What this exercise does is to force you to recognise and acknowledge that dissatisfaction with our work is sometimes a reflection of just an overall sense of dissatisfaction. All too often we expect our 'work' to make us happy without considering that it cannot possibly satisfy us in all aspects of our lives.  Looking for ways we can strengthen our out-of-work activities and experiences can serve to heighten our overall sense of satisfaction and lead us to feeling much more positively about our job.

So, rather than cursing the job you have or feeling that you need to find a 'better' one, maybe you need to consider boosting your outside-of-work activities. If you are feeling a lack of engagement, satisfaction and energy then look to your hobbies.  If they are comprised primarily of watching television and scrolling through social media then you can definitely use a boost!.  

A true hobby is one that requires active and mindful engagement, an activity that serves to heighten your mood and build your skills. Any hobby can do this; explore which ones will serve you.  From biking or hiking, to ballroom or hip hop dance, to quilting or painting, to woodworking or rebuilding cars. All that matters is that it is something that interests and engages you.

The moment you stop looking for work to serve as the sole source of satisfaction in your life, and find other outside sources of satisfaction, the happier you are going to find yourself at work. Outside interests can go a long way to cultivating your interest in the work you are doing.

Maybe the next time you are thinking you need a new job, stop and think about whether you need a new hobby!

Don't Hide in Your Job

We all have a job to do. You know, that thing your company pays you to do.  Odds are you have a description of it, a list of activities you engage in to produce a product or service.

However, this description can be misleading for many who, erroneously, come to believe that their 'job' is all that they need to do; to get paid, to get promoted, to get recognition. Imagine their disappointment to discover that their 'job' is typically describing the baseline requirement for their role.

Your job may describe a series of activities you need to complete to receive your pay but don't think that simply doing your job is enough for you to get ahead. It is far too easy to show up each day and simply 'do' your job, nothing more or less.  This doesn't help to propel either you or the organisation forward.

Sure, by doing your job you are technically doing what was asked of you, and that you are paid to do, but it is playing it safe.  You can't really fail, get in trouble or make much of a mistake if you are just doing your job. In short, it is far too easy to hide out in your job, not pushing or growing your skills and abilities.

If you're not stretching, you're not adding value

We can all spend our days just doing our jobs, but it is those that are focused on taking on the true work, on adding real value, that are growing themselves and the business.  These are the people that should get ahead, because they are not interested in merely doing their job, but in changing their job, in shifting it to get at the real work.

They aren't interested in sitting complacently within a job they are comfortable in, playing it safe. Instead, they look to expand their role, identify work that is valued and needed, and get it done. This is work that changes the landscape, that creates an impact, that makes a difference.  It is work that saves money, saves time, opens new opportunities, streamlines processes, creates new revenue streams, enhances the customer experience, forges new partnerships and drives new business.

"The last thing we want is to remain as we are"     Steve Pressfield, 'Do the Work'

It has been said that your job is what you are paid to do, while work is what you were 'made' to do. How much of this work have you taken on?  How much have you avoided by hiding in your job?

If your personal mantra seems to be 'I'm just doing my job', then you are likely hiding within your job avoiding doing the real work. Sure, you've got reasons but if you accept that all the reasons you voice are merely excuses for not doing the work then you see that the biggest obstacle to your success is you.  Ask yourself...

What new challenges am I prepared to take on?
What new skills am I looking to develop or expand?
What opportunities exist for me?  For my department?  For my company?
What could be done better or differently?
Am I adding value?
Am I stretching and growing?

Any negative responses to the above questions may mean that you are hiding out within your job, getting caught in the daily to-do list but avoiding taking on anything of true value.  Know that you were made for better than this, that you are capable of 'more'.  You have to see the purpose and value of more to be willing to take it on though. It is only by focusing on the work, rather than on your job, that you are going to be living a life of passion and purpose.

So many of my clients struggle with identifying their passion, believing that it is their passion that will drive their willingness and desire to do the work, when it is the other way around.  It is by engaging in the work, physical and mental activities that accomplish something of value, that they come to experience and identify their passion.

To live a more satisfying life, to get the recognition and promotions you want, to experience the growth and fulfillment of your potential, to add value to those around you...

Do the work and quit hiding in your job. 

How Big is Your Bucket?

We have grown up in a culture that chases ‘bigger’.  We don’t just up-size, we super-size.  We use bigger houses to define our success, think restaurants with overloaded plates are ‘better’, believe the bigger the diamond the greater the love, and we think that we don’t just need to fill the shoes of those that walked before us but we need to leave a bigger footprint. 

Everything that we do tends to expand to fill the size of the bucket that we set out in front of us.  Whether we are socialized or hard-wired into believing it, we tend to fall into the belief that our life goal is to fill the bucket.  Knowing this then becomes an important component of any development plan we create, whether for others or for ourselves.  Consider the following two scenarios...

1. People that are perpetually dissatisfied with their lives.  No matter how much they seem to have, it is just never enough.  
2. People that are happy and satisfied with their lives, even though it may not appear that they have much to be happy about

You likely know someone from each of these scenarios and, it`s equally likely that you fall into one of these descriptions.  Now consider that the only element that is differentiating people from description one or two is... the size of their bucket!

Those that are perpetually dissatisfied with their lives are constantly trying to fill a super-sized bucket. It may be so large that they couldn't possibly fill it in a lifetime.  The bucket they set out in front of themselves has pre-determined their dissatisfaction.  No matter how much they attain and achieve, the bucket continues to have room for `more`.  Additionally, because there is constantly room in the bucket they are unable to celebrate the successes they have achieved because they are quickly swallowed up in the need for `more`.

Instead, those that have placed in front of them a smaller bucket, find it easier to fill.  They can be satisfied with what they have in their lives because their bucket is full.  A partially full bucket is not demoralizing because filling it seems achievable.  

When a bucket is filled it can simply be shifted to one side and new bucket set out in front.  Think of this visual because it is important.  You may have a new, empty bucket in front of you but, at any time, you can glance to the side and see all of the full buckets you have lined up over the course of your lifetime.  Your achievements are readily and easily viewed, continuing to instill a sense of accomplishment and satisfaction.  Therefore, you can continue to strive and to grow, filling new buckets as you do, without ever experiencing the frustration of attempting to fill a `too large` bucket. That over-sized bucket will begin to feel impossible to fill, as though there is a hole in the bottom that prevents you from ever succeeding. 

`There`s a hole in my bucket Dear Liza, Dear Liza, There`s a hole in my bucket Dear Liza, a hole`

We want to be motivated by the concept of more, but we don`t want it to seem unachievable. That is demoralizing and will rob us of the energy or drive to succeed. Instead, be strategic about the size of the bucket you set before you.  Large enough that it requires a little work and effort to fill, not so large that it would take an entire lifetime.  There is no virtual bucket shortage out there.  There is not limit on the storage space available for all of the buckets you fill.

If you happen to be one of those with a too-large bucket set before you then the task before you is clear.  Get yourself a mess of smaller buckets and start emptying your big bucket into it.  Spend some time thinking about everything that is currently in that big bucket, all of your past accomplishments and achievements, every hurdle you have jumped, every barrier you have overcome.  Shift them into smaller buckets and line them up.  When your big bucket is empty, toss it and look out over all of the buckets you have filled, everything you have achieved thus far.  Embrace it, revel in it and then... place a new, smaller bucket in front of you and start filling it.

It`s not the number or size of your accomplishments that makes for a happy and contented life, but the size of your bucket you`re putting them in!

 

Motivating Others - No Magic Pill

Wanting something is not enough.  I may 'want' to lose 10 pounds, but without the motivation to take action on that desire I will not lose a pound, let alone the 10.  When you consider how much we struggle with motivating ourselves to take action is it any wonder that one of the biggest challenges that managers face is in motivating their people?

Unfortunately, everyone is looking for a quick fix answer, a single motivating methodology that will work equally well with everyone.  In many respects this is indicative of how leaders sought to motivate their people in the past, typically using either the 'Carrot' or the 'Stick' approach.

The Carrot

In essence, the carrot approach is based on a system of rewards, the provision of some extrinsic element that will serve to raise productivity and drive performance.  This may be seen through the use of formal bonus for performance programs or even with more informal 'gifting' of sports tickets, gift cards, paid time off, prime parking spaces etc.

Interestingly though, studies on the use of money as an incentive have found that it is effective only when reinforcing mechanical skills.  Here higher pay led to better performance.  However, when the task called for cognitive skills financial bonuses actually worked the opposite, with higher pay leading to poorer performance. Eventually, most managers ultimately tend to find that the benefits of carrots are short-lived requiring more frequent and 'bigger' carrots be provided, typically for reducing returns.

The Stick

Others have attempted to motivate more out of fear, using a negative form of reinforcement; fear of failure, fear of losing money, fear of losing their job.  As much as some may feel that 'the stick' creates immediate action and responses, it is rarely seen to deliver top performance and typically induces additional debilitating results (such as stress).

No One-Size-Fits-All Approach

As much as both the carrot and stick have been used frequently in the past, and continue to be used today, research supports the view that Motivation happens one person at a time.  There is no magical approach that works equally well with all, no one-size-fits-all approach.  Instead, you need to uncover the inner motivation of each member.  Understanding the personality style and preferences of individual contributors will tell you a lot about what motivates each.

• Some want the opportunity to contribute
• Others want the freedom to choose 'How' to contribute
• Some want the exposure and recognition that contributing may bring them
• Others want the respect of others for their contributions

Each perspective is valid and each represents something different that is valued. 

Ability is what you're capable of doing.  Motivation determines what you do.  Attitude determines how well you do it.       Lou Holtz

Finding out what drives the behaviours of others, what their personality preferences are, allows you to tap into their personal motivators.  Those who are more Competitive will tend to like to win, while those who are more Cooperative will be more motivated by an opportunity to affect the 'Greater Good'.  Those who are more Innovative will love the opportunity to work on a new start up project or venture, while those who are more Conventional will be more motivated to work on a project that is in support of strengthening existing processes.

Motivation happens one person at a time

The better you are at creating an environment and working climate that taps into what already motivates people the more satisfied, happier and appreciative will be your team.  Given that we are more productive when we are feeling good, the benefit to the organization is an increase in productivity.  There may not be a Motivational Magic Pill, but you can create some magic none-the-less!

What it Takes to be Happy

In light of the increasing focus in recent years on Positive Psychology (see Martin Seligman's work in
particular), there is a growing emphasis on research into Happiness.  Apparently, everyone wants to arrive at the definitive 6-step formula for how you too can guarantee a Happier life and existence. There'd likely be money in that!

Certainly, research has shown that happier people tend to...

• live longer
• experience better and more positive health
• make more money
• do better work

However, what has not been conclusively determined is whether people experience these things because they are happier OR whether they are happier because they have these things.  It comes down to a chicken and egg dilemma that continues to confound researchers.

Similarly, the findings into what 'makes' us happy can be surprising.

Rosabeth Moss Kanter, a professor at Harvard Business School and well-known author, found that the happiest people are those facing the toughest but most worthwhile challenges.  If they are engaged in activities in which they feel they are making a difference, their happiness levels rise.  

However, Leadership IQ found that in 42% of the companies they studied, it was the lowest performing employees that were happier in their jobs, typically because they were left alone to get things done and could quietly go about doing their own thing.  However, the higher performers had to pick up the slack and were therefore more in demand.  They had more pressure on them to perform and more people watching and checking in on their progress.  Generally they were left feeling undervalued and underpaid.  Not a combination that heightened their happiness levels.

In some respects, these first two research results would seem contrary to one another, given that those working on tough (but worthwhile) challenges would likely be your highest performers.  Perhaps the caveat is that you are not only engaged in work that you feel makes a difference but that you must be recognised and compensated well for it.

Additional research supports this.  It was previously believed, based on the work of Easterlin in the 1970's, that money could only buy us happiness to a certain point.  Once we reached that threshold, money would no longer have an impact on our sense of well-being.  This effect is known as the Easterlin-paradox.  However, in re-testing this paradox, across countries and time, Stevenson and Wolfers, two U.S. economists, have found that our sense of happiness and well-being continues to rise with income, with no satiation point or threshold.  Every dollar brought a greater level of measured happiness, dispelling the myth that money can't buy happiness.

Apparently though, it can't buy ALL of our happiness because there are yet further studies, (Sonja Lyubomirsky - widely known as the most knowledgeable expert on happiness), that indicates we have a pre-established genetic happiness set-point.  This set-point rises and falls based on our reaction to circumstances but it will reset itself to our set-point as we get used to the situation.  This is why an increase in our salary can raise our current level of happiness and well-being but that, over time, we are less satisfied with it, requiring more.  

And yet further studies that indicate...

• the more we compare ourselves to others the less happy we likely will be (someone always has 'more'!!)
• the stronger our social connections with others the happier we are
• the more engaged we are with 'activities' rather than accumulating 'stuff' the happier we are...

All in all it seems that happiness is confusing stuff.  Right now it appears that a good mix is to... make as much money as you can, as many good friends as you can, do work that makes a difference and don't pay any attention to what people think of you.  Pretty much how most of us are trying to lead our lives now, isn't it?  Seems we've known the magic formula all along.  

Your Life, Your Choice

According to Kevin Hogan, author of the definitive The Psychology of Persuasion, research shows that when people are provided with choices in their lives they feel more in control of their lives and their experiences.  However, when a goal is forced upon them, they are more likely to put less effort into the attainment of that goal, and to value the final result less.

Hmm... seems straight forward.  However, the implications are much more significant.  In my book, It's Time Now, Choose the Life you Really Want, I talk about the fact that often the dissatisfaction we feel with and in our lives is a direct result of living a life that others have chosen for us, rather than consciously living one of our own choosing.  The research that Kevin was referencing above supports this.  We are going to feel much more motivated to carry out and complete tasks and goals that we have set for ourselves than we are those that have been imposed on us. 

The equation is pretty simple then.  Want to feel better about your life?  Choose what you want from it and go after it.  In my Life and Career coaching though, I see people mess this equation up time and time again.  In our efforts to keep those around us happy, we get caught up in fulfilling their wants and needs, rather than our own, often leaving us with little time left to spend on moving ourselves forward in a direction of our choosing. 

• parents think we should be a lawyer, even though we love the thought of teaching... so we go to law school
• our boss feels that the next strategic career move for us would be to take on a role in sales, despite the fact that we prefer analysis... so we move into sales
• our spouse wants to move into a house with a huge backyard, even though we hate gardening... so we move into the house with the big backyard
• our family wants to go on a week long hiking trip, though we would prefer a vacation that pampers us and feels less like 'work'... so we go hiking
• friends want to go out to opera, we'd prefer to go to a movie... we end up seeing opera
• we feel like Italian, we end up eating Chinese...

Sure... we face compromises every day.  That's life.  We don't likely get our way all the time, but some of the time?  We should.  On the 'big life-changing' stuff?  We better.  Think for a moment how difficult it would be to live a life where none of your choices mattered, where none of your preferences counted, where nothing that mattered to you actually got done in your life?  Depressed even thinking about it?  Imagine the impact of living it.

Yet... some of us are doing just that.  We have compromised ourselves into living other people's choices, other people's definitions of 'a life'.  The bottom line though is that this is YOUR life.  YOUR choices, YOUR life.  Giving in to other peoples choices for us is living a life by default, but... and this is the big point... drumroll please... it is still a CHOICE.  And... it's your choice. 

You are choosing to sacrifice your wants, needs, hopes, satisfaction, happiness, esteem... to fulfill something for someone else.  They better be someone you really care about.  My question to you though... how much do they truly care about you if they allow this to continue, day after day, choice after choice?  And... really... how much do you care about you to allow it to continue, day after day, choice after choice?

Food for thought, isn't it?  Trying to please everyone around you will not, I repeat WILL NOT, ever, (never ever) make you happy.  Defining what you want from your life and making that happen, working to please you...  always will. 

Your life, your choices... choose consciously, choose wisely.. but CHOOSE!

It's Story Time!

Everyone has a story... what's yours?  No, not the one you tell everyone else, the script that you've practiced and told so often that you don't hear it any more, aren't moved by it any more.  I'm talking about the story  you tell yourself.  The story that defines who you believe yourself to be, the story that has you believing what you're destined to be, to do , to have in life.  Yep... THAT story!

Ideally, we would have a story for ourselves that we love.  A story that casts us as the hero, as someone deserving of love, recognition, success and joy.  However, too many of us experience unhappiness, dissatisfaction and sometimes a feeling of worthlessness.  If this sounds familiar, then it just might be time for you to question the story you're telling yourself!

Change your story, change your life  (Anthony Robbins)

Our sense of dissatisfaction stems out of a gap between how we believe that things should be and how they truly are.  Narrow or eliminate this gap and your level of satisfaction and joy increase proportionally.  You need to shift your story though.  Changing your perception of the shoulds in your life (what you should have, be and do) changes the yardstick by which you measure what you currently are, have and do.  Measuring differently gives you different results!

We have all had difficult challenges to face in our lives.  Life can be tough.  The true challenge for us though rests in finding a way to use and learn from the tough moments and in not allowing ourselves to become lost in them.  Sometimes these tough moments impact our story, in ways we didn't anticipate.  Rather than letting these moments create gaps of disillusionment that we fall into and get swallowed up by, shift the story!

We may not have control over everything that life throws our way, but we always have control over how we choose to respond to those moments.  Every time you choose to find a work-around or to push through those challenges, you strengthen your story and create a stronger plot line for yourself.  The stronger you become and believe yourself to be, the more story possibilities that open themselves to you. 

The end of your story doesn't exist yet.  You can't yet know how your story will end.  You are a writer in the process of creating the story of your life though.  Isn't it time that you took control of your script, rather than letting others write it for you?

The Work...

Sometimes we have lost track of our story, of what we want and believe for ourselves.  To get closer to it...

Think about and identify one aspect of your life that you are currently very happy and satisfied with. 

What is it about this that instills in you a sense of happiness?

What is the aspect of your story that it is fulfilling?

Now...  think about and identify an area of your life in which you feel dissatisfaction and unhappiness.

What is it about this that instills you with that sense of unhappiness?

What is the aspect of your story that it is failing to fulfill?

Generally, we have three options for handling our areas of dissatisfaction.  We can...

1. Blame someone/something else - which drives our feelings of victimization
2. Do nothing - which heightens our sense of dissatisfaction and helplessness
3. Change our story and take a different path, gaining control over our lives and our satisfaction

What actions will you take?  Recraft, rewrite your story to better support those new actions and direction.  Given a choice, I will always want my personal life story to end with... and she lived happily ever after.  Why would I ever want to settle for less?



This is Not a Dress Rehearsal

A few weeks ago I sat in an ambulance, that was parked outside my home, watching as EMT's used a defibrillator to shock my husband's heart.  He would not have survived the 5 minute drive to the hospital unless they could shock his heart back into a normal rhythm.  I can't begin to describe the intensity of those moments.  It's only now... now he is fine... I realize that not only had he been 5 minutes away from his life  ending, but I too had been those same 5 minutes away from the life I had been living from ending as well.

How quickly things can change.   How quickly all that we know can end.  The life I had envisioned for the future... our future... would have been gone.  This threw me.  This was something I couldn't control and, for those that know me, I do so love to have control!  The 'event'  had fundamentally shifted the way that I needed to view my world, forcing me to consider a phrase that I had often heard in the past...

Life is Not a Dress Rehearsal

This is it.  This is the only shot you get.  How are you choosing to live it?  It needn't (and shouldn't!) take a potential life and death moment for us to examine ourselves, our lives, to ensure we are living a life of our choosing, a life that fulfills us.

If you feel that you are just going through the motions each day, it is likely because you have gotten caught up in living to other people's expectations, wants and needs, with little conscious thought or effort being given to your own.  If so, it's time to sit down and take what I am now referring to as the 'Paddle' test.  If they had to put those defibrillator paddles to your chest, would you choose to do things differently afterward?

Paddle Test

1.  Take Stock.  Use a sliding scale of 1-10 to determine your current level of satisfaction with various aspects of your life.  Consider...

• Work/Career (think about your current role, your career path, your relationships at work, dream jobs...)
• Relationships (think about the quality of the relationships you have with your partner, parents, siblings, children, friends...)
• Finances (think here about your current debt to savings ration, your salary and earnings potential, your retirement plan/fund...)
• Spiritual Connections (think about your sense of connection to the world around you, sense of belonging, how engaged you feel, how often you experience joy in your life...)
• Personal Growth (think about your view of 'self', how much do you challenge yourself with new activities/tasks/learnings, are you committed to life-long learning...)

2.  Gain Insight.  Review your self ratings.  Certainly, anything less than a '10' rating implies that there is room for improvement, but... let's be a little more forgiving!  Take a look at the areas you scored yourself lowest in.  There is likely room for improvement here.  Consider why your level of satisfaction is low in that area.  Is there anything you could do to change this, to improve it?  Do some brainstorming, generating some ideas without qualifying them.  All you want to concern yourself with at this point is 'What would bring me more satisfaction?"

3.  Take Action.  You have generated a list of ideas that would help you raise your current level of satisfaction with your life.  Pick one... and do it!  Even small steps, when accumulated, can lead to big changes.  If the items on your list seem too big or daunting, then identify the one you're most excited about and break it down into smaller, more manageable steps.  We're only concerned with taking a positive step forward, not with the relative size of the step!

4.  Rinse and Repeat.  Keep going!  Build that forward momentum by continuing to work through the items on your list!

As for me?  I am giving more thought, planning and action to managing my financial future better and I'm definitely making more time for the non-work related activities I love... my glasswork, TaeKwondo, reading and... husband, children, grandchildren.  I'm even planning a 'real' vacation - to Italy - no laptops allowed!

Those 5 minutes taught me a lot about where my focus needs to be... Now.  No more 'some days'... there's only Now and how you choose to spend it.

What can 5 minutes teach you?