Establishing your Leadership Credibility

In order to be offered a role as a leader you must first be seen by others to BE a leader. You must
demonstrate leadership capability before others are likely to entrust a leadership role to you. However, it may sometimes feel like a chicken and egg situation - How can I demonstrate my skills as a leader if I don't have people to lead?

Think instead of establishing your credibility as a potential leader by demonstrating the key qualities and characteristics that have universal appeal in our leaders. Ask what you would look for in a leader and ensure that you demonstrate those same traits.

There is always a leap of faith in the promotional process, assumptions that are being made regarding capabilities that are extrapolated from observed behaviour. Increase your odds by being more strategic about the behaviours your audience observes in you.

When it comes to building your leadership credibility note that consistency is key. It is the behaviours that others observe over and over again that they will come to trust are representative of 'you'. Doing something once, no matter how great, could be viewed as an exception, not the rule. When it comes to your credibility and reputation it is therefore the every-day consistent behaviours that carry the greatest weight.

Take a look at what your behaviours, demonstrated each day, say about you and your leadership potential. If they are not telling the story you want told it is time to start re-writing. To help get you past any writer's block you may experience, here are 5 leadership behaviours you may want to ensure are in evidence...

1. Walk Your Talk.  Think carefully about what your expectations would be of your direct reports and ensure that you are modelling those behaviours. People are far more likely to trust in leaders who lead by example. Ensure that you are setting the example you would want others to follow.
2. Deliver on your Promises. Make your word your bond. Over-deliver, don't over-promise. Big words have no meaning in the long run if they are not backed up by the promised results. People will come to trust and believe in you if you ensure that you always live up to your agreements.  Under promising and over delivering is a sure-fired way of building customer loyalty.
3. Engage Others. Working as a lone wolf may serve to highlight your personal capabilities but it does nothing to demonstrate your ability to lead. Successful leaders can't lead from a bubble. They interact, they engage, they motivate. Show others your ability to engage and get work done through others to highlight your leadership potential.
4. Listen.  Don't make the mistake of thinking that you must be the most-heard voice around the table to be seen as a leader. A critical skill of successful leaders is their ability to listen to the opinions and expertise of those around them. Listening is a critical skill of leaders and a skill that seems to be in short supply in the work world of today. Cultivate your listening skills today to strengthen your leadership skills of tomorrow.
5. Take a stand. Leaders need to make decisions. This means that they need to be able to take a stand on issues and stay the course when needed. Decision making is not always easy but the one guarantee I have for you is that it gets no easier as you move up the ladder. The decisions get more complicated and the potential impact far greater. If no one sees you taking a stand on issues today they are not going to believe that you will be any more likely to do so in the future. 

Your credibility is built over time, which means there is no time like the present to begin building yours. Like any structure, it is built one brick or board at a time. Anything you do that supports the leadership message adds to your building, anything you do that works against it takes away. How quickly your building and message come together is dependent upon the consistency of your positive behaviours. 

As much as the list I provided above highlights behaviours we would like our leaders to demonstrate it is likely is also a list of behaviours that would serve us all. Walk our talk, live up to our agreements, be respectful of those around us, listen to what people have to say and be prepared to take a stand on things that matter. Certainly a recipe for success, but not a bad recipe for living.

Tip Thursday - Change

Typically we introduce change into our lives one small little step or nugget at a time. Incremental change can result in huge gains over time. However, there are times in which we experience an overnight and seemingly radical change in behaviour, often generated by the Lightning Bolt of insight. This occurs when one single idea seems to click and take root, changing the habits of a lifetime. Instead of incremental change we experience radical change. It is next to impossible to create the lightning bolt, but it carries a powerful message for us.  For it to be a harbinger of change we have to be open to the messages the lightning bolt brings with it, rather than resistant. Your lightening bolt can come disguised as a book, an illness or disease, a sudden change in a job, a relationship beginning or ending, a death, a birth... Instantaneous and life-altering potential.

6 Tips for getting Others to Treat you Better

People don't always treat us well.  Sometimes they are rude and belittling, sometimes they are disrespectful, sometimes they are completely insensitive to our needs.  When this is the exception, not the rule, we may simply choose to look past the behaviour and offer some empathy, knowing they must be facing something stressful to be behaving the way they are.

But, what about those people that seem to always be rude, always be belittling us, always disrespecting our needs and wants?  You know who they are...

• Co-workers that count on you to do all of the work
• Friends who cancel outings with you always at the last minute, knowing you'll understand
• Partners who talk down to you
• Bosses who dump work on you at the last minute every Friday evening
• Family that counts on you to do all of the prep work for the family gatherings

If you have people in your life that are not treating you the way you would like them to, it is time to accept your responsibility in them doing so.

What you allow is what will continue.   - Unknown

We have far more control over how others treat us than we tend to acknowledge.  Consider how you treat others in your life.

• Do you have friends that you wouldn't hesitate to drop in on without notice, simply because you are in their area... and others you wouldn't even consider visiting without having given a week's notice?
• Do you have family you can be open and honest with... and others that you don't share your thoughts and feelings with at all?
• Do you have co-workers that you don't mind helping out... and others you begrudge their requests of you?

In each of the above cases I'm sure that you acknowledge there is a distinct difference in the way you treat others in your life, chiefly driven by your experience of them.  You may have a friend that is very laid back about the state of her house and so you know that she doesn't need any notice before you drop by, whereas another friend would become completely unglued if you dropped by and they hadn't had a chance to 'tidy' things up first.  

Your experience of 'them' led you to alter the behaviours you engage in.  Likely far more than you even consciously realize.  When visiting your more laid back friend, you are more likely to make yourself at home, putting your feet up, making the tea, letting their dog out, behaviours you wouldn't even think of engaging in when visiting your more uptight friend.  You have modified your behaviours to fit more appropriately with each of them.  

Think, then, as to how the experience that others have of 'you' has shaped the way that they behave and interact with you.  

• Co-workers that rely on you to get the work done - because you always do it without pushing them to contribute
• Friends who cancel out of plans at the last minute - because you always have 'no problem' with them doing so
• Family that counts on you to prepare everything for family gatherings - because you always handle it all, telling them they needn't worry about bringing anything

People don't do things independently of outcomes.  If they are not treating you the way you'd like it is because they are getting something that they want from the exchange.  If there wasn't something in it for them then they would stop.  Think about what they are 'getting' from you.  If you want them to modify their behaviour then modify yours such that they are no longer receiving the reward they are after.  

If you are looking to get others in your life to treat you better then you need to shift how you are treating them.  Although we can not change the behaviour of others, we always have control over...

• How we interpret the behaviours of others
• How we respond to those behaviours
• How we allow those behaviours to impact our lives

If you're looking to create a 'change' in how others perceive and treat you, start with the following tips to get you started.

Name Your Limits

You need to be clear about your boundaries if you want others to respect them.  What are you willing to tolerate, accept and live with?  What aren't you?  If you aren't clear on this then you are going to be giving very mixed signals about how you want to be treated.  It has to be clear to you before you can begin making it clear to others.

Give Yourself Permission

Sometimes we are fearful of the reactions of others, or we feel guilty at the thought of putting our needs first.  However, boundaries are a sign of self-respect.  If you want people to respect you, then you first need to respect yourself.  You must give yourself permission to put yourself first, to accept you are deserving and that you have rights and needs that are just as important and valued as theirs.

Check Your Personal Engine Light

This is a great gauge to use in coming to understand where boundaries are needed.  Any exchange that drains your personal batteries, that leaves you running on fumes, deserves a much closer look.  If your exchanges with someone always seem to leave you feeling exhausted and overwhelmed - then you are not being treated as you should and likely need better boundaries.  If your Check Engine Light goes on it is a signal that you need to address.

Use Your Feet

Don't feel that you have to remain in a negative situation.  Vote with your feet and simply walk away when someone is treating your poorly.  If you can't give voice to your concerns and needs in the moment you needn't remain and take it.  Walk away until you are in a better place to address your needs.

Demonstrate the Behaviour

It will be difficult to get someone to treat you with respect if you don't demonstrate respect for them or yourself. Emulate the behaviour so they can replicate it.  This is a two-way street my friend. Don't expect others to treat you better if you consistently treat them as less.

Right to 'No' Better

'No' is a complete sentence.  It doesn't need explanations, it doesn't need embellishments.  Learn how to say it.  You have the right to say No to being lied to, to say No to taking on the responsibilities of others to say No to unhealthy relationships.  Consider where your life might improve through the judicious use of a 'No' or two.

As it turns out, we have far more control over how others treat us than we may prefer to believe, typically because it means that we need to take some actions that will prove unpopular and therefore challenging for us.  The question you need to ask yourself is... 

What will it take for me to accept no less than I want from others?   

Believing you deserve better and that you have a right to better gives you the strength to begin expecting better.

6 Steps for Overcoming Laziness

We all feel lazy sometimes and we all have days where we want (and perhaps need) nothing better
than to kick back and do virtually nothing that day.  This is not the 'laziness' that I am addressing in this blog though.

The laziness I'm referring to is that overwhelming feeling of inertia that prevents us from moving forward on tasks that we know are laying in wait for us, the type of laziness that keeps us glued to the couch even when thoughts of what we should be doing, could be doing and perhaps even need to be doing dance through our heads.

So when those 'lazy days' are too frequent, or they occur in the face of pressing obligations, we just might need a little help to get up and get moving.  The following tips will help you to overcome your laziness and get on with getting things done.

1.  Focus on the end result, not the process.

Seeing the desired end result feels good, while the process we need to follow to get there may not. Since our 'pain' is centered in the process, it is likely what we're looking to avoid.  Focusing on the end result therefore can give us the motivation we need to manage the process related pain better.

2.  Start Small.

Sometimes our laziness is due to a sense of overwhelm.  The project in front of us is just too big to get our heads around or the list of to-do's waiting for us is too long to believe we'll ever get through it.  It's the sheer size of the task that is daunting.  Instead of focusing on the 'whole', break your project or your tasks down into smaller steps and just do one thing.  Promise yourself you will just work for 5 minutes, or accomplish one small task. It won't feel nearly as overwhelming.  Creating a little forward movement is often all that is needed to motivate ourselves into taking another small step, and then another...

3.   Work the Cost of Laziness.

Create a list of the disadvantages of being lazy today, and putting everything off, versus the advantages of doing it Now.  Often our laziness is an avoidance behaviour; we are putting off doing something that seems undesirable.  Creating greater clarity over why being lazy right now is actually undesirable, and why taking action now is more desirable, can help you break out of your laziness rut.

4.  Rest.

Let's face it, sometimes our laziness is born out of sheer exhaustion.  If you have been burning the candle at both ends then your desire to sit back and do nothing may not only be well-deserved but may be necessary.  Get the rest you need to rejuvenate your focus and your drive.

5.  Schedule your Laziness.

You schedule your work, building to-do lists and project plans.  Maybe you need to consider building in time to just sit back and do nothing... without guilt.  Often we decide we are deserving some do-nothing time only to be racked by constant thoughts of what we 'should' and 'ought-to' be doing.  Our lazy day then doesn't serve to relax or recharge us the way it could if we entered into it knowing that it was okay to do nothing today - that it was all part of the plan.  Give yourself permission by planning for your lazy moments.  You'll be surprised by how powerfully effective this can be.

STOP Wasting your Mental Resources

Let's face it, we all have only so much conscious thinking space and time available to us.  Stop wasting yours by engaging in unproductive thought processes like Worrying and Making Excuses.  The time you spend in these types of activities simply wastes your Mental Resources. And, to make matters worse, when you catch yourself engaged in a negative thought, such as worrying needlessly, do you let it continue?  If so, you are encouraging the brain to continue to think in these same ways in future.

Instead, you want to catch yourself engaging in these wasteful moments of thought, such as worrying needlessly, and STOP the behaviour.  Yes, tell your brain to STOP!  This is a Pattern Interrupt, which means you are deliberately interrupting a habitual pattern of behaviour.  By literally (and out loud if you're able) telling your brain to STOP, you interrupt its habitual pattern, making it more susceptible to suggestion. In that moment, tell the brain how you would prefer it to think and operate.

As your brain then modifies its thinking pattern and shifts itself to a more positive direction, don't forget to reward it for doing a good job!  Let it know that you appreciate the more positive path and direction and how much you will enjoy seeing more of the same in future.  I know this may sound vaguely silly, but our brains are us.  They like being rewarded for good and appropriate behaviour, just as we do.  Stopping the inappropriate behaviour and reinforcing the positive helps to establish a clear distinction between the two that is hard for the brain to ignore in future.

Use your Mental Resources and talents wisely by orienting them in a direction that serves you.  If you find it difficult to Stop worrying, then give the brain something to do instead.  Your brain loves solving problems so give it one to focus on, especially one that aligns with your goals.  Deliberately distract your brain from focusing on worrying elements and shift it into solving challenges that help move you into positive directions. We all have more brain power than we think, but we often squander what we have.  Stop wasting your mental resources by using them in unproductive ways and direct them to establishing more positive habits.