Your Coffee Choice - What Does it Say About You?

We know that the choices we make in life are governed, in large part, by our personalities.  If we are more outgoing and extroverted we will typically choose to attend events with lots of other people in attendance, while introverts will tend to prefer smaller, more intimate gatherings.  Those who are more innovative will choose t make fairly regular changes in and to their lives while those who are more comfortably conventional will tend to prefer the status quo.

That said though, are even small choices and preferences in our lives governed by our personalities?

According to clinical psychologist Dr. Ramani Durvasula, author of You Are Why You Eat... yes.  In a recent survey of 1,000 coffee drinkers, Dr. Durvasula compared a number of facets of personality with each individual's coffee preference and discovered a number of consistent correlations.  It seems that the following were fairly consistent tendencies...

• Those who preferred their coffee black generally tended to like to keep things simple and consistent. As a result, they tended to be more change resistant than others.
• Latte drinkers tended to like to please others, often going out of their way to help others. This could sometimes be to their own detriment, where they took better care of others than themselves.
• Frozen/blended coffee drinkers were the trend setters.  They enjoyed trying new things and tended to be more spontaneous.  The down side is that they could also be a little reckless.
• Decaf and Specialty coffee drinkers were a little more obsessive and were more likely to be perfectionists, liking order and control.
• Instant coffee drinkers tended to be the most laid back but a little more prone to procrastination

Obviously there were (and are) exceptions to the above, but these were the common patterns that were noted from the people surveyed.  It seems that our personalities not only have an influence on the way in which we view the world around us, but the large and small choices we make as we navigate our way through it.

“Through our food preferences and choices we reveal inner thoughts, feelings, wishes and desires... It's no exaggeration to say that the foods we choose provide a window to our unconscious.”    Dr. Alan Hirsch, neurologist and psychiatrist, and founder of the Smell and Taste Treatment and Research Foundation in Chicago

All I'm left wondering now though... is what does it say about me that I don't drink coffee at all... I prefer tea?

To check out what else Dr. Ramani has to say, here's a link to her book...

Building a Case for... Ambiverts

What Personality type makes the best sales person?  Most people will quickly respond with - Extroverts.  Indeed, this is typically what most hiring professionals will look for when hiring for 'sales' specific roles.  However, there is actually no direct evidence supporting the assumption that Extroverts make the best sales people.

Consider now the fact that Leaders sell.  It is a primary function of the Leader role, regardless of what the job description actually calls for.  They are constantly selling ideas, concepts and action plans to employees, suppliers, customers, clients, funders, board members, stockholders...  Likely it is their number one job function and responsibility.  If we believe the assumption above, that Extroverts make the best Sales Professionals then, by extension, it would follow that the best Leaders are Extroverts.

In new research, from Adam Grant, Professor at the University of Pennsylvania's Wharton School of Management (to be published in the Journal of Psychological Science later this year), it was determined that true Extroverts fared little better in sales success than did true Introverts.  Surprising results given the common expectation concerning the extroversion/sales connection.

Grant used a 7 point scale to assess the degree of each participants Introversion (1 and 2) to Extroversion (6 and 7).  He assessed a group of software sales personnel over a period of 3 months.  His findings?  Introverts fared the worst, averaging $120/hr in sales.  However, the true Extroverts did little better, averaging about $125/hr in sales.  Most interesting was the finding that the Top Performers were those in the middle (4/5/6), the Ambiverts, those individuals that are neither extremely introverted or extroverted.  The absolute top performers were those that were a '4' on the Introversion/Extroversion scale, selling roughly $208/hr.  A big leap ahead of everyone else.

We've heard a lot over the years about Introverts versus Extroverts, but have paid little direct attention to the value of those in the middle, those individuals that carry traits of both.  True Extroverts often focus more on themselves, talking more than they listen, which can be a strong disadvantage for a leader.  Their personalities can seem like a force onto themselves, often overwhelming those around them.

Introverts, on the other hand, have challenges of their own in leading others.  They prefer to process their own thoughts before sharing, which can make them appear hesitant to speak their mind, share direction or to close the deal.  Employees often feel that they are not as well-informed as they would like or need to be.

Enter the Ambiverts.  They tend to strike the right balance between the other two styles.  They can speak smoothly and convincingly when needed but are also capable of listening to and including others.  They know when the Extrovert's initiative and gregariousness is needed and when the Introvert's quiet confidence and thoughtfulness is called for - shifting comfortably and seamlessly between the two.

The truly good news coming out of this finding is that the majority of us are Ambiverts.  Most of us sit somewhere in the 3 to 6 range used by Grant in his study, making more of us better at Leading others than we might previously have thought.  The downside of course is that we no longer can hide behind the belief that we are not 'extroverted' enough to lead.  As it turns out, sitting somewhere in the middle of this scale is more than enough for leadership success.

Personality vs. Character

Although often used synonymously, these terms represent two very distinct attributes of being. Personality is generally believed to remain fairly constant over time, and is inclusive of traits such as extroversion, competitiveness, organization, assertiveness and the like.  Though these characteristics may feel as though they mellow over time (our years of experience seeming to temper many of our more extreme personality traits), we often feel that there has been a bigger shift in our personality taking place than is actually the case.

Personality therefore, is deemed to be largely hereditary in its origin.  Character, on the other hand, is believed to be shaped more through socialization and experience.  Our belief systems drive much of our character, which means that, unlike our personality, they may shift and change over time as our experiences impact our beliefs.  This does not mean that character changes are easy, we do not easily give up our beliefs, but it is possible, typically in the face of huge emotional upheaval.

It is our character, comprised of such attributes as honesty, trust, kindness, respect, loyalty, courage, that establishes our morals and ethics.  As a result, our character is not as easily seen or read as our personality may be.  Think of Personality as sitting more on the surface of our interactions with others, while our Character is a little more deep-seated.  In essence...

• Personality: is what we say and do when everyone is watching
• Character: is what we say and do when no one is watching

The challenge we each face relates to our ability to accurately gauge the associated personality and character of others we are working and interacting with.  Studies show us that we tend to be better at accurately decoding personality elements but are not nearly as intuitive or accurate in our assessment of character.  In fact, we have a strong tendency to assign more positive character traits to those we deem to have a more attractive and positive personality.  This, of course may not have any direct correlation, but we tend to think that if someone is more outgoing, confident and fun that they are also more honest, moral and kind.  Making this association could come back to bite us in the butt later though, when we discover that our fun-loving friend is much more deceitful than we had earlier believed.

Generally, it is found that we have two key reasons for unconsciously linking personality to character.  

1. we want to think positively of people that we like (so we assign them other positive characteristics)
2. truly trying to assess someones character is extremely time-consuming.  In fact, the best way to assess someones character is to observe their behaviour during truly character-challenging situations, using their behaviour there as a predictor of future behaviour

So...  

• the friend that is the life of the party, so much fun to be around... but who speaks about others behind their back...
• the business partner who seems so easy to talk to, open and gregarious, but who easily pockets 'extra' change given by a server in error...
• the prospective life partner who seems like the 'perfect' complement to your personality, but who never returns items they 'borrow' from others...

...may each require a closer inspection.  You may find that your perception of their Personality is influencing the accurate judgement of their Character.  In our relationships with others, personality may help us with our initial attraction to someone, but it will be character that makes or breaks it in the long run.  Deceitful and unethical behaviours are all a question of Character. 

How has yours been shaping up lately?

Charisma: The 'It' Factor

Bill Clinton has 'it'.

Julia Roberts has 'it'.

Lady Di had 'it'.

John F. Kennedy had 'it'.

What is this intangible something that seems to separate these individuals from those around them, that makes them seem... well... somehow 'more' than everyone else?  It is, in a word, Charisma.

Although it is hotly debated whether charisma is something you're born with or whether it can be developed, I am firmly in the latter camp.  Although I believe that our innate personality plays a role in determining the ease with which we employ these skills (the 'Naturals'), we all have the ability to become more charismatic.

According to Ronald Riggio, PhD and Professor of Leadership and Organizational Change at Claremont McKenna College, there are three main components comprising Charisma.

Expressiveness.  

This is our relative ability to strike up conversations with others, to openly and easily share our thoughts and feelings.  Interestingly, despite most people feeling as though others converse more comfortably and easily than they do, research shows that individuals who truly enjoy making small-talk are in the minority.  Therefore, taking the responsibility for initiating small talk from the other person (who is likely just as hesitant and uncomfortable as you feel), will typically earn their gratitude and heighten your appeal.

Control.  

This is our ability to modify and adapt our persona to fit the needs of a group, the environment or the mood.  This does not imply that you become a totally different person in each situation, but it does speak to the ability to adjust your dial (like a thermostat) a little lower or high to fit/suit what is required.

Sensitivity.  

This is the ability to truly listen to another person, to 'hear' beyond just the verbal content of their message.  This requires both an openness to picking up on others' emotions and a willingness and ability to express your own.

In general, in order to appear more charismatic to others, it is important that you shift from an internal to external mental orientation.  All too often we are focused interanlly, on our own thoughts, wants and needs.  As a result, we are not as open to others around us, not as interested in their stories, as we are in sharing our own.  We appear less interested and, as a result, are seen as less interesting.

Instead, we need to learn to activate an outward orientation to, in a manner of speaking, be out of our heads - present instead to those around us.  This is what some refer to as being present in the moment.  Regardless of its name though, the intent is the same.  You direct your thoughts and energies toward those that you are engaging in conversation.  Giving them 100% of your attention is what makes you more appealing and, ultimately, more charismatic.

This may sound like a much easier task than it proves to be in practice.  In fact though, that's exactly what it will take to improve your Charisma Quotient... practice!  Whenever you find yourself listening to your own internal dialogue instead of the voice of the person you're speaking with... refocus!  Kick yourself out of your head and redirect your attention.  Make eye contact, give the speaker cues (both visual and vocal) that indicate you are engaged.

Truly charismatic people are authentic.  They tend to be those that genuinely like and are interested in others.  If you tend to dislike more people than you like, you may find it more challenging to display interest and maintain your focus on others.  To increase your ability to do so, you need to open yourself to discovering more to like in and about others.  To help with this, try the following exercise at your next networking event.

The Work...

Instead of just making small talk and moving on, task yourself with the challenge of having to discover something fascinating and/or redeeming about at least three people present.  This not only has you strengthening your ability to show interest in others but it also helps you to discover that everyone has a story that can open them to you.  You need only to uncover it.  In doing so, you will likely appear more interesting and charismatic in turn.