How to Create Instant Rapport

For most of us, making connections with others is never easy.  They take time, which is definitely in

short supply during events such as networking gatherings.  As a result, we leave the evening with a few business cards clutched in our hand but little real feeling that we made any kind of lasting impression, let alone a real connection.

However, there are many times and circumstances over our careers where the need to form connections quickly would serve us.  We are far more likely to get hired in interviews if we are able to establish rapport, more likely to make the sale, more likely to get the big assignment or promotion. What we lack is the time we usually spend in creating shared experiences with others to establish that connection.  That`s where strengthening our ability to establish Rapport, to create a sense of familiarity where none previously existed, would serve us. 

There is interesting research out there that shows quite clearly exactly what we need to do to form instant rapport with someone. I feel it necessary to share with you first though that this is going to fly in the face of everything you have been told in the past.  You know, the advice of what topics to steer clear of (like politics and religion), to only say positive things, to keep things light and upbeat. As it turns out, talking with people about these `safe` topics may help you form connections, but nothing as quick or as strong as...

Gossip.  

Yep, the number one most effective way to form instant rapport with someone is to say something negative about someone else. Gossip that drives a revelation of a shared negative attitude will typically result in a strong emotional bond. What`s interesting is the `why` behind its effectiveness.

Gossip is usually around someone who is a perceived threat in some way, however large or small. This has been going on since caveman days where all perceived threats were taken seriously. It was a life and death issue back then. As a result, sharing information about those potential threats was a critical safety need for us and our tribe. Our brains are still hardwired to serve and protect us and therefore we respond to shared information and gossip about potential threats.

When first meeting someone we are obviously not privy to information about their personal internal competition but the gossip we share need not be about someone we know personally. It could be about a public or political figure. Since we don`t know them well we speak instead about specific traits they exhibit, policies, actions they have taken, behaviour they have engaged in. 

The common advice given is to find shared experiences to explore with the other party. Perhaps reference pictures or books they have in their office. However, the positive experiences are those that are typically readily shared. They have spoken to many about them and, as a result, connections don`t hold firm. 

People don`t tend to put their negative beliefs on display. Therefore, when we discover something the other party doesn`t like about someone else, it`s a real discovery. This is not something they share openly or with as many people which means you`ve instantly become part of a much smaller and more exclusive group of people. 

We all have a strong tendency to seek out information that confirms what we already believe to be true, rejecting information that is in conflict with it. If you tell people that what they know to be right is indeed right, they will feel more connected to you.

Although constantly gossiping about others is not a good long term success strategy, know that a few well placed negative comments early on in a conversation may go a long way to establishing a connection and providing an opening to continue the conversation. And really, all we`re typically looking for is the time needed for us to really share who we are and what we`re all about.

As it turns out, contrary to the belief that we should steer clear of discussing politics in any first meetings, it may have just held the secret to creating instant rapport with our audience. After all, who doesn`t have a negative comment or two they could share about politicians these days?

Tip Thursday - Presence

When leaving voice messages, many people make the mistake of mumbling or rushing through their delivery. Know that the way you sound is driving the impression of 'You' that you are creating in the listener. It should go without saying but, before placing that call, be clear about the key messages you want to leave the other party, should you need to.

Before you begin recording that message, inhale and speak on the exhalation. This will instantly give your voice greater resonance and authority, which will help you establish greater presence and just may increase your call-back rate!

Tip Thursday - Body Language

This may seem like a small tip, but if your nerves tend to create 'sweaty' palms then the following
will be invaluable to you in creating a more positive first impression! Running cold water on your wrists for a minute will help you keep your palms dry for roughly 10 minutes.  This is great when you are able to access a rest room just before your meeting.

When in doubt about the availability of a restroom though, consider putting Antiperspirant on your hand.  It is designed to control underarm sweat and can certainly help control a damp handshake too!

Tip Thursday - Presence

If you want to appear professional, carry only one item.  Studies show that people who carry more than one item (briefcase AND a purse, briefcase AND a coat) are perceived as less organized and more forgetful.

Be Brief: Your Audience will Thank You!

Brevity takes work.  Perhaps that's why so few seem to do it.  Either that or people just like to hear
themselves speak which, unfortunately, is a little more accurate than perhaps we'd care to admit. The truth is though, we can make a powerful, positive and lasting impression on others by simply telling them what they need to know, not everything we want to tell them.

Our objective, in any communication, is not to share everything that we know but to share what our audience needs and is interested in hearing.  It therefore requires more effort and focus on our part, to consider the needs of our audience and to use it to determine what information we posses is relevant and to simply share that.  The information we share will therefore vary by audience and by situation.  One may call for more detail and the other less.  It becomes our responsibility to pay attention to what information will serve our audience best.

In his book Brief: Making a Bigger Impact by Saying Less, author Joseph McCormack shares that there are 3 levels of detail to any story we share.

1. 1st Level Details:  These are the details and information that are central to your communication and important for your audience to hear (focus on these!)
2. 2nd Level Details:  Are those details that add colour and often a bit more clarity, but that aren't critical components of the message itself
3. 3rd Level Details:  Are accurate pieces of information but they do little to enhance the communication itself or the understanding of your audience

Level one represents the important and primary components of your communications.  As for the other two levels?  Be judicious in your use of 2nd level details and avoid using level 3 at all.  

The more that we talk, the more that the conversation becomes about us, whether it's our self-focus, our nervousness and discomfort, our lack of confidence or perhaps even our actual lack of understanding of the topic itself.  Sometimes by trying to share everything we know we actually highlight the reverse.  

The secret of a good sermon is to have a good beginning and a good ending, and to have the two as close together as possible.      George Burns

What you are sharing with others should be of interest and importance to them.  Don't make them work for it, either by waiting for it or having to weed through extraneous information.  Choose to demonstrate your respect for your audience by putting their needs above your own.  Use their reactions as a gauge to determine how well you are addressing those needs.  Yawns and shifting in their seats are generally good indicators that you have gone on too long and overstated your case.

Think about what your audience needs to know.  Say it.  Sit down.

Enough said.



(for those that would like to check out 'Brief' for themselves here's a link you can use to purchase your copy)

10 Steps to Building a Better Brand

Whether you work for yourself or work for someone else, you need to consider what your Brand is.  You
need to think about what others experience when they interact with you.  These experiences build your branded message, whether good or bad.  Generally speaking, we want others to think of us favourably.  We want their experience of us to be positive and memorable, such that they will refer opportunities to us.

In building this brand then we must not only think about 'what' we want others to experience when they interact us, but we need to consider 'what' actions we need to take to make that happen.  What are the behaviours we need to engage in that will create the desired impression?  Once we have identified them, we then need to be prepared to replicate them.  Therefore, these need to be behaviours that become our habits, that we do repeatedly.  It is through the consistency of our actions that others will come to trust in us and what we represent.

The following are 10 behaviours that I believe are critical to any branded message.  Are they part of yours?

1. Dress appropriately.  Your role may not require a suit but we're talking about the details here.  Are your clothes clean and presentable?  Does what you are wearing show that you care about who you are and are proud of what you do?  This is just as true if you are CEO of your own firm or are in the mailroom.  Dressing with care shows others that you respect your value, instilling in them the belief that they should too.
2. Smile.  Often.  Show others some warmth and engagement.  It is astounding how much this matters and how little we do it.  We get focused on the projects, the deadlines, the files on our desk and get caught up in the overwhelm, forgetting to step away (even in brief moments) and connect with those around us.  A small smile, freely given, has more impact than you know.  It shows that you came out of the bubble revolving around 'you' enough to see and be present for 'them'.  Building your brand is not about you, it's about others' experience of you.  
3. Be on time.  Yes, we know you're busy but so are we.  Being repeatedly late is selfish and self-focused.  It is disrespectful of the value of other's time and will do much to undermine your credibility.
4. Listen.  Don't just wait your turn to speak, truly listen to what others are sharing.  If you want people to value your input and listen to what you share then start by demonstrating the same to them.  Give what you want to receive.
5. Show Respect.  Demonstrate your respect for others, who they are, what they do, what they bring to the table.  The easiest way to gain respect is to show respect.  Respect shows up in the little things that you do.  Too many people pay lip service to this thinking that simply 'telling' someone that you 'respect' their opinion takes care of it.  However, saying you respect them and demonstrating your respect for them are two completely different things.  What you say will not be believed if what you do is not delivering the same message.  Showing your respect is infinitely more powerful and memorable. 
6. Compliment Others.  Recognise and reinforce the good things that others do around you.  Giving them an extra boost for the good they have already done brings even more value to the action.  People always feel more positively about those that make them feel good about themselves.  No one ever gets enough of this.  But... it must be sincere.  Handing out compliments that you don't feel will not be received favourably.  Keep them simple, honest and immediate.  
7. Keep your promises.  You want a brand that others can trust and put faith in, which means that you need to uphold your promises.  You need to be good to your word.  If you aren't sure that you can deliver something, within the budget, within the time frame, then state it upfront. Don't tell people what they want to hear, tell they what you can deliver.  Promising someone something makes them feel good in the short-term but it's the long-term experience you are after.   Failing to deliver on a promise you made is not going to build the positive brand that you're after.  Under-promising and over-delivering will always serve you well.
8. Be Kind.  Small acts of kindness show an awareness and interest in others around you.  Holding the door open for the person coming behind you, offering to carry a few packages for someone who is struggling, giving someone the nickel they are short for their coffee, offering to help instead of agreeing to help.  All are small acts of kindness that take you outside of 'it's all about me' bubble, demonstrating to others that you care.  
9. Admit your Mistakes.  We all make them.  However, we lose much when we attempt to hide or deflect them.  Own up to your mistake, apologise for it, do what you can to fix it, move on.  
10. Say Please and Thank you.  Your mom was right about these ones.  Two of the most under-used and yet most powerful words in our vocabulary.  In a world where basic politeness seems to be going out the window, showing common courtesy and manners will serve you well. Please remember yours.

If you want to Build a Better Brand, start with these 10 fundamental elements.  Use these as your foundation and build from there.  

The Net Result of Networking

It's hard not to attend any kind of business conference or function without a speaker or break out session
talking about networking. They may talk about the power of the smile and the handshake, the need to have your cards printed and ready to hand out, they want you to prepare your 'blurb' or 'elevator pitch' so that you can concisely say who you are, what you do... and then move on, do it again. At many networking events I have attended it has seemed that more and more people were there simply to pass out their cards, rather than truly connecting. And... if your goal when you head out is to get your card into as many hands as you can by the end of the evening, then I suppose they are doing a good job.

What many networking gurus don't tell you, and what all too many people don't consider when networking, is that we all leave behind something (other than our card) in every interaction we engage in. This is the advantage of going to 'live' events, of getting a bigger message out about who we are than our website or card can convey, because our prospective audience gets to experience... 'us'. Every interaction with someone is a moment in which we are creating an impression of who we are, what we stand for, what we believe in, what we are committed to, what we would be like to work with... and more. These are the elements that truly go into defining our Brand Experience. What can people come to expect of and from us.

Over the course of an evening networking, you may not remember everything someone shared with you that night, but you will recall how they made you feel and think about them. If that memory is positive, you hang onto the card. If not, then the card is filed in the waste basket to the side of your desk. Add the following suggestions to your networking repertoire to keep your card from being relegated to the trash, ensuring that you become a card worth holding on to.

• Shift your mindset.  Everyone in that room thinks that 'it' is about them.  They are focused on getting their card out, getting a connection that will help them in business.  Instead, shift your mindset so that you too are thinking it's about them.  When you are meeting someone new ask about what they do.  Show interest - don't just look like you're waiting your turn to talk!  Pay attention.  The more you genuinely care about what they do the more they will come to care about you.  Additionally, the more you know about the business they are in, the better you will come to understand how you might serve them in future.
• Quality over Quantity.  The success of your evening should not be measured by the size of the stack of cards you collected but by the quality of the connection.  Flip through those cards.  If you cannot speak to each, clearly articulating what they do, what their services are and offering some ideas on how you thought you might help them... you weren't asking, you weren't listening and you weren't following the first point!
• Focus on Service.  Your focus when meeting others should be on: how can you serve them. Think beyond your business.  Maybe it's a book recommendation, or a referral you can give them, or a connection you can make for them.  Networking is not the same as selling.  Form the connections now that might lead to a future opportunity.  Bear in mind, it may not be with them but with someone they refer to you.  First you need to be someone they would be happy to send someone they know and care about to.  

In every interaction we leave something of ourselves behind - ensure that you leave behind the kind of impression that invites others to want to connect with you again.  That's the true net benefit of networking.

Top 5 Tips for Interview Success

There are a lot of great tips out there that can serve a job-hunter well but there are also a lot of bad tips to wade through.  Over my career I have likely interviewed thousands of candidates and consulted with hundreds (if not also up to a thousand or more) job-seekers.  Certainly, as a Body Language expert I could offer you suggestions as to your posture, eye contact, gestures, positioning... but, quite honestly, most people are concerned enough with having answers to the interviewers questions to concern themselves with this level of detail.

Instead,  I'd like to share my all-time, Top 5 Tips for ensuring that your interview is a success.  These five things will help you to stand out from the crowd and be favourably remembered.  Each tip gives you a slight and subtle edge that is often more than enough to distinguish you from others and help to position you positively.

Tip #1.  Arrive early and be Prepared.  I know that this seems particularly basic but it is surprising how few candidates follow this tip.  Do not put yourself in the position of having to explain why you were delayed.  The interviewer doesn't know you yet, which means they don't care about you, which means they simply don't care.  Plan ahead.  Know your route.  Leave more than enough extra time to cover for all contingencies.  As for being prepared... do NOT think that you know yourself well enough to 'wing' an interview.  If you have not been out job-searching for a while then you need to spend some time determining what stories you will share, what accomplishments you will highlight.  Think about the job in questions and determine what you would be looking for in someone for that role, if you were the interviewer, and ensure that you are able to address those needs.  Finally... in this age of the Internet and Google, there is no excuse for not being familiar with the company.  You should have done a search on the organization, on the interviewer and read over the company website from beginning to end at the very least.

Tip #2.  Don't oversell, but don't undersell.  People often skew too far in either of these directions.  Share your stories clearly, succinctly and comfortably.  You are speaking about yourself, so you are speaking about something you know well.  As a result, your voice tone will convey; knowledgeable, confident, and comfortable. Let that work for you.  If you oversell you will sound pushy, arrogant and possibly desperate or unbelievable.  Underselling will serve to make you forgettable.  Instead, consider that you are sharing facts, information that you know to be true.  This will always sound genuine, natural and believable.

Tip #3.  Take on the role of the Host, not the Guest.  As soon as we go out to spend time with someone in their offices we unconsciously adopt the role of a Guest.  As a guest we are focused internally, on ourselves, and expect others to make us feel comfortable.  The other party now assumes the role of Host and is responsible for us.  This is perhaps fine if our interviewer is an extrovert and likes making small talk but the odds are not in favour of this being the case.  You now are just 'work' for them and they are beginning their time with you from a place of discomfort.  Additionally, as a guest, you are now focused on yourself, your needs and your comfort.  You are 'in your head', assessing your answers, whether you've done a good job, what the interviewer is likely thinking about you, how do you seem to be doing.  All of this internal dialogue typically leads to external behavioural 'leakage' which serves to undermine your delivery of strength, confidence and credibility.  Instead, subtly take on the role of Host.  Initiate the handshake and the small talk.  Work to make the interviewer feel comfortable.  Stay out of your head and continue to focus on their comfort.  This external orientation means that you are not in your head to hear your 'inner voice' (which rarely is being supportive) and therefore your behavioural leakage will be more controlled and comfortable.  It is much easier to control the focus of your mind (and therefore the behaviours) than it is to try to manage all of the behaviours!

Tip #4.  Yes... clothes matter!  Give due consideration to what you plan to wear, prepare it ahead and make sure it is in order.  Hems are up, shoes are polished, buttons are in place, everything is clean.  Again, this may sound as though this is a given but, trust me, many candidates often seem as though they simply rolled out of bed and jumped into whatever was handy. You should also ensure that the outfit or suit you are planning on wearing fits.  The morning of the interview is not the time to discover that the suit you haven't worn in six months fits the body you had then, not the one you have now!  Consider also your briefcase and purse because they are also extensions of you.  Ensure that they are clean, in good shape and not overstuffed to bursting.  Take into your interview only what you need for the interview, leaving the rest of your world at home or in the car.  Details like having a pad of paper and pen available (and their condition) are also small clues to your organizational skills.

Tip #5.  Follow up. Most candidates only follow up with their interviewer to find out if a decision has been made.  In which case, the contact is all about you.  To stand out favourably, make your follow up about the interviewer.  Certainly a simple note thanking them for their time is a step in the right direction but it is far better to personalize the contact more.  Reference a small tidbit of information relating to your conversation that demonstrates you were paying attention to and were focused on them.  Even better?  Give them something.  Provide them with a link to an article or site you thought they would be interested in, a contact to add to their network, a piece of information that relates back to your conversation but that you hadn't had time to mention.  For example...  "You mentioned that you were going to be travelling to New Orleans shortly.  I have a great friend who grew up in the city.  I took the liberty of contacting him for some suggested restaurants that the locals know and love but that most tourists typically 'miss'.  He recommended you try..."  Or perhaps... "Here is the link to that TED Talk I mentioned.  I thought you would enjoy it..."  It needn't be big, it should have no dollar value attached and should simply show that you were listening to them and were willing to help them in some way.  Even if you don't end up getting the job you likely have gained another advocate and network contact.

The Science of First Impressions

We all have heard how important it is to make a 'good' first impression but just what constitutes a 'good' impression?  When I ask my clients how they would like to be seen by others the two most popular responses are that they want to appear confident or they want to be liked.  In wanting one or the other they then, both consciously and unconsciously, engage in behaviours that project either confidence or likability, in an effort to drive the desired response from the other party.

I have said for years though that what is truly needed, in creating a strong, positive first impression in business is... both.  You need to be seen as confident and capable, they need to know that you can get the job done but they also need to like you, to see you as a solid member of the team.  The better you do both, the more likely you are to get an invitation to join.

As it turns out, recent research findings reported by Amy Cuddy of Harvard Business School, have shown that 80 to 90 percent of the overall first impression we form of someone is based on the combination of two specific traits: Trustworthiness (gauging their intentions toward you) and Competence (gauging their level of capability and confidence).  What is particularly interesting though, is that her group was primarily studying discrimination and prejudice; how people categorize each other, in an effort to predict discrimination.

It seems that we universally sort groups on the matrix pictured above.  Most people are higher on one trait and lower on the other.  They found that when the status quo is threatened, the high-status minority groups are those that get targeted for genocide.  These are highly competent individuals.  High competence, but low trust. Therefore, typically it is groups that are hated, but respected that get targeted the most.  People in the bottom left?  Those that are both hated and not respected get pitied.

This is important to consider when it comes to generating your own first impression.  So many of us err on the side of wanting to appear confident... if nothing else... and tend to therefore swing too far to this side when nervous.  We attempt to mask our nervousness and discomfort by appearing 'more' confident, 'more' competent, 'more' capable, often at the cost of our warmth and engagement.

This newest research from Cuddy suggests that this will tend to clearly put us into the bottom right quadrant.  We may be seen as extremely competent, but we will not tend to be liked.  As a result, we may lose the desired opportunity to someone who is a little less competent, but liked more.  The ideal quadrant is obviously the top right.  We are both warm, engaging and trustworthy while also being perceived as someone who is capable of getting the job done.

The key to creating this balance is to ensure that people feel your warmth first, then move into demonstrating your competence.  In order to appear engaging and trustworthy, use some of the following tips:

• Smile when first meeting someone.  This is a universal gesture that will not only communicate warmth, but demonstrates clear interest in spending time with the other person. 
• Show interest in the other person.  Ask them questions about themselves and allow them to answer.  Make them feel listened to and understood.  This is a very powerful step in creating a strong connection and bond.  
• Make small talk.  Although many strong 'business' oriented people hate the thought of engaging in small talk, research proves that it is an important step in the business process, increasing the value of the dialogue and negotiations to follow.

As in most things in life, it appears that balance is truly the goal.  Striking the right balance between appearing Competent and Trustworthy will serve to create the most positive first impression for you.  Warmth with strength.  It may not be the most common combination but it is the one we respond to the most favourably and the one we most want to follow.

The Purpose of Customer Service

I'm in the midst of moving.  The house, the businesses... it's chaotic and never as straight forward as it should be.  Issues arise concerning repairs that need to be made, furniture that no longer works in the new place, appliances that don't fit, services that can't (or won't) transfer to the new 'geographic' location which is only 5 minutes away.  I am frustrated, looking for help, seeking answers.

And then... I enter your store.  I have a question about whether you have a specific product that you can sell me.  It is not on your shelves.  I have looked.  I need to know if you can get it for me, I am willing to pay.  I need a yes/no answer to make me happy.  Should be simple... right?

There is a store full of associates, all of whom approach me asking if they can help.  The downside though?  They can't.  No one knows the answer and, apparently, no one can find the answer except the 'one guy' in a department they don't work in.  They quietly drift off, pulling out their cells, leaning against display cases, texting.  I am still without an answer because the 'one-guy' is busy chatting with another customer.

I get that.  He's busy.  If I were that customer I would want him to focus on me and not waste my time answering questions for everyone else but me.  Except...  he does nothing to acknowledge me in any way.  No eye contact to say 'hey, I know you're waiting, bear with me I will be there as soon as I can'... no raised hand to indicate 'give me 5 minutes and I'm all yours'...  nothing.

I continue to wait.  10 minutes and... nothing.  Nothing but a studious intent to not make eye contact or acknowledge me in any way.  20 minutes... 30.  40 minutes and... I'm gone.  I go home, go online, find my answer, make my purchase... from a competitor.

That associate went home feeling like he had done his job.  He likely made comments about the 'woman' who was in the store but walked out before he could get to her but, hey... not his fault!  He's only one guy and he was busy serving a customer...  that's his job.

In a very small-view way he is right.  However, in the bigger picture he doesn't even come close.  Customer service isn't about the 'one,' it's about the many.  Your business isn't and can't survive by only servicing the few.  You have to be more inclusive of others and find ways to make them feel that you care, you're interested and you're there to help.  At the end of the day, customer service is simply about how you make your customers feel.  Your product offerings, deals, prices, points rewards and return policy are all nice but they don't ensure future sales.  How you make the customer feel about doing business with you will.

That store has lost any future business from me on the basis of that one interaction (or lack of interaction more specifically).  A quick glance my way to acknowledge me, a slight apologetic grin, would have made all the difference.  Instead, I won't be back.  Perhaps not a big deal for them in the long term, I am only one customer.  However, if this is the way they train their staff, if this is representative of how they view customers, then I am likely one of many potential customers that will find what they need elsewhere.

Delivering great Customer Service isn't all that difficult and it doesn't take big money programs.  Think about how you want your customer to feel and then make it happen.  It isn't any more complicated then that.

Seeing Apparently IS Believing!

Take a look at the following video.  It explains a phenomenon known as the McGurk effect, where what we hear is overridden by what we see...

Is it any wonder that the reports of eye witnesses to accidents and crimes can vary so much?  What about the interpretations of what we 'believe' someone has said to us?

We know that the biggest percentage of the impression we create is driven by the Visual.  The McGurk effect is one more example of how much we rely on our vision, our view of the world around us, to shape our interpretations of it.

I've been speaking with clients for years about the need to ensure that our 'visual' cues work in alignment with our voice and content to create a consistent message.  Inconsistent messages are going to result in mixed messages.

Make sure that you have clarity over your Personal Brand and then ensure that what you say, do and even how you look works in support of it.  Otherwise, we really are leaving our message to chance and are left to the mercy of the McGurk and other as-yet-to-be-discovered effects that skew our messaging off course.

Our Value Attribution

We all have heard, and been told, that the first impression we make upon others is incredibly important.  Recent research is now showing that our first impression is not only important in how others view us in the short term, but in the long term as well. 

It seems that once we form a first impression surrounding the perceived value of something or someone, the Value Attribution, it is difficult to shift the perception, regardless of the actual performance of the product or person.  Hmmm....  this means that once we have ascribed a certain value to something/someone, we rarely shift that perception, even in the face of contrary facts.  If we have determined that product X is amazing...  even though it doesn't prove to perform amazingly well in actual use, we are likely to continue to frame our experiences with the product in terms of how amazing it is, not relative to how it failed to meet our expectations.

In the book 'Sway: the Irresistible Pull of Irrational Behavior', authors Ori Brafman and Rom Brafman took a look at NBA draft picks.  Those chosen during the first round of picks, the early draft picks, had a perceived higher Value Attribution.  Because they were chosen early, they were perceived to be players that were 'better' and were likely to get snatched up quickly by others.  Therefore, their perceived value was higher.  As a result, they got more play time, more media attention, etc.  This all fits with the belief that the early picks are the better players.

What doesn't fit with this though were the perceptions that persisted, even in the face of actual performance statistics.  What the Brafmans determined was that the initial impression, the Value Attribution, of each player - which was created by being an early or late draft pick - stayed with a player for almost 5 years, despite their actual performance on the court.  The first impression set the perceived value bar and determined the future way in which we interpreted their performance and behaviour.

We have always been told that our first impressions are important, but these findings would imply that our first impressions are even more critically important to us and our careers than we might have previously believed.  If someone's first impression of us will serve to colour their ongoing perception of our performance and value, then we better get it right the first time.  We no longer can afford to leave those critical first few moments to chance!

In Executive Presence, Personal Branding and Impression Management seminars I have always emphasized the need to ensure that we use those first few moments to our advantage, helping to set the stage for how people will view us.  Never has this been more important than in today's overly competitive marketplace.  Couple this with people's seemingly shortened attention spans and the weighting on those first moments rises exponentially.

There are few times in your life when it isn't too melodramatic to say your destiny hangs on the impression you make.     Barbara Walters

The Work:

1.  Be clear about your message.  Who are you?  What do you represent?  You cannot be all things to all people so it is in your best interest to ensure that you represent what matters to you.  You must start with your message, the one that speaks to your authentic self.  Don't muddy the waters by trying to be what you believe others want to see.  If you are going to be 'labelled' in the minds of others, make sure it is with the label that you are handing to them.

2.  Conduct a Self-Evaluation.  Once you are clear about your personal message (consider this your Brand), it is necessary to evaluate how well you represent this.  Consider what behaviours would exemplify these messages and determine whether this is true of how you typically behave.  Videotape yourself and assess whether how you move, speak and sound help sell this message - or something different.

3.  Action Steps.  You likely have identified some gaps in number 2 above, areas in which there is some dissonance between how you are currently coming across and the branded message that you desire.  Take a moment to evaluate why.  One possible cause for a gap could rest in the brand you have established.  Ensure that it is truly reflective of what matters to you most and not of the brand that you expect others would want or prefer.  If the branded message is fine, then determine what behaviours are out of sinc with this brand and list them.  Consider which seems to be the biggest detractor from your desired Brand and start with it.  How might you 'do' different around this message?  What behaviours should you adopt, stop or modify?  Are there aspects of your voice or body movement that need to be modified to help you live to this message more believably and consistently?

We all have value.  Everyone.  The trick to creating a strong first impression is being honest enough with ourselves to discover what our true personal value is and confident enough to share it with others.