When Push Comes to Shove

Who are you... when push comes to shove?

What are you capable of?

... Why wait until then?

We are far more capable of far more things than we are living.  Usually it is our own limiting beliefs about ourselves that create the restrictions keeping us from doing and being what we can. However, it is in difficult moments, when we are forced to take actions that move us beyond these limiting beliefs, that we gain insight into our true potential. 

... Why wait until then?

Why wait until we are forced into taking action?  Why not step into our potential now?

Think of all you could be doing, think of all you could be feeling, think of all you could be living... if you embraced all you were capable of... now.

Our fears and limiting beliefs prevent us from taking the steps in self discovery that are required for us to move into all we can be.  Those steps aren't always easy, which is why it often requires a personal challenge to provide the push and the shove to get us moving.  Even then, some will dig in their heels, steadfastly refusing to release what they know to embrace the inevitable change that growth requires.

Many harbour too many self-doubts to let-go and move forward, choosing instead to believe the "I-don`ts" and "Ì`m not`s". Too many of us have a loud and strong inner voice that doesn't hesitate to share what we are not, drowning out the voice that is trying to share all that we are.  When faced with situations that pressure us to take action, we rise above the I-can`ts by lending our inner champion a microphone, allowing its chants of I-am, I-can, I-will to to lead us forward.  For that situation, that moment - we become.  

If you can do it and be it then... you can do it and be it all of the time.  Why wait for a crisis to be all that you can, to step forward into yourself?  What life would you be living today if you stepped into all you could be? 

Who are you... when push comes to shove?

What are you capable of?

Why wait?

Are you Standing In your Story or On it?

Martin has been running his own small home renovations company, on weekends, for the past 5 years.  'I was never any good at math in school.  To be successful in running a business you need to be good at math.  I could never handle that'.  He is finding that demand for his services is far exceeding his ability to deliver, which means he is turning down work.  He would love to make the home-renovations business his full-time occupation but hesitates because...

Sandra struggles to make ends meet.  No matter what she does to try and bring in additional income she never seems to end up with 'more' at the end of the month. She would like to begin to save for her retirement, save for a home of her own or take a vacation trip but can't see her way clear to ever making any of those things happen.  She says... 'I never seem to get ahead.  Even with taking on a part-time job I have more days left than money at the end of each month.  My mother was never good with money, I guess I take after her.'

We all have stories that we tell ourselves, serving as explanations as to 'why' we made the choices we did, 'why' our lives are what they are, 'why' we turned out the way we did.  These stories become our explanations for 'Not'.  Not being what we want, not having what we want, not doing what we want, not achieving what we want.  However, it is the stories that we tell ourselves about our lives that are often our biggest saboteurs to the achievements and success that we seek.

The stories we tell ourselves are simply our version of the facts, making them only one version. However, we hold them as truths, making them an unchangeable constant in our lives.  In doing so they serve to direct and control the actions we are willing, or unwilling, to take. When we allow our story to be our master, to allow our story to direct and control the direction of our lives, we are effectively standing IN our story. When we are standing in our story it becomes the reason why we can't do something, why we can't achieve something.  We get caught up in the cyclical loop of the story and fail to see options for different endings.

Instead, we need to learn to stand ON our story, to use it to propel us forward.  Our story then becomes our platform for change rather than an anchor holding us in place.  When we stand on our story we make it our 'why', allowing it to become the wind that propels us forward. Every story about someone overcoming the odds, every rags to riches story, every example of someone overcoming a disability is an example of someone that chose not to stand IN their story, but to stand ON it.

Stand ON your story, not IN it

Martin broke out of his 'I'm not good enough at math to run a full-time business' story by sitting down and acknowledging that he had been doing just that for the past five years.  He had been successful at handling all of the materials calculations for each project, had been successful in estimating actual project costs to provide customer quotes, had been successful in handling the mathematical calculations necessary to measure and build structurally sound additions.  Although he acknowledged that growing larger he would want to hire a bookkeeper to oversee the day-to-day management of expenses he came to acknowledge that was more a sound business decision than it was a reflection of his shortcomings.

Sandra came to realize that her adoption of the story that she was not good with money came from an ongoing story from her childhood, one that her father shared with her and her mother consistently - that 'women' are no good at handling money.  This was a fairy tale from her early years that she had incorporated into being the story of her life.  It was when she began to challenge this story, and rewrite it, that she found she was far better at managing her funds than she had presumed. Additionally, she found that in rewriting the story that she was no good with money, she opened up new opportunities for herself to make even more.

If you, like Martin and Sandra, find that standing in your story doesn't suit you any more, that you want to stand on your story and experience more in your life, follow these steps to help you move up and onto your stories.

Acknowledge there is a problem/issue

You likely already have a sense of some of the stories you're standing in that are holding you back, but also pay attention to the times you tell yourself - I'm not..., I can't..., I don't....    These phrases likely precede a story and are clearly dis-empowering ones.

Write down your story

Take the time to write down everything you can about your story.  What is its script, where might you have heard it or told it first?  If it has history spend a little time to uncover it.  Sandra's story above clearly had some history that, once she knew it, allowed her to recognise that it was her father's story and need not be hers.  She broke through faster than she might have otherwise by spending a little more time upfront thinking it through.

What does the story mean?

Write down everything that standing in your story means.  In essence you are writing - Because I believe THIS story, I...  What are the things you do as a result of standing in this story?  What are the things you don't do?  Think of the behaviours you engage in, and don't engage in, as a result of standing in this story.  Understanding how it plays out on a daily basis helps us to understand what needs to change.

What are alternative stories?

In order to learn to stand on your story, rather than in it, you need to be able to envision 'different' for yourself.  Brainstorm a few for yourself, opening yourself new possibilities and new ways of thinking and being.

Pick one

Of the new stories you crafted, which is the most desirable?  Consider, If this was true then...  If this story you crafted was your story, what would life look like?  What would the results be?  How would you treat yourself, treat others?  How would you behave?  What actions would you take?

Take a Step

In order to Stand On Your Story you need to use it as a springboard to something else.  Rather than letting it hold us back we want to use it as the fuel to moving forward.  However, all of the planning in the world doesn't take us from where we are if we don't act upon those plans.  Any step, no matter how small, will begin to lift you out of the story you're in, allowing you stand on it and move into a newer, better story.  And... no matter how great that story may be in comparison, if you want to continue to grow you will need to let go of that story to move forward to the next.

When we are busy standing in our story we create a host of reasons around 'why' we can't be or have or do what we want with our lives, which holds us back from uncovering our true potential and worth. The longer we allow that story to live, the more cemented it becomes in our psyche, becoming a truth we take for granted, embedding itself into our very perceptions of ourselves and the world around us. However, when we learn to stand on our stories we stop allowing them to define us. We enter into the possibility of 'more'.  When you do, you help to liberate others to do the same.

The Impact of the Anchoring Effect on your Success

I don't have an answer for you in today's blog posting, but I do have a question for you to consider.  First, let
me start by sharing a little about the psychological phenomenon known as the Anchoring Effect.

The Anchoring Effect is a psychological bias that serves to influence our perception of an event.  It can have very large implications for the final outcome we experience.  For example, let's take a look at a study conducted by Strack and Mussweiler (1999).  They looked to determine the relative impact of a prefacing question upon a final answer.  In this instance, they asked half a group of participants whether Mahatma Gandhi died before or after the age of 9, while the other half was asked where he died before or after the age of 140.  In each case, the answer was quite obvious for each group and each found the question to be somewhat silly in nature.  However, participants were then asked to guess the actual age of Gandhi's death.

The first group guessed an average age of 50, while the second group guessed an average age of 67. His actual age of 87 is irrelevant for the purposes of this study.  What is important is the degree of influence that the prefacing question had upon people's guesses.  In each instance the prefacing question had served to skew the results.

We see the impact of this Anchoring Effect in many other instance in our daily lives.  The sticker price of the car we are looking at will determine the final price that we settle on during our negotiations of the car price, regardless of whether that final price is truly 'fair' or not.  Our impression of the deal we got is driven by that first, anchored, sticker price.

The key is to understand that our brains are wired to use anchors (reference points) in helping us to make decisions.  Sometimes those anchors will work in our favour while, at other times, they may not. Unfortunately, the impact of these anchor points is largely impacting us unconsciously, preventing us from ensuring that they influence us in favourable versus unfavourable directions.

Now... my question.  The impact of the Anchoring Effect is well documented and is used consciously and universally by shrewd sales personnel and top negotiators.  However, my question is to consider the impact of the Anchoring Effect on your Success.  Let's look at this simply and consider only...  your salary.  How much do you think you are capable of earning per year, maximum?  Got a figure?

There's your Anchoring Effect.  I haven't done a study on this myself, but I do know that some have been done indicating that whatever your figure you will likely find that it is roughly what you end up earning.  If you believe you are capable of earning $30,000 you will find that it is ultimately what you end up earning.  If the figure is $50,000, $150,000 or even $1,000,000 the same is true.  In setting this figure in your head you have served to Anchor that belief, unconsciously influenciing all of your decisions, often in subtle ways, to 'help' you achieve that goal.  The choices you make end up working in support of that anchored belief.

In order to change your relative level of success you must therefore challenge those Anchored assumptions about what is possible for you.  In short, we Achieve what we Believe.  Change your beliefs about what is possible and you create new possibilities for yourself.  Why would we want to anchor in a limiting belief for ourselves?

Consciously we may not, however it is our unconscious mind, working in conjunction with our negative self talk, that sets the bar.  It's quite likely that if you aren't enjoying the level of success you desire, that you have set your bar too low.  It's the reason that those who win the lottery often find themselves down the road with nothing left, they are back where they started, earning what they always have.  That dollar figure was anchored in their unconscious and so they 'spent' and 'disbursed' their winnings in such a way as to return to their anchored belief.

Spend some time thinking about your definition of success for yourself and what limits you may be inadvertently creating by this definition.  Consider expanding that definition, including new possibilities and potential for yourself.  Cut loose from your existing anchors, those that may be weighing you down unnecessarily and keeping you in place, creating new anchor points that place you far ahead of where you currently are and see how that belief influences your choices, helping you to experience, have and be more in the future than your current anchors held you to in the past.

Down but Not Out

Times are tough.  You've hit a wall.  You've been knocked down.  But you haven't been knocked out!

What defines us is how well we rise after falling          Lionel, Maid in Manhattan

If you are down now... it's an exciting time for you.  Quite literally there is nowhere for you to go but up.  this is your moment of definition.  Some may think that you are down for the count and discount you.  But they will be surprised.

They will be surprised because this is a pivotal moment for you.  Others may choose to give up, but you?  You'll choose to get up!  You have the ability to separate yourself from the actions, circumstances and people that brought you down, to dig deep within yourself, and move beyond.

This is a moment of self discovery, a moment for you to realize just how much untapped potential you possess.  This is the moment to unleash those possibilities within you, showing yourself and everyone around you that you are now, and ever have been, MORE.

You have the power to change your attitude, change your circumstances, change your finances, to change your destiny.  The time to begin is NOW.

Down but Not Out

Times are tough.  You've hit a wall.  You've been knocked down.  But you haven't been knocked out!

What defines us is how well we rise after falling          Lionel, Maid in Manhattan

If you are down now... it's an exciting time for you.  Quite literally there is nowhere for you to go but up.  this is your moment of definition.  Some may think that you are down for the count and discount you.  But they will be surprised.

They will be surprised because this is a pivotal moment for you.  Others may choose to give up, but you?  You'll choose to get up!  You have the ability to separate yourself from the actions, circumstances and people that brought you down, to dig deep within yourself, and move beyond.

This is a moment of self discovery, a moment for you to realize just how much untapped potential you possess.  This is the moment to unleash those possibilities within you, showing yourself and everyone around you that you are now, and ever have been, MORE.

You have the power to change your attitude, change your circumstances, change your finances, to change your destiny.  The time to begin is NOW.

Finding Your Passion

When it comes to choosing a career direction we are often told to 'Follow our Bliss'.  The goal being,of course, to engage in work that we love and are passionate about.   For many of my clients this proves to be good in theory but much more difficult in practice.  Most lament that they don't seem to feel passionate about any job and therefore they feel they must settle for something that they are perhaps only mildly interested in.

Often the challenge in determining what 'job' might push your 'passionate button' rests in getting past the title. We have preconceived notions not only of what specific jobs and roles do, but of whether or not we are capable or suited to do them.  All too often we discount opportunities simply based on their title, and all that conveys to us.  'No, I wouldn't like that' or 'No, I don't have the skills for that' or, even worse, 'No, I could never do that'... are the phrases that limit our choices and restrict us from truly being able to explore, and determine, where our true passion lies.

The following exercise has proven useful to many of my clients in uncovering new paths and new sources of passion for them.  If you're feeling a little stuck or want to establish that 'path of purpose and passion'... give it a try.  You might be surprised what you discover about yourself, your interests and the path you could be on!

The Work...

Step One.  Get rid of your labels.  We want to start with a clean slate, no preconceived notions about what a 'job' is or does or whether you would be interested in it, good at it, or qualified to do it.  So... no focusing on titles, just ignore them completely.  For our purposes they are completely irrelevant. So too with job level...  we don't care what it is, how much money it pays or where it's located.  Also irrelevant.

Step Two.  Go to the job boards and read as many descriptions of different jobs as possible.  Read descriptions from different areas, disciplines, levels.  There is no pre-qualifying what might be a fit for you.  We are working from the broadest part of the funnel here, so you want to go as wide and broad as possible.  You don't currently know where your passion lies so don't disqualify anything before you check it out fully.

Step Three.  As you read over the descriptions, highlight for yourself any aspect of the description that strikes you as interesting or exciting.  It doesn't matter whether it is practical for your lifestyle or whether you have the skills to do it.  Keep an ongoing list of these elements, adding to the list any segment from any description you read that stirs your soul, or that moves you even a little!

Step Four.  Once you have uncovered a number of items and recorded them in your log, start to categorize them by their key skill and functional areas.

Step Five.  Analyze any of the trends and insights that you gain concerning the areas of interest that are now uncovered.  Spend some time thinking about how it fits to your current career path.  Are you on the right path already?  Are there some minor shifts and tweaks you need to make to strengthen your interest and passion?  Is it a major change that is needed to set you on the right course?

Step Six.  Determine what you need to create this new direction for yourself.  More education?  A coach or mentor to help bolster your skills?  A new role entirely?  Consider what you need to set you on the right path and list them.

Step Seven.  Should be intuitive...  go out and take action.  Even one step in the right direction will feel empowering and help stir the embers of your passion, filling you with purpose.

Oh, and one final caveat.  This is your list, your choices, your passion.  Other people get to choose their own path, don`t let them choose yours.  Sometimes what others want for us will not align with what we want for ourselves.  Uncover your passion and pursue it.  You only get this one go `round...  it`s a much more interesting ride to fill it with work that you love and that fulfills your purpose than spend it working to fill someone else`s.

Increase your Success... By Embracing your Discomfort

We all have our favourite pair of jeans. They are likely a little worn in spots, have that stain on the knee from that amazing catch you made in a pick up game with friends...but you love them in spite of, if not because of, it all. In short, they're your favourites because they are comfortable, they fit just right.

 When those jeans no longer are as comfortable for us to wear though, we are spurred to take action. Perhaps those worn areas have finally given way, in less than strategically placed locations! If so, we are pushed toward buying a new pair and beginning the process of breaking them in to rediscover our comfort zone. Perhaps those jeans are beginning to feel a little too snug and we are motivated to cut down a little on the lattes and late night snacking to refind our comfort point again.

 In either event, it is our discomfort that spurs us to take action. As long as we are comfortable with where we are, who we are, what we have...we tend to drift along, becoming complacent with our achievements to date. However, if we want more or other for ourselves, we need to become uncomfortable. It is our dissatisfaction that drives change and creates growth.

 The thought for this blog came to me when I was reading a line from one of Kevin Hogan's (http://www.kevinhogan.com/) articles, in which he said...

 Where things go wrong is at the intersection of you and your discomfort

The point he was making is that at every point of discomfort, we have a choice to make. We can either choose to ignore the discomfort and slip back into the cocoon of our comfort zone, or we can choose to push through our discomfort, to use it to grow beyond where we once were. Our discomfort therefore represents a pivotal moment of choice for us and it's important that we recognise it as such.

 If we leave such choices to our unconscious, we are likely to choose the known over the unknown, the comfortable over the uncomfortable, the old over the new...every time! If we give in to the lure of the comfortable though, we will fail to experience all of the success we are capable of.  We are unlikely to ever fulfill our potential.

The Work:

 Consider an area of your life that you are uncomfortable with, something that is 'less than' what you want for yourself. Take a few moments to really explore (and record) how you feel about this lack. The stronger your discomfort, the more you will be able to use this discomfort and dissatisfaction to push you forward, so really get in touch with how you feel about this area.

 Now jot down exactly what you want instead. Fill in as much detail as you can about it. The clearer you are about what your 'different' will look like, the easier it will be for you to define action steps to take you there.

 And...that becomes step three. Create a list of action steps that you could take to move you away from your current state and move toward your desired state. Large, small...it doesn't matter, list any and all actions that would help make what you want a reality.

 Do one. Now. This is your pivotal moment. All of the thinking and planning mean nothing without action. Even one small, seemingly inconsequential step helps to shift your mindset away from 'comfort' and establishes the change mindset. You are more likely to continue down the path of change once you have put even one foot in that direction.

 Do another one! Repeat this step over and over until you are done! There is no Magic formula in achieving what you want in life. It take three simple little things.

•  You must be able to articulate what you want.
•  You must take steps toward achieving it.
•  You must keep going until you have it.

That's it. Now...get to it!