Tip Thursday - Public Speaking

We all get nervous at times. However, it is generally our 'awfulizing' of an event that generates our negative emotions. (Awfulizing - all the self talk that highlights how awful we are likely to be at something).

There are lots of ways that you can reframe your thinking to help shift your mindset to success and positivity. Today's tip comes to us from Muhammad Ali. He knew that, before entering the ring for a fight, he had to be in  positive mindset. He had to believe fully in himself. His ritual, before each fight, was to ask himself if he had trained as hard as he possibly could, if he had done his best. Answering yes allowed him to relax because, whatever the outcome, he knew he had prepared the best he could.

Seems to have worked well for him...

Tip Thursday - Communications

In research, the following is found to be true... that those who talk more are more likely to be perceived as dominant, more competent, intelligent, trustworthy, the Leader. Unfortunately, studies also find that in mixed groups (ie: business meetings) men tend to speak 75% of the time, effectively reducing women's voices around the table. Apparently women's challenges lie not only in getting to the table in the first place, but in establishing a voice around the table as well! Therefore, it is not enough to show up.  If you want to be perceived as a leader you must also learn to speak up!

Controlling the Public Speaking Nerves

Statistics show that 3 out of 4 people suffer from public speaking anxiety.  That's a whopping 75% of us that experience nervousness and anxiety whenever we need to get up in front of others and share our thoughts and views.  It's little wonder then that Public Speaking is still the highest ranked fear, topping out above the fear of spiders, heights and even death.

"There are two types of speakers.  Those who get nervous and those who are liars"  Mark Twain

In working to control their nerves most speakers are told to work at calming down, to take deep relaxing breaths, to release the tension from their bodies.  The aim is, of course, to reduce their anxiety.  This is what is known as a Suppression technique, where you are actively working to suppress the emotions that a situation elicits.

However, research conducted by Alison Woods Brooks, professor at Harvard Business School, suggests that working at controlling our nerves may just be the worst thing that we can do. Instead, her studies suggest that we would do better to reframe our anxiety instead.

Anxiety is an aroused emotion.  Our heart beats faster, our Cortisol levels (stress hormone) rise, our bodies prepare to take action.  We perceive a potential threat to ourselves which puts us on the defensive. Anxiety is therefore a negative mindset that reduces our sense of control.  When we attempt to suppress those emotions, by focusing on trying to Calm ourselves, we are asking our brains and bodies to shift to a completely different state, which is an extremely difficult task.

Instead Brooks suggests that we simply reframe the emotions that our anxiety is causing.  Instead of thinking of ourselves as being 'nervous', we need to think of ourselves as 'excited'.  Excitement is also an aroused emotion.  Therefore, physiologically, anxiety and excitement are not so different. The impact of these two emotions on our body is very similar.  However, each carries a different impact upon our brains and perceptions.

While both anxiety and excitement exist because they are reacting to a certain amount of perceived uncertainty, we experience anxiety when facing a perceived threat and experience excitement when facing something we are looking forward to.  In studies where people reframed their performance anxiety as excitement, rather than anxiety, their performance improved. This is called Anxiety Reappraisal.

Studies are now showing that Reappraisal strategies are far more effective than are Suppression strategies.  In Reappraisal strategies you shift your mindset from viewing an emotion eliciting situation in a way that changes its emotional impact on you.

Because both anxiety and excitement experience a very similar physical impact, reframing takes less effort to get the brain to shift than asking it to help calm your nerves.  It is far easier to shift from one charged up emotion to another charge up emotion than to control all of the existing physiological elements required to shift to a different state.

High performance requires energy and drive.  It comes from a more action-oriented focus, which comes from a more energized state.  Rather than looking to tamp down the emotions that comes with an energized state you want to take advantage of them.

Next time that you're hitting the stage or giving that presentation, and are beginning to feel nervous, welcome the emotions it brings and tell yourself that those butterflies you feel are signs of your excitement.  Use those revved up emotions to heighten your performance, to draw your audience in, to create an opportunity mindset.  Reframing your nerves as excitement may be all that's needed for you to finally kick your Public Speaking fears to the curb.

I'm excited for you to give it a try!

Tip Thursday - Language

Women have a greater tendency to use the word 'Just' in sentences.

"I'm just a..."
"I just had a question..."
"I'm just checking..."

Used in this way 'just' is a way of asking for permission, of minimizing your request or apologising for the interruption.  Eliminate the 'justs' from your communications - both written and oral - to sound more confident and credible.

Tip Thursday - Body Language

Watch out for the tendency to nod your head with too much frequency - like a Bobblehead. Head nods are often delivered in an effort to appear congenial and likeable, to be seen as supportive of the speaker. However, excessive head nodding can make you appear to be a pushover, like you stand for nothing on your own. Head nods are a great way to appear empathetic and demonstrate you are listening... just don't over-use them!

Are you too Passive to Promote?

There are times when taking a passive approach, a 'don't rock the boat' perspective, may strategically be in your best interest given the situation you are facing. However, adopting passive approaches consistently will likely not serve your long term career interests if your desire is to advance.

Overly passive people are those who prefer to take the path of least resistance, who will studiously avoid upsetting others and will defer to the judgment, opinions and wishes of those around them.  It is when being nice goes beyond its boundaries and becomes 'too nice'.

Don't misunderstand.  Caring about others is important.  However, it becomes problematic when you lose yourself to it.  Other's needs should not always overshadow your own. Additionally, deferring consistently to the needs of others will make you appear hesitant, unsure, indecisive and lacking in confidence.  It is this perception others hold that will grind your career advancement to a halt.  If you are seen to be someone incapable of holding an opinion or making a decision, you will be left reporting to someone who does.

If you aren't sure whether you are too passive in your approaches or not, check out the following list and see if any describe you.

Passive people..

• Believe their 'fate' is in the hands of others.  They will often use phrases like... "If we were supposed to be together..." or "If it were meant to be..."
• Put too much stock on 'luck' to direct an outcome or drive their success
• Often mistake failure for destiny and therefore don't learn from and push through the failure.  
• Seek approval for even small things, since they are fearful of hurting or upsetting others.  They will therefore often soften their language with phrases like...  "I hope it's alright to tell you", "Would you mind if", "If it's okay with you".  These phrases may sound nice and polite, but it's the frequency you need to be wary of.  Overuse will shift you from nice to `too` nice in an instant.
• Diminish their perceived value by starting their sentences with disclaimers such as... "It's only my opinion...", "I'm no expert...", or the ever popular "I could be wrong..."  People stop listening because you have already told them that you aren't going to share anything worth listening to!
• Avoid taking a stand on issues.  They will highlight that both sides positions have merit, while failing to offer a firm opinion either way.  You can't stand for everything or you will be seen as standing for nothing.
• Are far too deferential.  They will defer their own wants and needs in favour of those of others. This appears as though they place a higher value on others' preferences than their own, which again communicates to others that their wants and needs of little importance.  
• Have broken speech patterns.  They will often speak with a start/stop choppiness to their sentences, with hesitations punctuated by Ums and Uhs.  The lack of a smooth rhythm or flow makes them sound less confident and uncertain of their content.
• Too self critical.  They will tend to use phrases such as "I can never do anything right". Though they may believe that they only say this to themselves (negative self talk), rest assured that the more negative self talk you engage in, the more it unconsciously filters into your public speaking as well.  
• Poor body language.  Passive people will tend to also adopt far more passive body language, avoiding eye contact, engage in minimal gesturing, compress their body down and in, will adopt protectionist stances by holding their arms close to the body or across the abdomen.  

Any of these sound or feel familiar?  In business it is important that we appear confident. Adopting too many passive behaviours will detract from this impression and will prevent us from obtaining the opportunities we desire.  If you are looking to eliminate some of your more Passive behaviours, replacing them with more Assertive approaches, consider using the following 3 step approach.

1. Identify the ways you are passive.  You need to be honest with yourself, or be open to receiving honest feedback from others, and determine what are your most common passive behaviours.  You need to be able to recognise the behaviour if you hope to be able to change it. Video of yourself interacting with others can be an invaluable tool, helping you to hear and see behaviours you might have missed otherwise. 
2. Determine what a more Assertive Behavioural alternative to that Passive behaviour would look like, sound like, feel like.  In step one you identified the behaviour to change. In this step you identify your target.  What are you going to do instead.  For example, if you find that you tend to use the phrase "It's just my opinion" as an opening to giving voice to your thoughts, you might want to target replacing it with "I think...", or "I have found..."  Neither is aggressive, but both clearly position the statement you share as your opinion.  The elimination of the denigrating 'just' from the statement elevates the perceived value of your thought.
3. Put it into action.  I would suggest starting with one behaviour and, when it feels comfortable for you, pick up another.  It is far more difficult trying to change everything at once.  Changing one key behaviour at a time will actually get you there faster.  Additionally, your brain will start to pick up on the unconscious messaging and will ultimately recognise 'where' you are looking to go, making other positive unconscious adjustments for you.

Tip Thursday - Confidence

This is a very short but very powerful tip.  If you want to appear confident during networking situations... stand in the center of the room. Confident people have a greater tendency to stand in the center of the 'action', whereas those with less confidence will stick to the outlying areas. Therefore, simply standing in the center will have others believing you to be confident - even when you're not feeling it!

Who's Your Target Audience?

We can easily get caught up in trying to be and deliver too many things to too many people. When looking to build our success it is far too easy to fall into the belief that the more people we please the greater our success will be.  However, it can quickly become overwhelming, and clearly impossible, to please everyone.  So where should you focus?

Your family and friends will always have input.
Your boss will certainly highlight their needs.
Your co-workers will offer their own take about what they want.
Your clients and customers have yet another perspective.

When you are just starting to build your career or new business it can become difficult to direct your energies to those activities that will best serve to propel you forward.  You have limited and finite resources.  You clearly can`t create a product that suits everyone`s needs, can`t deliver a speech that resonates fully with everyone, can`t complete a project in a way that satisfies all.  How do you decide what to do, what to say, what to deliver, what to offer?

Consider using the 2 Review process (with thanks to Seth Godin for this) to serve as your litmus test. When you look at the speech you intend to deliver, the business services you are offering, the project you're initiating, write two reviews for it; a five star and a one star review.

• 5 Star Review.  Write a review from the perspective of someone who was blown away by what you did and delivered.  This is a review from someone who totally gets what you're doing and loves it.  They admire your ambition, your drive, your vision, your message.
• 1 Star Review.  Then write a review from the perspective of someone who hates your message, who is critical of the work you are doing and the direction you are taking.

Now consider... who are you investing your time in pleasing?  Is your focus aimed at turning the naysayers into advocates or are you focusing on strengthening the deliverables to those who are championing you?

Regardless of whether you are just starting your career or business or have the launch of both well behind you, playing to those who love you will always prove to boost your success more than will trying to convert others to your cause.  

Becoming clear about what people love, whether about you or your product, and giving them more of it is the secret sauce to success.  There is a reason that corporations invest millions of dollars in consumer research... the need to continue to satisfy their customers.  You are no different.

The time that you spend in trying to minimize the negative feedback and criticism, to convert the naysayers, is time away from satisfying those that are ready to buy - you and your services. Typically, the greater your success the greater the number of critics you will have.

If you have no critics you'll likely have no success.    Malcolm X

All of the 'greats' in their field have clarity over their vision, and hold true to what their customers, not their critics, value and want from them.  Sure, it's hard not to take it personally at times, but recognise the source.  Typically, those that are critical of you, your message and your actions, are those who are not taking the steps that you are.  Their attempts to hold you back are more indicative of their insecurities than they are reflective of you.

Your goal should be to create with the goal of receiving more 5 Star Reviews and not with the intention of trying to avoid the 1 Stars.  Often, the best sign that you are 'making it' is that there are people who are ticked off by that very fact.  The best way to deal with these folks is, of course, to follow Taylor Swift's advice and 'Shake it Off!'

Fighting the Fear of Rejection

Sometimes, despite our desire to have certain things in our lives, our fear of being rejected may hold us back.  Interestingly, the Fear of Rejection is often the single biggest obstacle standing between you and success.

Being rejected is one of our deepest fears.  In ancient tribal times survival was dependent upon being part of a group. Therefore, losing the safety of that community typically equated to a death sentence. As a result, we are wired with a desire to belong.  We tend then to engage in behaviours that help us be seen in a positive light, that help us to gain acceptance. We therefore hesitate to take risks and actions that we think may not be viewed as favourably by others.

The issue with this is that our fears are not always 'true'. They are typically only our thoughts or beliefs about what 'might' happen.  Regardless though, they can create a damaging pattern of behaviour and belief that limits and restricts our growth and, ultimately, our success.

Rejection is driven by emotion.  It is not our thoughts themselves that cause us to feel rejected, but how our thoughts make us feel.  Unfortunately, we can generate these feelings without even being rejected; our thoughts of the possibility of being rejected are enough to hold us back.  This possibility is enough to...

• Prevent us from saying 'Yes' to new opportunities.  Fear is designed to save us from danger, to introduce an element of caution when facing new challenges.  This makes sense when we are confronted by a bear but not so much when we are facing a new task, challenge, or opportunity. We have to risk rejection if we want to receive the rewards.
• Lead us to trying to please everyone. In an effort to avoid being rejected by anyone we can go out of our way trying to be everything to everyone. Trying to please everyone is perhaps the best definition of 'impossible' there is.  Additionally, when all our efforts are put toward pleasing others our own wishes and wants will usually get lost in the process. 
• Leave us speechless. The possibility of someone taking exception to what we say leads us to stifle our voice, not sharing our true thoughts and opinions lest someone not agree and reject us as a result. We tend to then assume a much more passive voice, adopting language that will appease others.

In order to step up to the plate and take the action we need, to drive the success we want, we need to be able to Reject of Fear of Rejection.  Yep, stare rejection right in the face and reject it first! Confident people tend to take rejection in stride, assuming it's an expected and natural part of living. We too can learn to do the same.  Try a few of the following tips to help you gain the upper hand in your relationship with rejection...

• Stop 'Awfulizing'.  Stop making things out to be worse than they are.  As you build the projected size of the potential rejection up, you also build your emotional barriers.  Your desire to avoid the possibility increases accordingly. Take the time to think rationally about the worst case scenario, the 'what's the worst that could happen' result and assess its impact on you.  Usually it will not be anywhere nearly as big as you were making it out to be, leaving it to be far more approachable and 'do-able'.
• Focus on your wants, not those of others.  The clearer you are of what you want and need from the opportunity, your career, your life, the less likely you are to allow the opinions of others to stand in your way.  Recognise that often their opinions are more about their fears than they are beliefs about what is possible for you.  Don't allow yourself to become a prisoner of the opinions of others.
• What are you actually afraid of?  This is a key question to ask.  Without it we typically are merging multiple fears into one, increasing our emotional barrier to the situation.  Instead, isolate those fears and deal only with the one which is actually applicable to the challenge you face.  This will immediately make the barrier smaller and more realistic to face, sidestep or jump over.
• Focus on what you want, not what you want to avoid.  The more you build up the benefits of your desired end result the better.  Make the positive gain bigger in your mind than your perceived potential pain of rejection and you will be okay with pushing through.  The bigger the perceived gain versus the perceived pain the more you will accept the risk.
• Use rejection as a growth opportunity.  Most of us could benefit from developing a slightly thicker skin than we currently possess.  We don't need to be made of teflon, but we do need to learn to accept a certain amount of rejection in our lives, pulling from it whatever lessons make sense to us, using it as critical developmental feedback.  Learn what you can from it, do what you can with it... toss the rest away!
• Short list the people to please.  Of course we will want to please some of the people in our lives, we just don't want to get caught up in trying to please all of them.  Consider each situation as unique.  Who is it important to keep happy for that situation?  Your list will shift for each opportunity and challenge you face but, in all situations, You should be at the top of every short list.  

We all want to receive a validation of our value, not a rejection of it.  However, the first person that we should seek out to validate our ideas, opinions and worth is... Us.  The more we belief in ourselves and our cause the greater our protection against the rejection of others.  As the old John Fogerty song Garden Party goes (and feel free to sing the lyric in your head with Ricky Nelson's voice)... 

 'You see, you can't please everyone so you got to please yourself'

Tip Thursday - The Head Tilt

Beware the dreaded head-tilt in business. Although a tilted head demonstrates that you are listening, tilting your head when you are speaking makes you appear less confident in yourself or the information you are sharing.  If you are speaking the head should be straight.  Consider your business head shot very carefully, thinking about what you want to be conveying.  A tilted head shot will make you appear nice and approachable while a straight head will make you appear confident.  Interestingly, most men have their business shots taken with their heads straight, women with a tilt.  To be taken seriously, the head must be straight!

5 Steps to Building your Self Confidence

Perhaps one of the most common requests that I receive from my coaching clients is for guidance on how to feel more Confident. Perhaps one of the most highly prized, and envied, characteristics of leaders is their confidence, that ease and belief they have in their ability to make things happen.

We know also that highly confident people tend to: get promoted more and faster, be seen as more attractive, make more money, be seen as charismatic, be remembered longer, be viewed as more decisive, smarter, and even taller.  In fact, the list is far longer than this but it all stems from the projection of confidence.

This is all well and good for those that possess confidence, that belief in their ability to perform, but what about those of us that could do with a little more of this quality?  That struggle to find it in ourselves to believe in ourselves?

The good news is that confidence is not something that you are simply born with, it is something that you can develop and grow.  To start it is helpful to have a clear idea of who you are, gaining a clear picture of what your current strengths and abilities and even weaknesses are.  You need to have a clear perspective of what you currently bring to the table, in order to know what to work on and what to promote.

If you need to gain a better perspective on this, complete the following exercise.  Divide a piece of paper into three columns and label them Strengths, Weaknesses, Accomplishments.

1. Strengths.  You want to understand the Strengths you possess because these are the areas that you are most likely going to want to promote to others and perhaps build your expertise around. 
2. Weaknesses.   I deliberately label the second column Weaknesses and not Developmental Needs because you don't want to waste time in developing weaknesses that aren't needed by your current job or that you do not possess an interest in.  You can't be good at everything so don't waste time that could be spent creating excellence in a strength just to create mediocrity out of an unnecessary weakness.  
3. Accomplishments.  The third column requires you to compile a list of your Accomplishments to date.  Large or small you have them.  Don't stop until you have listed at least 20. Any obstacle you have overcome in life is an accomplishment.  Anything you did that you felt a sense of pride in doing or attempting is an accomplishment.  If you struggle with completing any of your columns then consider enlisting the aid of a few close friends.  Ask them to complete the form for you, using their responses to help you gain some perspective on strengths and accomplishments that you are failing to recognise and give yourself credit for.  

Many find that just completing the exercise above helps them to already feel more confident about themselves and what they offer.  It is sometimes far too easy to lose sight of everything that we have accomplished, everything we do possess strength in when we are only focused on what we lack.  We are all a constant mix of strengths and weaknesses, successes and failures.  It is important to always be looking at the full picture and not just a portion.  As good a starting point as this is though, I offer the following 5 tips for helping you to continue to gain and strengthen your confidence.

• Focus on Learning and Improving.  Developing our skills and knowledge about something can increase our confidence and belief in our abilities in that area.  Often our lack of confidence stems from our belief that we don't know enough or that we lack the necessary skill. Use your understanding of your strengths to build your skills and talents.  We can't be great at everything, but we can all be great at something.  Pick your area and focus on strengthen your skills in that area.  

• Don't aim for Perfect.  Making mistakes is normal.  Use them as an opportunity to learn. Not leaving any mental room for the possibility of mistakes can undermine our confidence, feeding into the belief that we can't do it.  Instead, expect mistakes, learn from them and move on.  

"A person, who never made a mistake, never tried anything new"    Albert Einstein

• Start Small.  It is the act of doing and accomplishing things that builds our confidence to do more and other in future.  Even small steps have a positive impact.  Take action, get it done and build positive proof of your ability.  Doing things builds your confidence, worrying about doing them builds your fear.  Take action.

 "Nothing builds self-esteem and self-confidence like accomplishment"  Thomas Carlyle

•  Do Your Homework.  There is no substitute for preparation.  The more prepared you are for something, the more confident you will be in your ability to achieve it.  Don't focus on how much better prepared you 'wish' you were, focus on being as prepared as time and circumstances allow.  Preparation, of however much, is always better than none.

• Keep a Success Log.  As you likely discovered, trying to recall our accomplishments can be a difficult task.  Far better to maintain an ongoing Success Log, in which you continuously record your victories, both large and small, as they occur.  As we continue to focus forward, on all we want to accomplish, it can become far too easy for us to lose sight of all of the successes that got us to this point, or to minimize their value and import.  Recording them as they occur will help to remind you of everything you overcame to get to where you are, helping you to minimize any doubts you may have about your abilities to overcome barriers in the future.

Our confidence is not static, it rises and falls in the face of different situations and their perceived level of challenge.  Use the above exercises and tips to help you to gain the level of confidence you need to face those challenges head-on, to become all that your meant and deserve to be.  I know that there is greatness in you and have every confidence in your uncovering it for yourself.  

The Downside to Uptalk

I have been speaking with audiences for almost a decade about the negative impact of Uptalk on their
presence.  Despite this though, it still remains one of the most common coaching issues for my clients to work through.

For those unfamiliar with the term Uptalk, it is the upward inflection typically heard when someone is asking a question, but it occurs when making a statement.  This upward inflection serves to turn your statement into a question, making you sound hesitant and unsure of your content. Over time, and with frequency, it can seriously undermine your credibility.

Generally, people will fall into one of two categories of Uptalkers.  Either they uptalk all of the time, and are therefore Habitual Uptalkers, or their uptalk is leakage serving to signal shifts and changes in their internal state.

A recent study, conducted by Thomas Linneman highlighted key Gender Differences in handling success by tracking the use of uptalk by contestants on the popular television game show Jeopardy!  Overall, he found that contestants tended to use uptalk roughly 37% of the time.  This usage does make sense given that participants are, in fact, often wondering if they have the right answer or not.  This self-doubt leaks out through their voice in the form of uptalk.

However, Linneman also found that men tended to use more uptalk when they were playing against female contestants or when they were correcting a female contestant when she was wrong.  It seems that men will unconsciously integrate more uptalk into their speech in an effort to 'soften' some of their language.  Their increased uptalking, in these situations, signifies an attempt to be 'nice'.  We know from additional research that this is often the source of much of women's uptalk within the workplace, reflecting their desire for others to like and think well of them.  Perhaps it is heartening to know that men's uptalking behaviour is also influenced by the same desire, even if not to the same extent as women's.

The finding of Linneman's that is the most disturbing for me though is the link he uncovered between success and uptalk.  We have long known that women are often encouraged to downplay their success, while men are encouraged to own it.  Sheryl Sandberg's book Lean In speaks to many of the reasons why women's careers stall out, resulting in fewer women at the senior level.  Uptalk is one of those reasons.  It is a subtle cue we deliver to others, letting them know that we do not feel we are worthy or deserving of success.

In Linneman's study, he found that the more success the male contestants enjoyed on the Jeopardy! show, the less uptalk they exhibited.  They became more comfortable and confident with their success as it increased.  However, the more successful that a female contestant became, the more uptalk she engaged in. Her comfort with her success increased, resulting in more uptalk.  Unfortunately, in business, the greater your uptalk, the more hesitant and unsure you sound, which will serve to limit and restrict the responsibilities you are given.  If you don't sound ready and capable then you are likely to be passed over.

Certainly, learning to speak without Uptalk is a necessary step to stepping-up.  You need to sound confident if you want others to place their confidence in you.  I work with clients often, helping them to eliminate their uptalk.  However, it can't stop there.  We need to also work at eradicating the belief that women are somehow not worthy or deserving of their success.  Often they have worked longer and harder to prove themselves, yet they are still left feeling like an imposter in that senior role.

 “I still face situations that I fear are beyond my capabilities. I still have days when I feel like a fraud. And I still sometimes find myself spoken over and discounted while men sitting next to me are not. But now I know how to take a deep breath and keep my hand up. I have learned to sit at the table.”    Sheryl Sandberg

Learning to 'sit at the table' means learning to have confidence that you are 'enough', that you are deserving and that you have the right to be there.  Gaining this belief helps us to manage and control the unconscious and damaging leakage (such as uptalk) that we would otherwise display.  

And men... though research supports the fact that women are the more likely uptalking culprits, I have many male clients working to eradicate their uptalk also.  In the end, we all want to appear and sound confident and capable, even in those moments when we are not.  Perhaps, more so in those moments.  

Public Speaking: A True Super Power

All right, so being able to speak in public may not seem to be as 'cool' as being able to leap over tall buildings in a single bound, lifting a train or having x-ray vision but, really, how often do you need any of those skills in your current job?  The ability to speak in public though... that comes up all the time!

It doesn't matter what your role, the responsibilities, the level, the market, or the organization, being able to speak effectively in public settings will serve you well every time.  In the world of work, of both today and tomorrow, learning the skills to communicate with others clearly, concisely and effectively are non-negotiable.  In order to get ahead in your chosen profession, you will be unable to take your career as far if you are not able to share your thoughts and ideas in front of a group.

According to research conducted by the Harvard Business Review, the number one skill that can rocket you to the top of your profession is the ability to speak professionally and persuasively, especially to groups. Public speaking was number one!  Further research has shown that because so many of us actually fear speaking in front of others, we tend to admire those that do it well. Additionally, we tend to ascribe other positive traits to them as well, simply because they can speak well in public.  We will assume that they are more intelligent, credible and we often begin to feel they are better looking than we might have otherwise.  Phew!

Public Speaking truly is a Super Power!  There is significant positive fall-out, just through the demonstration of this one skill.  The good news is, of course, that we can all become more effective at speaking in public.  The bad news, for many, is that we all need to.  No exceptions, no excuses!

Here are some quick tips to help you develop your Speaking Super Powers!

• Practice.  Take as many opportunities as you can to practice speaking in front of people.  When in training sessions volunteer to share the group's discussion results, emcee a friend's wedding, teach a lesson to your church group, join Toastmasters, stand up and deliver short messages to your video camera.  Anything that gets you up and on your feet delivering.  Develop your comfort by strengthening your habits.  Letting your body and mind know they have been there before is one of the easiest ways to develop comfort.  If we've done it before our mind believes we can do it again.  Play off on this by getting in lots of delivery time before it really 'counts'!
• Breathe.  When we get nervous we tend to breathe more shallowly, preventing us from taking in as much oxygen as we do in a more relaxed state.  This causes our body to go into stress, creating leakage through our body and voice that signals to our audience that we're uncomfortable.  (shaking hands, sweats, squeaking or quavering voice...)  Breathe deeply and through the diaphragm to maintain the body's oxygen level.  If the body doesn't feel stressed it's likely the mind will calm down too.
• Know Your Stuff.  There is no replacement for not having the content to back you up.  It doesn't matter how good you look up there if you ultimately have nothing to say.  Know your content and what you want to share.  This seems like a no-brainer but you'd be surprised at how many people don't think this through and believe that just 'winging' a presentation will work for them.  Don't memorize your content and don't read it, KNOW it.  Know the key points and simply walk through them, one by one.  
• How do you want your audience to feel?  Don't just focus on the content of your message.  I know that everyone says content is king, but they are really referring to fact that you have to 'have' content.  To sell it you have to move your audience.  They will remember how you made them feel, long after they have forgotten what it was that you said.  Moving them is memorable.  
• Practice.  Yep, I said this before but... I'm saying it again because you need to do it again. Walking through your content once won't cut it.  Stand up and say it again and then again.  You have to practice it until it feels comfortable to you.  Your speech should fit you like your favourite pair of jeans.  That's the point where you can now begin to stretch beyond it to really reach not just the minds of your audience but their hearts.  If the fit is stiff, the delivery will be stiff. 

Oh, and, one final thought... practice it again!

Out on a Limb

We do our best work when we are out on a limb.  No, not 'good' work, not 'gee I met deadline and
budget' work, not 'that'll keep me employed and might give me a raise at the end of the year work', I mean our very BEST work, our 'This will change the face of how people see me, buy stuff, think about stuff' work.

When we are out on a limb we are leading.  We hope others will see our vision and follow, but we start by being out there on our own making change.  We are pushing, pulling, stretching, transforming, challenging  the status quo in some way, and that requires us to take a risk.  We risk being mocked and ridiculed.  We risk being seen as wrong.  We risk being out on that limb alone... for a very long time... before others 'get' it and begin to follow us and we risk being out there alone with no one following us... ever.  

The problem, of course, is that it is damn uncomfortable out there on that limb.  Fear of falling (read... FAILING) keeps us playing it safe hugging the tree (read... maintaining the STATUS QUO).  Fear can make us give in to the pressures of others around us to conform.  Worrying about what our audience will think and say about what we're doing though will keep us tree-hugging forever.  In order to step away from the tree, and out on that limb, we have to be willing to let go of the thought that not everyone will 'get it', that not everyone will 'like it', that not everyone will 'buy it'.  And worse, of course, is the personalization of  'it', that people won't get us, like us, buy into us.

The sad truth though is that too many of us spend our lives hugging the tree and never step out to discover what we are capable of.  Our fears keep us clinging to the comfort and safety of the trunk and we fail to stretch ourselves, showing the world our very best selves.  

Where would we be if many before us had not gone out on a limb?

• Christopher Columbus
• Charles Darwin
• Albert Einstein
• Benjamin Franklin

And consider the impact of Steve Jobs, Mark Zuckerburg or, even... Sir Thomas Crapper (inventor of the flush toilet... seriously!)

The limb you step out on need not be one that will change the face of the world, but if you are taking a risk on something it will mean change of some kind, even if on a smaller scale, even if only of one... you.  Too nervous to try?  Test it out by going out on a limb a little closer to the ground first, one which has less of a fall.  There's less of a risk, less of a change involved, but it is still a step forward, still a step toward strengthening your balancing skills - preparing you for those limbs higher up.

I'm implementing some changes this year, in my business and personal life, that have me precariously perched on a limb that seems pretty high up there to me.  It represents big challenges and risks but I believe it's the next step for me and for my growth.  I hope that you will join me out there at some point, that you follow me as I make those steps and changes, but I am stepping out on that limb regardless.  It is going to be scary, it will be intimidating and I know it could be a big fall for me but, and here's the big plus for those of you ready to step out on a limb of your own... I hear the view is great from up there!

The Science of First Impressions

We all have heard how important it is to make a 'good' first impression but just what constitutes a 'good' impression?  When I ask my clients how they would like to be seen by others the two most popular responses are that they want to appear confident or they want to be liked.  In wanting one or the other they then, both consciously and unconsciously, engage in behaviours that project either confidence or likability, in an effort to drive the desired response from the other party.

I have said for years though that what is truly needed, in creating a strong, positive first impression in business is... both.  You need to be seen as confident and capable, they need to know that you can get the job done but they also need to like you, to see you as a solid member of the team.  The better you do both, the more likely you are to get an invitation to join.

As it turns out, recent research findings reported by Amy Cuddy of Harvard Business School, have shown that 80 to 90 percent of the overall first impression we form of someone is based on the combination of two specific traits: Trustworthiness (gauging their intentions toward you) and Competence (gauging their level of capability and confidence).  What is particularly interesting though, is that her group was primarily studying discrimination and prejudice; how people categorize each other, in an effort to predict discrimination.

It seems that we universally sort groups on the matrix pictured above.  Most people are higher on one trait and lower on the other.  They found that when the status quo is threatened, the high-status minority groups are those that get targeted for genocide.  These are highly competent individuals.  High competence, but low trust. Therefore, typically it is groups that are hated, but respected that get targeted the most.  People in the bottom left?  Those that are both hated and not respected get pitied.

This is important to consider when it comes to generating your own first impression.  So many of us err on the side of wanting to appear confident... if nothing else... and tend to therefore swing too far to this side when nervous.  We attempt to mask our nervousness and discomfort by appearing 'more' confident, 'more' competent, 'more' capable, often at the cost of our warmth and engagement.

This newest research from Cuddy suggests that this will tend to clearly put us into the bottom right quadrant.  We may be seen as extremely competent, but we will not tend to be liked.  As a result, we may lose the desired opportunity to someone who is a little less competent, but liked more.  The ideal quadrant is obviously the top right.  We are both warm, engaging and trustworthy while also being perceived as someone who is capable of getting the job done.

The key to creating this balance is to ensure that people feel your warmth first, then move into demonstrating your competence.  In order to appear engaging and trustworthy, use some of the following tips:

• Smile when first meeting someone.  This is a universal gesture that will not only communicate warmth, but demonstrates clear interest in spending time with the other person. 
• Show interest in the other person.  Ask them questions about themselves and allow them to answer.  Make them feel listened to and understood.  This is a very powerful step in creating a strong connection and bond.  
• Make small talk.  Although many strong 'business' oriented people hate the thought of engaging in small talk, research proves that it is an important step in the business process, increasing the value of the dialogue and negotiations to follow.

As in most things in life, it appears that balance is truly the goal.  Striking the right balance between appearing Competent and Trustworthy will serve to create the most positive first impression for you.  Warmth with strength.  It may not be the most common combination but it is the one we respond to the most favourably and the one we most want to follow.

Power Posing

I love quick fixes.  I have nothing against spending the time needed to truly understand the source of problems, working to eliminate the root of the issue once and for all, but sometimes we just need an answer now.  Sometimes we just need to make our present better, while we do the background work.

When working with busy executives it definitely becomes all about the quick fix.  They need something they can act on right now that will help them in their next meeting, presentation or negotiation.  It needs to be effective and it needs to work fast.  The most popular 'quick fix' addresses the need to appear more confident and powerful.

In order to help with this instantaneous transformation, it is important to understand that the body helps shape the mind.  This means that you can drive your thoughts about yourself and how you interpret the world based solely on how you 'move' through life.  Therefore, if we want to shift how you are feeling about yourself and how you appear to others, we shift the way you hold and carry yourself.  You adopt a Power Pose.

Research addressing this very issue* has found that getting participants to adopt a power pose for as little as two minutes made them...

• more willing to take risks
• present their ideas with greater enthusiasm and confidence
• perform better in demanding situations
• experience an increase in testosterone, a hormone linked to assertiveness
• experience a decrease in cortisol, a hormone linked to stress

The findings clearly supported the fact that adopting a Power Pose makes you feel more powerful and therefore results in your acting more powerful.  Just two minutes of Preparatory Power Posing, prior to engaging in a task, optimizes the brain to function better during those challenges.

In any Power Pose the main goal is to open your body up to take up more space.  In essence, you want to make yourself look as 'big' as you can.  I remember camping one year at Algonquin Park when my youngest son was maybe about 5.  My husband, son and I were sitting around the campfire one evening when a wolf came walking through the campsite, pausing just on the other side of the fire.  This was not a normal occurrence by any stretch, but what was unnerving was having that wolf pause and stare straight at my young son.  

I followed the wolf's gaze and saw that my son was tucked into a small ball, curled up in his camp chair.  I immediately told him quietly to slowly put his feet on the ground and to extend his arms out toward his father and me... effectively making him appear much larger.  The wolf stood watching closely as my son, in essence, grew larger.  He moved on.  The next morning we learned that the wolf had 'stolen' a small dog from a campsite down the path from us, shortly after leaving our site.  Perceived size and power mattered a great deal that day.

In business you want to recognise that taking up space equates with power as much as it does in the wild.  Powerless people contract their bodies inward, hunching in on themselves, making themselves appear smaller.  Powerful people expand out, opening themselves physically up to the world.

To practice your Power Posing, adopt one of the following power poses...

1. Stand with an open stance, feet one to one and half shoulder widths apart.  Distribute your weight evenly between your feet so you are centered and firmly planted.  Extend your spine upward so that you are fully erect, your head is up and your eyes are looking directly ahead.  Place your hands on your hips or above your head in a wide 'V' position
2. In a seated position stretch your legs out fully in front of you, propping them up on a desk or table.  Lean back in your chair and place your hands behind your head, lacing the fingers and angling your elbows out and away from your head.

Consider engaging in a couple of minutes of Preparatory Power Posing just before heading off to your next important meeting to ensure that you enter that room with a heightened level of confidence and power.  How you interact with others during those first opening moments serves to set the tone for what follows.  Let them see your confidence right from the start.  Remember... although you may feel that you are merely 'posing', your brain doesn't know the difference.  If you carry yourself confidently and powerfully, your brain will assume you must BE confident and powerful and will therefore ensure that you FEEL confident and powerful.  Give it a try.  It could just prove to be two of the most effective minutes you've ever spent.

*see work by Amy Cuddy, Associate Professor at Harvard Business School

Forget what your IQ says; how's your Successful Intelligence level?

You have likely heard the saying... 'Common Sense isn't so Common', but have you ever really wondered about the impact of common sense on our success?  Psychologist Robert Sternberg has been conducting research that does just that.

Sternberg always found the belief that Intelligence tests could accurately predict business and personal success to be flawed.  Most standard IQ tests measure a very narrow range of abilities, many of which aren't strong indicators or predictors of success itself.  He therefore has begun presenting his thoughts on what he calls Success Intelligence, the ability to think in ways that help you to develop your personal excellence and to ultimately thrive and excel at work.

Your Successful Intelligence is made up of three key ways of thinking:

1. Analytical Thinking, which is the ability to solve problems and judge ideas
2. Creative Thinking, the ability to come up with new and innovative solutions to problems
3. Practical Thinking, the ability to use and implement your ideas effectively.

Your level of Successful Intelligence is greatest, and most effective, when these three key types of thinking are operating in balance with one another.  People with high levels of Successful Intelligence know how to make the most of what they have and are able to actively find ways to work around any of their limitations.  In essence, this is very much in alignment with what I share with clients all of the time: the need to focus on developing your strengths, while finding ways to minimize your weaknesses.

J. Robert Baum, Director of Entrepreneurship Research at the University of Maryland, says that your learning orientation has a direct impact upon your entrepreneurship success.  Those that don't learn much from their past experiences don't tend to gain much in the way of Practical Intelligence, thereby seriously impacting their ability to start or run successful new ventures.  Those with high Practical Intelligence though, tend to learn best by doing and not by watching or reading, providing them with hands-on, practical experience they can apply to a variety of different opportunities in future.

Your Successful Intelligence, and in particular your Practical Intelligence, is completely separate from your IQ, which is why some with very high IQ levels can prove to be unsuccessful in business while those with comparatively lower IQs might enjoy a great deal more success.  He and his group ran a number of experiments in which they determined that Practical Intelligence was a key determining factor in entrepreneurial success, rating much higher than IQ.  

The implication for each of us is, of course, to let go of any notion that we might not be 'smart enough' to take on new tasks or roles and that we should consider whether we have Analytical, Creative and Practical Intelligence needed to be successful.  

From childhood we have gotten too hung up on the concept of IQ being the indicator of how far we will travel in life.  Today we are coming to recognise that there are a significant number of other factors that contribute to our overall success, IQ is just one, which helps explain why that 'guy' who kept getting A+ grades all through school may just end up reporting to you, despite your solid B-level grades.  Turns out there's more to it, and to you, than previously was known.

Being Invisible doesn't get you Noticed!

One of the phrases heard often from Introverts is that they feel invisible in group situations, especially those
with a number of extroverts present!  In a society that tends to recognise and reward extroverted behaviour as the 'better' of the two, is it any wonder that introverts can be left feeling like a poor second cousin?

One of the biggest challenges of course is that if the extroverts are the ones that get 'seen' then they are also the team members that get remembered.  They stand out while the 'invisible' introvert gets left out!  Remember that dreaded feeling of being the last one picked for school gym teams?

With the 'busyness' of today's workplace it is necessary to be seen, heard and remembered if you want to stand a chance at getting those plum roles, the exciting projects, the big promotions.  Otherwise we run the risk of our best stuff going largely unnoticed.

Unfortunately for introverts, many behaviours exhibited by them will often be misinterpreted by others, in particular by the extroverted team members.  This is only a problem if and when that misinterpretation gets in the way of something but... if you don't control your perception you are leaving this possibility to chance, increasing the odds that it's going to come back and bite you in the butt.

The quieter nature of many Introverts will often lead people to believe that they lack confidence.  This may or may not be true, but it will tend to get interpreted that way.  Consistently.  Introverts are, by nature, much more introspective than Extroverts.  The source of most of their energy is internal, while for Extroverts it's externally oriented.  The assumption that many will make is that the quieter Introvert simply didn't have anything to share, thereby discounting their overall value to the meeting or even team.

Introverts instead need to find ways to heighten their visibility.  Not by emulating Extroverts, but in a quieter, more comfortable way.  Try a combination of any of the following tips on for size...

• Dress just one small step better than your peers.  Maintaining a quiet, but polished and professional image does get noticed and helps you to get noticed in a positive way.
• Don't underestimate the value of good posture.  Introverts often make the mistake of trying to 'hide' in the crowd and they do so by slumping or slouching, making themselves appear physically smaller.  You might not be the loudest voice around the table but your posture should be strong and erect, communicating your confidence and engagement.
• Consider the possibility of creating a 'signature' look.  This could be a small element that you integrate into your personal brand statement that just lends a distinctive and unique element into your personal look.  Perhaps you're the only one writing with a fountain pen, you carry a distinctive leather notebook, you are known for your unique jewelry or shoes (I have a client that always has on fabulous shoes!), great glasses.  A small but distinctive statement can also help you stand out and be remembered.  Just ensure that it is in a way that is appropriate for your environment and audience.  Oh, and... no bow ties please!
• Speak up and share a point early in a meeting.  As the meeting goes on you are going to get bogged down with more and more thoughts, making it more difficult for you to interject those thoughts into the conversation.  Share early, when there are fewer thoughts in your head vying for your attention.
• If you do have ideas, suggestions or thoughts about a meeting after its done (and you've had time to process), ensure that you jot them down in a succinct, concise email and forward them to the team members.  Don't just forward them to the chair... this minimizes your visibility.  Demonstrate your value by letting others 'see' your contributions.

Try any of the above, or share some of your own below.  The idea is to find ways and means that are 'doable' and comfortable for you that help to move you from being invisible to showing up on the promotional radar!

Posture Perfect

I speak about posture with my clients... a lot.  And, by 'a lot', I mean A LOT!  In fact, I spoke about it with a coaching client today.  It is one of the top two elements that arises when we speak about Leadership and Executive presence.  What boggles my mind though is no one is ever surprised that I mention it as a key detractor from their projection of confidence, poise and potential.  In fact... they typically all indicate that they have been told this same thing many times in the past.  Yep, MANY times, and yet... they still slump and slouch.

What?

Your posture is one of the key elements that communicates to others what your relative level of confidence is, either with the situation itself or with yourself.  Round your shoulders forward, compress your diaphragm and sink down into your lower spine and you will look more submissive, unsure, hesitant and, yes, weak.    Lord knows that if you are a parent of a teen, in particular a teenage boy, you have been admonishing them forever to stop slouching!  Why then do so many adults continue to demonstrate this self-same behaviour?

Recent research now shows us that not only does poor posure make a bad impression, but that it can actually make you physically weaker.  According to a study conducted by Scott Wiltermuth (USC Marshall School of Business) and Vanessa K. Bohns (J.L. Rotman School of Mnagement at the University of Toronto), adopting a positive dominant posture, versus a negative submissive posture actually decreases your sensitivity to pain. 

According to the study, those adopting more dominant poses felt more powerful, in control and capable of handling more distress.  They were comfortably able to tolerate more pain than those who were assigned more neutral or submissive stances. 

These results would indicate that adopting a stronger, more positive and dominant posture will not only create a more positive impression with those around you but will actually serve to help you be and feel stronger.  Certainly, when experiencing emotional stress and trauma, you would be better served by standing erect than curling into a ball on your bed!   It seems that the old adage to 'Fake it Until you Make it' happens to be true when it comes to posture.  Even if you are not feeling particularly confident, standing as though you are will help you to feel stronger and more in control.

So.  Don't wait for someone like me to have to tell you what you have known all along...  head up, shoulders back, stand up straight.   Mom would be proud.

Personal Power: Tapping into Yours

Understanding the Principles behind the concept of Personal Power, along with your sources of power, are important contributors to your achieving what you want in life. It is often through our sense of powerless in situations that we undermine our belief in ourselves, leading us to work in ways that support others, not ourselves. Reconnecting with our power-base allows us to begin making decisions and taking actions that are in alignment with our interests and goals, leading to greater success and happiness.

First, it's important to understand that we have a number of sources of power, the first of which is the most important - know who you are. Understanding what your values are, what really matters to you, will go a long way toward allowing you to make decisions and choices that uphold them. Without this understanding you will be more easily swayed by others' wants and needs, often pulling you further and further from your own desires.

Additional sources of power include:

Positional power - the role you currently hold will carry with it a certain amount of power. The actual amount is very situationally driven and is also dependent upon who you are interacting with. Your positional power is also driven in part by how visible you are and even what your degree of influence is over the decision makers.

Expertise power - knowledge holds power. If you know something the other party doesn't, and it is deemed important, then you have power in that exchange of information. This does not mean that you should not share your knowledge and expertise with others, but rather recognize the influential impact sharing that information has in building your power base with them.

Connection power - this is the power of your network! Everyone has likely been telling you for years that networking is important but, short of needing it to tap into for a job search, we don't typically assign much value to it. However, if you know someone that would be important for someone else to connect with or through, this has a true perceived value to them and therefore represents a great base of power for you.

Achievement power - they may say that you are only as good as your last win, but don't overlook the fact that those wins carry a cache and do represent a source of power for you. The more 'wins' you've enjoyed the more power you have. This is another good reason why learning to 'toot your own horn' is a positive skill to cultivate. It never hurts to remind people, however gently and subtly, just how valuable you are!

Referential power -This source of power is typically referred to as charisma. Although it may often seem unquantifiable, it has a definite and powerful impact on others and therefore represents an important source of your personal power.

Attractiveness power - although we don't typically want to acknowledge this one, it is true nonetheless (and research supports it!). The more attributes you possess (even physical ones) that others find appealing, the more power, leverage and influence you have over them.


The Work:

Before entering into an exchange with someone, especially those interactions that you know will be difficult, spend a few moments in assessing the status of your sources of power relative to the other party involved. It is likely you will determine that you have more power in the situation than you first thought or felt. Often, spending this time to more honestly evaluate your base of power in the situation helps you to enter the exchange with a greater degree of confidence which, in turn, increases the odds of a positive and successful outcome for you.