The Myth of Maintaining Separate Professional and Personal Lives

One of the most common beliefs that I find with Coaching Clients is that they are great at separating their Professional and Personal lives. They point to having separate personal and professional emails and phones, they use LinkedIn for business contacts and Facebook for personal, they leave work at a set time and rarely bring work home to complete. The list goes on.

They are, of course, fooling themselves.

Some of what they list for me are great systems for helping establish some barriers and even balance between work and home, some are great productivity habits and others are great skills for simply coping.  They are not walls between work and home though.

It is impossible to maintain separate Business and Personal lives.  Impossible, regardless of how high or thick the wall you attempt to construct between the two. There is a constant element that crosses that divide every day.  That constant is you.

Given that you are the same person that is at home in the morning dealing with getting the kids off to school, the dog walked and your suit pressed, the same person in the office dealing with the boss's demands, the team meeting from hell and the coffee machine that drips out dishwater, the same person who deals with aging parents, family health issues, divorce, fights with friends... it is impossible for you to remain separate.

The experiences you have at home influence your thoughts and actions on the job.  And... the reverse is also true.  Don't kid yourself.  You ALWAYS bring work home with you.  And you NEVER leave your personal self sitting outside the office door at the start of the work day.

This is a critical point to get.  Without understanding this you may not be developing the best strategies and solutions for problems you may be experiencing.

• That problem you are having with your coworker may be more a reflection of the issues you are experiencing with your spouse but... your coworker is a more comfortable target for your frustration
• The challenges you have with parenting may explain your frustration with leading your work team
• Your lack of decisiveness on the job right now may be due to the overwhelm you are experiencing with all of the decisions required by being the executor of your parent's will, while dealing with combative siblings

No aspect of our life is separate because we are not divided.  We are a whole being and need to look at our Professional and Personal lives as components of that whole.  What happens in one aspect of our life impacts other aspects.  

If you are working with a Coach on a business challenge expect that you may have to explore some personal issues.  I have had Managers who were to receive coaching on a decline in their Leadership skills that actually needed support and coaching through the divorce they were dealing with.  I have had Managers who were to receive coaching on a decline in their Productivity that actually needed support and coaching dealing with the fallout of their spouse's terminal illness.  

How you are doing and feeling in one area of your life impacts how you are doing and feeling in all others.

You are one person, with one life.  You simply have multiple activities and roles.  It is the blending of all of those that create the life you live.  Thinking of them as separate can prevent you from finding the answers you want or the help you might need.  

When being the Best isn't always the Best thing to be!

We are often told that, if we want to be successful, we should do what successful people do.  It would seem to make sense then to sit down with the expert, the person who is a 'pro' at what you want to do, and find out how they did it.  If you can dissect their actions, then you will be in a position to replicate their process and achieve similar results.  

This, however, is often proven to be better in theory than in actuality.  It seems that those who are great at what they do may not truly understand how they did everything to get them there.  This is as true in business as it is in sports.  In the film clip below, Malcolm Gladwell discusses why a Professional Tennis Player may not be the best person to ask in determining 'how' to become a great tennis player.



As it turns out, the sports Pros may not be positioned well to teach you what they do because they do it instinctively.  It isn't a rational decision they make, it's a reaction or response to stimuli.  What Gladwell doesn't mention in this clip though is that there are people who are positioned to help you improve your game.  Those people are the coaches.  These are the people that have broken the moves down, who have studied what it takes to succeed; which is why they are there coaching the pros.

When you are looking for direction on how to become the best, your time may be better served in learning from those that helped the Best in Class get there, than in questioning those who have made it.  Look to those who have guided the success of others, and not just themselves, for they understand what is necessary and are better positioned to help you find ways that will work for you.  Most pros know what it took for them to get there but are not well-positioned to offer you alternative routes.  

We see this happen in business where, for example, you have a sales rep out in the field who is just killing it.  They are by-far out-selling all others and so, naturally, they get promoted.  The assumption is that they will now teach those reporting to them 'how to do it'.  The organization is hoping to now not just have one person in the field selling like crazy but a whole team of 'em.  But... it just doesn't happen.  Turns out... that sales rep turned manager doesn't know how to describe what they do to create rapport.  They can't truly explain how the 'magic' works.  Sure, they make up stuff to share and to get others working on replicating, but it turns out like that recipe you got from your grandma where it seems to be missing that one ingredient!  Getting there and explaining 'how' to get there are not the same skill.  Sometimes it it better to leave that amazing, exceptional person alone, doing what makes them amazing and exceptional and promote the person who understands the steps to helping others be amazing and exceptional.  

Being the Best is an admirable goal.  But, if you are looking to help grow and develop others, you don't need to be the Best at what you coach in, you just need to be the best coach.  Two different skills.  Make sure that you get what you need from those better positioned to give it to you.


  

Welcome!

I can't begin to tell you how excited I am to have this blog up and running!  For those of you that know me, you already know how much ongoing reading and research I am involved in, at any given time.  Whether due to a new training program under development, a new article I'm working on, or sheer curiosity, I am always into something!  I will say that it's often a coaching client's question that gets me going on a new tangent. This blog gives me the opportunity to get some of those thoughts out there, to hear what you have to say but, in short, to share some of my thinking outside of just coaching sessions or training programs. 

Of course, this is all my way of saying that I'm not sure just what you'll get in this blog. Maybe an article-type discussion, maybe a follow-up commentary to key questions I've been receiving through email or coaching sessions, maybe just some discussion points or information I've come across that I've found fascinating and think you might be interested in hearing about.

Regardless, I hope you find something of value as you join me on this journey.  I invite you to repond to anything I share, whether you agree, disagree or simply want to share your thoughts and experiences.  Let's get some dialogue going!!!