Stop Hijacking your Emotions

When your emotions get the better of you, taking control of your actions and words, you have allowed
yourself to be Hijacked.  Daniel Goleman, well known author of Emotional Intelligence, uses the term emotional hijacking in his work to describe those moments when our emotions take over control of our reason, our behaviour and our words.

For me though, the term is a bit of a misnomer because you aren't actually being taken over.  Hijacking implies that you are not in control, someone or something else is.  However, you are always in control of your responses.  You are not being hijacked by your emotions, you are deferring to them.  They are not taking control of your responses, you are giving over control to them.  This very real, and very distinct, difference means that we are capable then of choosing not to lose control, of not giving in to our emotions, of not being at the mercy of our response.  We can choose differently.

Yes people will say stuff and do stuff that drives us crazy, makes us angry, upsets us, hurts and wounds us.  But... it is our choice to either defer to that emotional response or to choose a different, better and more personally helpful response.  However, just like biting our nails, over-eating  may have become habits in our lives, so too have many of our emotional responses.  Just as we can, in fact, change our habits and gain control over our nail-biting and over-eating, so too can we change our responses to situations.  We don't have to be at the mercy of any choices we have made in the past.  If they don't serve us in moving forward then we need to open ourselves to the desire to choose differently in the future.

Here are a couple of suggestions to help you pull back your conscious control of your emotional responses...

1.  Reduce the size of your 'Board'.  In my book, Choose the Life you Really Want, I outline an exercise called the Board of Directors.  The idea here is to identify all those individuals that you have invited over your lifetime to sit at your personal board table. These individuals are those that have an influence on the decisions and choices you make, whose opinions matter to you, who you make an effort to please.  Most of us have far too large of Board that we are trying to please.  Additionally, because they hold the position of Board member they have not only the power to influence us but the power to hurt and upset us.  By strategically working to reduce the size of our Board, to contain only those who serve us today, we reduce the potential for losing control of our emotions.  If our Board is cut in half, so too should our emotional episodes.  People are on your Board to serve you and guide you in some capacity. They are not on your Board to be served.  Reduce the size of your Board to contain only those that matter for you.  Basically... remove the others and, if they no longer matter, then you will no longer mind!

2.  Keep a log.  Maintain a log of all of your emotional episodes detailing; who was involved, what was it about, how did you feel, what was your response.  Over time you will gather enough examples of these episodes to truly be able to identify your biggest triggers.  Knowing and understanding your hotspots allows you to begin proactively developing your strategies for responding differently to them in future.  These prevent you from simply allowing the old emotional 'habit' to kick in.

3.  Know your desired responses.  This becomes a key component for anyone attempting to change any behavioural habit.  Know what you want instead.  You need to clearly define what your desired response is. In order to forestall the habitual behaviour from simply kicking in, you need to have a clearly defined alternative.  Give yourself something definitive to choose in that moment of anger or hurt. This allows you to break the previous habitual pattern and begin establishing a new one.

Embracing Limitations

There is a lot of focus in business on the need to 'improve' our weaknesses, to overcome our limitations.  The
assumption being that we don't want weaknesses of any kind, that our weaknesses will hold us back and limit our opportunities.  What if, however, it is not our limitations that hold us back but the way that we think of them?

As long as we perceive our limitations as weaknesses, our limitations as a negative, we put our effort into masking or hiding them, into trying to turn them around or to at least become 'competent' enough in the area that others might not notice.  It becomes a cyclical game in which we put our energy into become stronger in an area that will never be a strength.

What if we put our energy instead, into finding other avenues to getting things done, while working WITH our limitations rather than around them?  We tend to think of creativity being synonymous with the need to think outside of the box.  However, kickstart your creativity by thinking a little closer to home.  Try thinking within the box.  Enhance and spark your creativity by learning to embrace your limitations.

Don't hide your limitations away, pull them out.  Examine them.  Define what the limitation means to you.  Often this definition is accompanied by a 'can't'.  There is something you feel that you can't do as a result of this limitation.  The key question then becomes...  how else might I do it?  Consider...

• If you are an athlete who loses their legs in a car crash, do you stop engaging in your sport?
• If you want to become doctor but don't get accepted into medical school, do you give up on your dream of being a health practitioner?
• If you draw detailed, realistic pictures but develop severe hand tremors, do you stop making art?
• If you stutter, do you avoid speaking in public?

You can't do things as you once did or would want to... what can you do instead?  Don't dwell on what you can't do... focus on what you can.  What is another option or possibility?  If you only view the limitation one way you will only get one answer.  View the limitation from as many different angles as you can to unlock different answers and possibilities, many of which would have been hidden from you had you not shifted your perspective.  

Sometimes we must first become limited to then become limitless

Instead of viewing your limitations as a roadblock to your success, view them as a source of creativity.  Your dream is not gone because of the limitation, you are just required to shift your vision of it or to walk a different path to get there.  Embracing your limitations liberates you from their confines, opening new avenues, new possibilities.  It is from thinking inside the box of our limitations that we end up opening the box fully.

Our 'First' is Usually our 'Worst'

Many people avoid trying new things, picking up new skills, attempting new activities because they know
they won't be great at them.  Note that they usually omit an important corollary to this statement and its omission is huge.  Rather than saying 'I won't be great at that', it should read (and be said) 'I won't be great at that... at first!'  The first statement implies you will never be any good at it - ever -why bother trying at all.  The second statement acknowledges that you won't be good at it to start, but the implication here is that you will improve.

Our first attempt at anything is always going to be our worst attempt. We lack the skills and the knowledge of how to make things happen; the finesse that comes with repetition.  Know  that your first won't be your best but that it's worth the attempt. There is much to be learned about ourselves and the world around us by trying something new.  Often we have skills that have been hidden from us to-date simply because we haven't had the opportunity to give 'em a try.

We tend to avoid what we believe we aren't good at.  Then we get pushed into doing it and... guess what?  We're not good at it.  This tends then to confirm for us our belief and we don't try again.  However, developing the mindset that 'Of course I'm not that great at it (yet), it was only my first time!' opens up total new possibilities.  Instead of avoiding that activity in the future, you take your current experience, determine what you learned from it, what to try differently next time and move forward.  The second time?  Better.  The third?  Better still.  Malcolm Gladwell, in his book Outliers, says that it takes over 10,000 hours of practice to truly master something.   No athlete got to his current level of performance by doing nothing.  They missed more than they hit or sunk or dunked or caught.  And then they did it again.  And again.  And again.

What areas in your life could stand a second try?  (I call this Taking a Mulligan... my favourite golf move!)
What things are missing in your life because you have avoided giving them a first try?

Pick something and give it a go.  You now are armed with your follow-up line should things not turn out as planned...  'Awww... it was only my first time.'  Following that...  'Awww... it was only my second time'.  And, my favourite all encompassing statement...  'I'm still new to this!'  You may not be interested in putting in your 10,000 hours to truly master a particular skill (take me and golf... 10,000 hours... soooo not happening!) but it needn't prevent you from getting out there and trying something new.  You just might find yourself enjoying the process!

Managing the Gap

Viktor Frankl was the author of Man's Search for Meaning, he was a Jewish Psychiatrist and a Holocaust
survivor (of Auschwitz and Dachau).  One of the greatest messages he brought with him through all that he experienced and suffered during his internment was that most who survived did so because of the way in which they chose to view and respond to the situation they faced.

Between stimulus and response there is a gap and within that gap lies all our freedom.                            Viktor Frankl

The stimulus they faced in the camps was deprivation, torture and uncertainty.  Their response often was to lose hope and to give up.  Those that chose this path, Frankl discovered, often just withered away and died.  Those that determined they had a reason to live, did so because they shifted their response.  It was in how people managed the gap between the stimulus and their response to it that, ultimately, determined survival.

When a stimulus is applied we have built-in responses to it, responses that we have conditioned over time, similar to Pavlov's dogs salivating at the sound of a bell.

• someone makes a derogatory comment about how we look in our outfit and we get upset
• a co-worker doesn't agree with an idea we brought forth and we get angry
• someone cancels dinner with us and we get depressed
• someone cuts us off on the highway and we feel rage

All of these may be conditioned responses, operating unconsciously, but they exist because we set them up to be our preferred response at some point.  Good news though, we can condition a new response!  Despite the fact that it feels like a direct and instantaneous route from the stimulus to our response (feelings) there is actually a gap in there, providing us with the opportunity to assess the stimuli and determine our responses.  

Most of the time we simply opt for easy and therefore siphon the response off to our conditioned default setting.  But we can break this pattern if the result is not desirable.  There are three key steps to creating the right foundation for the shift to occur.

1. Begin by determining that the existing behaviour is undesirable.  You have to want to change it more than you want to keep it.  If you 'like' feeling depressed, angry or hurt you will not be able to let the behaviour go until you paint yourself a picture, of the new behaviour, that is more positive and serves you more.
2. You have to believe that it is your job to change it.  Not some higher power, not your mother, not your boss, not your spouse, not the guy next door.  It's your life, your behaviour and your responsibility.  If you defer this to someone else then you will simply wait for them to 'fix' it for you, which isn't going to happen.  Only you can fix it, but you have to take responsibility for it to happen.
3. You have to believe that you can, that it is within you to control your responses and change it.  If you believe that you are at the mercy of that conditioned response (I call this the Popeye Principle: I am what I am and that's all that I am) then... you're done.  You have to believe you have all of the requisite knowledge, skill, ability and desire to make it happen.  

Master these three steps, commit to them, identify your new response and... you can change it in an instant.  Managing the Gap is not always difficult, but it is necessary if you want to change your responses.  It doesn't even matter if you 'see' a gap or not.  Trust that it's there, believe the change is within your control and step into the new behaviour/response.  

Wrong action won't bury you, but wrong reaction will.  You cannot control your outer circumstances but you can control your inner choices.   Darren Hardy (Success Magazine)

Do the Hustle

No opportunity you face likely comes without competition for it.  Others are out there waiting for and vying
for that same opportunity.  Often we sit back with a case of the 'not-enoughs' and fail to even put our hat into the ring, beaten before we start.  Let's face it.  When we compare ourselves to others we are going to fall short in numerous ways.  Others may have more talent than us.  They may be taller, thinner, smarter, richer, faster, or prettier but... and this is a BIG but... you can out hustle them.

Just as we may fall into the trap of believing that we aren't 'enough' in some area... tall-enough, thin-enough, smart-enough, rich-enough, fast-enough, pretty-enough... those people we are comparing ourselves against fall into a trap of their own.  They make the mistake of believing that they ARE enough, and so they stop.  They stop doing more.  The true advantage you have then is to recognise this point and... do more.  Out-hustle 'em.  Give than one percent more.

Make just that one phone call more.
Knock on one door more than anyone else.
Research that little bit extra.
Answer that unasked question.
Deliver what others are afraid to ask for.

When people fail to get what they want out of life, when they fail to achieve what they want, it is generally because they quit working for it.  They failed to do everything it takes.  They didn't hustle.

Opportunities are not lined up at the curb waiting for you to walk out your front door and pick one.  When they come along you need to be prepared to take decisive action.  This means that you don't get ready for an opportunity, you stay ready for one.  Do the work you need to now so that you are ready to take advantage of any opportunity that comes along.  It is said that 'fortune favors the bold'.  Typically the bold are simply those that are out there working long after everyone else has gone home.  They are hustling.

We may not have had all the benefits in life as someone else.  We may not have the brain power or muscle power or even the god-given talent they have, but we always have control of our effort.  We always are able to determine what we will put into the opportunity before us.  Don't quit one step before the finish line, go one step beyond it.  Leave no question about what you are willing to do, able to do, capable of doing.  One percent more than the other guy is all that is needed to have out-worked them.

Get out there and hustle.

Giving Your Creativity a Whack!

It is not unusual to find that our thinking processes get stuck in a rut.  We become too linear in our thinking, relying on the same problem-solving methodologies to provide us with new insights.  Like the popular definition of insanity (doing the same thing over and over expecting different results), it just isn't going to net us a new or different perspective.  Enter... the Creative Whack Pack.

This tool came to me by way of Tim Ferriss (author of the 4-Hour Work Week) and I have to share it with you because I love it.  I've given you links below to pick up your own pack of cards (and the creator's book too if you want 'more') because I'm not parting with mine.  I am already envisioning the ways that I am going to be using it within my own business, let alone with clients!  Don't be surprised if we're in a meeting together and I pull out my deck!

The tool was developed by Roger von Oech, founder and president of Creative Think, a creativity and innovation based organization.  He has authored both A Whack on the Side of the Head and A Kick in the Seat of the Pants.  

In the Whack Pack you will find 64 different cards, each designed to provoke and inspire your thinking.  Each is based on the idea that sometimes you need a 'whack on the side of the head' to get you thinking in a new, fresh way.  Using the deck is infinitely preferable to actually whacking my head each time I need a fresh perspective!  Each card helps you to...

• challenge your current thinking
• break out of your habitual thought patterns
• look at things in a fresh way
• discover new sources of information
• create new idea generation approaches and techniques
• develop new decision making skills
• kick yourself into taking action

If you feel that your approaches are getting a little 'stale', or you are looking for something to help jolt the team out of their 'group-think' patterns you will find value from picking up a deck of these cards.  We tend to get so caught up in deciding and moving on that we begin to lack the creative-muscle needed to develop the break-through insights and solutions we need, whether in our professional or personal lives.  The Whack Pack provides an inexpensive and easy to use process to help us uncover those new insights and solutions.

                   

What it Takes to be Happy

In light of the increasing focus in recent years on Positive Psychology (see Martin Seligman's work in
particular), there is a growing emphasis on research into Happiness.  Apparently, everyone wants to arrive at the definitive 6-step formula for how you too can guarantee a Happier life and existence. There'd likely be money in that!

Certainly, research has shown that happier people tend to...

• live longer
• experience better and more positive health
• make more money
• do better work

However, what has not been conclusively determined is whether people experience these things because they are happier OR whether they are happier because they have these things.  It comes down to a chicken and egg dilemma that continues to confound researchers.

Similarly, the findings into what 'makes' us happy can be surprising.

Rosabeth Moss Kanter, a professor at Harvard Business School and well-known author, found that the happiest people are those facing the toughest but most worthwhile challenges.  If they are engaged in activities in which they feel they are making a difference, their happiness levels rise.  

However, Leadership IQ found that in 42% of the companies they studied, it was the lowest performing employees that were happier in their jobs, typically because they were left alone to get things done and could quietly go about doing their own thing.  However, the higher performers had to pick up the slack and were therefore more in demand.  They had more pressure on them to perform and more people watching and checking in on their progress.  Generally they were left feeling undervalued and underpaid.  Not a combination that heightened their happiness levels.

In some respects, these first two research results would seem contrary to one another, given that those working on tough (but worthwhile) challenges would likely be your highest performers.  Perhaps the caveat is that you are not only engaged in work that you feel makes a difference but that you must be recognised and compensated well for it.

Additional research supports this.  It was previously believed, based on the work of Easterlin in the 1970's, that money could only buy us happiness to a certain point.  Once we reached that threshold, money would no longer have an impact on our sense of well-being.  This effect is known as the Easterlin-paradox.  However, in re-testing this paradox, across countries and time, Stevenson and Wolfers, two U.S. economists, have found that our sense of happiness and well-being continues to rise with income, with no satiation point or threshold.  Every dollar brought a greater level of measured happiness, dispelling the myth that money can't buy happiness.

Apparently though, it can't buy ALL of our happiness because there are yet further studies, (Sonja Lyubomirsky - widely known as the most knowledgeable expert on happiness), that indicates we have a pre-established genetic happiness set-point.  This set-point rises and falls based on our reaction to circumstances but it will reset itself to our set-point as we get used to the situation.  This is why an increase in our salary can raise our current level of happiness and well-being but that, over time, we are less satisfied with it, requiring more.  

And yet further studies that indicate...

• the more we compare ourselves to others the less happy we likely will be (someone always has 'more'!!)
• the stronger our social connections with others the happier we are
• the more engaged we are with 'activities' rather than accumulating 'stuff' the happier we are...

All in all it seems that happiness is confusing stuff.  Right now it appears that a good mix is to... make as much money as you can, as many good friends as you can, do work that makes a difference and don't pay any attention to what people think of you.  Pretty much how most of us are trying to lead our lives now, isn't it?  Seems we've known the magic formula all along.  

The key to having, being and doing more...

I have been spending this long weekend landscaping the yard of our new house.  This has meant we have
been busy building new fencing, digging new garden beds, planting trees, shrubs and flowering plants, creating the layout for the new patio still to be laid.  A lot of work but... all permanent changes that enhance the usability of the backyard and enhance the value of the home.  All in all...  a good investment.

It got me wondering about many of my clients though.  How much time do they invest in themselves, in enhancing their marketability?  In today's workplace, if you aren't learning then you aren't increasing your earning power.  You will, at best, stay where you are but, more likely, fall behind those willing to do what it takes to get ahead.

I often hear from clients that there just aren't enough hours in the day or week to be able to spend time on developing themselves, whether working out their brain or their bodies.  I simply don't understand how you can afford not to.  My frustration certainly increases when these self-same people have little difficulty in finding the time to keep up with the plot of their favourite television shows.  I don't have anything against you kicking back and enjoying your favourite show, but don't lose hours a day to the television and then lament your lack of time.  The time you spend in front of the television is your current investment in yourself.  How serious are you about developing your skills, getting ahead and earning more?

I understand that you might work for an organization that does not invest in the training and development of its employees.  Budgets are tight all over.  However, you should care about you enough to make an investment in you.  You might not have the ability to take time off work to attend a training program, or the money to pay for it yourself, but you can afford a book and you can certainly afford a library card to go and borrow one.

You want to be more successful?  Read.
You want to make more money?  Read.

The solution is simple.  To have more, to be more, to do more... Read more.

The easiest way to get better at anything is to emulate those already doing it.  Many of them are generous enough to put their path down on paper, to help guide those that are willing to learn to follow.  Read those books.  Follow their steps.

Here's my challenge. Set a goal to read a little every day, to read one book a month.  One business/career enhancing book a month!  As you read you are looking for that one insight, that one AHA nugget of information that you can apply to your life, your job, that gives you a 1% advantage over those around you that have not read or learned this truth.  At the end of the year those nuggets add up to give you a serious competitive advantage over those around you not investing in themselves.

I have no shortage of books that have opened me to new ideas and concepts, that have introduced me to new ways of thinking and seeing the world, that have helped me to learn from someone else's mistakes so that I didn't need to repeat them, that have shifted me in profound ways to being more than I was before opening its pages.  I want this for you.  You need to want it for you.

1 book a month.   Your competitive advantage.

To help get you started, here are my most recent book purchases that I am convinced will be great reads for you, giving you more than a nugget of information and truth to follow...

Setting your Life GPS

I may have many skills in life but having a good sense of direction is definitely not one of them!  My son, at
age 4, was already correcting and directing me when driving together.  It means that, for someone like me, the GPS proves to be one of the greatest inventions of all time.  It helps me to get where I'm going, and to arrive on time, without needless detours.  When heading out the door on a business trip, especially somewhere I've never been, my family will ask if 'Hugh' is accompanying me.  (yes... I have named my GPS Hugh, given that I have it on the Australian man's voice setting!)

When I'm just driving in familiar surroundings my GPS is all but useless to me.  (sorry Hugh)  It lets me know where I am, but I don't need to know that if I already know where I am.  The only time that it proves its worth is when I've told it where I want to go and it helps me to get there.  This is especially helpful when I've lost my way.  If I know where I want to go, Hugh is there to help put me on the right path.

Life is not all that different.  If we know where we are already then we have little need for assistance from anyone else.  We are operating in the familiar and comfortable, in the 'known'.  It is when we step off the beaten path though, and begin to venture out into the unknown that we could use some help in finding our way.  However, we need one essential piece of information if others are going to truly be of assistance.  We have to be able to tell them where we want to go.

The GPS in our car is all but useless if we do not let it know our destination.  So too the receipt of any life advice.  We need to, in essence, GPS our life.  We need to take the time to determine our desired destination and then seek out the help and advice we need to get there.  Without that clear understanding of where we want to end up, people's advice (well meaning though it may be) will often serve to steer us off course.  Moving, perhaps, to a destination of their choosing, but not to our own.

Taking the time to set our Life GPS helps to ensure that the actions and steps that we take move us in our desired direction, and help to keep us on course.  The only downfall with my Life GPS, unlike the one in my car of course, is that it doesn't sound like Hugh Jackman!

Top 5 Tips for Interview Success

There are a lot of great tips out there that can serve a job-hunter well but there are also a lot of bad tips to wade through.  Over my career I have likely interviewed thousands of candidates and consulted with hundreds (if not also up to a thousand or more) job-seekers.  Certainly, as a Body Language expert I could offer you suggestions as to your posture, eye contact, gestures, positioning... but, quite honestly, most people are concerned enough with having answers to the interviewers questions to concern themselves with this level of detail.

Instead,  I'd like to share my all-time, Top 5 Tips for ensuring that your interview is a success.  These five things will help you to stand out from the crowd and be favourably remembered.  Each tip gives you a slight and subtle edge that is often more than enough to distinguish you from others and help to position you positively.

Tip #1.  Arrive early and be Prepared.  I know that this seems particularly basic but it is surprising how few candidates follow this tip.  Do not put yourself in the position of having to explain why you were delayed.  The interviewer doesn't know you yet, which means they don't care about you, which means they simply don't care.  Plan ahead.  Know your route.  Leave more than enough extra time to cover for all contingencies.  As for being prepared... do NOT think that you know yourself well enough to 'wing' an interview.  If you have not been out job-searching for a while then you need to spend some time determining what stories you will share, what accomplishments you will highlight.  Think about the job in questions and determine what you would be looking for in someone for that role, if you were the interviewer, and ensure that you are able to address those needs.  Finally... in this age of the Internet and Google, there is no excuse for not being familiar with the company.  You should have done a search on the organization, on the interviewer and read over the company website from beginning to end at the very least.

Tip #2.  Don't oversell, but don't undersell.  People often skew too far in either of these directions.  Share your stories clearly, succinctly and comfortably.  You are speaking about yourself, so you are speaking about something you know well.  As a result, your voice tone will convey; knowledgeable, confident, and comfortable. Let that work for you.  If you oversell you will sound pushy, arrogant and possibly desperate or unbelievable.  Underselling will serve to make you forgettable.  Instead, consider that you are sharing facts, information that you know to be true.  This will always sound genuine, natural and believable.

Tip #3.  Take on the role of the Host, not the Guest.  As soon as we go out to spend time with someone in their offices we unconsciously adopt the role of a Guest.  As a guest we are focused internally, on ourselves, and expect others to make us feel comfortable.  The other party now assumes the role of Host and is responsible for us.  This is perhaps fine if our interviewer is an extrovert and likes making small talk but the odds are not in favour of this being the case.  You now are just 'work' for them and they are beginning their time with you from a place of discomfort.  Additionally, as a guest, you are now focused on yourself, your needs and your comfort.  You are 'in your head', assessing your answers, whether you've done a good job, what the interviewer is likely thinking about you, how do you seem to be doing.  All of this internal dialogue typically leads to external behavioural 'leakage' which serves to undermine your delivery of strength, confidence and credibility.  Instead, subtly take on the role of Host.  Initiate the handshake and the small talk.  Work to make the interviewer feel comfortable.  Stay out of your head and continue to focus on their comfort.  This external orientation means that you are not in your head to hear your 'inner voice' (which rarely is being supportive) and therefore your behavioural leakage will be more controlled and comfortable.  It is much easier to control the focus of your mind (and therefore the behaviours) than it is to try to manage all of the behaviours!

Tip #4.  Yes... clothes matter!  Give due consideration to what you plan to wear, prepare it ahead and make sure it is in order.  Hems are up, shoes are polished, buttons are in place, everything is clean.  Again, this may sound as though this is a given but, trust me, many candidates often seem as though they simply rolled out of bed and jumped into whatever was handy. You should also ensure that the outfit or suit you are planning on wearing fits.  The morning of the interview is not the time to discover that the suit you haven't worn in six months fits the body you had then, not the one you have now!  Consider also your briefcase and purse because they are also extensions of you.  Ensure that they are clean, in good shape and not overstuffed to bursting.  Take into your interview only what you need for the interview, leaving the rest of your world at home or in the car.  Details like having a pad of paper and pen available (and their condition) are also small clues to your organizational skills.

Tip #5.  Follow up. Most candidates only follow up with their interviewer to find out if a decision has been made.  In which case, the contact is all about you.  To stand out favourably, make your follow up about the interviewer.  Certainly a simple note thanking them for their time is a step in the right direction but it is far better to personalize the contact more.  Reference a small tidbit of information relating to your conversation that demonstrates you were paying attention to and were focused on them.  Even better?  Give them something.  Provide them with a link to an article or site you thought they would be interested in, a contact to add to their network, a piece of information that relates back to your conversation but that you hadn't had time to mention.  For example...  "You mentioned that you were going to be travelling to New Orleans shortly.  I have a great friend who grew up in the city.  I took the liberty of contacting him for some suggested restaurants that the locals know and love but that most tourists typically 'miss'.  He recommended you try..."  Or perhaps... "Here is the link to that TED Talk I mentioned.  I thought you would enjoy it..."  It needn't be big, it should have no dollar value attached and should simply show that you were listening to them and were willing to help them in some way.  Even if you don't end up getting the job you likely have gained another advocate and network contact.

Creating Your 'New' Normal

Change is tough.  We know how difficult it is to change our habits... eat less sugar, exercise more, get up earlier... whatever our particular need.  However, perhaps we're making it harder than it need be.

Most changes that we try to introduce into our lives tend to be made in an 'all or nothing' framework.  We want to exercise more so we join a gym and plan on going 3 times a week.  We want to eat less sugar so we cut out all sugar from our diets.  We want to eliminate caffeine so we stop drinking coffee.  Period.

These typically prove to be big challenges for us.  Perhaps too big.  We feel the loss.  We struggle and... we typically quit.  It proves too big and painful a shift for us to make and we therefore revert to our old ways, our comfortable habit patterns.  Perhaps though, it is not the goal that is wrong but the path we've chosen to get us there.

Think of your existing habit pattern as your current 'Normal'.  Think of this like a point you've set on a thermostat.  If you decided you wanted to reduce energy use in your house by dropping the preset temperature by 5 degrees, from the 73F you are comfortable with to a desired 68F... you would walk around wearing sweaters or toting a blanket complaining about the cold.  Instead, reduce it by 1 degree.  Try it for a week.  It will likely prove to be a minor adjustment that you acclimatize to fairly quickly.  In week two, drop it another degree.  Your ultimate goal is to get it down to 68 degrees.  Don't make it all about having to get there all at once.

Leo Babuta, of 'Zen Habits' fame (see below for a link to his book if you haven't read this yet!) speaks about the need to create a 'New' Normal for ourselves.  When he decided to eliminate sugar from his coffee (and he took a lot of sugar!) he didn't do it all at once.  Instead, he reduced his sugar by half a teaspoon for the first week.  At first it didn't taste as good to him, but then it started to taste 'normal'.  At that point, he then reduced it by another half teaspoon.  He continued this pattern until, ultimately, he learned to love his coffee with no sugar.

Don't make change harder than it needs to be.  Introduce incremental changes that move you closer toward your ultimate goal.  If your current normal is to sleep in until the last possible second before you race off to work, but you would like to have more time in the mornings, whether to have a more relaxed start to your day, to fit in a little exercise or meditation, or to just read quietly for half an hour before heading off to work...  start small.  Instead of waking up an hour earlier, start with 10 minutes.  Make that your new set point, your new normal.  When those 10 minutes are comfortable for you, they feel natural and normal... reset your clock adding in another 10 minutes.  Eventually... you will have your hour and, perhaps more importantly, you will have your hour without feeling the loss or sacrifice of sleep had you tried for the full hour all at once.

Creating a New Normal for yourself is perhaps the easiest way to create a new habit.  Who said that breaking habits or introducing new desirable habits had to be a struggle?

Our minds tend to adjust over time.  That's my change process - I gradually adjust what's normal to me      ... Leo Babuta

       

The 4 Secrets of Success

Over my decades of working with senior executives and leaders I have come to recognise that much of success comes down to four small little secrets which, if done consistently and done well, can propel you to the 'top'... however you define it. Successful leaders may call them by different names but the actions all seem to boil down to the need to do these four things.

1.  Show up.  No, this doesn't just refer to the need to actually go to work, though being punctual to work, to meetings, is a must.  Rather, I am referring to the need to be fully present in all that you do.  It doesn't matter what you are doing, you must give it your all and then 1% more.  Successful people give whatever they are doing their full attention, they don't short-change anything.  If you want to get ahead and succeed, you have to be present to do it.  Show up - in body, mind and spirit.

2.  Step up.  You are responsible for your life, your choices, your work, your deadlines, your accomplishments.  Step up and accept the responsibility for it.  Successful people don't make excuses and they don't look to pass the buck elsewhere.  They own the good and the bad, laying claim to both their successes and their failures.  This is where the true growth and learning occur.

3.  Stand up.  You've got to be willing to take a stand on issues, to let people know your position.  Those who try to appease everyone by doing and supporting everything, end up standing for nothing.  Your reputation and brand will be built by the values you uphold and the actions you take.  What are you remembered for?

4.  Speak up.  Give voice to your thoughts, your accomplishments, your goals.  Let others know who you are, what you've done and where you're headed.  Many people fail to move up simply because others don't know what they are capable of or what their interests are.  Speak up also on behalf of those who can't; the underdog, underprivileged, injustice. Many of the greatest leaders and greatest success stories started by finding their voice and then donating it to others.

Take a moment to think how well you are currently living to each of these success tips and how you might work to improve upon each.  Four 'little' steps that can make the world of difference to where you manage to take your life and career. What would be the impact to yours if you simply made a point to...

• Show Up
• Step Up
• Stand Up
• Speak Up

The 4 Secrets of Success

Over my decades of working with senior executives and leaders I have come to recognise that much of success comes down to four small little secrets which, if done consistently and done well, can propel you to the 'top'... however you define it. Successful leaders may call them by different names but the actions all seem to boil down to the need to do these four things.

1.  Show up.  No, this doesn't just refer to the need to actually go to work, though being punctual to work, to meetings, is a must.  Rather, I am referring to the need to be fully present in all that you do.  It doesn't matter what you are doing, you must give it your all and then 1% more.  Successful people give whatever they are doing their full attention, they don't short-change anything.  If you want to get ahead and succeed, you have to be present to do it.  Show up - in body, mind and spirit.

2.  Step up.  You are responsible for your life, your choices, your work, your deadlines, your accomplishments.  Step up and accept the responsibility for it.  Successful people don't make excuses and they don't look to pass the buck elsewhere.  They own the good and the bad, laying claim to both their successes and their failures.  This is where the true growth and learning occur.

3.  Stand up.  You've got to be willing to take a stand on issues, to let people know your position.  Those who try to appease everyone by doing and supporting everything, end up standing for nothing.  Your reputation and brand will be built by the values you uphold and the actions you take.  What are you remembered for?

4.  Speak up.  Give voice to your thoughts, your accomplishments, your goals.  Let others know who you are, what you've done and where you're headed.  Many people fail to move up simply because others don't know what they are capable of or what their interests are.  Speak up also on behalf of those who can't; the underdog, underprivileged, injustice. Many of the greatest leaders and greatest success stories started by finding their voice and then donating it to others.

Take a moment to think how well you are currently living to each of these success tips and how you might work to improve upon each.  Four 'little' steps that can make the world of difference to where you manage to take your life and career. What would be the impact to yours if you simply made a point to...

• Show Up
• Step Up
• Stand Up
• Speak Up

Down but Not Out

Times are tough.  You've hit a wall.  You've been knocked down.  But you haven't been knocked out!

What defines us is how well we rise after falling          Lionel, Maid in Manhattan

If you are down now... it's an exciting time for you.  Quite literally there is nowhere for you to go but up.  this is your moment of definition.  Some may think that you are down for the count and discount you.  But they will be surprised.

They will be surprised because this is a pivotal moment for you.  Others may choose to give up, but you?  You'll choose to get up!  You have the ability to separate yourself from the actions, circumstances and people that brought you down, to dig deep within yourself, and move beyond.

This is a moment of self discovery, a moment for you to realize just how much untapped potential you possess.  This is the moment to unleash those possibilities within you, showing yourself and everyone around you that you are now, and ever have been, MORE.

You have the power to change your attitude, change your circumstances, change your finances, to change your destiny.  The time to begin is NOW.

Down but Not Out

Times are tough.  You've hit a wall.  You've been knocked down.  But you haven't been knocked out!

What defines us is how well we rise after falling          Lionel, Maid in Manhattan

If you are down now... it's an exciting time for you.  Quite literally there is nowhere for you to go but up.  this is your moment of definition.  Some may think that you are down for the count and discount you.  But they will be surprised.

They will be surprised because this is a pivotal moment for you.  Others may choose to give up, but you?  You'll choose to get up!  You have the ability to separate yourself from the actions, circumstances and people that brought you down, to dig deep within yourself, and move beyond.

This is a moment of self discovery, a moment for you to realize just how much untapped potential you possess.  This is the moment to unleash those possibilities within you, showing yourself and everyone around you that you are now, and ever have been, MORE.

You have the power to change your attitude, change your circumstances, change your finances, to change your destiny.  The time to begin is NOW.

Life Choices Made Easy

We often find ourselves at a crossroad, two divergent choices in life.  As we make a choice our life and our options then veer off in a different direction, leading us to make other choices.  Some of these choices lead us toward our desired goals, some will lead us further away.  At every crossroad of choices we face though, there will always be an opportunity to shift back on track, to direct our path back toward our desired future.  This means that if we are not on track it is because we chose not to be.

Most people feel that when they are faced with that moment of choice they are being asked to choose between something that is easy-not-to-do and something that is difficult-to-do.  Sometimes we just don't feel up to the challenge of facing that difficult hurdle and we opt for the easy path.  The more that we do so the more that we find ourselves drifting from our desired course.

The issue of course is that it is simply easier to choose easy over difficult.  However, moving yourself in a positive direction, the one that leads to your defined success, need not be difficult.  Often, it just needs a little reframing.

The most common mistake we make lies in the fact that we have spent more time thinking about, defining, and crafting our desired future and, as a result, we tend to think of it in its 'finished' terms.  It is therefore big and distant.  Of course it looks difficult and challenging.  It represents a significant distance and change from where we are in the moment.  Instead, we need to break it down.  What is the one small step we can take toward that vision and goal that moves us along that path?  Instead of our choice then being between easy-not-to-do and difficult-to-do, we are now faced with a choice between easy-not-to-do and easy-to-do.  Much more appealing.  Who isn't going to choose the option to move forward to their goals if it is just as easy as not doing something?

Use this any time that you face a challenge and begin to feel resistant.  You know it's the right choice, you know it's what you should do, what you want to do, but you are fearful.  You will recognise the moment when this occurs because you begin to find yourself making excuses not to take action.  The I'm not, I can't, I don't, I won't phrases begin.  Before you firmly settle on the easy-not-to path, reframe your other option.  Break it down.  If you are hitting resistance it is only because you are facing too big an obstacle or are feeling overwhelmed by its sheer size.  Make it smaller.  Break it down until you hear yourself thinking... I could do that.  And then choose it.

Reframing your life and your choices so that you are continuously facing choices between the easy-not-to-do and easy-to-do will cement your path to success faster than any other piece of advice I can offer.  Not all of life needs to be hard, not everything needs to be an obstacle.  'Life' is more than capable of tossing boulders into our path to disrupt our journey.  We can pole vault over them or we can build ladders one step at a time.  Both get us over, past and beyond the obstacles.  If you can't vault, step.  It's easy.