The Danger of 'I Get It' Thinking

Let's perhaps start by defining terms. 'I Get It' thinking, often synonymous with 'I Know It', occurs

when we immediately decide that we already know about or understand a concept or situation that someone is describing. I'm sure there is no one reading this that has not experienced this thinking at some point. The danger in doing so is proportional to both the frequency with which we employ this thought and also the importance of the situation in which we apply it.

Each time we believe we already 'get' a particular concept or situation, we are telling ourselves we already know what there is to know. We shut ourselves off from listening to or picking up any new information on the subject.  We therefore end up ignoring or overlooking deeper insights or even new opportunities or perspectives. As soon as we believe that we 'get it', we don't explore the subject any further, which may seriously restrict the quality of the decisions that we make.

I see this often in training sessions, where participants have pre-determined that they already 'get' the subject we're discussing, that they know all that they need. They have closed off their minds before entering the room and therefore leave the session with no further insights or advancement in their thoughts on the subject. Their parting comment that the past hours were a waste of their time is accurate.  Indeed, they learned nothing, but not because there was nothing for them to learn. Had they not believed they already 'got it', they would have been able to pick up a few more insights, gained a little more depth to their current understanding, or even come to understand where they might support other team members with their advanced understanding.

The 'I Get It' syndrome is insidious and can creep in at any level.  Corporations that believe they 'get' the market, future trends, the continual demand for their products or services will make decisions based on those thoughts but may fail to continue to check their understanding and miss shifts and nuances that cost them opportunities.  Companies that get locked into the belief that they 'get' their business either come to learn that it is a constantly evolving understanding or they become defunct.

Individuals aren't any different. When we believe that we 'Get It' we close ourselves off from learning more or from being open to accepting alternative views. We then make decisions based on inaccurate or limited data which clearly will have an impact on the quality of the decisions we make, whether personally or professionally. For unimportant issues this is likely fine. It's the important decisions that will suffer and that will cost us.

The easiest way to combat the 'I Get It' Syndrome is to question everything. Question your preconceived notions about how things work and about why they work. Question what you know about your business, about the market, customers needs, about what's not working and why. Some of the most successful business leaders of all time used this technique to great advantage. Challenging assumptions and beliefs opened them to exploring 'new' possibilities.

Ask... 'If this weren't true, then what?

The more important your decision, the more important the need to suspend your 'I get it' thinking. Listen, Question, Learn. The more open you can remain, the broader your insights and the better the decision. Better quality decisions lead to greater success and opportunities. A nice price to pay for not 'getting it' quite as often.

Are you Addicted to the Opinions of Others?

• Are you concerned with what others might be saying about you?
• Do you hesitate to act upon your good ideas in case others don't think it's as good as you do?
• Have you over-leveraged yourself financially (house, cars, trips, clothes... stuff) just to keep up with those around you?
• Do you find yourself agreeing with people even if/when you disagree?
• Do you hesitate to invite people to your house because you feel it's too small, unimpressive, or not in a great neighbourhood?
• Do you not order what you really want for lunch because you're concerned about what your friend might think about your eating habits?
• Do you not take your partner/spouse to a work event with you because you are concerned with what your co-workers might think?
• Do you not pursue a job you would love simply because others might not think it's important enough?

The need for the approval of others can be a very secretive need.  It can influence our decisions without our even being aware that we are making choices based on the reactions of others, not out of a true personal interest.  The need for approval gets conditioned into us from the day we are born and can serve, for many, as their primary source of self esteem.  Somehow the recognition of others adds to our perceived level of self-worth and value.

Let's face it, we all care to some extent, what our family and friends think of us.  This need not be particularly detrimental or undermine our sense of self.  However, the trick is to ensure that we don't come to care so much what others think that it becomes our thoughts.  Becoming addicted to the opinions of others can repress our own expression of who we are and what we truly believe and value.

When we get caught up in trying to please others, to ensure that they think well of us, we become overly accommodating in our attitude.  We engage in many unconscious 'likability' behaviours that signal to others our desire to please them.  However, by trying so hard to accommodate everyone, typically in an attempt to be liked and respected, we actually can appear overly solicitous and even obsequious, becoming a person that no one likes or respects.

"You wouldn't worry so much about what others think of you if you realized how seldom they do"          Eleanor Roosevelt

In a study conducted by the National Science Foundation, it was found that people have as many as 50,000 thoughts a day.  The sad truth is that people are so caught up in living their lives that they rarely even spare a thought or two for us.  Even if they thought about us ten times a day though, it would still only consume .02% of their daily thought total.  You don't even make a dent.

The real truth therefore, about every worry you have about what people will think of you... is that they aren't thinking of you.  Most people filter their thoughts through their ego.  How important you really are to them, to their lives, goals, wants and needs, will determine how much they likely are going to think of you.  That big list of people that care about your car, your clothes, your house, your job, your sexual orientation, your friends, your education, your hobbies... just got infinitely smaller.

People are always going to have an opinion of you.  People have opinions about people they don't know, which means they will certainly have an opinion about those they do.  And certainly, everyone is entitled to their opinion, whether Right, Wrong or Indifferent.  However, their opinion need not become yours.  You have a right to choose how you respond to it, to Accept it, Reject it, or Ignore it, just as they have the same choices regarding your opinion of them.

People are also going to have an opinion about the choices you make, no matter who you are trying to please, yourself or them.  Sometimes your choices will please many, sometimes your choices will please only a few.  The important measure is whether they are pleasing to you.  What you will find, when you are in your 90's reflecting back on your life is that yours is likely the only opinion that will ultimately matter to you; did you live a life that mattered... to you.

In the immortal words of John Fogerty, in his song 'Garden Party'...

"It's all right now, I learned my lesson well.  You see, you can't please everyone, so you got to please yourself"

And, if you feel compelled to sing that line to yourself over and over, or to imitate Ricky Nelson singing it to you, or adopt it as your mantra... go right ahead. I'll likely be singing it right along with you.  Some might think we're crazy but that's their opinion.

What's yours?
 

7 Ways to Become more Decisive

Not everyone is born decisive, able to make choices in life with little input of information or opinions from others.  Some...

• agonize over the details
• lose sleep over the potential impact of each alternative
• get caught up in the analysis of the issues

and... lose time and energy to the process.  As a result, decisions get put off.  Sometimes this is a good thing while at other times it comes with a cost.

It's a fact that some habits come more easily to some of us than others.  We may find ourselves struggling to do something that seems to come naturally for others.  (those of you that can virtuously look at anything chocolate and say NO for instance!) However, there are ways and means for the rest of us to improve upon our more natural inclinations.  When it comes to Decisions, try using the following ideas to help you become more decisive in your life.

1. Don't Sweat the Small Stuff.  We all have a limited amount of willpower each day.  Drawing upon yours for things that don't matter depletes it.  Over the course of the day, it can serve to exhaust your reservoirs, leaving you short for the bigger decisions that are sure to follow. Save your energy and focus on the bigger issues, reserving your mental resources for those. When we allow ourselves to get  distracted by the little things we tend to lose sight of what is truly important to us and then get completely immobilized by anything bigger that hits our plate. Learning to let the smaller stuff go leaves you better prepared to face those larger issues more quickly and decisively.
2. Will this Matter a Year from Now?  Let's face it, it is going to be far easier to say don't sweat the small stuff than it is to actually let go of things.  To help you determine 'what' to let go of sooner ask yourself... Will this matter a year from now?  If it won't, let it go.  If it isn't something that is going to have a long-term impact on your life, then it isn't a decision that should be taking up a lot of your brain space.
3. Know Your Values.  Be clear about what is important to you.  Decisions are easier to make when you have something to measure them against.  If you are clear about your values then you can evaluate your decisions by determining which choice best supports your values and choose it.  As Roy Disney once said... "When your values are clear to you, making decisions becomes easier".
4. Use your Back Burner.  Not all of our decisions require our full attention NOW!  Shift some of your decisions to your back burner, allowing your unconscious mind to begin putting together facts and data, forming your decision for you.  Not every decision is urgent and requires an immediate response.  When it is not critical that you decide right away, allow your back burner to work for you while you focus on those issues simmering away on the front burner of your brain.   
5. Give your Gut some Credit.  Sometimes, when faced with indecision, you should just go with your gut.  Your unconscious mind speaks to you through your gut.  You may not know why you are feeling what you are but if it is a strong feeling, and you need to make a decision now, go with your gut and figure it out later.  Our unconscious mind often knows things before our conscious mind is able to make sense of it.  If you must make a decision before the conscious brain has figured things out - go with your gut.
6. Use a Decision Matrix.  You can use a structured approach to some of your decisions, though I suggest pulling out the matrix for the big ones you face, not when trying to decide what you want for breakfast!  For this you evaluate your decision choices against key criteria you have pre-established.  The criteria should include anything that is important to you, but likely is a list containing all your top values, major goals, family, physical, spiritual, emotional impacts, etc. Assign a value from 1-10 for each criteria, for each decision option, indicating how well each option meets/fulfills that criteria, 1 being not at all and 10 being fully.  Add up the scores, for each decision option, across all the criteria you established.  Highest score typically indicates your best option.
7. Flip a coin. Yes, some people make their decisions this way, allowing fate to decide for them. This is not what I am suggesting however.  To gain insight from the coin toss proceed as you would normally, assigning each option to either head or tails and then toss the coin in the air.  Pay attention to what you are hoping the outcome will be, before the coin lands.  Typically our thoughts, while the coin is in the air, will reveal to us what our preferred decision is.  

Eliminating 'Forever' Thinking

I'm going to work here forever.

We're going to be married forever.

This will be my career forever.

I am going to live in this house forever.

We will be friends forever.

We've all said it, at some time, about some-one, about some-thing and... at that moment... we likely believed it or wished it to be true.  It seems relatively innocent and simple, but there is an inherent danger in attaching absolute terms like Forever and Always and Never to our actions.  Forever is an absolute, defining a very specific time frame.  It does not leave room for variations or alternatives.

Definition of Forever:  For all future time; for always; continually

When we mentally commit to something 'Forever', it means that there are other things you will never be, do or have as a result. This may or may not necessarily be a bad thing, but few of us consciously used the 'Forever' term with a clear picture of what choices we were agreeing to NOT make in the future.

Forever, by its very definition, is a restrictive and limiting term, creating a rigid belief and expectation of and for your life.

• If you believe that you will work at a your current job/organization - Forever - then you will fail to explore other options and may limit your opportunities and growth.  You may remain with an employer and in a role that no longer serves you. 
• If you believe that you will be friends with someone - Forever - then you may continue to allow a toxic person to remain in your life, long after you should have moved on.
• If you believe that you will live in your current house - Forever - then you will likely miss out on job and life opportunities that may have taken you elsewhere, failed to have downsized when the market (and your income) indicated you should, may have missed out on a house that would have suited you and your lifestyle better, or even considered alternatives to owning a house.

Forever is a lock with no key.

Instead, consider replacing the word Forever with one of the following...

• as long as it works
• as long as it serves me
• as long as it makes sense
• as long as I choose

Each of these phrases is liberating.  They are For Now thinking instead of Forever thinking.  There is no longer a lock that you cannot escape from.  You are in relationships and jobs that you choose to be in.  You are living in a way that continues to serve you, not based on a decision that you made decades ago that you mistakenly determined would be... 'Forever'.  

• You aren't happy in your current career?  Change it!  You needn't be locked into a career path for life, based solely on a decision you made when you were in high school.  Choose today what will make you happy and do what you need to make it happen.
• You have relationships that exhaust and drain you?  People in your life that continue to undermine your confidence and belief in yourself, that are constantly sticking pins in your Joy balloons?  Ditch 'em.  If they take away far more than they add then they have long outgrown any positive purpose they had served in your life.

This doesn't mean that all of our Forever decisions need to be changed; there are many we likely want to keep.  However, keep them because you continue to choose them, not because you feel locked into them. Life is constantly changing and we need to be capable of changing along with it.  Eliminating the hidden barriers to change, that absolute words like Forever, Always and Never create, allows us greater flexibility and adaptability, enjoying greater levels of success and happiness...  For Now.

Pack your Bags...

Whether your business works to an actual 'year' ending in December or not, we all tend to have an internal clock that does.  We can feel the current year ticking off the seconds toward its close, and can sense the New Year lurking around the corner, waiting to begin.

We anticipate the impending end of the year and often look to it for closure; an ending to all those things that did not go 'right' for us this year, an ending to moments that have come and gone, an ending to projects we worked on, activities we accomplished, relationships we moved away from.  Look to the ending of the year as closure on those parts of ourselves and our lives this year that deserve and even, perhaps, need an ending. Let them remain here in this year, without being dragged forward into the next.  This conscious sense of completion is often what we need to prevent us from carrying unwanted luggage with us into everything that is yet to be.  

Before focusing on what is yet to be though, we should always take time to consider what luggage we do want and choose to bring with us into the New Year.  We may have unfinished tasks to continue to work on, we have relationships that provide us with love and strength that move forward with us also, we have accomplishments that instill us with pride that should be packed and brought forward to everything else that we do.  Many people make the mistake of bringing the wrong set of luggage with them into the future.  Don't you be one of them. Pack all of the negativity of the past into the cases clearly marked and labelled as... 'Toss'.  Don't hoard these memories; clear out your mental cupboards for new experiences, emotions, beliefs, relationships and skills.  However, also recognise that there is a set of luggage, labelled 'Keep', that represent all of the positive elements in your Bring Forward pile; the relationships that support and build you, the memories of your 'Wins' and successes, the skills you have developed, the hopes for more and better in your life, the optimism and faith they will happen, the determination to ensure they do, the belief you are deserving.  

Start the New Year by bringing into it the the right baggage, leaving behind any of the baggage that would get in your way, that would prevent you from being and becoming all that is within you.  Pack your bags for the trip you want to take, leaving behind everything that would simply weigh you down.  Take the time now to Pack your Bags for the kind of trip you want the New Year to be, leaving behind all of those articles that don't and won't serve you.  

You get to craft the year you want to have.  Begin now by metaphorically packing for it.  Consider taking pen to paper and creating an actual list of what you want the New Year to look like, and then creating the corresponding shopping list of skills, memories and people that will support those goals.  This is your packing list.  Put them in your bags, pick 'em up and get ready to step into the New Year, armed with what is needed for you to succeed!  

That is my wish for all of you - a truly happy and successful New Year!

Conformity and the Herd

Earlier this week I posted a video on my Titan Training facebook page (go like us to stay in the loop and to check out the video!) that got me thinking.  It was an old candid camera video that was based on some conformity experiments that Solomon Asch had run.  In the video, someone enters an elevator and, as we all do, faces the front.  However, all additional people entering the elevator (all confederates in the experiment) face the back.  It's not long before the poor innocent person conforms and faces the back also.  The confederates then shift position in unison, facing sideways and, you guessed it, the person also shifts to stand sideways.  

Much of Asch's work demonstrated how quickly and readily we conform to the majority of action and of opinion.  In one famous experiment he showed participants the diagram above, asking them to select which of the three lines was the same length as the single line.  Although seemingly a straightforward and relatively obvious choice, many people deliberately gave the 'wrong' answer simply because they believed that the majority of other people had chosen what they viewed to be an 'incorrect' choice.  

This result has been replicated over and over, using different experiments, different target groups of participants and different environments.  You could say that those that conformed were fully aware of their choice, that they went along with the choice of the majority though they 'knew' better, but what if in choosing outwardly to go along with group-think they inwardly and unconsciously began to revise their own perceptions?  Studies have shown that once we make a choice and make it public, we are more prone to then make decisions and take actions that are in support of that view.  

Certainly social conformity serves some helpful and useful functions, but it can be much more insidious than we may be consciously aware, skewing our views of right and wrong, of what is and is not.  In my work with organizations, I get the opportunity to see this in action.  Most organizations have their own culture.  Typically, new employees struggle to 'fit in' to this culture, feeling on the outside of everything until they finally begin to understand how things get done within this new company, and they follow those processes.  Generally, we think of these as simply being basic process rules, outlining how work gets done.  However, it is far more insidious than we often realize.

Just as couples who have been together for a long time begin to 'look' alike simply because they adapt their non-verbal communication patterns to 'match' those of their partner (they often speak in the same rhythm, use similar phrasing, make similar gestures, etc.) so too does it happen within organizations.  In an effort to fit in, new employees will unconsciously adopt mannerisms and speech patterns that they discern in the group.  For example, in one client organization, a majority of their employees all uptalk.  They certainly don't consciously hire for this speech inflection (where the speaker's inflection continuously goes up, sounding as though they are continuously asking questions), but I'm willing to bet that they do.  For those employees that are hired who are not uptalkers... it is likely only a matter of time until they unconsciously begin to adopt it.  In their efforts to fit in and be liked they adopt that habit as their own so that they too can now sound like one of the group.

Although many of these elements, when taken individually, may sound innocent enough, the greater the number and the greater the prevalence, the more dependent upon the group the individual becomes.  

• leaving the organization becomes difficult because they can't seem to find anywhere else that they 'fit' in
• the more you have unconsciously compromised your beliefs and habits to conform to those of others, the more justifications you have developed for doing so.  It proves difficult to break away from these since it requires us to admit that at some point we were 'wrong' in our choice
• often the organization struggles with the need for independent thinking (for growth, to remain competitive) when systemically they don't reward for it.  Those who are able to remain independent of the group often continue to feel as though they don't fit in and leave to find somewhere that they do

The need and desire of many to be liked by others, to fit in, to feel that they belong can be a strong motivator, leading people to make choices and take actions that they may never have previously considered but that become automatic for them within the framework of the norms of their new group.  Hitler's regime was built upon the premise and strength of conformity.  Our existing military forces do the same (though obviously with different intents!)  Religions rely on the power of conformity as do virtually any formal group. Some are more benign, some more cancerous in their impact.

What is important is to realize the extent to which our desire to belong and be liked can, and does, influence our thinking and actions.  We need to be clear about what we truly believe is right and fair and just and learn to weigh our choices against these beliefs.  The greater our level of clarity, the better able we are to fight against the unconscious pushes we receive to act in ways that do not support these beliefs.  It is only through this clarity that we can hope to avoid compromising those areas that matter, to take a stand against those that would have us simply follow the herd.  

Life Choices Made Easy

We often find ourselves at a crossroad, two divergent choices in life.  As we make a choice our life and our options then veer off in a different direction, leading us to make other choices.  Some of these choices lead us toward our desired goals, some will lead us further away.  At every crossroad of choices we face though, there will always be an opportunity to shift back on track, to direct our path back toward our desired future.  This means that if we are not on track it is because we chose not to be.

Most people feel that when they are faced with that moment of choice they are being asked to choose between something that is easy-not-to-do and something that is difficult-to-do.  Sometimes we just don't feel up to the challenge of facing that difficult hurdle and we opt for the easy path.  The more that we do so the more that we find ourselves drifting from our desired course.

The issue of course is that it is simply easier to choose easy over difficult.  However, moving yourself in a positive direction, the one that leads to your defined success, need not be difficult.  Often, it just needs a little reframing.

The most common mistake we make lies in the fact that we have spent more time thinking about, defining, and crafting our desired future and, as a result, we tend to think of it in its 'finished' terms.  It is therefore big and distant.  Of course it looks difficult and challenging.  It represents a significant distance and change from where we are in the moment.  Instead, we need to break it down.  What is the one small step we can take toward that vision and goal that moves us along that path?  Instead of our choice then being between easy-not-to-do and difficult-to-do, we are now faced with a choice between easy-not-to-do and easy-to-do.  Much more appealing.  Who isn't going to choose the option to move forward to their goals if it is just as easy as not doing something?

Use this any time that you face a challenge and begin to feel resistant.  You know it's the right choice, you know it's what you should do, what you want to do, but you are fearful.  You will recognise the moment when this occurs because you begin to find yourself making excuses not to take action.  The I'm not, I can't, I don't, I won't phrases begin.  Before you firmly settle on the easy-not-to path, reframe your other option.  Break it down.  If you are hitting resistance it is only because you are facing too big an obstacle or are feeling overwhelmed by its sheer size.  Make it smaller.  Break it down until you hear yourself thinking... I could do that.  And then choose it.

Reframing your life and your choices so that you are continuously facing choices between the easy-not-to-do and easy-to-do will cement your path to success faster than any other piece of advice I can offer.  Not all of life needs to be hard, not everything needs to be an obstacle.  'Life' is more than capable of tossing boulders into our path to disrupt our journey.  We can pole vault over them or we can build ladders one step at a time.  Both get us over, past and beyond the obstacles.  If you can't vault, step.  It's easy.

Why Good-Enough is Good for You

There are those for whom making a decision becomes analogous to running a marathon.  It is not something that you can just simply step out and do, it involves endless preparation, training, planning and research.  For these individuals, known as Maximizers, making a decision requires work and effort.  They want to make the best decision they possibly can, about anything, and that means often spending months researching and learning as much about the item as possible to make as informed a decision as possible.

Take my friend Mary for example.  She wanted to purchase a new couch.  For some of us, this requires measuring the space we have available, going to the store, seeing something we like, checking it will fit and... buying it.  For Mary though, this wouldn't be enough.  Before even beginning to 'shop', Mary begins her research.  By the time she is done, she knows all about how a 'good' couch should be constructed.  Not just whether ropes or springs are better but what kind of ropes, what kind of springs, what kind of batting or foam, what the density is and on and on.  Certainly all of this research takes place prior to making the purchase but continues after the actual purchase is made to ensure that she did, indeed, make the best decision.

This level of investigation makes Mary an 'expert' in many different product areas.  If you're looking for a new couch you might just want to tap into her knowledge-base prior to setting out.  However, it can turn seemingly small decisions into larger, stress-making, time-gobbling activities, leaving her with little energy or time to spend engaging with others in more positive or 'fun' ways.

On the other side of the decision equation we have Satisficers (think of Satisfying + Sufficing). These are individuals that make Good-Enough decisions... and then move on.  They do not look at each decision requiring a huge investment of their time or life.  They decide and move on. This does not mean that they trivialize important decisions but, rather, that they don't give the relatively trivial more importance than it merits.

In general, you will find that Maximizers tend to be unhappy with the choices they make in life, feeling always that it could have been 'better' somehow, if they had only had more time, more information.  Additionally, they are more prone to suffer from Decision Fatigue, the mental/emotional/physical drain we feel when we have been faced with too many decisions.  We all suffer from this periodically, Maximizers much more frequently.  The problem with Decision Fatigue though is that researchers have found that when we are suffering from it our willpower is at 'low' point, leaving us more susceptible to making poor choices like over-eating or over-spending.

Satisficing allows us to make faster, easier decisions that do not deplete our energy, thus conserving those willpower units for a time later in the day that we may need them.  For a Maximizer, learning to switch to Satisficing mode, they need to ask themselves, early in the decision-making process, What is the cost to me of making a bad decision here?

When the perceived cost is high and is important to your life, goals, family... go for broke.  Here the costs to you and your family have much bigger ramifications and therefore they are worth your investment of time.  Give reign to your Maximizing needs and assure yourself of making the best decision you could.  You'll sleep easier when you do.

Most of our decisions though involve a relatively low cost and therefore lend themselves well to going for Good-Enough.  The paint colour for the bedroom, which Bran cereal to try, a play to see.  When the cost of making a bad decision is low there is no true advantage in spending too much energy on trying to ensure that you make the 'best' decision, Satisficing is the way to go.  An investment of any more time than what is required by Satisficing will not net you a more positive result or bigger gain. Save your energy and willpower units for something else.

As research is now showing us, not only are there times where Good-Enough truly is Good-enough, we're finding that learning to practice the principle may also be a healthier option,  proving that Good-Enough is also Good for you.

And so it Begins...

... another New Year.  Fresh and untarnished like that first snowfall.  The snow so deep that it drapes all of the objects beneath it, rounding their surfaces and softening the landscape.  The snow as yet walked on, with its unblemished surface.  This is your year.  You get to lay down your own tracks, determine your best path. As you don your winter gear and head out into your year, what thoughts and plans do you have for what awaits you?

... another New Year.  Yours to do what you you want with it.  What are your expectations for the year?  A new job, house or relationship?  Perhaps it's time to focus on strengthening the relationships you have, or your skills in your current role.  Maybe it's time to focus on your personal and spiritual growth, perhaps your health.  If so, what new experiences and learnings do you have in store?  What path do you plan to take to get you there?

... another New Year.  To do more of what makes you smile, more of what stretches and challenges you, more of what creates memories worth holding on to.

... another New Year.  To close the door on the past year and open the door to the new and all it represents.  All of the new opportunities that await you, all of the new places to explore, all of the new people to meet, all of the new things to do and learn from.

... another New Year.  To step boldly forward into what can be, leaving what was behind.  Another year to be what you want, not what you were, to be 'more', however you define that for yourself.

... another New Year.  What are you going to do with yours?

Make Learning a Priority

I am often astounded by the number of people I meet each week whose biggest reason for not being 'where' they want to in their careers, or not having achieved 'what' they want in their lives is a lack of education.  

'My boss won't pay for me to take any courses' they lament.
'Our company doesn't offer tuition reimbursement'

'I can't afford to pay for these programs myself' 

Yes, I agree...  formal education can be expensive.  However, not continuously learning what you need to stay current, if not ahead of the pack, is perhaps the biggest disservice that you can pay to yourself and your career.  It's an easy and ready excuse to blame others for your not continuously learning and exposing yourself to new ideas and concepts, especially when all the 'reason' brings you is the end result of NOT having what you need to succeed.

Continuous Learning is a Key Success Trigger

In today's electronic age, it is easier than ever to access - for FREE - the information, training, programs and tools that you need to learn what you need.  Not accessing it, not reading it, not learning it  - well, the fault rests solely on your shoulders, since the cost issue is truly no longer a barrier.  Of course, the second most common reason I'm given for not learning is that it takes 'time', and time is one of those commodities that everyone seems to have in short supply.

Certainly we all have a myriad number of things vying for our time and attention over the course of each day.  However, you are ultimately the one making the choices about how you choose to allot your time.  If you find that you have little trouble in finding the time to keep up with a number of your favourite shows on television, then you have time available for learning.  You are simply not choosing to do so.

The beautiful thing about learning is that no one can take it away from you.B.B. King

Try out any of the following ideas for increasing your access to new thoughts, messages, skills and learnings.

1. College Programs.  There are a growing number of Colleges and Universities that are beginning to post free programs on the internet, for all to access.  Even colleges like Harvard and MIT have joined into the mix.  Check out iTumesU for a listing of many you can access or search for Open Curriculums in Google to find a subject and program that interests you.
2. Blogs.  Given the multitude of blogs on the net it should not be a problem in finding someone who is an expert in an area you are not and follow them.  Let them research the topic for you, condensing it and sharing their insights.  Consider checking into well-known and admired publications for blogs that they offer from respected guest-bloggers (such as Harvard Business Review's blog)
3. Online Videos.  Video blogging and posting is growing at an exponential rate and is a great way to gain exposure to new concepts and thoughts.  Many are quite short and give you exposure to ways of thinking and insights you might not have otherwise.  Although many might not be in your direct field, it is always interesting to discover how an insight made in one field can create a new awareness in another.  My favourite of course is Ted for interesting talks on topics I might never have learned about otherwise.  You can even search for a talk based on time.  Only have 5 minutes?  Ted can offer you talks that fit that timeframe.  Even Youtube has many educational resources you can tap into.
4. Podcasts.  Another great resource, also accessible through the itunes library, are podcasts.  Many experts in their field offer a regular podcast on short topical issues and discussions.  Search through the various offerings and check out a couple to follow to keep yourself informed.  Download them to your favourite electronic device and listen on your way to or from work.
5. Books.  Often overlooked but definitely my favourite resource.  Reading not only expands your mind,  but it also helps to develop your vocabulary and communication skills, helps to train and develop your brain's ability to think and conceptualize ideas. Although you can certainly purchase your books directly, whether in hardprint or in a downloadable format, don't overlook the value of your local library.  My card is well-used.  I will often borrow business books on tape to make use of my commuting time to help keep me well-informed and up-to-date.

“Whatever the cost of our libraries, the price is cheap compared to that of an ignorant nation.” ― Walter Cronkite

With so much information available to us with no cost beyond our investment of time, there are no barriers to continually growing and advancing our knowledge-base.  I guess the only real question to ask then is one we often ask our children over dinner...

What did YOU learn today? 

Building Trust

We have often heard it said that trust is difficult to develop, yet easy to lose.  In business, we know that solid relationships are built upon a foundation of trust.  And yet, research shows us that only 49% of employees 'trust' Senior Management.  The implication seems to be that despite our 'knowing' we need to cultivate an environment of trust, we aren't 'doing' what it takes to build it, let alone support it.

Stephen Covey says that 'Trust is confidence born of two dimensions:  character and competence". Character being comprised of elements such as integrity, intentions and motives, and competence elements like capabilities, skills, results and track record.  It is not enough to simply demonstrate that you have the skills to fulfil the responsibilities of your role if you do not also enter into your business dealings in an ethical manner.  Conversely, the reverse is also true.  You may demonstrate integrity in your approaches, but if you lack the requisite skills to get the job done, then others won't trust your in your ability to make it happen.

The truth of the matter typically rests not in the 'good' times.  When things are running smoothly it is easier to be more trustworthy.  It is easier to hit deadlines, easier to show interest and compassion in others, easier to be more upfront in your business dealings and relationships.  Trust then is typically really made or broken during the tough times.  It is during those difficult moments, when making those tough decisions, that your strength of character determines the path you follow and, ultimately, how trustworthy you are.

Often, the cost to us of straying from the path of our convictions, of compromising just the slightest, is much larger than we may realize in that moment.  We become much more aware of the price that was levied when we attempt to rebuild what was lost, discovering that in many instances we have inadvertently created a gulf far too large to be bridged.

Use the following to help you find ways to build, and maintain, your trust-level with others and perhaps also as a gauge of where you may be making compromises that are damaging the trust levels in your relationships and your reputation.

You build trust by...

• Making the 'right' decision, even when it might not be popular, or cheaper options exist
• Showing up when it's not convenient for you
• Saying what you feel even when risky
• Keeping your promises to others, even when you might have gotten away with not doing so
• Being transparent in your motives and intentions
• Telling the truth, even when it would be easier to lie
• Doing what you say you will, when you say you will, even when something 'better' came along
• Righting wrongs, even when you could have walked on by them without anyone knowing you were there
• Being open about what your expectations are of others, situations, and yourself
• Holding yourself accountable to your agreements, handshakes, promises, potential
• Trusting others will earn your trust in them, rather than withholding your trust until they have 'earned' it

Remember that there are typically two options to any choice we face - the high road and the low road. Trust is always built on the high road.  If you find yourself journeying along a lower road option, know that it is rarely the short-cut that it might seem at the time.  Short cuts generally create distances and gaps in other pathways that may more than offset any perceived advantage that the low-road seemed to provide.

Trust me on this one!

  

What are your 'Reasons'?

I still have kids at home...
We have a mortgage...
I don't have a degree...
I'm paying off my degree...
I'm too old now...
I'm too young...
I don't know enough to...
It's too risky...
The time isn't right...
The market isn't right...
Once I'm in shape...
I tried it before and it didn't work for me...
My boss would never go for it...
I have bad knees...
Others have said it's a bad idea...
I'm really busy right now...
I've invested too much to get where I am...
I have kids to support...
I have my parents to support...
I don't have the money...
I don't have the time...
I've never tried this before...
People might laugh...
People might think I'm crazy...
People might talk...

There are no shortage of reasons to NOT do something.  If you find yourself consulting your list of 'why not to do' something you want, you will never do it, never start something new, never try something new, never grow.  There is no reason on this list (or on a list you carry with you) that is big enough to stop you from going after something you want, IF you want it badly enough.  The question is... how badly do you want it?

In life you can have 'reasons', or you can have results.  Your choice of course, but the answer seems pretty clear to me.

The 'best' use of your reasons list?  Get a box of matches, a stick and a bag of marshmallows.  Truly, the best possible use of the reason list is to give yourself a treat!

Your 'Eureka' Moments

We have likely all experienced those moments when the answer to a question or dilemma we have been mulling over seems to suddenly pop into our heads. It often feels like it has done so out of no-where, coming from some unknown inner source. However, these answers actually come from a form of unconscious reasoning, rooted in the ways in which our brain functions.

We are constantly accumulating knowledge, through one medium or another, that our brain stores for us. Our brain though, likes organization and it is constantly sifting our knowledge to find and recognise the patterns that run throughout the different pieces of information we are collecting.  As it does, the brain organizes all of the similar pieces of information into 'chunks' that it then links to other chunks of patterns and data, forming clusters.  (with me still?)

When we are faced with a decision, our brains will think through the decision itself, looking for familiar patterns within it, looking to find a common link with clusters and chunks of information already stored.  When it discovers such a link you then flash to that larger picture, giving you that Eureka! moment.  We interpret it as a flash of intuition, coming out of the blue.

How to craft your Eureka! moments more strategically?  Here are a couple of great tips that will help you develop and learn to listen with greater clarity to your 'intuition'...

1. Pay attention to your hunches.  You needn't 'act' upon them to start but do record them and then 'see' down the road how accurate they are.  Likely you will gain confidence in listening to your hunches in future when you take this step to 'prove' to yourself their relative degree of accuracy.
2. Use the Red Light/Green Light game.  Picture a stoplight in your mind's eye.  We know that Green means go and red means stop, therefore green is yes and positive, while red is no and negative.  To start off you need to prime your mind to use the stoplight correctly, so start off with statements that you know to be clearly true or false, positive or negative.  For instance...  say your name and then picture the stoplight... what colour light flashes (should be green).  Now say a different name and view the stoplight in your head... it should flash red.  Do this a number of times ensuring that the stoplight is 'working' as it should.  Then...  state your decision out loud and 'see' what light colour flashes.  Whichever colour is highlighted is your unconscious mind's thoughts about what choice you should make.  
3. Use your subconscious mind while sleeping.  We all know that our mind remains active while we are at 'sleep'. This tactic helps you direct and target it to work for you, even while the rest of you isn't working!  Just before bed, write your key thought or question on a piece of paper.  Read it over a couple of times and then go to sleep (leaving your pen and paper beside the bed).  Immediately upon rising in the morning, read the question again, writing down all thoughts that occur to you in that moment.  This is likely a 'dumping' of everything that your brain was able to pull out of its files overnight.  You may find that you wake up during the night with some thoughts... jot them down immediately to not lose them and then go back to sleep!

The next time you are stuck between two choices and you have a little voice in your head that is pointing you in one direction over another...  take the time to listen to it.  That voice is real and is often right!

Who are you rooting for?

I'm starting this blog post with a quote from the ever-quotable Seth Godin...

We say we want to root for the underdog, but actually, we want to be seen as rooting for whomever everyone else is rooting for

The need to belong, to feel that we are part of something, is a strong influencer over our behaviour.  Often, following the crowd is 'easier' then taking the time to think something through fully on our own.  We don't have the time (or perhaps the interest) and we therefore go along with everyone else.  It's almost a knee-jerk reaction. 

Perhaps going along with everyone else stems more out of a desire to:

• Avoid confrontation.  We know that others will push back if we don't agree and we just don't want the hassle!
• Be liked.  Let's face it, many of us like to be liked.  We care what others think.  As a result, we go along with the group in an effort to be seen as someone similar, someone that they will perhaps call a friend.
• Not rock the boat.  Taking a stand takes energy.  We have too much on our plate already, we don't particularly care about the issue at hand, or perhaps we just want to strategically curry favour.  In either event, going along with others maintains the status quo, which serves us in the moment.
• Not have to think.  Yep, sometimes it's just this simple... we let others do our thinking for us.

If we do any of the first three items above - deliberately and strategically - I don't take issue with it.  As long as you are consciously making a choice in those responses (that will hopefully net you positive results down the line) then I'm good. Note though, I still expect you to accept the consequences of those choices! 

However, if you are simply operating in default mode, going along with others because you don't want to think for yourself...  then we need to talk!  These are the folks that are less likely to accept any responsibility for their actions.  They will place blame on the others around them before they will ever accept that they too engaged in the same behaviour.   Letting others think for you will lead you to living someone else's life, supporting someone else's values and beliefs.

Rather, we need to ensure we are clear about what is important to us.  By understanding our values and beliefs more fully, we are then able to weigh our decisions and actions against them, choosing those options that work in alignment with our values.  Doing so might not always prove to be the easiest choice, or the most popular choice, but in the long run it will almost always prove to be the choice that allows us to feel best about ourselves. 

Saying no to you might mean that you don't like me much but... if by saying no to you I am living in alignment with my beliefs and values, what's important to me... then I like me just fine and for me, that's more than enough.

“The ultimate measure of a man is not where he stands in moments of comfort and convenience, but where he stands at times of challenge and controversy.”

—Martin Luther King, Jr.

Questions, Questions, Questions

There is power in questions.  Often, the answer we need is driven only by our ability to question, to seek out the answer in the first place.  Is our lack of answers then a result of not having asked the right questions or is it more a reflection of not having asked enough?

As children we are full of questions; ongoing, ever-ending questions.  There is no thought about whether the question is good or bad, smart or insightful, interesting or thought-provoking, worthwhile or boring.  It was simply enough that we didn't know something and wanted to.  As we grew though, we started to become more self-conscious about what our questions might say about us to others.  We didn't want others to know that we didn't know something, that we didn't understand.  We became worried about what others might think of us and we started to filter our questions.

As adults, we ask fewer questions.  We try to find more information out on our own than simply asking someone to share their insights and knowledge.  Typically because we don't want to look dumb.  There's a risk in asking and so, we don't.

Asking fewer questions though means that not only do we often fail to take in all of the information that we want and need, it also means that we tend to lose our questioning skills.  We ask fewer questions, often of a poorer quality.  We stop refining our questioning skills which results in a drop in the quality of the questions we do ask.  The true result?  We stop getting quality answers. 

The Quality of our Answers is Driven by the Quality of our Questions

The bottom line is this.  If you don't have answers in your life...  start asking more questions.  And I mean MORE!  Don't stop.  The more questions the better, because at this stage you don't know what the 'right' question is!   The more questions you ask, whether of yourself or others, the more answers you will get.  The more answers, the more insight and, ultimately, the greater the clarity of your final 'answer', the choice you make. 

Choose now to enhance the quality of the choices you make in the upcoming year by asking more and better questions. 

“Quality questions create a quality life. Successful people ask better questions, and as a result, they get better answers.” — Anthony Robbins

Don't filter your life by filtering your questions.  Likely the very questions you are afraid to ask are those that contain the answers that you need.  Make this upcoming year one in which you truly embrace the Art of Asking Questions, starting with yourself.  If you refuse to ask yourself the tough questions, you might want to start with the following question...

Why?  What am I afraid of uncovering/discovering by avoiding asking that?

A good question to use when trying to determine why we're afraid of asking questions!  A child's favourite question - Why?  Make it yours.  Simple, yet effective, it can help you to uncover your barriers, challenge your beliefs, question the seemingly obvious and uncover the non-so-obvious truths.  When you feel resistance, your fallback question should always be 'Why'. 

Make this upcoming year one in which you embrace the Art and Practice of Questioning.  More answers lead to better choices, which lead to greater growth.  The life you want starts with a question.  Are you ready to ask yours?

The Art of Allowing

I was flipping through emails recently when the phrase 'The Art of Allowing' caught my eye.  This concept proposes that we allow people, things and events to be as they are... not as we want or wish them to be.  In doing so, we free ourselves from the need to 'fix' things to our own predetermined sense of rightness.

Think of how much time and energy we expend in frustration and anger over people not doing as we want, as things not going how we'd like.  I see this wasted energy a lot during coaching sessions, where clients vent their frustration over someone close to them not behaving as a 'good' mother, sister, spouse, friend 'should'.  This type of thinking of course presupposes that we know the correct way to be, do or act in a given situation. 

In practicing the Art of Allowing though, we need to suspend this judgement of people and events.  We are asked to recognise that others have the right to choose their own course and that those choices may not always be in support of our desired direction.  Not choosing to move in our direction doesn't make them 'wrong', it just makes their path different.  As soon as we adopt the view that they are wrong though, we begin putting thought and energy into fixing or changing their choices and direction.  We engage our energy and action into 'correcting' their course and certainly get angry, frustrated, disappointed when they don't.

Most of us struggle at coming up with the energy we need to chart and stay our own course, let alone expending energy into plotting everyone else's.  The Art of Allowing though, frees us from fixing or changing events.  We learn to accept things as they are, not to expend energy wishing them to be different.  We fight for the right to make our own choices, to lead our own lives... the Art of Allowing asks us to remember that others have those same rights.  Learning to respect those rights is a natural corollary.

In short... I don't need to like or even approve of your choices, but I need to learn to acknowledge your right to make them.

Tired of Making Decisions?

Regardless of whether you answered 'yes' or 'no' to this question, the latest research out indicates that we all get tired when faced with having to make too many decisions.  The biggest insight though was the discovery that when we suffer from mental fatigue the quality of the decisions we now are asked to make deteriorates significantly.

It seems that no matter how good we believe we are at making decisions, we can't continue to make decision after decision without paying a price biologically.  We know this about physical and muscle fatigue, but our brains apparently get tired too.  The problem is that we typically aren't consciously aware of when we're low on mental energy and therefore we tend to continue to push through, without ever knowing that our self-control (which is the element that tends to over-see bad decision making!) is being depleted.

Decision Fatigue is the term applied to the phenomenon called Ego Depletion - so labelled by social psychologist Roy F. Baumeister.  His experiments showed that there is a finite store of mental energy for self-control.  When it is depleted, our ability to resist temptations is also significantly reduced.  This new insight helps explain the dieter's dilemma...  why losing weight can prove to be so hard.  If you are constantly having to deny yourself food that you're craving you are, in essence, having to consistently make a choice between 'cheating' or not.  Each decision continues to deplete your willpower resources until you finally cave-in late in the day.  This is why candy bars at the check-out counter sell so well.  Up until now it was put down to simple impulse purchases.  However, if you have been shopping for a while, making decision after decision about what to buy, the make, model, price...  you are more fatigued by the time you go to pay.  That fatigue results in a loss of willpower and, before you know it, those M&M's are tossed in your cart.

These findings though have bigger, more far reaching implications...

• Research shows that if you are a prisoner going to a parole hearing, you are 70% more likely to be granted parole if you are on the docket early in the morning than if you are scheduled late in the day.  Although studies haven't yet been conducted, I can only assume that sentencing decisions late in the day would also be affected.  I'm not sure though if it would result in greater or lesser sentencing... which is easier to decide?


• If you have had to make a lot of decisions (even small relatively inconsequential ones), you will give up more than 50% faster on the next decisions you have to make


• Once decision fatigue has set in, you are significantly more likely to settle for whatever the 'recommended' options are from sales personnel.  Buying a car?  Researchers had customers wade through a number of additional special features that they could select to add onto their proposed new vehicle.  Although they weighed their choices carefully in the beginning, as decision fatigue began to set in customers started settling for whatever the default option was.  Savvy salespeople of course kept the more expensive options and decisions for the end.  The result?  Car buyers ended up purchasing more than $2,000 in extras.  Decision fatigue can therefore leave you very vulnerable to marketers who know and understand the phenomena and time their sales accordingly.


• The poor are more susceptible than the rich.  Interestingly, the less money that you have to spend, the more decisions you have to make - constantly weighing your choices over the course of the day.  This leaves you more mentally fatigued and therefore more susceptible to to the effects, making poorer choices for yourself and more easily influenced by others


• When we exercise too much we feel it and know to relax.  We allow our body some time to shut down and recover.  Our brain though never stops working.  It can't, it's in charge of too many processes that are perpetually ongoing.  Decision Fatigue then doesn't result in a shut down of the brain, but it does result in the brain stopping its activity on certain things and starting doing others instead.  It redirects its focus.  The big shift tends to be a refocusing from long-term prospects to focusing instead on more immediate rewards.  Yes, you know your long-term goal is to lose those 10 pounds, but your brain has now determined that you deserve that candy bar... now!

In fact, in order to recover from mental fatigue your brain requires glucose.  That's why whenever we get exceedingly mentally fatigued we find ourselves reaching for the sweet snacks rather than salty ones.  (again... a tough one for dieters who are likely trying to avoid the sweet snacks)

What to do with this?

Know and understand that there are no telltale signs or symptoms of decision fatigue.  All decisions, large or small, add up to deplete your will power.  Choosing what to have for breakfast, what clothes to wear, what to spend, what model to buy, whether to go out to a movie...  all add up.  Don't delude yourself into thinking that you are immune... we are all susceptible.  Even knowing it happens doesn't prevent it from happening.  It is logical to expect therefore, that the decisions you make later in the day are likely to suffer as a result.  If you have big decisions to make later in the day then ensure that you top up your glucose levels at least a half hour beforehand.

Additionally, studies show that the people with the best self-control are those that have structured a lot of the elements in their lives so as to conserve their willpower.  Actions you can take to conserve yours...

• try to avoid scheduling back-to-back meetings, allow a little mental recovery time in between whenever possible


• schedule in moments throughout your day that don't require decisions of any kind, take a mental decision break!


• establish habits that standardize activities, thus requiring fewer decisions.  (if you set up work out times ahead you don't have to decide each day whether to do it or not)


• make your biggest decisions in the morning


• finish each day making whatever decisions you can for the day ahead (plan out your breakfast, your clothing, your route, your evening activities.  If you've got anything left in you, before going to bed (when you will replenish your fatigue), spend it on making some upcoming decisions.  Think of this like 'banking' some decision time.  You don't know how challenging your next day might be, it never hurts to bank a little insurance!


• when your day has been packed with decisions and choices, know that your brain must be fatigued and avoid making big decisions.  Know when not to trust your judgment. 

Choices... Choices!

We are faced with innumerable decisions over the course of each day, from the small and relatively inconsequential (will that be skim, whole or soy in my latte?) to larger decisions with greater potential for impact upon our lives (where we choose to live, the job we take, the person we marry).

Add to these decisions the sheer volume of options available and our choices can sometimes seem overwhelming.  Will we choose luxury or frugality, pleasure or practicality, form or function?  It is an entire field of study, which attempts to understand just what influences the decisions and choices we make... so that 'they' can sell to us better.  (read:  so they can sell 'more' stuff to us!)

New research just out, conducted by Aner Selia, Jonah Berger and Wendy Lu, has determined that the number of choices made available to a consumer actually increases the level of difficulty in choosing.  Additionally, the more difficult the choice, the more that the final decision will be based on some form of justification: how well the decision fulfills criteria based on...

• function vs. form
• frugality vs. luxury
• practicality vs. pleasure

From an influence perspective, this research has clear implications on how you may want to present your options to potential consumers.  Consider first what you're selling and where it falls on the continuum above.  If your product is more on the pleasure/luxury end of things, keep the number of options small.  On the other hand, if your product is more on the practical/frugal side, a greater number of choices would be better.

Combine the above with previous research by Cialdini and his associates, who determined that the greater percentage of your sales will fall to your middle option, in order to position your product in the best light.  In their experiments, they were able to sell out a high-priced product, which enjoyed few previous sales, simply by creating/listing a more expensive option above it.  Placing it below a higher priced product made it more appealing to consumers.  The shift to the middle position moves a product from appearing to be a 'luxury' item to appearing more 'practical'.

On a personal level, bear in mind that too many options can often overwhelm us.  Instead of waffling between too many options and allowing the sheer volume of choice to lead to decision-paralysis, spend your first moments narrowing the field by eliminating options with little or no appeal.  By starting off with gaining clarity over our 'No's', we often gain the insight we need to be able to say 'Yes' more definitively.