Tip Thursday - Influence

What you expect often influences and changes what actually and ultimately happens. Your expectations of outcomes leads you to interact differently and is often a fundamental component of ensuring that the outcome you expected occurs. For many situations though, expectancy is a non-conscious process.

The classic study in this phenomena was in 1968 where researchers split students into two groups - High IQ and Low IQ. Teachers were told which students belonged to which groups but no one else was informed, including parents and the students themselves. After 8 months the High IQ group performed remarkably well on tests while the Low IQ group performed poorly.  About what you would expect.

The twist though was that ALL students had been RANDOMLY assigned to the groups. Membership in either group had no reflection on actual IQ scores. The only variable was the expectation of the teacher. The teacher had different expectations of the two groups and those expectations began to subtly alter and shift the actual performance of the students themselves.  Pretty powerful. Expectation is therefore a powerful precursor of outcome and, ultimately, of success or failure.

Dream Less, but Expect More!

We have all been told, on numerous occasions I'm sure, to dream big, that if we can't dream it we can't achieve it.  The cold hard truth is though... Dreaming doesn't make it so.  It turns out that thinking about what we want in life doesn't get us closer to achieving more. However, becoming clear about we 'expect'... will.

The Placebo Effect in medicating and treating individuals is well documented. A patient administered a sugar pill, if they expect it to reduce their pain, will typically experience pain relief. The patient expected the 'drug' they were receiving to be effective, to a certain degree, in reducing their pain and therefore they experienced that degree of pain relief.

In a well-known study students were divided into two groups; high and low IQ. Only teachers were informed which group each student was in. The students knew nothing of the division. After eight months, the High IQ group was performing significantly better than the Low IQ group. However, unbeknownst to the teachers, the students had been randomly assigned to the two groups. The groups actually had no bearing on the actual IQ of the students. Remember also, the students knew nothing about the assigned groups and yet their performance suffered due to the arbitrary classification. The determining factor? The expectations of the teachers themselves. The teachers 'knew' which group each student belonged to and therefore had different expectations for each that unconsciously influenced the results and achievements of each. 

This is big. Think about it for a minute. What you expect of/from others influences what you will likely receive from them. Pretty powerful stuff!

Take this concept and apply it back to the concept of your dreams. We all know that our dreams aren't true. We don't really expect them to occur, we don't hold them as a certainty. Is it little wonder that we don't achieve them? Instead, we have to reframe our dreams as certainties. We have to 'expect' them to occur if we want to truly experience and achieve them. It is through these unshakeable expectations that we continue to persevere, that we continue to move forward. It is this certainty of expectation that helps us to cope with frustration and disappointment along the way. We may experience setbacks but we are better poised to keep going and pushing through when we expect that things will turn around. 

I see this phenomena play out often with coaching clients. It is not unusual for people to express a desire for more, better or different in their lives. However, when questioned about their expectations I find that, although they would like or hope for better, they don't truly 'expect' things to change. As a result, they don't tend to engage in the behaviours necessary to drive the change they want. If you don't expect that your efforts will make a difference, you'll be hard pressed to expense the time and energy into those efforts.

Our expectations are critical to our experienced outcomes. Note that expectancy is a non-conscious process. It is an unconscious prediction that manifests in the conscious mind as a certainty. Hoping for something does not convey that same sense of certainty that expectancy does, therefore you do not feel the same compulsion to invest in making it happen. Expectations drive attitudes and behaviours which, in turn, lead you to engage in actions that drive your desired (expected) results. Hoping or wishing for something does not generate a call to action and therefore you tend to remain safely ensconced in your armchair, surrounding by those unfulfilled hopes.

How does this look?

• You hope to win a lottery some day but you expect to spend the rest of your life earning $50,000.00 per year. Your current salary? $50,000.00. Typically, research shows us that we each tend to earn the salary that we truly expect that we are worth, that we expect is possible for us.


• You want that new promotion, but you expect the boss to say no. You're not surprised when that is what they say.


• You want to lose weight and keep it off but you expect that you will always have to struggle with your weight and yo-yo dieting. Sure enough, you somehow manage to regain those 10 pounds you just lost

Sound familiar?

The difference between wanting or hoping for something and what our true expectations are is the key differential in what we truly experience and receive in our lives. If you truly want something different then you need to build the expectations that will support that desire. Challenge your limiting beliefs and existing expectations, replacing them with those that support those desires and dreams. Otherwise... they will continue to remain simply hopes and dreams, as ethereal and unreachable as the clouds drifting by outside of my window.

In a nutshell...we GET what we EXPECT.  

Was this blog post insightful, interesting and helpful for you?  I expect so!

Tip Thursday - Perception

We tend to quickly perceive...
... things we are focusing on, but not things we are not focusing on.
... things we expect to see, but not things we don't expect to see.
... things we want to see, but not things we do not want to see.

Our experiences and perceptions of people and events are therefore shaped by our focus, expectations and wants.  If you want to broaden your perceptions, to learn to view things more as they are and not how you want or expect them to be, you need to suspend your beliefs and expectations.

Don't interpret, simply observe.  Typically far easier said than done, but it will open you to far richer experiences.

Tip Thursday - Influence of Expectation

Many of us may spend time 'hoping' for good things to happen, but it is the people that actually
'expect' good things that will experience them more. Why?  Because our expectations will often influence the outcome.  Generally, our expectations (what we truly believe will happen) will unconsciously influence our behaviour which will, in turn, influence the behaviours of others around us, thus creating the experience we 'expected'.  Research has shown that teachers who were 'told' which students were high IQ or low IQ inadvertently influenced the students to perform according to their expectations, even when what they were originally told about the students was untrue. The students began to behave and perform according to the beliefs and expectations of the teacher. Think about this in relation to your life and career. What are you Expecting and what are you Getting? Maybe not what you want, but likely what you expect.  Change your expectations and you'll change your outcomes!   (and...  to be kept in the loop with other great tips... LIKE our page!  I expect you will!)

Toleration - in Moderation

There are so many things in life that we have, for our own sanity, learned to tolerate.  These are those aspects of our everyday life we have learned to overlook and step around to ease our frustration...

• endless line ups
• warm chai even when we've asked for 'extra hot'
• commutes
• constant road repairs or roads never being repaired
• bad service
• service people who can only promise 'sometime between 8am and 5pm

You get the idea.  To rail against all of these frustrations would create too much negativity and angst in our lives.  Instead, we learn to 'go with the flow', learning to accept (if not to also expect) and tolerate these frustrations.  My concern is not with many of these elements, I too have learned to cope with most of them.  My concern is with the 'habit' of toleration, the habits that lead us into unconsciously tolerating and accepting those things in our life that we should not.  There is a line that needs to be drawn in the sand that many miss, tolerating too much and compromising the quality of their lives and their happiness as a result.

As we enter this new year, we might want to consider introducing the new slogan of Toleration - in Moderation.  Learn to tolerate the small, petty annoyances... they will only drive you crazy otherwise and, in the grand scheme of things, likely don't have an impact on the quality or nature of your life.  However... do NOT continue to tolerate those that DO have an impact upon your life, work, happiness and esteem.  You are better than than and deserve better.

What should we stop tolerating in our lives?

• Being unhappy at work.  Find work that brings you fulfillment and joy, work that stretches you, challenges you, allows you to contribute.
• Staying in relationships that drain you of your energy, happiness, and sense of self.  Whether a friend, family member, lover or spouse.  Get out.
• Anyone treating us with less than the respect we deserve.  Any time.
• Negativity.  Surround yourself with those will lift you up, not bring you down, that help you to be and do more, not that make you feel like less.

There are, of course, elements in the world around us that are intolerable also that we must learn to stop accepting or expecting.  However, I believe that if we tolerate too much mistreatment of ourselves then it is logical that we would expect others to be mistreated.  Learning to set boundaries for ourselves, and to enforce them, helps us to develop and strengthen a voice that we can then lend to others, helping them to also find theirs. The movement starts with you.  Expect more for yourself, accept nothing less.  

Toleration...  in Moderation

And so it Begins...

... another New Year.  Fresh and untarnished like that first snowfall.  The snow so deep that it drapes all of the objects beneath it, rounding their surfaces and softening the landscape.  The snow as yet walked on, with its unblemished surface.  This is your year.  You get to lay down your own tracks, determine your best path. As you don your winter gear and head out into your year, what thoughts and plans do you have for what awaits you?

... another New Year.  Yours to do what you you want with it.  What are your expectations for the year?  A new job, house or relationship?  Perhaps it's time to focus on strengthening the relationships you have, or your skills in your current role.  Maybe it's time to focus on your personal and spiritual growth, perhaps your health.  If so, what new experiences and learnings do you have in store?  What path do you plan to take to get you there?

... another New Year.  To do more of what makes you smile, more of what stretches and challenges you, more of what creates memories worth holding on to.

... another New Year.  To close the door on the past year and open the door to the new and all it represents.  All of the new opportunities that await you, all of the new places to explore, all of the new people to meet, all of the new things to do and learn from.

... another New Year.  To step boldly forward into what can be, leaving what was behind.  Another year to be what you want, not what you were, to be 'more', however you define that for yourself.

... another New Year.  What are you going to do with yours?

Managing Expectations

We all have a tendency to measure our relative level of happiness and success according to our
'expectations'.  If we fall short of our expectations we are disappointed, meet them we're satisfied, exceed them and we are delighted. As a result, we use our expectations to define whether or not something good has happened, whether we are successful (or not), whether we are happy (or not).

At no point in this equation though, are we evaluating whether our expectations were a useful or helpful measure.  We don't stop to consider whether the result produced by our actions delighted us, was productive, proved valuable or if it even made us happier.  Without this final measure we may continue to work toward meeting or exceeding expectations that don't, in fact, net us the desired return.

We need to build in an extra step, to measure the gains from the actual result.  

Failed to meet Expectations?

Fail to meet your expectations on an initiative?  Before you convince yourself that you 'must' be disappointed and need to work harder on this...  assess how you really are feeling.  If you don't feel as disappointed as anticipated, you may find that it wasn't a goal that truly mattered as much to you as once believed.  In fact, this lack of connection to the end result may account for your falling short on the result and may indicate that spending more time on developing this area is time wasted for you.

Met Expectations?

Met expectations but not feeling as 'satisfied' with the result as anticipated?  If you find you are feeling disappointed despite having 'achieved' your goal, this may indicate a goal that means more to you than you led yourself to believe or that you actually have higher expectations for yourself than you had thought.  Only by being clear about a goal's relative importance to you can you accurately judge the effort you should expend in its achievement.  

Exceeded Expectations?

Exceeded expectations but also not feeling satisfied with the results?  This could be a sign of two things.  Either you worked hard at exceeding a goal that really didn't have much perceived value to you (in which case you expended unnecessary effort) or you set your expectations bar too low on this goal.  Despite having exceeded the stated goal you may find that you actually wanted 'more'.  Being safe in setting the goal, but less than honest with yourself about what you actually want, may serve to undermine your level of happiness and sense of achievement.

It is only by being absolutely clear with yourself about what your expectations are for yourself that you can truly drive your resulting level of satisfaction, happiness and success.  Put your energy into achieving those things that truly matter to you, expending less on those areas that don't.  We all have a limited amount of energy.  Creating the best possible life for yourself means expending your energy in ways that create the most value for you.  

Dream Less but Expect More!

We have all been told, on numerous occasions I'm sure, to dream big, that if we can't dream it we can't achieve it. The cold hard truth is though... Dreaming doesn't make it so. It turns out that thinking about what we want in life doesn't get us closer to achieving more. However, becoming clear about what we 'expect' will.

The Placebo Effect in medicating and treating individuals is well documented. A patient administered a sugar pill, if they expect it to reduce their pain, will typically experience pain relief. The patient expected the 'drug' they were receiving to be effective, to a certain degree, in reducing their pain and therefore they experienced that degree of pain relief.

In a well-known study students were divided into two groups; high and low IQ. Only teachers were informed which group each student was in. The students knew nothing of the division. After eight months, the High IQ group was performing significantly better than the Low IQ group. However, unbeknownst to the teachers, the students had been randomly assigned to the two groups. The groups actually had no bearing on the actual IQ of the students. Remember also, the students knew nothing about the assigned groups and yet their performance suffered due to the arbitrary classification. The determining factor? The expectations of the teachers themselves. The teachers 'knew' which group each student belonged to and therefore had different expectations for each that unconsciously influenced the results and achievements of each.

This is big. Think about it for a minute. What you expect of/from others influences what you will likely receive from them. Pretty powerful stuff!

Take this concept and apply it back to the concept of your dreams. We all know that our dreams aren't true. We don't really expect them to occur, we don't hold them as a certainty. Is it little wonder that we don't achieve them? Instead, we have to reframe our dreams as certainties. We have to 'expect' them to occur if we want to truly experience and achieve them. It is through these unshakeable expectations that we continue to persevere, that we continue to move forward. It is this certainty of expectation that helps us to cope with frustration and disappointment along the way. We may experience setbacks but we are better poised to keep going and pushing through when we expect that things will turn around.

I see this phenomena play out often with coaching clients. It is not unusual for people to express a desire for more, better or different in their lives. However, when questioned about their expectations I find that, although they would like or hope for better, they don't truly 'expect' things to change. As a result, they don't tend to engage in the behaviours necessary to drive the change they want. If you don't expect that your efforts will make a difference, you'll be hard pressed to expense the time and energy into those efforts.

Our expectations are critical to our experienced outcomes. Note that expectancy is a non-conscious process. It is an unconscious prediction that manifests in the conscious mind as a certainty. Hoping for something does not convey that same sense of certainty that expectancy does, therefore you do not feel the same compulsion to invest in making it happen. Expectations drive attitudes and behaviours which, in turn, lead you to engage in actions that drive your desired (expected) results. Hoping or wishing for something does not generate a call to action and therefore you tend to remain safely ensconced in your armchair, surrounding by those unfulfilled hopes.

How does this look?

• You hope to win a lottery some day but you expect to spend the rest of your life earning $50,000.00 per year. Your current salary? $50,000.00. Typically, research shows us that we each tend to earn the salary that we truly expect that we are worth, that we expect is possible for us.


• You want that new promotion, but you expect the boss to say no. You're not surprised when that is what they say.


• You want to lose weight and keep it off but you expect that you will always have to struggle with your weight and yo-yo dieting. Sure enough, you somehow manage to regain those 10 pounds you just lost

Sound familiar?

The difference between wanting or hoping for something and what our true expectations are is the key differential in what we truly experience and receive in our lives. If you truly want something different then you need to build the expectations that will support that desire. Challenge your limiting beliefs and existing expectations, replacing them with those that support those desires and dreams. Otherwise... they will continue to remain simply hopes and dreams, as ethereal and unreachable as the clouds drifting by outside of my window.

In a nutshell...we GET what we EXPECT. 

Was this blog post insightful, interesting and helpful for you?  I expect so!

A Time to Reflect...

This is the time of year when it is nice to take some time to sit down (in my case with a nice steamy hot cup of Chai Latte in hand) and reflect back on the past year and to then look to the one ahead.  All too often we fall into the trap of only doing one or the other. 

1. We always look backward.  For some... there is the strong tendency to always be looking into the past, at what they have achieved, at how they have lived so far.  This is a necessary part of the reflection process, for we need to take time to recognise and celebrate how far we've come, how much we've achieved, but don't make the mistake of getting so mired in the past though that you can't see how much further you can go.
2. We always look forward.  For others... the future holds the biggest allure and they are always looking for 'what's next'!  They are constantly pushing and driving toward achieving and doing 'more' with their lives.  We certainly want to use our look to the future to inspire us to continue to grow and learn, to discover more of the world and ourselves, but we also want to ensure that we acknowledge all that we have lived through, for our past helps to shape the person we've become.

Both of these elements needs to be considered.  First, to reflect back on the past year and to acknowledge and embrace all my achievements, everything that I have experienced and accomplished.  For me, this was a busy year, packed with lots of new opportunities and TONS of new learnings.  As I have looked to venturing into creating some training programs to offer my clients through the online learning platform, I have had to battle my own technological learning curve.  It's been work but it is coming together and I definitely feel good about stepping outside of my comfort zone and taking up the gauntlet of giving it a try.  Without trying there is no knowing. 

As much as there has been a serious amount of work this past year there have also been times to spend enjoying friends and family, from time spent at the cottage to time spent in Europe, to smaller moments catching up over lattes.  An essential part of any life well lived I believe; the balance of experiences, the richness of relationships.

Looking forward I am excited about the possibilities that this year will bring.  The new program launches in January and so we will see not only if all the work from the past year pays off, but what other possibilities it opens up moving forward.  I've built in a 90 day health challenge and am now consciously committing to my Third degree black belt in TaeKwondo.  Travelling, cottaging... all help to shape the way my year will unfold. 

Reward backward, motivate forward.      Cindy Dachuk

What about you?

How was this past year for you?  What did you accomplish and achieve?  What special moments did you capture in your heart?  Did you take time to fully celebrate each?  If not... take the time now to list everything that you accomplished and recognise and reward those achievements.  Reinforce the action you took, no matter how small it may seem to others, that helped shape who you are and that took you a step closer to who you will become.

What about this coming year?  What plans are you making for steps that move you forward?  What are you looking to learn, to experience, to try?  What relationships are you committed to starting, developing, growing?  What actions are you planning to take to create a fuller, richer, more meaningful life for yourself?  Open your mind and heart to your dreams and build a step or two toward them.  All journeys begin with a single step... what will yours be?

Remember... you are the difference you want to see in your life, so go out and make a difference... today!

Don't Worry... Be Happy!

I have clients that are worriers.  I have family that are worriers.  I have friends that are worriers.  I worry about them!

In all seriousness though, worrying is seemingly becoming a very pervasive emotion.  Now, perhaps it is more simply a reflection of my coaching profession, but there seems to be an upsurge in the number of worriers that I am encountering.  An impact of our economic times?  Perhaps.  But it does seem that more people are worried about their futures than ever before, in recent times.  However, the act of worrying itself does nothing to improve their state but, it can very well have a significant impact on making things worse.

Worrying is like sitting on a rocking horse, it gives you something to do but you don't get anywhere doing it.                   Tony Robbins

 Worrying itself is neither a proactive or effective emotion.  Certainly worrying about a problem or situation in no way improves or changes it.  However, the effects of worry are much more negatively insidious than may be immediately apparent.

1. A key implication of worry is that things will not turn out well. Let's face it, we don't worry about things turning out well, just that they might turn out poorly for us.  The focus of worrying is all negative.  I won't get that promotion... I might lose my job... What if I fail at my task?... I might get hurt...  These are all what-if scenarios that lead us to inaction, rather than risking the possibility that they may occur.
2. The energy of worry is a heavy burden for us to carry.  It has a physical impact on us and can prove very debilitating for us over the long term.  Just as we know that carrying an extra 100 pounds of excess weight will have a physical impact on our body, causing early wear and tear and strain on our muscles, organs and heart... so too with worry.
3. Worry is not just physically debilitating but mentally debilitating as well.  We create worry loops in our mind that play endlessly, preventing us from engaging in the very thoughts that would lead us to the solution we desire or the action we need to take.
4. Worry expands.  It ripples out beyond us.  Even as we worry about ourselves, we also worry about others in our lives that we care for.  Although this is done out of love and concern for them, we slowly begin to push that negative energy onto them, forcing them to also begin to carry the worry load.  The more they begin to assume and duplicate our burden, the more self-doubt begins to creep into their perspective, thus limiting their growth and potential. Not our intention, surely!

Worrying can be a healthy response to life when it is realistic in its frequency, strength and duration.  When it becomes extreme though, it becomes almost addictive.  We have all heard of adrenalin junkies, those extreme athletes perhaps that pursue the next big adventure that provides them with that adrenalin high.  The truth about worrying though is that it also causes a release of adrenalin into the body, which can prove just as addictive.  We now become worry-junkies, constantly finding something new, something more, to worry about, thus getting our adrenalin fix.  We might get the immediate reinforcement of that adrenalin, but our worry and fears will keep us from going after what it is we want from our life and leave us with nothing but our worries to show for it.

Instead, we need to take control of our thoughts and redirect them in more positive ways.  When we are worrying, we are thinking about the possibility of negative outcomes.  We fear the 'what ifs'.  This is all thinking about the future though.  We are projecting outward the possible negative outcomes of a particular action.  Instead, we need to become more fully present in and focused on the present.  The more we maintain our focus on today, the less we have to worry about.  Every time you find yourself thinking the 'what ifs' or 'yes buts', redirect your thoughts back to the problem at hand and the actions you can take now.

Worry, like fear, is all in the mind.  We are afraid of the possibilities that may potentially exist for us and it paralyzes our actions.  Instead, consider all possibilities.  Nature likes balance... why not you?  Every time you find yourself thinking of  a negative possibility, balance it with its positive counterpart.  Break the negative worry-loop by disrupting the pattern and inserting a potentially positive outcome.  Just beginning to recognise that there are outcomes that may prove helpful and beneficial can go a long way to reducing your anxiety.

Show yourself, and others, your support.  Say... 'I know I (you) will get through this - what can I do now to support it?'  This will prove more helpful to everyone than pointing out every potential pitfall.  And... in the end, adopting the attitude of Bobby McFarren (the title of this blog post) or a mantra from Disney's Lion King... Hakuna Matata...  couldn't hurt either!

 

The Value of 'New'

I had the pleasure of not only spending this past long-weekend at the cottage, but to have our eldest grandson (not quite three and a half) spend the weekend with us.  It was a pure joy watching him explore the cottage, the beach, the water, the creek, the paddle boat... No hesitation, just the constant refrain... 'Let me try that!'

Now that I'm back at the office and reflecting back on those moments, it occurs to me that many of us, as adults, have lost this willingness to try and experience new things.  We get so caught up the comfort of familiarity that we often go out of our way to avoid trying something new or different.  I see this with clients all of the time; clients who 'want' something different in their lives, as long as they don't have to 'do' anything different!  We're scared of looking silly as we learn or develop a new skill, we're concerned that others might 'see' or 'talk' about our lack of skill, we're afraid of the changes that something new might bring with it.  We have a host of reasons for not trying.

Not introducing something new into our lives is fine, as long as we are fully and completely satisfied with everything that we are, do and have in our lives.  I'm not convinced that anyone could fully and honestly say that this is true for them though.  Would there be nothing that you didn't harbour a secret interest in learning or experiencing?  Nothing that you hadn't wondered how it would feel to try it, to do it?  That curiosity is what we find most appealing about young children, but often the first thing that we restrict in ourselves, as we let our fear of the unknown or 'new' gain dominance.

Change seems to be a scary word today.  Too much seems to be changing around us, too fast.  For many, 'new' is synonymous with change and therefore 'new' is to be avoided.  However, let's reframe the thought of introducing newness into our lives.  Instead of 'new' equalling 'change', consider that...

• New = Growth
• New = Discovery
• New = Learning
• New = Opportunity

So...  let's work on creating an answer to the age-old question...  What's new with you?  The phrase 'nothing' is no longer an acceptable answer.  Your task is to now go and find/create/experience something new in your life.  It needn't be large, but it also needn't be small.  Think instead of something that you would like to experience or learn.  What would you like to try, have, be, do, taste, feel, see, learn...  Whatever word kick-starts a thought for you - Go With It! 

Nat King Cole started his amazingly successful singing career as a piano player.  In his mind... he played piano.  Period.  When playing in a bar, he was confronted by a patron who asked him to sing a song.  His response... I don't sing, I play piano.  However, when the owner of the bar told him to sing or he was fired, he sang.  He tried something new for him.  They heard something new for them, and his new career as a singer was launched. 

Now, we may not experience this level of success from our attempts at 'new', nor do we need to.  The point is though, had he let his comfort zone of being a 'piano player' overtake him, he would never have discovered a hidden talent and a hidden love.  What talents and skills are you keeping buried in your failure to explore something new?  What joys might you discover if you were to introduce yourself to new people, activities, places, things? 

Don't just think about this article.  Do something about it.  Take action.  Because... you know... the next time I see you I expect an answer to my question...

What's NEW with you?

Dream Less... but Expect More!

We have all been told, on numerous occasions I'm sure, to dream big, that if we can't dream it we can't
achieve it. The cold hard truth is though... Dreaming doesn't make it so. It turns out that thinking about what we want in life doesn't get us closer to achieving more. However, becoming clear about what we 'expect' will.

The Placebo Effect in medicating and treating individuals is well documented. A sugar pill, administered to a patient who expects it to reduce their pain, will typically experience pain relief. The patient expected the 'drug' they were receiving to be effective, to a certain degree, in reducing their pain and therefore they experienced that degree of pain relief.

In a well-known study, students were divided into two groups; high and low IQ. Only teachers were informed which group each student was in. The students knew nothing of the division. After eight months, the High IQ group was performing significantly better than the Low IQ group. However, unbeknownst to the teachers, the students had been randomly assigned to the two groups. The groups actually had no bearing on the actual IQ of the students. Remember also, the students knew nothing about the assigned groups and yet their performance suffered due to the arbitrary classification. The determining factor? The expectations of the teachers themselves. The teachers 'knew' which group each student belonged to and therefore had different expectations for each that unconsciously influenced the results and achievements of each.

This is big. Think about it for a minute. What you expect of/from others influences what you will likely receive from them. Pretty powerful stuff!

Take this concept and apply it back to the concept of your dreams. We all know that our dreams aren't true. We don't really expect them to occur, we don't hold them as a certainty. Is it little wonder that we don't achieve them? Instead, we have to reframe our dreams as certainties. We have to 'expect' them to occur if we want to truly experience and achieve them. It is through these unshakeable expectations that we continue to persevere, that we continue to move forward. It is this certainty of expectation that helps us to cope with frustration and disappointment along the way. We may experience setbacks but we are better poised to keep going and pushing through when we expect that things will turn around.

I see this phenomena play out often with coaching clients. It is not unusual for people to express a desire for more, better or different in their lives. However, when questioned about their expectations, I find that although they would like or hope for better, they don't truly 'expect' things to change. As a result, they don't tend to engage in the behaviours necessary to drive the change they want. If you don't expect that your efforts will make a difference, you'll be hard pressed to expense the time and energy into those efforts.

Our expectations are critical to our experienced outcomes. Note that expectancy is a non-conscious process. It is an unconscious prediction that manifests in the conscious mind as a certainty. Hoping for something does not convey that same sense of certainty that expectancy does, therefore you do not feel the same compulsion to invest in making it happen. Expectations drive attitudes and behaviours which, in turn, lead you to engage in actions that drive your desired (expected) results. Hoping or wishing for something does not generate a call to action and therefore you tend to remain safely ensconced in your armchair, surrounding by those unfulfilled hopes.

How does this look?

• You hope to win a lottery some day but you expect to spend the rest of your life earning $50,000.00 per year. Your current salary? $50,000.00. Typically, research shows us that we each tend to earn the salary that we truly expect that we are worth, that we expect is possible for us.
• You want that new promotion, but you expect the boss to say no. You're not surprised when that is what they say.
• You want to lose weight and keep it off but you expect that you will always have to struggle with your weight and yo-yo dieting. Sure enough, you somehow manage to regain those 10 pounds you just lost

Sound familiar?

The difference between wanting or hoping for something and what our true expectations are is the key differential in what we truly experience and receive in our lives. If you truly want something different, then you need to build the expectations that will support that desire. Challenge your limiting beliefs and existing expectations, replacing them with those that support those desires and dreams. Otherwise... they will continue to remain simply hopes and dreams, as ethereal and unreachable as the clouds drifting by outside of my window.

In a nutshell...we GET what we EXPECT. 

Was this blog post insightful, interesting and helpful for you?  I expect so!