Building Your Perceived Trustworthiness

The one thing that we are told to expect about today's work landscape is for it to constantly be changing. Though this comes with its own unique benefits and challenges, few comment on the negative impact continuous change can have on the perceived trustworthiness of leaders. Studies all confirm that although trust is an intangible, it is a critical factor in how others work, interact and even listen to one another.

A lack of trust in leadership is a determining factor in employee turnover and engagement. As a leader then increasing your perceived level of trustworthiness will be an important component of your overall success.

Most leaders, if asked, will say that they are a trustworthy person.  However, it doesn't matter how trustworthy you think you are, what matters is how trustworthy others believe you are.  Your trustworthiness is part of your Reputation and therefore depends on what others think of you, not what you think of yourself.

The true secret to developing and maintaining your trustworthiness is your predictability.  Although being seen as predictable may sound boring, it is the main ingredient (the magic sauce, if you will) of building trustworthiness.  It is the congruence between what you say and what you do that builds the consistency of behaviour that others can trust and rely in, that they can count on.

Though we may think of people who are spontaneous as being fun, we likely won't view them as being particularly trustworthy, simply because we can't predict what they'll do next.  A new thought enters their head and off they go, regardless of what they may have previously indicated.  Although we may say that we value spontaneity, we are far more comfortable with those whose behaviour we can predict.

The truth is, we are all far more consistent in our behaviour than we may like to think.  Just look at your daily habits and routines for an indication of some of yours.  The good news though is that it's these consistent behaviours that help form the foundation of trust that increase our effectiveness as leaders.

The following are my top 6 list of behaviours that you can engage in to help you build your trustworthiness profile.

• Do what you say.  You can help build your profile of consistency by letting others know what you intend to do. The important part, of course, is to actually go out and do it. The bigger the gap between what you say and what you do the less believable and credible you will be. Narrow the gap to build trust.
• Keep your promises.  Be resolute with your word. Don't make promises you don't intend (or can't) keep and, if something prevents you from keeping your promise, make a point of explaining to others what happened and why.  This will help others to see your failure to keep your word as an anomaly and not the rule.
• Trust others.  Extend trust to gain it.  Demonstrate the behaviour you would like to see in and from others.
• Be Selfless.  It will prove difficult for others to trust in you if your focus is narrowed to... you. Self interest, particularly in a leader, will undermine trust. Your focus needs to be more broadly directed; to the team, department and company.
• Be open and honest. This should be patently obvious but we aren't likely to trust someone who is constantly withholding or manipulating information. 
• Keep confidences. If you are forever gossiping around the water cooler it will be difficult for others to view you as someone they can trust to maintain their confidences.

We all want a leader we can believe in and trust. To be that leader yourself, start by using the tips above to build your trustworthiness. Focus on demonstrating consistency in your behaviours and your word to build yours.

Conversationally Speaking

Despite technologies making us more available and providing us with the means to connect with others around the globe, actual conversations are our greatest tool for forming true connections with others.  If our conversations serve as a means of connecting us with others, then it stands to reason that the type and nature of the conversation drives the nature of the connection.

However, creating powerful and positive connections require more than merely talking at someone else.  It requires true engagement.  Our words can impact others, sometimes in unexpected ways.  Words can trigger emotional responses that are based on the individual's past history and baggage.  Each experience lays an additional layer onto existing perspectives, becoming more embedded in the psyche.

In looking to connect with others through our conversations, it is important to establish a foundation of trust. Scientists have determined that there are powerful conversational rituals that serve to 'prime' the brain to establish trust, to enter into partnerships with others.  Specific neuro-chemicals get released into the brain that signal the trust/distrust response, the brain picking up those messages in roughly .07 seconds.

In her book 'Conversational Intelligence: How Great Leaders Build Trust & get Extraordinary Results', Judith Glaser defines Conversational Intelligence as the intelligence that is hardwired into every human, allowing us to navigate and connect successfully with others.  She outline 3 levels of conversations, each with its own purpose and result.

1. Transactional - Informs.  This is the common Tell/Ask format, where we are usually looking for give and take.
2. Positional - Persuades.  This is more the Advocate/Inquire format, where we are generally looking to establish win/win collaborative results.
3. Transformational - Co-Creates.  This involves more of a process of mutual exchange, where we share our expertise, looking to partner with each other.

In general, in attempting to ensure we build trust during our conversations, we must focus on 

• Truly listen to the other party, without judgment (this is the same principle as Stephen Covey so aptly named in his 7 Habits... Seek first to understand)
• Ask questions to further your understanding, not as a means to get someone where you want them to go. Leading others through your questions leaves others feeling manipulated.
• Watch for signals/cues from others indicating their response.  if you aren't getting the desired reaction then reframe and redirect your approach, don't push.

Technology may be great at keeping people informed, but it takes actual conversations with others to establish and build the trust needed to feel truly connected.  Use the tips above to help you strengthen your Conversational Intelligence and begin forging stronger connections and networks.  

If you are interested in reading more about the concept of Conversational Intelligence, then you might want to pick up Judith Glaser's book below.  It's worth the read!

The Science of First Impressions

We all have heard how important it is to make a 'good' first impression but just what constitutes a 'good' impression?  When I ask my clients how they would like to be seen by others the two most popular responses are that they want to appear confident or they want to be liked.  In wanting one or the other they then, both consciously and unconsciously, engage in behaviours that project either confidence or likability, in an effort to drive the desired response from the other party.

I have said for years though that what is truly needed, in creating a strong, positive first impression in business is... both.  You need to be seen as confident and capable, they need to know that you can get the job done but they also need to like you, to see you as a solid member of the team.  The better you do both, the more likely you are to get an invitation to join.

As it turns out, recent research findings reported by Amy Cuddy of Harvard Business School, have shown that 80 to 90 percent of the overall first impression we form of someone is based on the combination of two specific traits: Trustworthiness (gauging their intentions toward you) and Competence (gauging their level of capability and confidence).  What is particularly interesting though, is that her group was primarily studying discrimination and prejudice; how people categorize each other, in an effort to predict discrimination.

It seems that we universally sort groups on the matrix pictured above.  Most people are higher on one trait and lower on the other.  They found that when the status quo is threatened, the high-status minority groups are those that get targeted for genocide.  These are highly competent individuals.  High competence, but low trust. Therefore, typically it is groups that are hated, but respected that get targeted the most.  People in the bottom left?  Those that are both hated and not respected get pitied.

This is important to consider when it comes to generating your own first impression.  So many of us err on the side of wanting to appear confident... if nothing else... and tend to therefore swing too far to this side when nervous.  We attempt to mask our nervousness and discomfort by appearing 'more' confident, 'more' competent, 'more' capable, often at the cost of our warmth and engagement.

This newest research from Cuddy suggests that this will tend to clearly put us into the bottom right quadrant.  We may be seen as extremely competent, but we will not tend to be liked.  As a result, we may lose the desired opportunity to someone who is a little less competent, but liked more.  The ideal quadrant is obviously the top right.  We are both warm, engaging and trustworthy while also being perceived as someone who is capable of getting the job done.

The key to creating this balance is to ensure that people feel your warmth first, then move into demonstrating your competence.  In order to appear engaging and trustworthy, use some of the following tips:

• Smile when first meeting someone.  This is a universal gesture that will not only communicate warmth, but demonstrates clear interest in spending time with the other person. 
• Show interest in the other person.  Ask them questions about themselves and allow them to answer.  Make them feel listened to and understood.  This is a very powerful step in creating a strong connection and bond.  
• Make small talk.  Although many strong 'business' oriented people hate the thought of engaging in small talk, research proves that it is an important step in the business process, increasing the value of the dialogue and negotiations to follow.

As in most things in life, it appears that balance is truly the goal.  Striking the right balance between appearing Competent and Trustworthy will serve to create the most positive first impression for you.  Warmth with strength.  It may not be the most common combination but it is the one we respond to the most favourably and the one we most want to follow.

Building Trust

We have often heard it said that trust is difficult to develop, yet easy to lose.  In business, we know that solid relationships are built upon a foundation of trust.  And yet, research shows us that only 49% of employees 'trust' Senior Management.  The implication seems to be that despite our 'knowing' we need to cultivate an environment of trust, we aren't 'doing' what it takes to build it, let alone support it.

Stephen Covey says that 'Trust is confidence born of two dimensions:  character and competence". Character being comprised of elements such as integrity, intentions and motives, and competence elements like capabilities, skills, results and track record.  It is not enough to simply demonstrate that you have the skills to fulfil the responsibilities of your role if you do not also enter into your business dealings in an ethical manner.  Conversely, the reverse is also true.  You may demonstrate integrity in your approaches, but if you lack the requisite skills to get the job done, then others won't trust your in your ability to make it happen.

The truth of the matter typically rests not in the 'good' times.  When things are running smoothly it is easier to be more trustworthy.  It is easier to hit deadlines, easier to show interest and compassion in others, easier to be more upfront in your business dealings and relationships.  Trust then is typically really made or broken during the tough times.  It is during those difficult moments, when making those tough decisions, that your strength of character determines the path you follow and, ultimately, how trustworthy you are.

Often, the cost to us of straying from the path of our convictions, of compromising just the slightest, is much larger than we may realize in that moment.  We become much more aware of the price that was levied when we attempt to rebuild what was lost, discovering that in many instances we have inadvertently created a gulf far too large to be bridged.

Use the following to help you find ways to build, and maintain, your trust-level with others and perhaps also as a gauge of where you may be making compromises that are damaging the trust levels in your relationships and your reputation.

You build trust by...

• Making the 'right' decision, even when it might not be popular, or cheaper options exist
• Showing up when it's not convenient for you
• Saying what you feel even when risky
• Keeping your promises to others, even when you might have gotten away with not doing so
• Being transparent in your motives and intentions
• Telling the truth, even when it would be easier to lie
• Doing what you say you will, when you say you will, even when something 'better' came along
• Righting wrongs, even when you could have walked on by them without anyone knowing you were there
• Being open about what your expectations are of others, situations, and yourself
• Holding yourself accountable to your agreements, handshakes, promises, potential
• Trusting others will earn your trust in them, rather than withholding your trust until they have 'earned' it

Remember that there are typically two options to any choice we face - the high road and the low road. Trust is always built on the high road.  If you find yourself journeying along a lower road option, know that it is rarely the short-cut that it might seem at the time.  Short cuts generally create distances and gaps in other pathways that may more than offset any perceived advantage that the low-road seemed to provide.

Trust me on this one!