Need Something? Ask!

I started this year out by taking on a new challenge. I took on the role of teaching an Entrepreneurship course at a local college. My biggest hope is that they are learning as much from me as I am from them.

One of my biggest insights thus far is the importance of 'the ask'. I offered to connect through social media with students and got hit immediately with requests. I offered to review their resumes and cover letters before they applied for internships and got requests for help. I always make myself available at least an hour before class to address any questions they may have, whether about the course material or anything else I can help with. Some seek me out. During class some ask questions about what they don't understand. However, not everyone connected, asked for help or asked questions.

What's interesting to me though is how this willingness to ask for what you need and want translates out into grades. For the most part all of my 'askers' are doing well.  The non-askers? There is some variability.  I have a couple I've never heard from who are doing well. For the most part though, those that aren't asking anything of me also tend to be those that are struggling.

Why wait for your paper to be graded to discover you didn't understand?
Why struggle on your own if you have someone willing to provide you with support?

This isn't limited to my classroom. The 'Askers' in life tend to do better. They certainly seem to get more. They get the flight upgrades when travelling, they get the discounts, the deals, the opportunities, the extra attention. Often we resent them for it but the plain hard truth is that all those things were also available to us - if only we'd asked.

I have people new to starting their own business that seek me out for my insights on how to get started. They ask me questions so that they can get up and running faster and easier, avoiding the pitfalls I experienced. They want to learn through my mistakes, avoiding having to make them themselves. Smart. I, however, started my business making all of those mistakes because I was reluctant to ask. For me it was a combination of being afraid to approach anyone with my questions lest I be rejected and a reluctance to admit I didn't know. This combination cost me time and effort that I could have used to become `successful` faster.

Some of my students though? They get this. They want the help and the shortcuts. They don't think it makes them look foolish to ask but, rather, that they would feel foolish by not asking. They aren't looking for me to do everything for them but they are looking to tap into the experience I have and to use it while it's available to them. Their mantra?

It can't hurt to ask.

Simple. Yet so difficult for some of us to implement. We worry we'd seem pushy or presumptuous. We worry we'll appear ignorant. We're afraid that asking for something makes us vulnerable, or that it is a sign of weakness. In short, we are poor advocates for ourselves.

What's wrong with asking for help or asking for something we want? What's wrong with asking for clarification or to connect or for the sale? People are far too busy today to second-guess our needs, they are struggling to identify and meet their own. You need something? Let them know. Ask for their insights. They can either help you or not but leave the choice to them rather than making it for them by never asking.

If not-asking hasn't been serving you well thus far in your career and life try giving asking a try. You want something? Ask. You need something? Ask. You don't understand something? Ask. What's the worst thing that could happen? You don't get what you're after, which is pretty much where you are right now.

This is my current lesson from college and one I'm going to start applying. Get ready world... I've got questions!

Tip Thursday - Success

Use your questions wisely. You can use your questions to get the answers you want or... the answers you need.

Using questions simply to confirm your thoughts, beliefs and expectations is a waste and can lead you to believing that there is only one answer... yours. Use your questions to help you to gain more information, new information, different perspectives. Balance this against what you know to determine the best answer.

Successful people recognise that they don't need to have all of the right answers, but they do need to know how to seek them out.

Questions, Questions, Questions

There is power in questions.  Often, the answer we need is driven only by our ability to question, to seek out the answer in the first place.  Is our lack of answers then a result of not having asked the right questions or is it more a reflection of not having asked enough?

As children we are full of questions; ongoing, ever-ending questions.  There is no thought about whether the question is good or bad, smart or insightful, interesting or thought-provoking, worthwhile or boring.  It was simply enough that we didn't know something and wanted to.  As we grew though, we started to become more self-conscious about what our questions might say about us to others.  We didn't want others to know that we didn't know something, that we didn't understand.  We became worried about what others might think of us and we started to filter our questions.

As adults, we ask fewer questions.  We try to find more information out on our own than simply asking someone to share their insights and knowledge.  Typically because we don't want to look dumb.  There's a risk in asking and so, we don't.

Asking fewer questions though means that not only do we often fail to take in all of the information that we want and need, it also means that we tend to lose our questioning skills.  We ask fewer questions, often of a poorer quality.  We stop refining our questioning skills which results in a drop in the quality of the questions we do ask.  The true result?  We stop getting quality answers. 

The Quality of our Answers is Driven by the Quality of our Questions

The bottom line is this.  If you don't have answers in your life...  start asking more questions.  And I mean MORE!  Don't stop.  The more questions the better, because at this stage you don't know what the 'right' question is!   The more questions you ask, whether of yourself or others, the more answers you will get.  The more answers, the more insight and, ultimately, the greater the clarity of your final 'answer', the choice you make. 

Choose now to enhance the quality of the choices you make in the upcoming year by asking more and better questions. 

“Quality questions create a quality life. Successful people ask better questions, and as a result, they get better answers.” — Anthony Robbins

Don't filter your life by filtering your questions.  Likely the very questions you are afraid to ask are those that contain the answers that you need.  Make this upcoming year one in which you truly embrace the Art of Asking Questions, starting with yourself.  If you refuse to ask yourself the tough questions, you might want to start with the following question...

Why?  What am I afraid of uncovering/discovering by avoiding asking that?

A good question to use when trying to determine why we're afraid of asking questions!  A child's favourite question - Why?  Make it yours.  Simple, yet effective, it can help you to uncover your barriers, challenge your beliefs, question the seemingly obvious and uncover the non-so-obvious truths.  When you feel resistance, your fallback question should always be 'Why'. 

Make this upcoming year one in which you embrace the Art and Practice of Questioning.  More answers lead to better choices, which lead to greater growth.  The life you want starts with a question.  Are you ready to ask yours?