Tip Thursday - Networking

Often, at networking events, people become uncomfortable in knowing how to end one conversation so that they can move into meeting other connections. Consider starting a conversation with an artificial time constraint.

"I need to catch Fred before he leaves, but we haven't had an opportunity to meet yet..." or perhaps...
"I'm on my way out but before I left I wanted to ask you..."

Both options start the conversation in such a way as to imply you have limited time, providing you with a built-in reason to have to cut the conversation short. You have an established 'out'. Smooth, easy, comfortable and natural. Give it a try at your next networking event.

Tip Thursday - Networking

Cultivate your Curiosity! People often avoid attending networking events because they don't know what to talk about or are concerned no one will want to speak with them.  Cultivate a curiosity about those around you - who they are, what they do, what their biggest challenges have been. Focusing on yourself will only serve to heighten your discomfort, while focusing on others will help you to alleviate theirs. Getting others to tell their story, rather than using the event as a platform to tell yours, will have you connecting faster with others. The added benefit, of course, is that the more interested you are in them, the more interesting they will find you!

Tip Thursday - Networking

As much as we know that it is helpful to our career to build and extend our network of contacts, few of us are comfortable in initiating small talk with others. Introverts and shy people take note... use 'Hooks' to drive other people to you.  We are all quite curious by nature. Use people's curiosity to make them want to approach and initiate conversation with you. Curiosity Hooks are visual items that intrigue people and get them asking questions, making them want to approach you for answers.These could be a unique piece of jewelry, a special tie or shirt, a button with a saying, a hat... something visual that draws people's attention and gets them asking 'why'.  If your personal challenge is in approaching others at networking situations, then using a curiosity hook may work for you.  Just stand there and let 'em come to you!

Be Brief: Your Audience will Thank You!

Brevity takes work.  Perhaps that's why so few seem to do it.  Either that or people just like to hear
themselves speak which, unfortunately, is a little more accurate than perhaps we'd care to admit. The truth is though, we can make a powerful, positive and lasting impression on others by simply telling them what they need to know, not everything we want to tell them.

Our objective, in any communication, is not to share everything that we know but to share what our audience needs and is interested in hearing.  It therefore requires more effort and focus on our part, to consider the needs of our audience and to use it to determine what information we posses is relevant and to simply share that.  The information we share will therefore vary by audience and by situation.  One may call for more detail and the other less.  It becomes our responsibility to pay attention to what information will serve our audience best.

In his book Brief: Making a Bigger Impact by Saying Less, author Joseph McCormack shares that there are 3 levels of detail to any story we share.

1. 1st Level Details:  These are the details and information that are central to your communication and important for your audience to hear (focus on these!)
2. 2nd Level Details:  Are those details that add colour and often a bit more clarity, but that aren't critical components of the message itself
3. 3rd Level Details:  Are accurate pieces of information but they do little to enhance the communication itself or the understanding of your audience

Level one represents the important and primary components of your communications.  As for the other two levels?  Be judicious in your use of 2nd level details and avoid using level 3 at all.  

The more that we talk, the more that the conversation becomes about us, whether it's our self-focus, our nervousness and discomfort, our lack of confidence or perhaps even our actual lack of understanding of the topic itself.  Sometimes by trying to share everything we know we actually highlight the reverse.  

The secret of a good sermon is to have a good beginning and a good ending, and to have the two as close together as possible.      George Burns

What you are sharing with others should be of interest and importance to them.  Don't make them work for it, either by waiting for it or having to weed through extraneous information.  Choose to demonstrate your respect for your audience by putting their needs above your own.  Use their reactions as a gauge to determine how well you are addressing those needs.  Yawns and shifting in their seats are generally good indicators that you have gone on too long and overstated your case.

Think about what your audience needs to know.  Say it.  Sit down.

Enough said.



(for those that would like to check out 'Brief' for themselves here's a link you can use to purchase your copy)

New Eye Contact Rules for Speakers

We all know (likely because we have been told numerous times) that we must look at our audience when we are speaking with/to them.  This does make intuitive sense given that we do want them to feel that we are actually communicating with them and not simply pontificating.  However, new technological advances, most notably the use of eye tracking devices in psychological studies, provide us with more targeted information concerning the appropriate amount of eye contact necessary to connect.

I have long been telling my training participants that you need roughly 3-6 seconds of eye contact with your audience in order to 'connect' with them.  Shorter is good for acknowledging their presence, but we need that longer time frame in order for them to feel as though we are truly seeing and speaking with them.  As it turns out, I was roughly correct.

When speaking with a group of strangers (such as an audience) then making eye contact for 3-5 seconds to connect with and engage them is the right amount.  However, when we are meeting with someone one on one, then we need to look at them longer to connect, 7 - 10 seconds.  Although this may seem like a fairly lengthy period of time, bear in mind that when we are in conversation with someone, as we likely would be when one on one, we will be both speaking and listening.  We will typically look at people more when we are listening, and less when we are speaking, which is one of the reasons why making eye contact when on stage proves difficult for us.

When we are on stage we are speaking all of the time and therefore lack the opportunity to connect with someone while listening.  We must therefore push ourselves to make eye contact more consistently with others while speaking, which may go against some of our natural habits.  Generally we make eye contact with others roughly about 60% of our conversations, more for African-Americans, less for Asian-Americans.
When we are attempting to persuade someone however, some of the rules shift a little.  If we are making a relatively simple request of someone then our eye contact will be a positive benefit in helping us be more persuasive.  If what we need is a little more complex though, and we will be speaking about it for a longer period of time (like a speech or presentation), then too much or too long of eye contact doesn't serve us. We will likely be seen as being a little too pushy.  Additionally, if our audience has an existing position that opposes our own, then too direct or prolonged of eye contact is likely to strengthen their position rather than sway them to ours.  In this case, more eye contact will be associated with dominance and intimidation.

What to do then?  When you know that you are going to be speaking about something controversial then reduce the amount of eye contact a little.  Fall back to the lower 3 second end of the scale.  When speaking about subjects that are fairly safe, or when speaking with those that you already know well, more eye contact will be appropriate.

Of course it is important to actually look at people when you are attempting to make eye contact.  None of the 'faking it' suggestions such as:  look at their forehead, look between their eyes, look slightly over their heads... works.  People know when you are looking them in the eyes and they know when you are not. It is far better to make a solid connection with some than no connection with anyone.

The easiest way to gain some comfort with eye contact is to begin paying more attention to your current conversations.  Start with conversations you have with co-workers and friends that you know well and are comfortable with.  Pay attention to how you're making eye contact, where you're looking, how long you are engaging them through your eyes.  It is far easier to replicate this behaviour, in moments of discomfort, if you are aware of what you do when you are comfortable.


And for even more tips, check out this great resource...

Conversationally Speaking

Despite technologies making us more available and providing us with the means to connect with others around the globe, actual conversations are our greatest tool for forming true connections with others.  If our conversations serve as a means of connecting us with others, then it stands to reason that the type and nature of the conversation drives the nature of the connection.

However, creating powerful and positive connections require more than merely talking at someone else.  It requires true engagement.  Our words can impact others, sometimes in unexpected ways.  Words can trigger emotional responses that are based on the individual's past history and baggage.  Each experience lays an additional layer onto existing perspectives, becoming more embedded in the psyche.

In looking to connect with others through our conversations, it is important to establish a foundation of trust. Scientists have determined that there are powerful conversational rituals that serve to 'prime' the brain to establish trust, to enter into partnerships with others.  Specific neuro-chemicals get released into the brain that signal the trust/distrust response, the brain picking up those messages in roughly .07 seconds.

In her book 'Conversational Intelligence: How Great Leaders Build Trust & get Extraordinary Results', Judith Glaser defines Conversational Intelligence as the intelligence that is hardwired into every human, allowing us to navigate and connect successfully with others.  She outline 3 levels of conversations, each with its own purpose and result.

1. Transactional - Informs.  This is the common Tell/Ask format, where we are usually looking for give and take.
2. Positional - Persuades.  This is more the Advocate/Inquire format, where we are generally looking to establish win/win collaborative results.
3. Transformational - Co-Creates.  This involves more of a process of mutual exchange, where we share our expertise, looking to partner with each other.

In general, in attempting to ensure we build trust during our conversations, we must focus on 

• Truly listen to the other party, without judgment (this is the same principle as Stephen Covey so aptly named in his 7 Habits... Seek first to understand)
• Ask questions to further your understanding, not as a means to get someone where you want them to go. Leading others through your questions leaves others feeling manipulated.
• Watch for signals/cues from others indicating their response.  if you aren't getting the desired reaction then reframe and redirect your approach, don't push.

Technology may be great at keeping people informed, but it takes actual conversations with others to establish and build the trust needed to feel truly connected.  Use the tips above to help you strengthen your Conversational Intelligence and begin forging stronger connections and networks.  

If you are interested in reading more about the concept of Conversational Intelligence, then you might want to pick up Judith Glaser's book below.  It's worth the read!

The Net Result of Networking

It's hard not to attend any kind of business conference or function without a speaker or break out session
talking about networking. They may talk about the power of the smile and the handshake, the need to have your cards printed and ready to hand out, they want you to prepare your 'blurb' or 'elevator pitch' so that you can concisely say who you are, what you do... and then move on, do it again. At many networking events I have attended it has seemed that more and more people were there simply to pass out their cards, rather than truly connecting. And... if your goal when you head out is to get your card into as many hands as you can by the end of the evening, then I suppose they are doing a good job.

What many networking gurus don't tell you, and what all too many people don't consider when networking, is that we all leave behind something (other than our card) in every interaction we engage in. This is the advantage of going to 'live' events, of getting a bigger message out about who we are than our website or card can convey, because our prospective audience gets to experience... 'us'. Every interaction with someone is a moment in which we are creating an impression of who we are, what we stand for, what we believe in, what we are committed to, what we would be like to work with... and more. These are the elements that truly go into defining our Brand Experience. What can people come to expect of and from us.

Over the course of an evening networking, you may not remember everything someone shared with you that night, but you will recall how they made you feel and think about them. If that memory is positive, you hang onto the card. If not, then the card is filed in the waste basket to the side of your desk. Add the following suggestions to your networking repertoire to keep your card from being relegated to the trash, ensuring that you become a card worth holding on to.

• Shift your mindset.  Everyone in that room thinks that 'it' is about them.  They are focused on getting their card out, getting a connection that will help them in business.  Instead, shift your mindset so that you too are thinking it's about them.  When you are meeting someone new ask about what they do.  Show interest - don't just look like you're waiting your turn to talk!  Pay attention.  The more you genuinely care about what they do the more they will come to care about you.  Additionally, the more you know about the business they are in, the better you will come to understand how you might serve them in future.
• Quality over Quantity.  The success of your evening should not be measured by the size of the stack of cards you collected but by the quality of the connection.  Flip through those cards.  If you cannot speak to each, clearly articulating what they do, what their services are and offering some ideas on how you thought you might help them... you weren't asking, you weren't listening and you weren't following the first point!
• Focus on Service.  Your focus when meeting others should be on: how can you serve them. Think beyond your business.  Maybe it's a book recommendation, or a referral you can give them, or a connection you can make for them.  Networking is not the same as selling.  Form the connections now that might lead to a future opportunity.  Bear in mind, it may not be with them but with someone they refer to you.  First you need to be someone they would be happy to send someone they know and care about to.  

In every interaction we leave something of ourselves behind - ensure that you leave behind the kind of impression that invites others to want to connect with you again.  That's the true net benefit of networking.

Public Speaking: A True Super Power

All right, so being able to speak in public may not seem to be as 'cool' as being able to leap over tall buildings in a single bound, lifting a train or having x-ray vision but, really, how often do you need any of those skills in your current job?  The ability to speak in public though... that comes up all the time!

It doesn't matter what your role, the responsibilities, the level, the market, or the organization, being able to speak effectively in public settings will serve you well every time.  In the world of work, of both today and tomorrow, learning the skills to communicate with others clearly, concisely and effectively are non-negotiable.  In order to get ahead in your chosen profession, you will be unable to take your career as far if you are not able to share your thoughts and ideas in front of a group.

According to research conducted by the Harvard Business Review, the number one skill that can rocket you to the top of your profession is the ability to speak professionally and persuasively, especially to groups. Public speaking was number one!  Further research has shown that because so many of us actually fear speaking in front of others, we tend to admire those that do it well. Additionally, we tend to ascribe other positive traits to them as well, simply because they can speak well in public.  We will assume that they are more intelligent, credible and we often begin to feel they are better looking than we might have otherwise.  Phew!

Public Speaking truly is a Super Power!  There is significant positive fall-out, just through the demonstration of this one skill.  The good news is, of course, that we can all become more effective at speaking in public.  The bad news, for many, is that we all need to.  No exceptions, no excuses!

Here are some quick tips to help you develop your Speaking Super Powers!

• Practice.  Take as many opportunities as you can to practice speaking in front of people.  When in training sessions volunteer to share the group's discussion results, emcee a friend's wedding, teach a lesson to your church group, join Toastmasters, stand up and deliver short messages to your video camera.  Anything that gets you up and on your feet delivering.  Develop your comfort by strengthening your habits.  Letting your body and mind know they have been there before is one of the easiest ways to develop comfort.  If we've done it before our mind believes we can do it again.  Play off on this by getting in lots of delivery time before it really 'counts'!
• Breathe.  When we get nervous we tend to breathe more shallowly, preventing us from taking in as much oxygen as we do in a more relaxed state.  This causes our body to go into stress, creating leakage through our body and voice that signals to our audience that we're uncomfortable.  (shaking hands, sweats, squeaking or quavering voice...)  Breathe deeply and through the diaphragm to maintain the body's oxygen level.  If the body doesn't feel stressed it's likely the mind will calm down too.
• Know Your Stuff.  There is no replacement for not having the content to back you up.  It doesn't matter how good you look up there if you ultimately have nothing to say.  Know your content and what you want to share.  This seems like a no-brainer but you'd be surprised at how many people don't think this through and believe that just 'winging' a presentation will work for them.  Don't memorize your content and don't read it, KNOW it.  Know the key points and simply walk through them, one by one.  
• How do you want your audience to feel?  Don't just focus on the content of your message.  I know that everyone says content is king, but they are really referring to fact that you have to 'have' content.  To sell it you have to move your audience.  They will remember how you made them feel, long after they have forgotten what it was that you said.  Moving them is memorable.  
• Practice.  Yep, I said this before but... I'm saying it again because you need to do it again. Walking through your content once won't cut it.  Stand up and say it again and then again.  You have to practice it until it feels comfortable to you.  Your speech should fit you like your favourite pair of jeans.  That's the point where you can now begin to stretch beyond it to really reach not just the minds of your audience but their hearts.  If the fit is stiff, the delivery will be stiff. 

Oh, and, one final thought... practice it again!

How to Get Anyone to do Anything... Fast

A book summary for you to enjoy...

Want to read it for yourself?  Check it out at...

The True Purpose of Communication

Regardless of 'what' we are communicating...
Regardless of 'why' we are communicating...
There is only one true purpose for communicating.

The purpose of ALL communication is to influence.  

We may have a primary purpose for our communication of sharing information but we will always have a host of other secondary purposes, at least one of which is to influence our audience... about us. As you are speaking to anyone, about anything, you are also attempting to convince them that you are...

• important
• knowledgeable
• desirable
• capable
• competent
• confident
• an expert
• passionate
• energetic

...and so on. Unfortunately, most of us focus only on the need to get the primary information out and don't focus on the delivery of any secondary messages, missing out on significant opportunities to craft the way that our audience thinks and feels about us and about the information we're sharing. 

What's important to note though, is that whether we craft those sub-textual messages or not we are still delivering them.  They just might not be saying what we'd like them to say.  Becoming a strong communicator does not mean that you have to learn to love giving speeches, but it does require you learn to present you and your message 'well', by learning to say what you mean in a way and tone that strengthens, rather than diminishes, that meaning.

For example: you can't simply 'tell' people you are passionate about your topic and expect to be believed, if you don't deliver your topic WITH passion.  people will need to hear it, to see it, in order to believe it.  In fact, you shouldn't have to 'tell' people that you are passionate about something. Telling them should be redundant because they should be able to see it and hear it, to feel it, for themselves.  It is much stronger for them to experience it.  That will be infinitely more memorable for them and will become part of their definition of 'you'.  

You are communicating sub-textually already.  Every time you say anything.  In order to begin using this messaging more consciously, to influence others to see and hear desirable messages, you must begin by being clear about what those messages are.  Ask yourself what you want your audience to think and feel about the information you are sharing with them and, perhaps, even what you would like them to do with it.  If you are ultimately building to a call-to-action your delivery of the information should help support that.  Additionally though, you need to also ask what you want your audience to think and feel about you.  How do you want to be seen?  What is the branded message you want to build and deliver?  

In order to strengthen these two main secondary-messages, to influence your audience to respond how you would like, use audiotape to 'play' with your method of delivery. The following are the top 3 vocal elements to listen for and to play with...

• Speed.  Pay attention to the pace of your delivery.  Let it speed up a little to show excitement and passion, slow down a little to appear more thoughtful and thought-filled about your subject. Bear in mind that at all times you need to speak at a speed that your audience can listen without a lot of undo effort.
• Volume.  Again, you need to speak at a volume level that can be heard easily, in whatever venue you are speaking in. Beyond that though, we naturally tend to speak a little louder than normal when we are excited about something and a little softer when we are more reflective or sharing something serious.
• Variability.  Listen for the amount of variation present in your speech.  Too flat an affect will sound boring.  Your audience will find your topic boring and label you the same.  You want to have enough variation to hold the interest of your audience. This is your baseline.  Play from there. Add more variation and animation when story-telling, trying to add energy, build commitment and engagement, passion etc.  When communicating something serious and absolute, use a little less.  Don't go completely affect-less, but to make something sound like it's a done deal it will need to be delivered in a way that does not sound like it is open for discussion.  Less variation helps accomplish this.

Understanding how to use your secondary messaging systems is a key trait of all great communicators.  Not only does it help you to strengthen the credibility of your main message, but it serves to heighten your personal credibility too.


(Want a review of your videotaped delivery?  Contact us about setting up an online review session.  titangrp@globalserve.net)

Turning Small Talk into a Conversation

Let's face it, few of us can truly say that we enjoy making small talk. It may be a necessary part of the meet-and-greet process, but most of us are simply biding our time until we can get to the 'real' content, the business dialogue. However, much of the success of that business dialogue rests with how well you manage to connect with the other party...while making small talk!

 

Although there are a number of tips and techniques to help make those magical first moments work for you, one overlooked element revolves around the small talk itself. Most people make the mistake of allowing the conversation to remain light and superficial... how was the drive, how is the weather, how are you feeling... You get it! However, you both want and need to have the opportunity to show interest in the other party as a person, to get to know more about them and what matters to them. In order to do this you must shift the small talk from a dialogue like any other they have had when first meeting someone, to a conversation more reminiscent of one they would have with a friend. This then, in turn, leads their brain to believe that you too much be a friend. And...don't we all prefer working with people we like?

 

To get this edge, employ a technique that I refer to as 'clicking'. When reading articles on the Internet, we have the ability to 'click' on different words embedded within the content of the article that allow us to go deeper into that subject. In doing so, we gain deeper and richer information about that word or concept.

 

Consider doing the same while in conversation with someone. When listening to them, mentally 'click' on a word or phrase they used and formulate a follow-up question around it. Asking these questions provides you with a number of benefits...

• It allows you to go a level below the original superficial statement.
• The other party now has to begin thinking, which means they have now become engaged in the process of speaking with you. It forces them to become present to the conversation.
• You demonstrate to them that you were listening to what they had to say. This shows respect.
• By 'clicking' on a comment of theirs you are showing your interest in their thoughts and what they have to say. Showing interest in them makes you appear more interesting in turn.
• When you shift to the 'business' portion of your conversation you will already be conversing at a deeper level, and will be more likely to experience a greater degree of openness and rapport in that dialogue immediately.

Give it a try.  You may find that 'clicking' on an element of their content allows you both to 'click' more fully.