Tip Thursday - Personal Development

Rather than giving your Self-Critic free reign, try giving Self-Compassion an opportunity. Recent
studies have shown that dieters who used self-compassionate messages (Don't be too hard on yourself, everyone indulges occasionally) actually helped dieters eat less of the tempting food than if they were critical of the 'cheat'. Think of this in a broader context. How often do you engage in self-criticism of your actions versus compassionate support? Really, it comes down to giving yourself a break, reminding yourself when you're doing the best you can. You would show this compassion to others, maybe it's time to show the same to yourself!

Tip Thursday - Accepting Feedback

Receiving less than desirable feedback from a boss or peer can be tough to take, but often learning and acting on the message is what's needed to propel your career forward.  Rather than being defensive, openly accept their feedback and ask for suggestions.

"I would like to do what I can to change that, do you have some suggestions to help me?"

Turn what could be a negative conversation into a positive one, where your critic becomes your coach!

Don't Find Fault, Find Fixes

I work with a wide variety of people, holding a variety of roles, within a variety of industries. Truly, it's a pretty diverse cross section. Despite this though, I see the same behaviours repeated throughout this cross section, behaviours that are limiting people's and organizational success.  One very common behaviour is the tendency to find fault.

Some people may find fault with others to make themselves feel superior.
Some people may find fault with others to ensure they have company at the bottom.
Some people may find fault to deflect any potential blame from themselves.
Some people may find fault to deliberately hurt or wound others.

Regardless of the reason, finding fault is a selfish behaviour, designed only to benefit or serve the blamer. It is therefore a destructive and demoralizing force, weakening the team as a whole. Finding fault assigns blame and builds fear, limiting the desire of people to take risks or initiate action in the future.

Successful Leaders know that it is their job to develop the confidence of those around them, that their ultimate success will be dependent upon the team's best efforts. This requires that they build not destroy, that they fix not find fault.

It takes no particular talent or effort to find fault. Determining who is to blame for something not going right not only uses up valuable time but puts everyone on the defensive.  As a result, it inhibits people's willingness and ability to resolve the situation.

Take the same energy and devote it toward fixing the problem.  Successful people don't waste their time complaining about how things are, or who's to blame for them being that way.  They look instead to finding solutions to the problems they face, often turning them into opportunities to help others facing the same issues.  

Identifying a problem is a necessary step in resolving it, but getting caught up in assigning blame is not. Putting your energy into fixing what isn't working will do far more to contribute to your success, and that of your organization, than Fault-Finding ever will.

It is those who Fix the problems that prove themselves invaluable and therefore enjoy the success and rewards that go along with resolving the issues of others.  Those who choose to continue to play the Blame-Game will find that it's a game with no true end and no true rewards.  While their growth becomes stunted, those who focus on finding fixes and solutions continue to grow and enjoy the benefits their ongoing success brings.

The Workplace: Playground of the Bully Boss

According to a recent 2014 Workplace Bullying survey, Bullies abound in business.  More than 65 million workers in the US reported being affected by workplace bullying behaviour.  The Workplace Bullying Institute has found that, of those people reported having been repeatedly bullied in the workplace, 72% of those bullies were bosses.  It seems that as much as the schoolyard is the stomping ground of Bully boys and girls, the workplace is the playground of the Bully Boss.

Bullying in the workplace can take on many guises; yelling, cursing, losing temper, putting people down, negative and unfair criticism, discounting ideas, snide remarks, exploitation, and other controlling behaviours.  Taken on their own no one behaviour constitutes bullying, it's the continual and perpetual put downs and negative behaviours that create the abusive environment, serving to undermine the potential success of the employee.  The continual need to run a gauntlet of fear, every time they show up to work, takes a toll on the mental and physical health and well-being of the employee.

"Workplace bullying has become a silent epidemic in North America, one that has huge hidden costs in terms of employee well-being and productivity.  Also known as psychological harassment or emotional abuse,  bullying involves the conscious repeated effort to wound and serioudly harm another person, not with violence, but with words and actions.  Bullying damages the physical, emotional and mental health of the person who is targeted."             Ray Williams, Wired for Success

The Top 5 health issues experienced by those being bullied include:

• Anxiety (76%)
• Loss of Concentration  (71%)
• Disrupted Sleep  (71%)
• Hyper-vigilance Symptoms  (60%)
• Stress Headaches  (55%)

Additionally, the bullying behaviour puts people into a protective mode which means they are not likely to look for opportunities to stand out in any way.  They do not seek any unwanted attention and therefore make fewer decisions, back away from any risk taking behaviours and stop speaking up in meetings or sharing their knowledge and expertise.  It is clear that the organization then begins to suffer the loss of the contributions of these people.  

If the organization 'loses' the efforts and contributions of bullied employees, why are there so few organizations that are actively taking a stance against bullying behaviour?  Apparently the biggest determining factor rests on how 'successful' the bully is.  Not in their bullying but in making money for the company.  

Unsuccessful bullies don't last long.  But successful bullies?  It seems that the positive results that they bring to the organization might lead the company to attempt to 'overlook' some of their negative behaviours.  Enough so that many bullies come to believe that they are 'untouchable' or bullet-proof, simply because they make money for the company. At some point though, it becomes too costly for the organization to continue to overlook or ignore the behaviours... but only if the organization is put in the position of coming to understand just what the 'bully' is costing versus making for them.

In either event, it is clear that we will all face a workplace bully at least once in our careers, if not more often.  Just what actions do the experts recommend we take in dealing with them?  Here are the best Tactics of the Pros...

• Confront the Bully.  Now I want to be clear that not all experts support this, especially if the bully is your boss.  Confrontation can come with a cost.  That said though, many of our stressors are driven out of a sense of inaction so taking a stand for yourself may be just what is needed.  If so, there are a couple of common recommendations that all pros would offer: confront in private because bullies won't back down in public, confront early so that the bully has not gotten locked into an expectation of treatment or bullying, use the moment to highlight your boundaries.  Bullies typically lack boundaries on their behaviours. Confronting them helps you to establish yours.  In essence... they can't bully you if you refuse to be bullied.
• Be specific about the behaviour.  Be clear and to the point about the behaviour you find unacceptable, describing it with as little emotion as possible.  Additionally, be specific about how you would like to be treated instead.  Don't leave them to come up with an alternative behaviour, they clearly don't have a clue.  Share with them what and how you expect to be treated in future.
• Don't be an Armchair Psychoanalyst.  Don't attempt to psychoanalyze the bully, offering your own armchair diagnosis as to 'why' they engage in the behaviour.  Don't worry about the reasons, just focus on the results you are after.  You are trying to control the emotional aspects of the dialogue, not escalate theirs.
• Use positive reinforcement.  Catch them doing something right!  When they do treat you courteously or professionally, thank them.  Reward them.  Recognize them for making an effort. Even if they aren't perfect yet, reinforce the positive direction.  
• Be a model of good citizenship.  Model the behaviours you are after.  It will be difficult to get others to treat you better than you are seen treating others.  If you want to hold the bully accountable to a certain yardstick you had better be living to the same measurement!
• Speak to co-workers.  Determine if you are the only one being mistreated or whether others are experiencing the same treatment.  Is your boss 'picking on you' because they are a bully or are they, in fact, attempting to deal with your poor performance?  Ensure that your issue with their behaviour isn't really an issue with yours.  

Many people choose to internalize the bullying.  Don't allow someone else's issues and inappropriate behaviour to become your issues.  Name it!  Legitimize it!  It is bullying, it is psychological harassment, it is emotional abuse and it is a problem with them, not with you.  There is tremendous healing power in naming something.  

Many people choose to try to ignore the bullying, fearing that they may lose their jobs otherwise. However, the targets of bullying tend to lose their jobs (involuntarily, by choice, or for health reasons) over 75% of the time.  It is therefore no riskier to call out a bully than it is to try to ignore the behaviour.  When calling out the bully though, ensure that you have your escape route planned in advance and your documentation of their behaviour in place.  

The best method to use in highlighting their behaviour to senior management is to build a business case demonstrating that the bully is simply 'too expensive to keep'.  Pull together as much documentation as you can that clearly demonstrates the Costs of Bullying.  Who has left due to the bully?  How much has it cost to search for, hire and train replacements?  How much has the organization had to pay out in sick leave for bullying related illnesses, absenteeism, or even past litigation of complaints?

The bottom line truly comes down to the fact that Bullying, in whatever form, is unacceptable whether at school, at home or at the office.  Don't suffer in silence, seek out the help you need whether it's to manage the situation or to bow out of it.  There are always options, ensure you explore yours! 

Yes, And Principle - An Improv Technique at Work

Improvisational comedy troops use a number of techniques to help them work together seamlessly, building instantly upon each others ideas, able to adapt readily to any changes in direction and content that are thrown at them.

One technique I invite you to steal, and use as your own, is the Yes, And Principle.  This technique provides you with a structured way of thinking and responding to other people's thoughts and ideas. All too often we barely listen to what the other party is saying, preparing instead our rebuttal. The Yes, And technique begins from a position of requiring you to have listened fully to what the other party was sharing. You can't possibly know how to respond if you haven't heard what was said.

When we follow someones comments immediately with our own, without there being any connection between their comments and our own, it can sound as though we are dismissing, disinterested in, or disagree with, their thoughts.  It can sound like we are saying 'no', serving to negate the perceived value of what they were sharing.

Beginning our response with Yes, And... serves to build upon their ideas rather than negate them. While an immediate 'no' shows you have not been open to ever exploring their idea further, the 'Yes' shows an openness to and acceptance of the idea they offered. It is supportive and open, demonstrating that you trust and value their opinion.

The 'And' then builds upon the ideas already brought forth, rather than starting over or tearing down the previous ideas.  It helps the team continue to remain open to exploring new and different ideas, all of which serve to enhance the end result.

In business, there are two areas in which the Yes, And Principle can immediately be implemented, to positive benefit...

1. Brainstorming.  This is a great tool to use in developing and building ideas because it leaves all paths open.  Closing ideas off too soon can limit the directions available to you, while keeping ideas open allows you to circle back, in ways you might not have been able to imagine previously, enabling you to create something bigger and better.  In brainstorming the 'Yes' serves to acknowledge and accept others' ideas, while the 'And' allows for an elaboration of the idea, building and extending upon it.  In Apple you might have heard...
• I think we should consider making a 'better' phone...
• Yes, and... wouldn't it be great if it took pictures...
• Yes, and... we could create games and apps that let people use it like a mini computer
• Yes, and...
2. Feedback.  When providing people with constructive criticism and feedback on their ideas, we often mistakenly jump immediately to areas that require improvement or additional thought.  In essence, we highlight the flaws in their thinking. This can end up sounding negative, which may shut the other person down.  Instead, begin with Yes, And.  The yes immediately creates a supportive dialogue, which leads the other party to remain open to listening further. It creates a powerful attitude of affirmation that helps inspire trust. You can then follow with what is good about their idea highlighting what works, before then sharing how you think it could be better, offering your suggested improvements.  

Improvisational comedians are masters at listening to and building upon others ideas.  To create a seamless and unified experience for the audience, they must be prepared to abandon their 'vision' as being the one true vision, and be prepared to accept whatever any of the other team members present, viewing it as a gift. Rather than tossing it aside, they hold onto it, adding to it with their own ideas, enabling the skit to grow and develop.  Without the openness and willingness to accept what comes before 'you' will create a skit that is disjointed and disconnected.  The power of the Yes, And technique can serve you in much the same way, allowing those around you to feel valued, while still enabling you to have an impact on the direction taken. That's what building a team is all about.  

Beware the Critics!

Have you ever received 'constructive' feedback that truly wasn't that constructive? Feedback that was more of a critical diatribe than anything practical or useful?

All too often people today are quick to criticize but slow to offer any truly constructive suggestions for improvement. Doing so would mean having spent time thinking about solutions for you and most people just aren't willing to invest the time. Talking about what's wrong, what doesn't work for them, what they don't like is easy. Being clear about what they want instead... well... that takes some thought. Unfortunately, many of your biggest critics don't happen to be the biggest thinkers.

The truth is...if you do something poorly... people will criticize you.
The truth also is... if you do something well... people will criticize you.

Your challenge, of course, is recognizing which critics to pay attention to. True feedback will always come with a clear understanding of not just what was 'wrong', but what is 'better'. Criticism without direction is simply an attack and more likely to stop you dead in your tracks and prevent forward movement then it is to create a course change and spur your momentum.

Additionally, those offering their critical insights often do so from a completely different world view than your own. Any behaviours that deviate from their view of what's 'right' must therefore be 'wrong' and corrected.  Listening to this feedback and making adjustments to your direction as a result of it only serves to take you from your chosen path and shifts you onto theirs. You must be diligent in ensuring that any critics you listen to are those that will serve you in moving further in your desired direction... not theirs.

Criticism that serves you is helpful. Criticism that serves the other party is useless.  It's critical for you to know the difference. Pay close attention to the critic. If they are neither someone you like or respect, that's a good starting point for knowing you should probably ignore their input. Listening to, let alone acting on, anything they have to say will likely prove a waste of your time and talent.

6 Top Ways to Minimize your Stress at Work

We all face stress at work, if not also in our personal lives.  And, truth be told, that isn't going to change.  Some moments are more stress-filled than others, but stress is pretty much a given. Although we have heard about the differences between 'good' stress (Eustress) versus 'bad' stress (Distress), most of us could likely agree on the fact that we generally could do with less of it in our lives.

The following is a list of 6 key methods for reducing your on-the-job stress levels, though each could likely have a role to play in decreasing your stress outside of work as well!

1.  Learn to say No!  

Studies have shown significantly higher levels of stress in Managers who experience difficulty in saying 'no' more readily to others.  In this case we are our own worst enemy.  Our inability to say no leads us to take on more and more projects and tasks, until we are over-burdened, over-tasked, over-worked.  Bear in mind that saying No to someone may not mean that you are refusing to help them... Ever!... but simply that you are saying 'not right now'.  Just because they may have something that is a priority to them doesn't mean you need make it one of yours.

2.  Delegation.  

I'm all for being a DIYer (do-it-yourselfer) in the home... IF you derive pleasure and satisfaction from the doing.  If you simply derive satisfaction from having it done... hire someone else!  This DIY mentality carries over into the workplace where we also somehow feel that we need to take care of it ourselves to gain credit for it.  Trust me...  it only matters that it gets done.  Your facilitation of that process is all that counts.  Learning to delegate more allows you the time you need to take on more senior responsibilities, to have more time to plan and think pro-actively and strategically, all of which will serve you better in the long run.  In short...  you have to learn to 'give up' to 'move up'!

3.  Procrastination.  

Despite the belief you have created to justify your behaviour, research shows that NO you do NOT do your best work when under the gun.  Yes, you may finally get it done at the last minute, but that does not mean that it will be your best work.  Starting early provides you with more time to think and reflect on the process and steps, providing you with the opportunity to refine along the way, an option that would not be possible when in the midst of a time crunch.  If you know you are unlikely to heed this nugget and mend your procrastinating ways... then consider breaking your task down into smaller chunks and creating arbitrary deadlines for each along the way.  You will work to those imposed deadlines (last minute) but still find yourself ahead at the end.

4.  Criticism.  

Although we can't eliminate the amount, type and nature of the criticism we receive from others, we can reduce the stress impact of the criticism by managing our reaction to it.  Instead of internalizing and personalizing the criticism, dissect it instead.  Go on a hunt to find the one kernel of meaningful truth contained within it that will help you to improve, then toss the rest away.  you don't have enough mental cupboard space to house it all, so identify the piece worth saving and purge the rest.

5.  Be Proactive.  

The more you prepare, the less you have to repair.  Most time management experts agree that the preparation to execution saved ration is roughly 1:3.  Meaning, 10 minutes of preparation time will save you 30 minutes of execution time.  If you are looking to find more 'time' in your work day, start by spending a little more upfront time planning your execution of a task before taking action.  It might feel as though it is slowing the process down, but research shows us that you are significantly reducing the effort you need to expend on the back end.

6.  Play to your Strengths.  

High levels of stress are generally found in those that are working predominantly in areas outside of their strengths.  We often get so caught up in the perceived need to be 'better' at those areas we are weakest in that we overlook the fact that it is our strengths we enjoy using the most and in which we typically add the greatest level of value.  Playing to your talents means you are likely engaged in work that is stimulating and enjoyable (you're more productive then too) and that is less stressful because of it.  Sure... develop your weaknesses where it matters, but build your role and career around your strengths.  This is where your purpose is.  Find it and use it for great satisfaction.