Values & Beliefs - a Call to Action

Our values form the foundation for not only how we ultimately view the world around us, but the
yardstick by which we measure everything - our relative success, happiness, etc. Your values, what is important to you, will differ from mine if only as a result of the fact that you and I are different. Each of us faces a similar challenge though, to try to live a life that is in balance and alignment with our values. The closer our actions 'fit' our core values the better we will feel about ourselves, our relationships and our lives.

The  bigger the gap though the more likely we are to experience dissatisfaction and distress. A disconnect between our values and our actions leads to a sense of disconnect with our lives which, in turn, can lead to lacklustre on-the-job performance.  It is challenging to remain focused and motivated to engage in work and activities that fail to support our personal values. The more dissonance we experience the greater our motivational challenges likely will prove.

It is this gap, between our actions and values, that leads us to choose (whether consciously or unconsciously) to under-perform. The resistance we experience comes from that values disconnect. Generally speaking there tends to be two key reasons for the existence of the gap. Either...

• We have no clue as to what we truly value in life and are therefore living in a hit and miss fashion, sometimes gaining satisfaction with a hit, sometimes being dissatisfied because we miss, or...
• We have chosen to live, whether consciously or unconsciously, by someone else's prescribed values

There may be other reasons but these two are key and often interrelated. If I am unable to articulate what my key values are in life, what is truly important to me, I am far more likely to be swayed by someone else who has clarity, whether that is a relative, friend, celebrity or corporation. The difficulty with this lies in what happens internally to me should there be a gap between my true values and my adopted ones. If they are out of sync I will likely experience dissonance and discomfort.

Someone else's value may be a more positive, powerful and fulfilling value than my own, but if I haven't taken the time to consciously acknowledge and challenge the validity of my own limiting values and beliefs, and replace them with the stronger and more positive one, then I will still continue to experience that sense of dissatisfaction with my life. 

Unfortunately, we have a tendency to wait until we are at a 'low point' in our lives and emotions to take stock of our lives. Why wait for that? Work now to ensure that you have a clear and conscious understanding of your personal values by questioning the beliefs you hold. What are the beliefs you hold that serve to influence the choices you make, the behaviours you engage in?

All too often we act in ways that support beliefs we feel we 'should' have, regardless of whether or not those beliefs support our values. We are guided by the opinions of others more than we are guided by our own internal interests, wants and beliefs. Getting in touch with what really matters to you will highlight how much of your life you have devoted to satisfying other people's values versus your own.

Once you are clear about what truly matters to you, what you value, you need to reconcile the choices you have made in your life with your values. How much do those choices work in support of your values, how much do they pull you away from them? Are there gaps that you need to work at narrowing to increase your comfort and self-satisfaction?

I have had clients who discovered a great dissatisfaction in their lives because...

• they had bought a 'big' house in a prestigious area because that was where someone of their level and stature 'should' live, but paying that big monthly mortgage meant little money left over for travel and adventure, both of which they valued highly
• they worked 60+ hour weeks trying to satisfy a parent and make them proud, rather than living to their own value of what being a 'good' parent to their own children meant to them
• they had always wanted to start their own business but never attempted it because others around them didn't think they had what it takes to make it

What values and beliefs do you have that you are not living to? 

What would your life look like if you did? 

What's stopping you from taking action?

For those of you hesitating to take the action you need, Stephen Levine offers the following words, to give you perspective and to take that first step...

If you had an hour to live and could only make one phone call... Who would you call, What would you say, And why are you waiting?

  

Where is Your Moral Compass Pointing?

We each have our own Moral Compass, our own set of values, rules and practices that guide our decision making.  Most decisions we make each day don't require a directional check, but there are those big decisions that come along, those decisions made in moments of risk, danger and uncertainty, that define and highlight our true character.  It is in these moments that we truly see where our Moral Compass is pointing.

In order to live together successfully, we humans have created fairly intricate systems of shared values, delineating between what is considered to be 'right' and 'wrong'.  These systems are built upon formal systems of governance (laws and legislation) but also more informal social, religious and familial beliefs that govern our behaviour.  Despite this though, we each hold within us our own personal compass that helps direct our actions and choices.  It is relatively easy for us to make the 'right' choices and decisions in the easy times, but it is more challenging for us to sometimes determine what the 'right' decisions are in more difficult and complicated situations.  It's in these moments that we rely upon our compass to guide us.

"Who are you when no one's looking?"

Generally, we tend to only consider the effectiveness of our Moral Compass when we have lost our bearings, when we find that we have made poor ethical decisions.  We therefore struggle with finding and resetting our Compass as a means of finding our way back from or out of the situation that poor decisions and choices have put us in.

 It makes far more sense though to ensure that we have clarity over our values, over what defines 'right' and 'wrong' for us, long before we find ourselves needing them.  Keeping our compass dusted off and within easy reach will make those difficult decisions clearer.  They may not always prove to be the 'easy' choice, but they should always be the clearer choice.  Research supports this, finding that those with a clear, conscious set of values and morals tend to make more honest and ethical choices, even when no one would know otherwise.

Just how can we strengthen our ethical muscles and get our compass working?  Consider any of the following...

Listen to your Inner Voice.

We all have an inner voice that highlights right from wrong for us.  It speaks up and tells us when it doesn't think something is a good idea, but we tend to downplay it.  We need to learn to listen to that voice though, to lend credence to our 'gut' reactions.  These instinctive reactions to people and situations are still hardwired into our brains from generations ago when poor decisions likely meant the difference between life and death.  However, we tend to rationalize away these feelings, overlaying the 'voice' with 'reasons' why it is wrong or why you should do other than it is saying.  The voice is there for a reason and is likely more in touch with your morals than you are in that moment.  Listen.

Don't be a Lemming.

Just because others around you are doing 'it', it does not justify your following suit.  Others engaging in behaviour you know to be wrong does not magically make it right.  Follow your compass direction, not someone else's!

Don't Rush.

When face with an ethical dilemma take the time you need to make a decision you're going to be comfortable living with.  If someone is pressuring you to make a decision NOW, flags should raise and your brakes should go on. They are likely pressuring you to do something they know to be wrong but are pushing you to decide before you too determine it would be a poor choice.

How would you feel if everyone knew?

If you are horrified by the thought of anyone knowing about a particular choice, then it likely isn't a choice that fits well with your morals and values.  If you don't want anyone to 'know' then it is extremely likely that you are crossing a moral line somewhere in that decision.

Consider your Reputation and Resume

Our reputation is built upon the actions we take, the decisions we make.  If the choices you are making are not ones you would want highlighted on your resume then you are likely doing serious damage to your reputation and employability.

All of our decisions have an impact;  upon others and upon ourselves.  Having a strong moral compass simply means that we have clarity over what is important to us.  Using this as criteria in our decision making allows us to ensure we make decisions we will feel more comfortable living with, providing us with fewer regrets down the road.

The 4 Secrets of Success

Over my decades of working with senior executives and leaders I have come to recognise that much of success comes down to four small little secrets which, if done consistently and done well, can propel you to the 'top'... however you define it. Successful leaders may call them by different names but the actions all seem to boil down to the need to do these four things.

1.  Show up.  No, this doesn't just refer to the need to actually go to work, though being punctual to work, to meetings, is a must.  Rather, I am referring to the need to be fully present in all that you do.  It doesn't matter what you are doing, you must give it your all and then 1% more.  Successful people give whatever they are doing their full attention, they don't short-change anything.  If you want to get ahead and succeed, you have to be present to do it.  Show up - in body, mind and spirit.

2.  Step up.  You are responsible for your life, your choices, your work, your deadlines, your accomplishments.  Step up and accept the responsibility for it.  Successful people don't make excuses and they don't look to pass the buck elsewhere.  They own the good and the bad, laying claim to both their successes and their failures.  This is where the true growth and learning occur.

3.  Stand up.  You've got to be willing to take a stand on issues, to let people know your position.  Those who try to appease everyone by doing and supporting everything, end up standing for nothing.  Your reputation and brand will be built by the values you uphold and the actions you take.  What are you remembered for?

4.  Speak up.  Give voice to your thoughts, your accomplishments, your goals.  Let others know who you are, what you've done and where you're headed.  Many people fail to move up simply because others don't know what they are capable of or what their interests are.  Speak up also on behalf of those who can't; the underdog, underprivileged, injustice. Many of the greatest leaders and greatest success stories started by finding their voice and then donating it to others.

Take a moment to think how well you are currently living to each of these success tips and how you might work to improve upon each.  Four 'little' steps that can make the world of difference to where you manage to take your life and career. What would be the impact to yours if you simply made a point to...

• Show Up
• Step Up
• Stand Up
• Speak Up

The 4 Secrets of Success

Over my decades of working with senior executives and leaders I have come to recognise that much of success comes down to four small little secrets which, if done consistently and done well, can propel you to the 'top'... however you define it. Successful leaders may call them by different names but the actions all seem to boil down to the need to do these four things.

1.  Show up.  No, this doesn't just refer to the need to actually go to work, though being punctual to work, to meetings, is a must.  Rather, I am referring to the need to be fully present in all that you do.  It doesn't matter what you are doing, you must give it your all and then 1% more.  Successful people give whatever they are doing their full attention, they don't short-change anything.  If you want to get ahead and succeed, you have to be present to do it.  Show up - in body, mind and spirit.

2.  Step up.  You are responsible for your life, your choices, your work, your deadlines, your accomplishments.  Step up and accept the responsibility for it.  Successful people don't make excuses and they don't look to pass the buck elsewhere.  They own the good and the bad, laying claim to both their successes and their failures.  This is where the true growth and learning occur.

3.  Stand up.  You've got to be willing to take a stand on issues, to let people know your position.  Those who try to appease everyone by doing and supporting everything, end up standing for nothing.  Your reputation and brand will be built by the values you uphold and the actions you take.  What are you remembered for?

4.  Speak up.  Give voice to your thoughts, your accomplishments, your goals.  Let others know who you are, what you've done and where you're headed.  Many people fail to move up simply because others don't know what they are capable of or what their interests are.  Speak up also on behalf of those who can't; the underdog, underprivileged, injustice. Many of the greatest leaders and greatest success stories started by finding their voice and then donating it to others.

Take a moment to think how well you are currently living to each of these success tips and how you might work to improve upon each.  Four 'little' steps that can make the world of difference to where you manage to take your life and career. What would be the impact to yours if you simply made a point to...

• Show Up
• Step Up
• Stand Up
• Speak Up

The Music of Life

Picture an all-too familiar scene...  a busy Metro station, crowds of people hurrying... somewhere.  A lone busker, this time a violinist, stands by busy street-level doors, playing Bach.  In fact, he plays 6 different pieces for over 45 minutes.  1,100 people walk past him in that time, 27 people give him some money (in all just over $32), only 6 stayed for any length of time and listened.

But on this early Friday morning in January, it was no ordinary busker, playing ordinary music on an ordinary violin.  This Friday morning was special.  As part of a social experiment, initiated by the Washington Post, on this Friday morning, Joshua Bell, one of the finest classical musicians in the world, played one of the most intricate and beautiful pieces of music ever written, on one of the most expensive violins ever made (worth over $3.5 million)... in a Washington D.C. metro station.

Most people that were present failed to notice him, let alone hear or appreciate the music.

Certainly, explanations can be offered.  It was a Friday morning, people were on their way to work, they were late, they had other priorities...  But watch the video.  These people were not merely rushing, they didn't even notice Bell.  They didn't walk past him reluctantly, they failed to even acknowledge his playing.  In fact, in later interviews, some didn't even recall that a musician had been present, even though they passed within 4 feet of him.

If one of the world's most acclaimed virtuoso's could go completely unnoticed it begs the question... What else are we missing?

Are we all so caught up in our every day 'busyness' of life that we are losing our recognition and appreciation of beauty and art?

What was interesting is that of those 1000+ passers-by, it was predominantly young children that were the most fascinated by the musician present.  They clearly wanted to remain to listen but were hustled past quickly by their parents.  Children, it would seem, still possess an appreciation for the beauty around them.  At what point however do the expectations of others around us begin to inhibit and restrict this enjoyment?  And... why would we let it?

Don't get me wrong.  I am certainly as achievement focused and driven as the next person, but... I do not want to envision a life where we lose all sense of wonder in the world around us, where we fail to recognise the value that beauty brings to our minds, hearts and souls, whether through music or through art.  Taking the time each day to search for the beauty that surrounds us can go a long way to being more appreciative of what we have, and where we are.  Find those moments in your day - they are out there.

This week, practise looking for and appreciating your moments.  Whether in a sunset, a smile, the laugh of a child, a painting or the music of some street corner musician.  They might not always be the calibre of Joshua Bell, but they can still serve to give your day the lift that it needs!

Who are you rooting for?

I'm starting this blog post with a quote from the ever-quotable Seth Godin...

We say we want to root for the underdog, but actually, we want to be seen as rooting for whomever everyone else is rooting for

The need to belong, to feel that we are part of something, is a strong influencer over our behaviour.  Often, following the crowd is 'easier' then taking the time to think something through fully on our own.  We don't have the time (or perhaps the interest) and we therefore go along with everyone else.  It's almost a knee-jerk reaction. 

Perhaps going along with everyone else stems more out of a desire to:

• Avoid confrontation.  We know that others will push back if we don't agree and we just don't want the hassle!
• Be liked.  Let's face it, many of us like to be liked.  We care what others think.  As a result, we go along with the group in an effort to be seen as someone similar, someone that they will perhaps call a friend.
• Not rock the boat.  Taking a stand takes energy.  We have too much on our plate already, we don't particularly care about the issue at hand, or perhaps we just want to strategically curry favour.  In either event, going along with others maintains the status quo, which serves us in the moment.
• Not have to think.  Yep, sometimes it's just this simple... we let others do our thinking for us.

If we do any of the first three items above - deliberately and strategically - I don't take issue with it.  As long as you are consciously making a choice in those responses (that will hopefully net you positive results down the line) then I'm good. Note though, I still expect you to accept the consequences of those choices! 

However, if you are simply operating in default mode, going along with others because you don't want to think for yourself...  then we need to talk!  These are the folks that are less likely to accept any responsibility for their actions.  They will place blame on the others around them before they will ever accept that they too engaged in the same behaviour.   Letting others think for you will lead you to living someone else's life, supporting someone else's values and beliefs.

Rather, we need to ensure we are clear about what is important to us.  By understanding our values and beliefs more fully, we are then able to weigh our decisions and actions against them, choosing those options that work in alignment with our values.  Doing so might not always prove to be the easiest choice, or the most popular choice, but in the long run it will almost always prove to be the choice that allows us to feel best about ourselves. 

Saying no to you might mean that you don't like me much but... if by saying no to you I am living in alignment with my beliefs and values, what's important to me... then I like me just fine and for me, that's more than enough.

“The ultimate measure of a man is not where he stands in moments of comfort and convenience, but where he stands at times of challenge and controversy.”

—Martin Luther King, Jr.