Finding Your Purpose

As I write this it is the long-weekend here in Canada and I am enjoying the break up at our family cottage.  Okay... 'break' might be a bit of a misnomer since I am busy cleaning out cupboards of any traces of the mice that decided to join us over the colder winter months, cleaning out the gardens, putting the dock in... and whatever pieces of work I've brought with me from the office because... there's always something!

However, it is a totally different environment from the one I left behind and it definitely feels 'break-like' because of that.  As I sit here, early morning, sipping my Chai and watching the mist rise from the lake as the sun catches hold, the sole loon drifting past the end of the dock...  it seems the perfect time and place to think about the concept of Purpose.

I just finished a number of weeks of intensive coaching sessions.  Although we were there for an entirely different intent, it was interesting how often people would ask me what 'work' I thought they were suited for.  They were looking for some direction in finding work that was more satisfying to them, that seemed to 'fit' them better than what they were currently doing.  In essence, they were wondering if I had insights into their Purpose.

Like many, they were frustrated that others had seemingly found 'it' while they continued to struggle with finding anything that seemed to resonate within them, something that filled them with joy, satisfaction or... calling.  I recently came across a great exercise designed to help you discover your Purpose.  Anyone can do this exercise... even those of you that do not believe in the concept of Purpose!  This is taken from the blog of Steve Pavlina, a Personal Development guru.  I do recommend checking out his website (www.stevepavlina.com)

The Exercise:  Sit down in a quiet place at a time that you won't be disturbed (and yes, this means no phone calls, text messages or emails either!).  Take out a blank piece of paper, write My Life's Purpose across the top and... start writing.  Write down anything and everything that comes to mind.  No qualifying.  It doesn't matter if it's practical, doable or even remotely interesting to you.  Keep writing.

Push out the thoughts as though it's your life's mission to fill page after page of ideas.  As Steve puts it, you keep writing ...

...until you have the answer that makes you cry.  This is your purpose.

For some this will come quickly, you are looking for the moment where you write down an idea that fills you with emotion.  You might experience smaller emotional moments along the way that are signs you are getting closer to your true purpose.  It is that larger emotional surge, the idea that resonates fully within you, that defines your purpose.  You don't even have to believe in the idea of  a life's purpose for this exercise to work!

The perfect exercise to do at the end of the dock on a peaceful day at the cottage, or on your back patio, in a coffeeshop with your favourite beverage, or hunkered down over your kitchen table.  The location doesn't matter.  You can do it on a laptop, in a journal or on the back of a napkin.  Hmmm... make that napkins...  you're going to need a bunch!  The main point of course is that you need to DO the exercise, not just think about it.  I'm heading out to the end of the dock, you head on out to what is going to be comfortable for you.

Let me know how this goes for you, what you discover... I'm anticipating a more Purpose-ful and Purpose-filled life.  Not a bad outcome at all!

Dream Less... but Expect More!

We have all been told, on numerous occasions I'm sure, to dream big, that if we can't dream it we can't
achieve it. The cold hard truth is though... Dreaming doesn't make it so. It turns out that thinking about what we want in life doesn't get us closer to achieving more. However, becoming clear about what we 'expect' will.

The Placebo Effect in medicating and treating individuals is well documented. A sugar pill, administered to a patient who expects it to reduce their pain, will typically experience pain relief. The patient expected the 'drug' they were receiving to be effective, to a certain degree, in reducing their pain and therefore they experienced that degree of pain relief.

In a well-known study, students were divided into two groups; high and low IQ. Only teachers were informed which group each student was in. The students knew nothing of the division. After eight months, the High IQ group was performing significantly better than the Low IQ group. However, unbeknownst to the teachers, the students had been randomly assigned to the two groups. The groups actually had no bearing on the actual IQ of the students. Remember also, the students knew nothing about the assigned groups and yet their performance suffered due to the arbitrary classification. The determining factor? The expectations of the teachers themselves. The teachers 'knew' which group each student belonged to and therefore had different expectations for each that unconsciously influenced the results and achievements of each.

This is big. Think about it for a minute. What you expect of/from others influences what you will likely receive from them. Pretty powerful stuff!

Take this concept and apply it back to the concept of your dreams. We all know that our dreams aren't true. We don't really expect them to occur, we don't hold them as a certainty. Is it little wonder that we don't achieve them? Instead, we have to reframe our dreams as certainties. We have to 'expect' them to occur if we want to truly experience and achieve them. It is through these unshakeable expectations that we continue to persevere, that we continue to move forward. It is this certainty of expectation that helps us to cope with frustration and disappointment along the way. We may experience setbacks but we are better poised to keep going and pushing through when we expect that things will turn around.

I see this phenomena play out often with coaching clients. It is not unusual for people to express a desire for more, better or different in their lives. However, when questioned about their expectations, I find that although they would like or hope for better, they don't truly 'expect' things to change. As a result, they don't tend to engage in the behaviours necessary to drive the change they want. If you don't expect that your efforts will make a difference, you'll be hard pressed to expense the time and energy into those efforts.

Our expectations are critical to our experienced outcomes. Note that expectancy is a non-conscious process. It is an unconscious prediction that manifests in the conscious mind as a certainty. Hoping for something does not convey that same sense of certainty that expectancy does, therefore you do not feel the same compulsion to invest in making it happen. Expectations drive attitudes and behaviours which, in turn, lead you to engage in actions that drive your desired (expected) results. Hoping or wishing for something does not generate a call to action and therefore you tend to remain safely ensconced in your armchair, surrounding by those unfulfilled hopes.

How does this look?

• You hope to win a lottery some day but you expect to spend the rest of your life earning $50,000.00 per year. Your current salary? $50,000.00. Typically, research shows us that we each tend to earn the salary that we truly expect that we are worth, that we expect is possible for us.
• You want that new promotion, but you expect the boss to say no. You're not surprised when that is what they say.
• You want to lose weight and keep it off but you expect that you will always have to struggle with your weight and yo-yo dieting. Sure enough, you somehow manage to regain those 10 pounds you just lost

Sound familiar?

The difference between wanting or hoping for something and what our true expectations are is the key differential in what we truly experience and receive in our lives. If you truly want something different, then you need to build the expectations that will support that desire. Challenge your limiting beliefs and existing expectations, replacing them with those that support those desires and dreams. Otherwise... they will continue to remain simply hopes and dreams, as ethereal and unreachable as the clouds drifting by outside of my window.

In a nutshell...we GET what we EXPECT. 

Was this blog post insightful, interesting and helpful for you?  I expect so!

The Power of Desire

At the recommendation of someone I greatly admire, I finally picked up a copy of Napoleon Hills' complete text of 'Think and Grow Rich'.  Certainly, I had heard, or read, snippets of it in the past, had read numerous authors referencing it, but it had never moved from my 'to be read' list.  Until now.

I have to admit that already the first chapter has given me pause to think.  The topic?  Desire.  Not a word that we typically apply to our lives as a whole.  We might stop to question what we 'want' in and from our lives, what we 'need' to get by and, perhaps, might even occasionally give voice to our dreams.

But, somehow, desire takes elements of all of these, incorporates them and elevates them.  Desire is stronger than just want or need.  It isn't as transient.  Desire is not fleeting.  It speaks to a consistency and commitment to thought and action belied by both want and need, which are more situationally based. 

Additionally, our desires are more concrete than our dreams.  Dreams, by their very nature, are less substantial, more corporeal, making them less tangible and therefore likely unattainable.  Desire is more earthy though. It has a visceral component to it that provides an anchor for those dreams. It is more concrete, more substantial and, therefore, achievable.

It is the strength of our desire for a 'thing' that gives us the drive to achieve and succeed.  However, admonitions to be 'practical', to be 'grounded', to be 'realistic and logical' in planning our lives and careers has led us to suppress our DESIRE, such that we are left doing, but not feeling.

It's hard to feel passionate about the work we do and the contributions we make when they lack any connection to our deepest desires.  I am beginning to believe that it is the reconnection to our desires that is the catalyst for remarkable change to occur.  Gaining clarity over our desires not only provides us with the destination, but it fuels the trip.  Without it?  We're likely to get caught up in doing and being and going something/somewhere less meaningful or fulfilling.  We're living.  We may even be 'successful' by other people's standards, but at what cost to us?

How much more excititng and energizing to be engaging in activities that feed and fulfill our desire, that move us toward our hidden, and all too often, unspoken dreams?  If this stirs in you a spark of wanting, a 'desire' for more, then I invite you to begin to reconnect with your desires and passions.

Exercise:  (I somehow always manage to work some kind of homework in, don't I?)  You've spent years, perhaps even decades, in stifling and burying your desires.  Don't expect them to reveal themselves to you overnight.  Though...  certainly be open to it should it happen that way for you!

• Consider - if there was enough money in whatever you chose to be or do...
• What would you be...
• What would you do...
• ... and... most importantly...why?
• Explore - how you felt as you answered the above questions.  What does it reveal to you about your desires?  Is there a way to begin integrating more of it into your life right now, no matter how small?  If yes...  then get started and do it!

Remember, no more effort is required to aim high in life, to demand abundance and prosperity, than is required to accept misery and poverty    

                                                                                                      Napoleon Hill