Tip Thursday - Body Language

When people wear a white coat (such as doctors) more people are convinced by and believe them
than someone with the same title and experience speaking to them without one. The coat is just a prop but its underlying messaging has a significant impact upon the perceived credibility of the message. A simple tool to use to help your message be received favourably.

Obviously the white coat is a tool that is available only to those in the medical profession but... consider what an 'authority' in your industry and situation would wear... and wear that! It may be a subtle cue but anything you can do and use to help your message be heard and received favourably is one worth using to your advantage.

Building Your Perceived Trustworthiness

The one thing that we are told to expect about today's work landscape is for it to constantly be changing. Though this comes with its own unique benefits and challenges, few comment on the negative impact continuous change can have on the perceived trustworthiness of leaders. Studies all confirm that although trust is an intangible, it is a critical factor in how others work, interact and even listen to one another.

A lack of trust in leadership is a determining factor in employee turnover and engagement. As a leader then increasing your perceived level of trustworthiness will be an important component of your overall success.

Most leaders, if asked, will say that they are a trustworthy person.  However, it doesn't matter how trustworthy you think you are, what matters is how trustworthy others believe you are.  Your trustworthiness is part of your Reputation and therefore depends on what others think of you, not what you think of yourself.

The true secret to developing and maintaining your trustworthiness is your predictability.  Although being seen as predictable may sound boring, it is the main ingredient (the magic sauce, if you will) of building trustworthiness.  It is the congruence between what you say and what you do that builds the consistency of behaviour that others can trust and rely in, that they can count on.

Though we may think of people who are spontaneous as being fun, we likely won't view them as being particularly trustworthy, simply because we can't predict what they'll do next.  A new thought enters their head and off they go, regardless of what they may have previously indicated.  Although we may say that we value spontaneity, we are far more comfortable with those whose behaviour we can predict.

The truth is, we are all far more consistent in our behaviour than we may like to think.  Just look at your daily habits and routines for an indication of some of yours.  The good news though is that it's these consistent behaviours that help form the foundation of trust that increase our effectiveness as leaders.

The following are my top 6 list of behaviours that you can engage in to help you build your trustworthiness profile.

• Do what you say.  You can help build your profile of consistency by letting others know what you intend to do. The important part, of course, is to actually go out and do it. The bigger the gap between what you say and what you do the less believable and credible you will be. Narrow the gap to build trust.
• Keep your promises.  Be resolute with your word. Don't make promises you don't intend (or can't) keep and, if something prevents you from keeping your promise, make a point of explaining to others what happened and why.  This will help others to see your failure to keep your word as an anomaly and not the rule.
• Trust others.  Extend trust to gain it.  Demonstrate the behaviour you would like to see in and from others.
• Be Selfless.  It will prove difficult for others to trust in you if your focus is narrowed to... you. Self interest, particularly in a leader, will undermine trust. Your focus needs to be more broadly directed; to the team, department and company.
• Be open and honest. This should be patently obvious but we aren't likely to trust someone who is constantly withholding or manipulating information. 
• Keep confidences. If you are forever gossiping around the water cooler it will be difficult for others to view you as someone they can trust to maintain their confidences.

We all want a leader we can believe in and trust. To be that leader yourself, start by using the tips above to build your trustworthiness. Focus on demonstrating consistency in your behaviours and your word to build yours.

Tip Thursday - Language

Women have a greater tendency to use the word 'Just' in sentences.

"I'm just a..."
"I just had a question..."
"I'm just checking..."

Used in this way 'just' is a way of asking for permission, of minimizing your request or apologising for the interruption.  Eliminate the 'justs' from your communications - both written and oral - to sound more confident and credible.

Be Brief: Your Audience will Thank You!

Brevity takes work.  Perhaps that's why so few seem to do it.  Either that or people just like to hear
themselves speak which, unfortunately, is a little more accurate than perhaps we'd care to admit. The truth is though, we can make a powerful, positive and lasting impression on others by simply telling them what they need to know, not everything we want to tell them.

Our objective, in any communication, is not to share everything that we know but to share what our audience needs and is interested in hearing.  It therefore requires more effort and focus on our part, to consider the needs of our audience and to use it to determine what information we posses is relevant and to simply share that.  The information we share will therefore vary by audience and by situation.  One may call for more detail and the other less.  It becomes our responsibility to pay attention to what information will serve our audience best.

In his book Brief: Making a Bigger Impact by Saying Less, author Joseph McCormack shares that there are 3 levels of detail to any story we share.

1. 1st Level Details:  These are the details and information that are central to your communication and important for your audience to hear (focus on these!)
2. 2nd Level Details:  Are those details that add colour and often a bit more clarity, but that aren't critical components of the message itself
3. 3rd Level Details:  Are accurate pieces of information but they do little to enhance the communication itself or the understanding of your audience

Level one represents the important and primary components of your communications.  As for the other two levels?  Be judicious in your use of 2nd level details and avoid using level 3 at all.  

The more that we talk, the more that the conversation becomes about us, whether it's our self-focus, our nervousness and discomfort, our lack of confidence or perhaps even our actual lack of understanding of the topic itself.  Sometimes by trying to share everything we know we actually highlight the reverse.  

The secret of a good sermon is to have a good beginning and a good ending, and to have the two as close together as possible.      George Burns

What you are sharing with others should be of interest and importance to them.  Don't make them work for it, either by waiting for it or having to weed through extraneous information.  Choose to demonstrate your respect for your audience by putting their needs above your own.  Use their reactions as a gauge to determine how well you are addressing those needs.  Yawns and shifting in their seats are generally good indicators that you have gone on too long and overstated your case.

Think about what your audience needs to know.  Say it.  Sit down.

Enough said.



(for those that would like to check out 'Brief' for themselves here's a link you can use to purchase your copy)

The Downside to Uptalk

I have been speaking with audiences for almost a decade about the negative impact of Uptalk on their
presence.  Despite this though, it still remains one of the most common coaching issues for my clients to work through.

For those unfamiliar with the term Uptalk, it is the upward inflection typically heard when someone is asking a question, but it occurs when making a statement.  This upward inflection serves to turn your statement into a question, making you sound hesitant and unsure of your content. Over time, and with frequency, it can seriously undermine your credibility.

Generally, people will fall into one of two categories of Uptalkers.  Either they uptalk all of the time, and are therefore Habitual Uptalkers, or their uptalk is leakage serving to signal shifts and changes in their internal state.

A recent study, conducted by Thomas Linneman highlighted key Gender Differences in handling success by tracking the use of uptalk by contestants on the popular television game show Jeopardy!  Overall, he found that contestants tended to use uptalk roughly 37% of the time.  This usage does make sense given that participants are, in fact, often wondering if they have the right answer or not.  This self-doubt leaks out through their voice in the form of uptalk.

However, Linneman also found that men tended to use more uptalk when they were playing against female contestants or when they were correcting a female contestant when she was wrong.  It seems that men will unconsciously integrate more uptalk into their speech in an effort to 'soften' some of their language.  Their increased uptalking, in these situations, signifies an attempt to be 'nice'.  We know from additional research that this is often the source of much of women's uptalk within the workplace, reflecting their desire for others to like and think well of them.  Perhaps it is heartening to know that men's uptalking behaviour is also influenced by the same desire, even if not to the same extent as women's.

The finding of Linneman's that is the most disturbing for me though is the link he uncovered between success and uptalk.  We have long known that women are often encouraged to downplay their success, while men are encouraged to own it.  Sheryl Sandberg's book Lean In speaks to many of the reasons why women's careers stall out, resulting in fewer women at the senior level.  Uptalk is one of those reasons.  It is a subtle cue we deliver to others, letting them know that we do not feel we are worthy or deserving of success.

In Linneman's study, he found that the more success the male contestants enjoyed on the Jeopardy! show, the less uptalk they exhibited.  They became more comfortable and confident with their success as it increased.  However, the more successful that a female contestant became, the more uptalk she engaged in. Her comfort with her success increased, resulting in more uptalk.  Unfortunately, in business, the greater your uptalk, the more hesitant and unsure you sound, which will serve to limit and restrict the responsibilities you are given.  If you don't sound ready and capable then you are likely to be passed over.

Certainly, learning to speak without Uptalk is a necessary step to stepping-up.  You need to sound confident if you want others to place their confidence in you.  I work with clients often, helping them to eliminate their uptalk.  However, it can't stop there.  We need to also work at eradicating the belief that women are somehow not worthy or deserving of their success.  Often they have worked longer and harder to prove themselves, yet they are still left feeling like an imposter in that senior role.

 “I still face situations that I fear are beyond my capabilities. I still have days when I feel like a fraud. And I still sometimes find myself spoken over and discounted while men sitting next to me are not. But now I know how to take a deep breath and keep my hand up. I have learned to sit at the table.”    Sheryl Sandberg

Learning to 'sit at the table' means learning to have confidence that you are 'enough', that you are deserving and that you have the right to be there.  Gaining this belief helps us to manage and control the unconscious and damaging leakage (such as uptalk) that we would otherwise display.  

And men... though research supports the fact that women are the more likely uptalking culprits, I have many male clients working to eradicate their uptalk also.  In the end, we all want to appear and sound confident and capable, even in those moments when we are not.  Perhaps, more so in those moments.  

The Science of First Impressions

We all have heard how important it is to make a 'good' first impression but just what constitutes a 'good' impression?  When I ask my clients how they would like to be seen by others the two most popular responses are that they want to appear confident or they want to be liked.  In wanting one or the other they then, both consciously and unconsciously, engage in behaviours that project either confidence or likability, in an effort to drive the desired response from the other party.

I have said for years though that what is truly needed, in creating a strong, positive first impression in business is... both.  You need to be seen as confident and capable, they need to know that you can get the job done but they also need to like you, to see you as a solid member of the team.  The better you do both, the more likely you are to get an invitation to join.

As it turns out, recent research findings reported by Amy Cuddy of Harvard Business School, have shown that 80 to 90 percent of the overall first impression we form of someone is based on the combination of two specific traits: Trustworthiness (gauging their intentions toward you) and Competence (gauging their level of capability and confidence).  What is particularly interesting though, is that her group was primarily studying discrimination and prejudice; how people categorize each other, in an effort to predict discrimination.

It seems that we universally sort groups on the matrix pictured above.  Most people are higher on one trait and lower on the other.  They found that when the status quo is threatened, the high-status minority groups are those that get targeted for genocide.  These are highly competent individuals.  High competence, but low trust. Therefore, typically it is groups that are hated, but respected that get targeted the most.  People in the bottom left?  Those that are both hated and not respected get pitied.

This is important to consider when it comes to generating your own first impression.  So many of us err on the side of wanting to appear confident... if nothing else... and tend to therefore swing too far to this side when nervous.  We attempt to mask our nervousness and discomfort by appearing 'more' confident, 'more' competent, 'more' capable, often at the cost of our warmth and engagement.

This newest research from Cuddy suggests that this will tend to clearly put us into the bottom right quadrant.  We may be seen as extremely competent, but we will not tend to be liked.  As a result, we may lose the desired opportunity to someone who is a little less competent, but liked more.  The ideal quadrant is obviously the top right.  We are both warm, engaging and trustworthy while also being perceived as someone who is capable of getting the job done.

The key to creating this balance is to ensure that people feel your warmth first, then move into demonstrating your competence.  In order to appear engaging and trustworthy, use some of the following tips:

• Smile when first meeting someone.  This is a universal gesture that will not only communicate warmth, but demonstrates clear interest in spending time with the other person. 
• Show interest in the other person.  Ask them questions about themselves and allow them to answer.  Make them feel listened to and understood.  This is a very powerful step in creating a strong connection and bond.  
• Make small talk.  Although many strong 'business' oriented people hate the thought of engaging in small talk, research proves that it is an important step in the business process, increasing the value of the dialogue and negotiations to follow.

As in most things in life, it appears that balance is truly the goal.  Striking the right balance between appearing Competent and Trustworthy will serve to create the most positive first impression for you.  Warmth with strength.  It may not be the most common combination but it is the one we respond to the most favourably and the one we most want to follow.

The True Purpose of Communication

Regardless of 'what' we are communicating...
Regardless of 'why' we are communicating...
There is only one true purpose for communicating.

The purpose of ALL communication is to influence.  

We may have a primary purpose for our communication of sharing information but we will always have a host of other secondary purposes, at least one of which is to influence our audience... about us. As you are speaking to anyone, about anything, you are also attempting to convince them that you are...

• important
• knowledgeable
• desirable
• capable
• competent
• confident
• an expert
• passionate
• energetic

...and so on. Unfortunately, most of us focus only on the need to get the primary information out and don't focus on the delivery of any secondary messages, missing out on significant opportunities to craft the way that our audience thinks and feels about us and about the information we're sharing. 

What's important to note though, is that whether we craft those sub-textual messages or not we are still delivering them.  They just might not be saying what we'd like them to say.  Becoming a strong communicator does not mean that you have to learn to love giving speeches, but it does require you learn to present you and your message 'well', by learning to say what you mean in a way and tone that strengthens, rather than diminishes, that meaning.

For example: you can't simply 'tell' people you are passionate about your topic and expect to be believed, if you don't deliver your topic WITH passion.  people will need to hear it, to see it, in order to believe it.  In fact, you shouldn't have to 'tell' people that you are passionate about something. Telling them should be redundant because they should be able to see it and hear it, to feel it, for themselves.  It is much stronger for them to experience it.  That will be infinitely more memorable for them and will become part of their definition of 'you'.  

You are communicating sub-textually already.  Every time you say anything.  In order to begin using this messaging more consciously, to influence others to see and hear desirable messages, you must begin by being clear about what those messages are.  Ask yourself what you want your audience to think and feel about the information you are sharing with them and, perhaps, even what you would like them to do with it.  If you are ultimately building to a call-to-action your delivery of the information should help support that.  Additionally though, you need to also ask what you want your audience to think and feel about you.  How do you want to be seen?  What is the branded message you want to build and deliver?  

In order to strengthen these two main secondary-messages, to influence your audience to respond how you would like, use audiotape to 'play' with your method of delivery. The following are the top 3 vocal elements to listen for and to play with...

• Speed.  Pay attention to the pace of your delivery.  Let it speed up a little to show excitement and passion, slow down a little to appear more thoughtful and thought-filled about your subject. Bear in mind that at all times you need to speak at a speed that your audience can listen without a lot of undo effort.
• Volume.  Again, you need to speak at a volume level that can be heard easily, in whatever venue you are speaking in. Beyond that though, we naturally tend to speak a little louder than normal when we are excited about something and a little softer when we are more reflective or sharing something serious.
• Variability.  Listen for the amount of variation present in your speech.  Too flat an affect will sound boring.  Your audience will find your topic boring and label you the same.  You want to have enough variation to hold the interest of your audience. This is your baseline.  Play from there. Add more variation and animation when story-telling, trying to add energy, build commitment and engagement, passion etc.  When communicating something serious and absolute, use a little less.  Don't go completely affect-less, but to make something sound like it's a done deal it will need to be delivered in a way that does not sound like it is open for discussion.  Less variation helps accomplish this.

Understanding how to use your secondary messaging systems is a key trait of all great communicators.  Not only does it help you to strengthen the credibility of your main message, but it serves to heighten your personal credibility too.


(Want a review of your videotaped delivery?  Contact us about setting up an online review session.  titangrp@globalserve.net)

Personality vs. Character

Although often used synonymously, these terms represent two very distinct attributes of being. Personality is generally believed to remain fairly constant over time, and is inclusive of traits such as extroversion, competitiveness, organization, assertiveness and the like.  Though these characteristics may feel as though they mellow over time (our years of experience seeming to temper many of our more extreme personality traits), we often feel that there has been a bigger shift in our personality taking place than is actually the case.

Personality therefore, is deemed to be largely hereditary in its origin.  Character, on the other hand, is believed to be shaped more through socialization and experience.  Our belief systems drive much of our character, which means that, unlike our personality, they may shift and change over time as our experiences impact our beliefs.  This does not mean that character changes are easy, we do not easily give up our beliefs, but it is possible, typically in the face of huge emotional upheaval.

It is our character, comprised of such attributes as honesty, trust, kindness, respect, loyalty, courage, that establishes our morals and ethics.  As a result, our character is not as easily seen or read as our personality may be.  Think of Personality as sitting more on the surface of our interactions with others, while our Character is a little more deep-seated.  In essence...

• Personality: is what we say and do when everyone is watching
• Character: is what we say and do when no one is watching

The challenge we each face relates to our ability to accurately gauge the associated personality and character of others we are working and interacting with.  Studies show us that we tend to be better at accurately decoding personality elements but are not nearly as intuitive or accurate in our assessment of character.  In fact, we have a strong tendency to assign more positive character traits to those we deem to have a more attractive and positive personality.  This, of course may not have any direct correlation, but we tend to think that if someone is more outgoing, confident and fun that they are also more honest, moral and kind.  Making this association could come back to bite us in the butt later though, when we discover that our fun-loving friend is much more deceitful than we had earlier believed.

Generally, it is found that we have two key reasons for unconsciously linking personality to character.  

1. we want to think positively of people that we like (so we assign them other positive characteristics)
2. truly trying to assess someones character is extremely time-consuming.  In fact, the best way to assess someones character is to observe their behaviour during truly character-challenging situations, using their behaviour there as a predictor of future behaviour

So...  

• the friend that is the life of the party, so much fun to be around... but who speaks about others behind their back...
• the business partner who seems so easy to talk to, open and gregarious, but who easily pockets 'extra' change given by a server in error...
• the prospective life partner who seems like the 'perfect' complement to your personality, but who never returns items they 'borrow' from others...

...may each require a closer inspection.  You may find that your perception of their Personality is influencing the accurate judgement of their Character.  In our relationships with others, personality may help us with our initial attraction to someone, but it will be character that makes or breaks it in the long run.  Deceitful and unethical behaviours are all a question of Character. 

How has yours been shaping up lately?

Women in Business: We're a 'Sorry' Lot!

John arrives 10 minutes late for a meeting. He enters the room, quietly finds a seat and sits down.

Carol arrives a minute later, entering the room saying..."I'm sorry that I'm late. We woke up this morning to find that a water pipe had burst during the night... It was a mad scramble to get things under control, arrange for a plumber, get the kids off to school... All without water. Plus, traffic was worse since I left later than usual."

Women have a strong tendency to over-apologize. Not only do they apologize more than men do, they are much more detailed and verbal in their apologies, drawing more attention to the apology and the moment. In doing so, it will appear that the woman has more to be sorry for and will therefore receive more blame than do their male counterparts.

A recent study, conducted in 2010 by the University of Waterloo, found that men are just as willing as women to apologize for something they have done wrong. However, they feel that they have done something wrong far less often than do women, therefore apologizing far less. Additionally, women tend to use 'I'm sorry' to convey multiple meanings. It could...

• Be used to express sympathy... I'm sorry for your loss...
• Show empathy... I'm so sorry to hear that...
• Soften a direct order... I'm sorry, but you'll need to redo this...
• Be used in place of excuse me... I'm sorry, I didn't mean to bump into you...

Men tend to take apologies at face value, assuming that if someone is apologizing then they have done something wrong. Why is this important for the workplace? If men think that you apologize only when you have done something wrong, then every time they hear a woman say 'sorry' they will assign fault to her. Their assumption... If she's sorry she must have done something wrong.
This seemingly small ritualistic use of the word sorry can then significantly impact a woman's brand and others' perception of her.

The Work:

Pay attention to just how often you use the phrase 'I'm sorry'.  Consider if you were truly apologising for something and, if not, think of what you could have said instead.  There will always be an appropriate, alternative way of saying what you had intended, one that does not carry any unintended blame with it.  Try these different alternatives on for size, becoming more familiar and comfortable with them to ensure they come more readily to mind for the times and moments they are needed. 

In the meantime, should you find yourself being driven crazy by how often you say I'm sorry, well... for that... I'm sorry!