Getting Unstuck: 3 Essential Questions

As a Coach it is my job to ask people questions and get them thinking about their life, career, wants and needs. However, just as all coaches are not the same, neither are their questions. I am far less of an introspective, let's-explore-your-motivations type of coach and much more of a let's-define-what needs-doing-and-get-it-done kind of coach.  Both have their place, depending upon what you want and need.

However, when it comes to taking action, 'Why' questions are killers.  Why questions keep you stuck exploring the meaning of your choices, your actions, your relationships, your life... rather than getting out there taking action and living your life. If you are at the point where you are done with exploration and introspection, if you are at the point where you want and need change, then it is time to get down to shifting from Why to What.

To help get you unstuck and moving forward I have 3 key What questions you can use to help take you from here to there.  Use these to help you to define and shape the action that is needed and your willingness to do what it takes to get there.  Three basic questions to help you stop the 'why-ning' and shift into action.

1. What do I want?

A seemingly basic question, but an essential one.  If you are going to take action then it's best to have a destination in mind lest you just wander aimlessly.  If you want your actions to have purpose, then defining clearing and specifically what you want is the place to start.

2. What do I need to do to get there?

What are the steps that need to be taken? You can start out with broad steps but narrow them down. The more specific that you make them the more likely you are to take the steps. Eliminating ambiguity eliminates questions and hesitation. The more specific the steps the likely the smaller they will be also, which means the more likely you are to take them. Small steps are easy steps and any step taking you in a desired direction is a positive one, regardless of the size.

3. What am I prepared to do?

And... here's the kicker. Now that you know what you want and what it takes to get there... what are you willing to do?  Just because we know what to do doesn't mean we are actually going to take those steps in which case, you need to know where your buttons are. Which are you willing to push and which aren't you? What dreams does this cost you and are you willing to let 'em go?

If you are experiencing any hesitation my best advice is to simply look at the first step and ask yourself if you are prepared to do it.  If so, then do so. Now look at the second step and ask yourself if you are prepared to do it. Often our hesitation arises when we look at everything that needs doing, which may cause a sense of overwhelm to arise. Instead, simply look at each step you have defined in isolation and take that step. If you hit a step that seems too daunting then see if you can break it down further into smaller components.

• If you are missing a skill... what do I need to learn? From where? From whom?
• If you are missing some information... what do I need to know? Who knows it? How do I access?

Each missing piece simply becomes another step. Define it and add it in. 

Take a step.

This may sound simplistic but this System of the 3 What's works. It focuses you forward rather than getting caught up in exploring the past. You can do something about your future, but only if you are willing to step up and step forward into it.  Perhaps upon reflection there is one final 'What' question I have for you...

What are you waiting for?

Tip Thursday - Personal Development

We can get caught up in doing so many things that we sometimes lose track of 'why'. To determine the value of what you're doing, whether you should be doing it or even just as a means of freeing up time to do other things, consider whether the activity you are engaged in will make you better. If what you are doing does not serve you in some way; does not improve you, grow you, support you or reward you, ask - Why am I even doing this? If it doesn't make you better - it's likely not worth doing!

Tip Thursday - Accepting Feedback

Receiving less than desirable feedback from a boss or peer can be tough to take, but often learning and acting on the message is what's needed to propel your career forward.  Rather than being defensive, openly accept their feedback and ask for suggestions.

"I would like to do what I can to change that, do you have some suggestions to help me?"

Turn what could be a negative conversation into a positive one, where your critic becomes your coach!

Unwrapping Your Gifts!

We all have our own special and unique gifts; talents and skills that we excel at.  Yes... everyone, including you!  The issue is not whether we have strengths or not, but whether we know and understand what they are.  It is pretty difficult to utilize our strengths fully if we are still struggling to understand what they are.

Unfortunately, many of our experiences in life have taught us to focus on our weaknesses, on what we typically end up labeling as our shortcomings.  In grade school we had those big red circles highlighting those shortcomings.  Our parents likely spent far more time focusing on how to pull up our grades than they did on how to build on the areas that we excelled at and our workplace managers tend to do exactly the same.  However, it is important to recognise that our performance over a range of skills will always vary.  We have some activities that we will be better at than others.  In the picture below, these are the 'above the line activities', those areas in which we tend to exceed expectations.

We will also always have some areas in which we fall short.  Always.  We cannot be good at everything, nor should we expect or try to. Unfortunately, our parents and bosses have trained us to agonize over the below the line results.  We put our focus, energy and even money into improving those skills.  However, for most of them, the best we can hope to do is to raise our skill level to the meets expectations line.  For the most part this is fine.  There are many areas in our work and our lives where being and doing 'good-enough' is, in fact, good enough!  We know that there is a law of diminishing returns telling us that additional effort is not going to net us the equivalent in return, in which case that additional effort could be put to better use elsewhere.

However, there is a far larger problem.  If we are focusing all of our efforts on improving the below the line skills, and not focusing on the above the lines skills at all, then we are creating a system of mediocrity.  We get what we focus on.  If we only focus on pulling our weaknesses up, and not on growing or developing our strengths, then our talents fall down to meet that middle red line, even while our weaknesses grow.  However, in the end, we are simply meeting expectations.  This does nothing to inspire or motivate us, and is therefore the problem with many corporate performance management programs.

If you are looking to advance your career, or to build your business, then uncovering and leveraging your strengths is the single most important thing you can do.  

It is through our unique gifts, our talents and strengths, that we add the most value.  These are the skills that set us apart from the crowd.  The good news is that we are most satisfied and energized when we engage in work that utilizes our key talents and strengths.  This is when we do our best work, this is when we truly shine.

The little stumbling block in all of this of course, rests in uncovering just what your true gifts are.  If you catch yourself denying you have any or are at a bit of a loss in identifying them clearly enough to build some career strategies around them, then follow some of the suggestions below to help you to discover your strengths.

Take an Assessment

There are numerous online tools that you can use to help you to uncover your strengths, the most popular of which is Strengths Finder.  You can take their short version for free or pay a nominal fee to take the extended version for greater insights.  If you buy their book (See below for link) then you get a link to take the full assessment for free.  If you decide for some unbiased insight then these tools can be useful but don't take them as gospel.  Use the results as a starting point of your exploration and couple them with some of the suggestions below to gain greater clarity.

Follow the Feeling

Learn to pay attention to how you are feeling over the course of your day.  When we are using our gifts we will experience greater levels of energy and engagement, a sense of Flow or a feeling of being in the Zone.  Time will move more quickly during these moments and we are more likely to derive feelings of satisfaction, excitement, interest and pride from activities utilizing our strengths.  In general use the following to help you to uncover insights into your strengths and weaknesses.

• Strengths - are energy boosters
• Weaknesses - are energy drainers

Experiment

Sometimes, to uncover our gifts, we need to get out and try new things.  We often have undiscovered strengths, only because we have not explored our abilities fully.  Experiment a little.  Follow an interest or a passion.  Dabble in something new, explore opportunities you may have given a pass on - all with an eye to discovering new abilities and talents.

What's Different?

Pay attention to what you do differently than everyone else.  When we meet expectations, or operate below the line, we are usually just following the direction of those around us.  However, when we are playing to our strengths we feel more empowered and confident, often stepping off onto our own little path.  Looking for your areas of difference, in thinking or approach, can often highlight a talent or gift you have overlooked.

Others Know

Gain some insight from those around you.  Consider what others typically seek you out for.  What help and advice do your co-workers look to you for?  Often, those around us recognise our talents long before we do and will ask us for help in those areas, knowing we do it better than they ever could.  However, because our true gifts may feel so natural and comfortable to us, we may downplay their value and fail to recognise that those skills don't come as readily to others.  Others know the value - use their insight to build your recognition of the value.

• Exercise.  Get others in your life to share a story with you - a story about when they thought you were are your 'best'.  As you gather the different stories, review them looking for common themes and threads that indicate your strengths.  

Of course, once you have identified your gifts and strengths, you need to develop an action plan on how to build and leverage them.  Volunteer for activities that use your gifts, build a career path that utilizes and grows them, even offer support to others in the areas of your talents. All will help you to capitalize on your gifts in ways that help highlight the tremendous value you represent.  For additional help with your strategies you can check out Marcus Buckingham's book on putting your strengths to work (see below). 

You represent a unique blend of skills and talents that no one else has. Unwrapping your gifts allows you to offer the world the best you have and are. Focus on your above-the-line skills.   Above-the-line is above average.  Above-the-line is about meeting your expectations not theirs, and above-the-line is above what most others are offering, leaving you standing head and shoulders above those around you.

Great view from up there!


Book Links:

7 Tips for your Personal Evolution

Evolution:  the gradual development of something, especially from a simple to a more complex

form.

Evolution is not simply a theory but an active force, one that has been actively present in shaping your life since birth.  As children we embraced this evolutionary force.  It helped us to learn and to grow; to crawl and then walk, to speak, to write and to read, to ride a bike and drive a car, to play ball, to paint, to add and subtract, to swim, to ski and to sing.

When we were younger we evolved rapidly and continuously.  We were almost like sponges, soaking up new experiences, experimenting and trying new things, simply to learn something new.  This rate of evolution slowed down as we aged though, as we began creating boundaries for ourselves, restrictions and limitations on 'who' we thought we were or could be, until our growth and evolution did not become a constant but an exception.  It became ruled by choice, and so many of us, as we age, begin to choose not to grow or evolve further.

I understand that this wasn't always a conscious choice, that no one explained to us that giving in to our negative beliefs and our fears meant that we stopped evolving, that we stunted our growth, but it happened none the less.  Additionally, few of us were ever told that the more we gave in to our fears and held ourselves back from evolving further, the more we would begin devolving, becoming less.

We were all born to be 'more' though.  When young you weren't satisfied with who you were, what you knew and what you could do.  You continued to push, to learn more, to do more, to try more.  When did that slow down or stop for you?  Why?  Are you done?  Have you evolved to be the best 'you' possible?  Is there nothing left for you to discover about yourself, to learn or experience?

We are built with an infinite capacity to evolve.  We can continue to learn new things, to experience new things, to develop new skills, to uncover hidden talents until our last breath.  Why then do so many of us 'settle' along the way?  At what point did you decide that you were 'enough'?  Often it wasn't even a conscious choice. We maybe took a break, sat back and got a little too comfortable, complacency stealing over us like a warm blanket we became reluctant to kick off.

You can choose to take notice though, to remove the blanket of complacency and to begin actively making choices that jump start your evolutionary path.  Use the following suggestions to help you continue your evolutionary journey...

1. Surround yourself with new ideas.   This may mean speaking with people unlike yourself, or reading a book or journal outside your current area of expertise.  You never know what you are likely to think about something until you put yourself into the position of needing to think about it!
2. Recycle your beliefs about... you!  It is often our beliefs about ourselves, who we are, what we can do or what we should do, that create limitations to our growth.  Question old beliefs to uncover new ones.  You are far more capable than you likely give yourself credit for.
3. Try things on, see what fits.  Things we may dismiss out of hand may be a better fit for us than we thought, but we won't know unless we give it a try first.  Nobody expects to 'like' raw fish, but you have to try Sushi to know for sure.  Taste it, try it, take it for a spin. The old adage 'nothing ventured, nothing gained' is your mantra here.
4. Resist Resistance.  Still the little voice inside your head that is telling you No, that is scrambling to pull the Complacency blanket back over your head.  Expect resistance.  Embrace it and lead it forward with you, helping it learn that there's no point in resisting what you're going to do anyway.
5. Focus on Learning, not Teaching.  Teaching is great, but if all of your energy goes to teaching then your focus is solely on 'what you know'.  Learning is all about discovering 'what you don't know'.  Learning leads to your growth, teaching leads to someone else's.  
6. Feed your Curiosity.  One of the greatest sources of learning is our curiosity.  The more that you feed yours, rather than stifle it, the more you create a learning mindset.  Have a question about how something works?  Seek out the answer.  It doesn't matter whether it leads you to something that enhances your job prospects or not.  Train your brain to realize that it is all right, once again, to ask questions, to admit to not knowing something and to seek answers.
7.  Choose a goal bigger than you are.  If the goals you set for yourself are all within your current level of capability then you are not required to stretch or to grow.  Choose a goal that is larger than yourself to push you to learn, grow and evolve further.  

Constant evolution should be the goal that we all strive for, to be constantly pushing ourselves to be more, to know more, to do more.  With this mindset it means that our choice is not to 'Evolve OR die trying' but instead to 'Evolve AND die trying'.  We should all end our lives with the same curiosity and dedication to growth that we entered the world with.  

The key to having, being and doing more...

I have been spending this long weekend landscaping the yard of our new house.  This has meant we have
been busy building new fencing, digging new garden beds, planting trees, shrubs and flowering plants, creating the layout for the new patio still to be laid.  A lot of work but... all permanent changes that enhance the usability of the backyard and enhance the value of the home.  All in all...  a good investment.

It got me wondering about many of my clients though.  How much time do they invest in themselves, in enhancing their marketability?  In today's workplace, if you aren't learning then you aren't increasing your earning power.  You will, at best, stay where you are but, more likely, fall behind those willing to do what it takes to get ahead.

I often hear from clients that there just aren't enough hours in the day or week to be able to spend time on developing themselves, whether working out their brain or their bodies.  I simply don't understand how you can afford not to.  My frustration certainly increases when these self-same people have little difficulty in finding the time to keep up with the plot of their favourite television shows.  I don't have anything against you kicking back and enjoying your favourite show, but don't lose hours a day to the television and then lament your lack of time.  The time you spend in front of the television is your current investment in yourself.  How serious are you about developing your skills, getting ahead and earning more?

I understand that you might work for an organization that does not invest in the training and development of its employees.  Budgets are tight all over.  However, you should care about you enough to make an investment in you.  You might not have the ability to take time off work to attend a training program, or the money to pay for it yourself, but you can afford a book and you can certainly afford a library card to go and borrow one.

You want to be more successful?  Read.
You want to make more money?  Read.

The solution is simple.  To have more, to be more, to do more... Read more.

The easiest way to get better at anything is to emulate those already doing it.  Many of them are generous enough to put their path down on paper, to help guide those that are willing to learn to follow.  Read those books.  Follow their steps.

Here's my challenge. Set a goal to read a little every day, to read one book a month.  One business/career enhancing book a month!  As you read you are looking for that one insight, that one AHA nugget of information that you can apply to your life, your job, that gives you a 1% advantage over those around you that have not read or learned this truth.  At the end of the year those nuggets add up to give you a serious competitive advantage over those around you not investing in themselves.

I have no shortage of books that have opened me to new ideas and concepts, that have introduced me to new ways of thinking and seeing the world, that have helped me to learn from someone else's mistakes so that I didn't need to repeat them, that have shifted me in profound ways to being more than I was before opening its pages.  I want this for you.  You need to want it for you.

1 book a month.   Your competitive advantage.

To help get you started, here are my most recent book purchases that I am convinced will be great reads for you, giving you more than a nugget of information and truth to follow...

Investing in... You!

If you want to be wealthy and happy, learn this lesson well:  Learn to work harder on yourself than you do on your job.      Jim Rohn

Many people in business make the mistake of believing that the company will take care of their development.   After all, it's part of that yearly 'plan', part of the 'review' process isn't it?  Consider though, whose best interests does the organization truly have in mind?  Are they looking to your growth or their needs?  Don't think for a second that they are always synonymous.  Consider also the commitment the company has to your growth when training budgets are being cut or what happens to your development when the money has been spent. That's it for you for the year? No more learning?

Don't leave your growth and development in the hands of someone who in no way could possibly care about you and your future the way that you should.  All too often I have clients who say that they aren't personally going to pay for a course because that's the company's responsibility.  If 'they' aren't paying for it then 'they' aren't going to benefit from it.  But who really benefits?  Warren Buffet puts it this way...

Generally speaking, investing in yourself is the best thing you can do.  Anything that improves your own talents; nobody can tax it or take it away from you.  They can run up huge deficits and the dollar can become worth far less.  You can have all kinds of things happen.  But if you've got talent yourself, and you've maximized your talent, you've got a tremendous asset that can return ten-fold.

Investing in yourself is the single most important investment that you can make in your lifetime.  If you want to have 'more' in your life than you currently have, in any facet of your life, you have to become more than you currently are.  We shouldn't consider that we are students only when at school.  Life is the biggest school that there is and we are therefore all students as long as we continue to breathel.  Start living your life as a student, become that life-long learner.

Focusing on your development means that you are constantly evolving and creating opportunities for yourself.  Many of those opportunities are ones that you likely wouldn't have envisioned for yourself previously because you didn't 'know' what was possible.  Uncover your possibilities by using some of the following suggestions to contribute to your growth.

• Take a course.  On line, in person... it doesn't matter.  What's something that you have always been interested in?  Go out and take a course in it, learn about it.  There are tons of free courses offered by many universities, even MIT offers free open courseware.  How cool would it be to take a course from MIT?
• Read a book.  You want to play with the big-wigs around the senior table?  Read what they are reading.  Learn the latest buzz words and theories.  Bring something new to the table by getting a jump start on something still in their 'to be read' pile!  Look for new ideas that could be applied to your area. I typically have 3 books on the go at once and am never without at least one in my briefcase (more if I have my ipad with me!).  If I find myself with downtime because a client is running late I spend time with a book rather than checking on the latest facebook post.  
• Follow blogs.     Many subject matter experts are writing regular blogs where you can follow some of their latest thoughts.  Consider subscribing to their feeds or set yourself up on something like alltop.com where you can key in what your interests are and what blogs you'd like to follow.  They compile it for you on your personalized home page, making it a one-stop resource.  Add and delete as your interests and focus shifts.  When you find yourself with a moment or two, check out some of the titles, and read a post that hits home.  Not sure what or who you'd like to follow?  Give Stumbleupon a try and see what you come across.  Follow or bookmark sites that interest you.
• Create learning files.  I love using a 'shared' system like dropbox for this.  Whenever I am browsing for one thing on the internet, I inevitably stumble across an article, website, resource relating to something else.  Instead of getting pulled off track or losing out on the new information, I save it to my dropbox file so that I can return to it when I have a moment.  This means that whenever I find myself with a moment or two (waiting for appointments is always a popular one!) I access that file from any device and catch up on items I might have missed otherwise.  Sometimes important and informative, sometimes merely interesting, they often come together down the road in unexpected ways.
• Listen to books.  Many people don't like reading themselves, in which case audio books are a great alternative.  I love reading, but I listen to books in my car all the time.  If you spend time in a commute, spend time in the gym or on long runs, want to listen to something while you work on finishing that car engine or jigsaw puzzle, consider listening to a book, lecture or training program rather than music.  Use the time you have to learn something you might need.
• Check out TED talks.  If you haven't already you should.  Here you can listen to talks from the best of the best.  If you only have 5 minutes, do a search on 5 minute talks.  Search by topic, see what's new.  I have watched some talks on topics that I didn't think I'd be interested in only to be fascinated by new science, new technology, new research.  A great resource to access and a great platform for learning.  Or give youtube a closer look.  It is much more than simply a place to watch viral videos or talking animals.  

 Become what you need yourself to be to achieve what you want.  It's that simple and that challenging.  It does require you to start though.  Do one thing each day to move you forward.  Reading this was a good place to start.