Tip Thursday - Influence

It has been shown that people become more 'certain' they are right about a course of action they took IF they can't undo it. If they can't change their action in some way they will hold on firmer and longer to their sense of 'rightness'.

Therefore, if you are looking to change their minds you would do well to help them see some way that their initial action could be 'undone', taken back or overlooked. This isn't always possible of course but the more successful you are in helping them to find an 'out' for their initial behaviour the more successful you will be in getting them to modify their choices in the future.

Tip Thursday - Influence

Researchers have found that using information and logic to persuade someone to engage in a specific
action is not as likely to influence their future choices as is getting them to 'imagine' certain actions.

For example, researchers that asked participants to read a report highlighting the benefits of purchasing a product were far less likely to sell that product to the group than they were with participants instructed to simply 'imagine' the benefits of using the product.

In fact, more than twice as many purchases were made by those imagining the benefits than by those reviewing factual reports. Consider then the use of this when selling your products and services to your customers. How might you shift your language and ad copy to strengthen your sales?

Tip Thursday - Influence

When someone faces a choice between two options, they typically get caught up in listing the relative pros and cons of each. This can mean a delay in the decision-making process if not even stall it. If you want to influence the decision then introduce a third option, one that is less attractive than your desired choice but that shares some similarity to it.

The presence of the 3rd, less desirable, option will lead the individual to view the similar item as more favorable and create the assumption that it is the overall most favourable option, thereby directing their choice. Although there were still only two viable options, the presence of the third actually speeds up the decision-making process and will typically direct the person to choose the one item (from the original two) that was most similar but superior to the added third option.

Sneaky... but it works!

The Effects of Emotional State on Influence Success

Research studies have shown a clear connection between the emotional state of the individual and the success of an influence strategy. In these studies, people were either exposed to messages that were designed to induce fear-based emotions or romantic-based emotions.  These emotions were created through short stories and film clips.

Each group was then exposed to advertisements using either social-proof* or scarcity** type messages as their influence strategies. The results? Those people exposed previously to fear-based emotions were more persuaded by the social proof appeals, while those people exposed to romantic-based emotions were more persuaded by influence messages utilizing scarcity and uniqueness.

Interestingly, studies have also shown that not only our buying behaviour but our selling behaviour can be affected by our emotional state.  Jennifer Lerner and her associates set out to determine just this. What they did find was that those individuals in which they induced a feeling of sadness (again, through film clips and essays) were likely to pay more for an item if buying, or to sell it for less.

In fact, compared to the emotionally neutral buyers, sad buyers were willing to pay as much as 30% more for an item, while sad sellers were willing to price items at up to 33% less than emotionally neutral sellers. 

Other studies have been conducted that demonstrate that ANY emotionally charged issue or situation, regardless of whether it is positively or negatively charged, will have a direct ipact and influence on the type and quality of decisions made.

The implications?

• Consider carefully the placement of advertisements, within magazines etc.  The effectiveness of your ad will be heavily influenced by the article(s) preceding it.  The content of your advertisement would need to shift depending upon whether the articles preceding it were happy or sad, positive or negative in nature.  The emotions that those articles evoke in your audience will have a significant impact on the way in which your advertisement is viewed and, ultimately, how much of your product gets sold.
• This same consideration should be given to the likely emotional state of your audience, before crafting and framing your communications or requests.  If employees are fearful of the economic situation and stability of the marketplace, then they are more likely to be influenced by messages utilizing the social proof heuristic and will be less responsive to messages that utilize other influence attempts. 
• You should also give some consideration to how you are feeling - emotionally - before entering into any negotiation process or buying situation.  You are most likely to make the best buying decisions when in a fairly emotionally neutral state. 
• Recognise that these same elements may influence any decision that we need to make. Our emotional state will serve to make us more or less cautious in our decisions or even influence the length of time it takes us to decide. 

If you have ever found yourself buying something that you didn't want or need, or paying a much higher price for something than you should have - you know you have been influenced through an emotional state.  Just as we have been told repeatedly not to go grocery shopping when hungry, so too must we now consider not going shopping when we're too emotionally charged.  Unless, of course, we won't mind the impact on our pocket-book!!



*social proof - evidence that others are 'doing' it, celebrity endorsements fall into this category.  In general, we look to others behaviour to guide our own.

**Scarcity - the 'only 50 left' strategy.  If something is in limited supply or going quickly we may be more inclined to purchase it for ourselves.

Tip Thursday - Body Language

In order to engage someone in more productive conversation, especially on a topic that may be
difficult or challenging, consider where you are going to sit, relative to them.

Sitting directly across from them will feel confrontational, creating more of an 'us' versus 'them' dynamic. Instead, consider sitting on the side of the table that is kitty-corner to them.

This position diminishes the confrontational feel and makes the conversation feel more collaborative. Changing the environment can help change the mood, which may be all that is needed to open the dialogue.

Tip Thursday - Influence

When you are looking to have a serious conversation with someone, a conversation you want them to take seriously, consider holding something 'heavy' when doing so. For instance, a heavy clipboard rather than a single sheet of paper.

The imagery created in the person's mind of carrying something 'heavy' lends more 'weight' and credibility to the seriousness and import of the message you are delivering.

Tip Thursday - Influence

When looking to convince someone that what you are telling them is the truth, bear in mind that we tend to trust things that feel familiar to us. Therefore, telling someone something that you have previously shared with them becomes more convincing through its repetition.

Research shows that people are likelier to believe eyewitness statements when they are repeated, even if it was the same person restating a lie. We often work hard to ensure that we don't repeat ourselves, yet it seems that there will be times where repetition may serve our interests better.

Familiarity can lead to acceptance... say it twice!

Tip Thursday - Pitching Ideas

Typically, when pitching a new idea, people work to convince their audience.  Their words and body
language are directed at getting their audience to buy into their concept.

However, pitching isn't about convincing someone, it's about inviting them in.  Put your idea out there, but look to your audience to contribute.  Generally, the idea gets better as others add their thoughts and ideas.  The more that others contribute, the more invested they become in the idea and the more likely it is to get off the ground.

Pitching to engage, rather than to convince, will help rally others to your idea, gaining support and developing momentum.

Tip Thursday - Influence

When you are looking for someone you know to comply with a request, attach a personalized sticky note onto it.  Research shows that compliance to the request will almost double over a request made without a sticky note attached.  Apparently the use of the sticky note makes the page look cluttered, which the brain doesn't like, calling attention to it. The personalization of the note forms a stronger connection to the person behind the request, making it more difficult to ignore. Got something you need to ask a co-worker for?  Put a sticky on it!

Tip Thursday - Influence

The Foot-in-the-Door influence technique has been proven to be highly effective in getting people to agree to a large(ish) request you have of them.  Instead of asking them straight out, risking a 'no', you start by asking them for a small favour first.  Having already done you a favour they will be more likely to say yes to helping you with the larger item.  New research has found that the Two-Feet-in-the-Door technique actually works better in gaining acceptance for a large request.  Make your request in three phases (a small, then medium, then the large request) rather than jumping to the large request straight from the small. Although you may have to stretch the influence attempt out over a longer period (week or two) you increase the likely payoff.  Now... could you bring me a chai?

Upping your Charisma Quotient

Think of the word Charismatic.  

Compile a list of  famous people that you find charismatic. Typical people topping the lists of my clients include: Bill Clinton, Steve Jobs, John F. Kennedy, Oprah Winfrey, Winston Churchill, Dalai Lama, Margaret Thatcher, Martin Luther King Jr., Pierre Trudeau, Mandela, and even people like Hitler, Charles Manson, Fidel Castro and Saddam Hussein.  These are all people that had a self image that drew others to them.  Their charisma helped them to build the powerbase needed to influence and change; and there is no question that each of them has been instrumental in evoking change, whether good or bad.

Many of us may be looking at strengthening our influence, though at a much smaller level. Strengthening our Charisma Quotient could be instrumental in helping us to do just that.  After over a half century of study it has been determined that Charisma can be measured and it can be improved.  Rare footage of Hitler shows him practicing his gestures in front of a mirror, perfecting his movements to increase his ability to move and influence a crowd.  With some practice, you too can become more charismatic.

Charisma itself is a combination of two factors: your Emotional Intelligence and your Social Intelligence.  To truly increase your quotient you need to create strength on both sides in three key areas: Expressiveness, Sensitivity and Control.

Expressiveness

• Emotional Expressiveness means that you are able to express your emotions to others.  You appear  animated and energetic and engage in positive eye contact with others.   
• Social Expressiveness requires you to actively engage others during social interactions, making small talk and putting others at ease.

Sensitivity

• Emotional Sensitivity means that you are able to read the emotions of others, to understand what they are feeling, and to feel and express your empathy.
• Social Sensitivity means that you understand the social and cultural rules, the nuances of situations, and are able to modify your behaviour to fit within these parameters.  This requires you to be a good listener and observer of behaviour.

Control

• Emotional Control requires you  to control your outward emotional responses and expressions.  Think of those in power who are able to look outwardly calm during crisis situations, regardless of how they are feeling.
• Social Control means that you appear poised, comfortable and at ease in social situations, regardless of how you feel.

If you are looking to improve your Charisma Quotient, start by looking at any of the 6 keys areas described above and improving your skill in that area.  The benefit of course is that strengthening your skill in any of these areas will also help you in other aspects of your career and life.  Becoming better at small talk may help strengthen your Social Expressiveness but will also help you to grow and extend your network faster.  Learning to control your outward emotional responses will help you to appear more confident and in control which may be just enough to secure that new contract or opportunity.  Any positive gain in your Charisma Quotient will have a positive impact in your interactions with others and help maximize your success.

 

The Impact of the Anchoring Effect on your Success

I don't have an answer for you in today's blog posting, but I do have a question for you to consider.  First, let
me start by sharing a little about the psychological phenomenon known as the Anchoring Effect.

The Anchoring Effect is a psychological bias that serves to influence our perception of an event.  It can have very large implications for the final outcome we experience.  For example, let's take a look at a study conducted by Strack and Mussweiler (1999).  They looked to determine the relative impact of a prefacing question upon a final answer.  In this instance, they asked half a group of participants whether Mahatma Gandhi died before or after the age of 9, while the other half was asked where he died before or after the age of 140.  In each case, the answer was quite obvious for each group and each found the question to be somewhat silly in nature.  However, participants were then asked to guess the actual age of Gandhi's death.

The first group guessed an average age of 50, while the second group guessed an average age of 67. His actual age of 87 is irrelevant for the purposes of this study.  What is important is the degree of influence that the prefacing question had upon people's guesses.  In each instance the prefacing question had served to skew the results.

We see the impact of this Anchoring Effect in many other instance in our daily lives.  The sticker price of the car we are looking at will determine the final price that we settle on during our negotiations of the car price, regardless of whether that final price is truly 'fair' or not.  Our impression of the deal we got is driven by that first, anchored, sticker price.

The key is to understand that our brains are wired to use anchors (reference points) in helping us to make decisions.  Sometimes those anchors will work in our favour while, at other times, they may not. Unfortunately, the impact of these anchor points is largely impacting us unconsciously, preventing us from ensuring that they influence us in favourable versus unfavourable directions.

Now... my question.  The impact of the Anchoring Effect is well documented and is used consciously and universally by shrewd sales personnel and top negotiators.  However, my question is to consider the impact of the Anchoring Effect on your Success.  Let's look at this simply and consider only...  your salary.  How much do you think you are capable of earning per year, maximum?  Got a figure?

There's your Anchoring Effect.  I haven't done a study on this myself, but I do know that some have been done indicating that whatever your figure you will likely find that it is roughly what you end up earning.  If you believe you are capable of earning $30,000 you will find that it is ultimately what you end up earning.  If the figure is $50,000, $150,000 or even $1,000,000 the same is true.  In setting this figure in your head you have served to Anchor that belief, unconsciously influenciing all of your decisions, often in subtle ways, to 'help' you achieve that goal.  The choices you make end up working in support of that anchored belief.

In order to change your relative level of success you must therefore challenge those Anchored assumptions about what is possible for you.  In short, we Achieve what we Believe.  Change your beliefs about what is possible and you create new possibilities for yourself.  Why would we want to anchor in a limiting belief for ourselves?

Consciously we may not, however it is our unconscious mind, working in conjunction with our negative self talk, that sets the bar.  It's quite likely that if you aren't enjoying the level of success you desire, that you have set your bar too low.  It's the reason that those who win the lottery often find themselves down the road with nothing left, they are back where they started, earning what they always have.  That dollar figure was anchored in their unconscious and so they 'spent' and 'disbursed' their winnings in such a way as to return to their anchored belief.

Spend some time thinking about your definition of success for yourself and what limits you may be inadvertently creating by this definition.  Consider expanding that definition, including new possibilities and potential for yourself.  Cut loose from your existing anchors, those that may be weighing you down unnecessarily and keeping you in place, creating new anchor points that place you far ahead of where you currently are and see how that belief influences your choices, helping you to experience, have and be more in the future than your current anchors held you to in the past.

Conformity and the Herd

Earlier this week I posted a video on my Titan Training facebook page (go like us to stay in the loop and to check out the video!) that got me thinking.  It was an old candid camera video that was based on some conformity experiments that Solomon Asch had run.  In the video, someone enters an elevator and, as we all do, faces the front.  However, all additional people entering the elevator (all confederates in the experiment) face the back.  It's not long before the poor innocent person conforms and faces the back also.  The confederates then shift position in unison, facing sideways and, you guessed it, the person also shifts to stand sideways.  

Much of Asch's work demonstrated how quickly and readily we conform to the majority of action and of opinion.  In one famous experiment he showed participants the diagram above, asking them to select which of the three lines was the same length as the single line.  Although seemingly a straightforward and relatively obvious choice, many people deliberately gave the 'wrong' answer simply because they believed that the majority of other people had chosen what they viewed to be an 'incorrect' choice.  

This result has been replicated over and over, using different experiments, different target groups of participants and different environments.  You could say that those that conformed were fully aware of their choice, that they went along with the choice of the majority though they 'knew' better, but what if in choosing outwardly to go along with group-think they inwardly and unconsciously began to revise their own perceptions?  Studies have shown that once we make a choice and make it public, we are more prone to then make decisions and take actions that are in support of that view.  

Certainly social conformity serves some helpful and useful functions, but it can be much more insidious than we may be consciously aware, skewing our views of right and wrong, of what is and is not.  In my work with organizations, I get the opportunity to see this in action.  Most organizations have their own culture.  Typically, new employees struggle to 'fit in' to this culture, feeling on the outside of everything until they finally begin to understand how things get done within this new company, and they follow those processes.  Generally, we think of these as simply being basic process rules, outlining how work gets done.  However, it is far more insidious than we often realize.

Just as couples who have been together for a long time begin to 'look' alike simply because they adapt their non-verbal communication patterns to 'match' those of their partner (they often speak in the same rhythm, use similar phrasing, make similar gestures, etc.) so too does it happen within organizations.  In an effort to fit in, new employees will unconsciously adopt mannerisms and speech patterns that they discern in the group.  For example, in one client organization, a majority of their employees all uptalk.  They certainly don't consciously hire for this speech inflection (where the speaker's inflection continuously goes up, sounding as though they are continuously asking questions), but I'm willing to bet that they do.  For those employees that are hired who are not uptalkers... it is likely only a matter of time until they unconsciously begin to adopt it.  In their efforts to fit in and be liked they adopt that habit as their own so that they too can now sound like one of the group.

Although many of these elements, when taken individually, may sound innocent enough, the greater the number and the greater the prevalence, the more dependent upon the group the individual becomes.  

• leaving the organization becomes difficult because they can't seem to find anywhere else that they 'fit' in
• the more you have unconsciously compromised your beliefs and habits to conform to those of others, the more justifications you have developed for doing so.  It proves difficult to break away from these since it requires us to admit that at some point we were 'wrong' in our choice
• often the organization struggles with the need for independent thinking (for growth, to remain competitive) when systemically they don't reward for it.  Those who are able to remain independent of the group often continue to feel as though they don't fit in and leave to find somewhere that they do

The need and desire of many to be liked by others, to fit in, to feel that they belong can be a strong motivator, leading people to make choices and take actions that they may never have previously considered but that become automatic for them within the framework of the norms of their new group.  Hitler's regime was built upon the premise and strength of conformity.  Our existing military forces do the same (though obviously with different intents!)  Religions rely on the power of conformity as do virtually any formal group. Some are more benign, some more cancerous in their impact.

What is important is to realize the extent to which our desire to belong and be liked can, and does, influence our thinking and actions.  We need to be clear about what we truly believe is right and fair and just and learn to weigh our choices against these beliefs.  The greater our level of clarity, the better able we are to fight against the unconscious pushes we receive to act in ways that do not support these beliefs.  It is only through this clarity that we can hope to avoid compromising those areas that matter, to take a stand against those that would have us simply follow the herd.  

How to Get Anyone to do Anything... Fast

A book summary for you to enjoy...

Want to read it for yourself?  Check it out at...

The Science of First Impressions

We all have heard how important it is to make a 'good' first impression but just what constitutes a 'good' impression?  When I ask my clients how they would like to be seen by others the two most popular responses are that they want to appear confident or they want to be liked.  In wanting one or the other they then, both consciously and unconsciously, engage in behaviours that project either confidence or likability, in an effort to drive the desired response from the other party.

I have said for years though that what is truly needed, in creating a strong, positive first impression in business is... both.  You need to be seen as confident and capable, they need to know that you can get the job done but they also need to like you, to see you as a solid member of the team.  The better you do both, the more likely you are to get an invitation to join.

As it turns out, recent research findings reported by Amy Cuddy of Harvard Business School, have shown that 80 to 90 percent of the overall first impression we form of someone is based on the combination of two specific traits: Trustworthiness (gauging their intentions toward you) and Competence (gauging their level of capability and confidence).  What is particularly interesting though, is that her group was primarily studying discrimination and prejudice; how people categorize each other, in an effort to predict discrimination.

It seems that we universally sort groups on the matrix pictured above.  Most people are higher on one trait and lower on the other.  They found that when the status quo is threatened, the high-status minority groups are those that get targeted for genocide.  These are highly competent individuals.  High competence, but low trust. Therefore, typically it is groups that are hated, but respected that get targeted the most.  People in the bottom left?  Those that are both hated and not respected get pitied.

This is important to consider when it comes to generating your own first impression.  So many of us err on the side of wanting to appear confident... if nothing else... and tend to therefore swing too far to this side when nervous.  We attempt to mask our nervousness and discomfort by appearing 'more' confident, 'more' competent, 'more' capable, often at the cost of our warmth and engagement.

This newest research from Cuddy suggests that this will tend to clearly put us into the bottom right quadrant.  We may be seen as extremely competent, but we will not tend to be liked.  As a result, we may lose the desired opportunity to someone who is a little less competent, but liked more.  The ideal quadrant is obviously the top right.  We are both warm, engaging and trustworthy while also being perceived as someone who is capable of getting the job done.

The key to creating this balance is to ensure that people feel your warmth first, then move into demonstrating your competence.  In order to appear engaging and trustworthy, use some of the following tips:

• Smile when first meeting someone.  This is a universal gesture that will not only communicate warmth, but demonstrates clear interest in spending time with the other person. 
• Show interest in the other person.  Ask them questions about themselves and allow them to answer.  Make them feel listened to and understood.  This is a very powerful step in creating a strong connection and bond.  
• Make small talk.  Although many strong 'business' oriented people hate the thought of engaging in small talk, research proves that it is an important step in the business process, increasing the value of the dialogue and negotiations to follow.

As in most things in life, it appears that balance is truly the goal.  Striking the right balance between appearing Competent and Trustworthy will serve to create the most positive first impression for you.  Warmth with strength.  It may not be the most common combination but it is the one we respond to the most favourably and the one we most want to follow.

Branding Lessons from Wine

How do we judge the value of a bottle of wine? What exactly is it that makes one wine 'better' than another?

The easy answer is that the value judgements of wine are a reflection of the palate of the taster. But, really, is it that simple?  Am I simply guided in my determination of a 'good' wine by my taste and palate OR is my experience of the wine influenced by; the story my friend shares about the wine as he pours it into my glass, or the review it received by an 'expert', or perhaps as simply as the price on the bottle?

Our judgements are never, seemingly, simply our own.  Every subjective experience that we have can (and is) influenced by the shared experiences of others.  This is an important sentence, it bears repeating...

Every subjective experience that we have can, and is, influenced by the shared experiences of others.

People's experience of your brand will be influenced by the expressed interpretation that others have of your brand.  Think of it this way.  You're at a party and you have a close friend talking to you about a co-worker you have never met.  They share not only some workplace anecdotes but also their feelings about that person.  When you finally meet that co-worker you are likely to view them through the lens of perspective  your friend has already provided you, regardless of whether their impression had been largely positive or negative in nature.  You have already been primed by your friend to interpret the co-worker's behaviours a certain way.

This is why the consistency of your personal brand is so important.  Your brand must be the same regardless of the audience or the situation.  The more consistently you craft the experience that others have of you and your brand, the stronger your brand.  When people speak about you, and you know they do, you need to ensure that the message they are sharing is one of your choosing and design.

All too often we go out of our way trying to please others, to be and do what we believe they want and need.  In so doing, we tend to dilute our brand.  Our efforts to be all things to all people in all situations tends to weaken our presence rather than build it.  A strong brand is built on consistency, but it starts by having clarity over just what your brand is.  Your behaviours and interactions are then measured against this image, ensuring that everything works in alignment with and support of the brand.

Many companies work extremely hard at not only crafting their desired brand but also ensuring that everything they do, every decision they make supports that brand.  Consider Harley motorcycles.  You know exactly what type of bike a Harley is, you know exactly what your experience of a Harley will be, you know exactly what others will think of you on a Harley.  This is a strong brand.  It is clear, it is consistent, it is memorable.  This is the brand that others share and spread.  Whether you have ever ridden a Harley or not, you are already primed to 'experience' a Harley in a specific way.

Now consider what the advertised experience of 'you' is.  What messages are being communicated about you to others, priming their future experience of you?  If it's not likely one that you want... start crafting a new one and use it to guide all of your future behaviours and actions.  The more consistent these behaviours,  the more others can trust in them to be true, the more they will share them with others, 'selling' and spreading your message of you, for you.

If you don't like to brag about yourself, then this is the strategy for you.  Instead of having to toot your own horn... get someone to do it for you!

Influence Technique - the Benjamin Franklin Effect

Benjamin Franklin is known for many things..

• Printer (built numerous printing businesses and was even responsible for printing all paper money for Pennsylvania & Delaware)
• Newspaper Owner
• Inventor (invented first original American musical instrument - the glass harmonica (Armonica), which even Bach & Beethoven wrote music for)
• Musician (played violin, harp, guitar &, of course, the Armonica)
• Inventor (Franklin stove, bifocal glasses, Lightening rod, Rocking chair, Odometer...)
• Politician (one of the famous signatures on the Declaration of Independence)
• Educator (formed an Academy for higher learning which, in 1791, was officially renamed... The University of Pennsylvania)
• Developer (established the first circulation library for the colonies, first volunteer fire company, first insurance company, first  hospital...)

Truly a gifted and insightful man, despite having been born the son of a soap and candlestick maker, with little or no education.  Like many with drive and intelligence, he did not allow his lowly station to preclude him from learning all he could.  He was passionate about self-improvement and went out of his way to network with anyone that had something he could learn.  As a result, he became very adroit at human relations, at influencing and persuading others.

Perhaps one of the best-known persuasive techniques employed by Franklin, which is now credited to him and known as the Franklin Effect, plays against our intuitive belief that we do nice things for those we like and do not go out of our way to do anything nice for those we dislike.  

What Franklin's study of human nature determined though is that our brain cannot uphold contradictory information.  If we believe that we would only do nice things for those we like, then the logical implication is that if we do nice things for people...  we must like them!

In his biography Franklin described a particular situation and gentleman that was not a fan of his.  In fact, this particular gentleman delivered a long speech to the legislature denigrating Franklin, in an effort to prevent his reelection into his role as Clerk of the General Assembly.  Although Franklin won the role, he recognised that this colleague could gain more influence in the legislature that may impact Franklin's future opportunities.  Franklin therefore realized he would need to turn this individual into a fan.  

When faced with a similar dilemma, most of us would follow the more common route of going out of our way to say and do 'nice' things for and about the other party.  However, Franklin was not willing to be seen as servile in any way, nor did he want his influence attempts to be obvious.  Instead, he employed a much more subtle technique.

Franklin was well known as an avid book collector, reader and library founder, all of which gave him a reputation as a man of exemplary tastes.  His adversary also happened to have a private collection of books.  Franklin therefore sent him a letter asking if he could borrow a particular book from his private library.  This book though, was very rare and difficult to come by.  The rival, flattered by Franklin's request, sent the book right away. Franklin read it and sent it back a week later, accompanied by a simple thank you.  That's it!

The next time that the legislature met though, Franklin was approached by his adversary who engaged him in conversation for the first time.  In Franklin's own words he explained that this gentleman  "ever after manifested a readiness to serve me on all occasions, so that we became great friends, and our friendship continued to his death." 

Most of us, in trying to build a bridge between ourselves and someone we dislike, would think that the easiest way to do so would be to do a favor for them, to do something nice.  Not so.  They may feel the necessity to reciprocate in kind, but then they are merely paying off a debt.  To shift their thinking about you permanently, you need a different approach.  Instead of doing them a favour, you need to get them to do one for you.  In so doing, their brains begin to modify their beliefs about you.  

We believe that we would only do a favour for someone we like.  Therefore, if we have done a favour for someone... then we must like them.  We can't hold inconsistencies to be true in our brains, therefore our brains sort them to make sense of them.  Getting someone to do you a favour will go a lot further to making them feel more positively disposed toward you than your doing them a favour ever will.  

So... stop spending all of your time doing for others...  get them doing for you!  You'll seem a lot nicer for it!

Oh... and... could I ask you to do me a favour?

Personality vs. Character

Although often used synonymously, these terms represent two very distinct attributes of being. Personality is generally believed to remain fairly constant over time, and is inclusive of traits such as extroversion, competitiveness, organization, assertiveness and the like.  Though these characteristics may feel as though they mellow over time (our years of experience seeming to temper many of our more extreme personality traits), we often feel that there has been a bigger shift in our personality taking place than is actually the case.

Personality therefore, is deemed to be largely hereditary in its origin.  Character, on the other hand, is believed to be shaped more through socialization and experience.  Our belief systems drive much of our character, which means that, unlike our personality, they may shift and change over time as our experiences impact our beliefs.  This does not mean that character changes are easy, we do not easily give up our beliefs, but it is possible, typically in the face of huge emotional upheaval.

It is our character, comprised of such attributes as honesty, trust, kindness, respect, loyalty, courage, that establishes our morals and ethics.  As a result, our character is not as easily seen or read as our personality may be.  Think of Personality as sitting more on the surface of our interactions with others, while our Character is a little more deep-seated.  In essence...

• Personality: is what we say and do when everyone is watching
• Character: is what we say and do when no one is watching

The challenge we each face relates to our ability to accurately gauge the associated personality and character of others we are working and interacting with.  Studies show us that we tend to be better at accurately decoding personality elements but are not nearly as intuitive or accurate in our assessment of character.  In fact, we have a strong tendency to assign more positive character traits to those we deem to have a more attractive and positive personality.  This, of course may not have any direct correlation, but we tend to think that if someone is more outgoing, confident and fun that they are also more honest, moral and kind.  Making this association could come back to bite us in the butt later though, when we discover that our fun-loving friend is much more deceitful than we had earlier believed.

Generally, it is found that we have two key reasons for unconsciously linking personality to character.  

1. we want to think positively of people that we like (so we assign them other positive characteristics)
2. truly trying to assess someones character is extremely time-consuming.  In fact, the best way to assess someones character is to observe their behaviour during truly character-challenging situations, using their behaviour there as a predictor of future behaviour

So...  

• the friend that is the life of the party, so much fun to be around... but who speaks about others behind their back...
• the business partner who seems so easy to talk to, open and gregarious, but who easily pockets 'extra' change given by a server in error...
• the prospective life partner who seems like the 'perfect' complement to your personality, but who never returns items they 'borrow' from others...

...may each require a closer inspection.  You may find that your perception of their Personality is influencing the accurate judgement of their Character.  In our relationships with others, personality may help us with our initial attraction to someone, but it will be character that makes or breaks it in the long run.  Deceitful and unethical behaviours are all a question of Character. 

How has yours been shaping up lately?

Be the Change, Be Your Change

I recently watched the movie 'Machine Gun Preacher', about ex-drug-dealing biker Sam Childers and his ongoing support of 100's of homeless Sudanese children.  Then, this week I, like over 30 million others, watched the viral YouTube video Kony 2012, Invisible Children's efforts to dedicate the year 2012 to not only helping raise awareness of the atrocities and crimes committed by the LRA's leader Joseph Kony, but to create enough outcry that those with power are compelled to take action.

Kony has been wanted by the International Criminal Court for crimes against humanity for decades, and yet he continues to abduct children from their homes, forcing young girls to becomes sex slaves and young boys to become soldiers in his army.  To date it is estimated that he has taken more than 30,000 children.  Their voices have not been loud enough for resources to have been committed to the search and capture of Kony, but the Kony 2012 initiative is designed to lend our voices to theirs.

This is a campaign initiated by a few, who were also told that their voice was too small to make a difference, that were told they would not be able to create the change in the world they wanted to see.  However, they were unwilling to accept this answer and to accept that wrong could be allowed to persevere. Instead, they looked for a way to make it happen, to create the momentum for change.  They found their voice...





This is the big-scale picture of change.

My message to each of you today is not based on the need for each of you to get involved with this campaign,  this is not a blog focusing on political action or global change initiatives.  This is a blog focusing on personal change, personal growth and empowerment.  Instead, consider this a call to not only help change the world but to perhaps begin to make the personal changes you need to... for you, by beginning to embrace the message that the young people of Invisible Children did, that

We CAN make a difference,
We CAN be the voice of change.

And, in particular, that we can be the difference we want and need in OUR lives.  It is never too late to begin to live the life we want.  We just need two things to make it happen.  Clarity and Courage.

Clarity.  

• Clarity of Purpose (What do you want?)
• Clarity of Possession (What do you have?)
• Clarity of Person (What do you need?)

Courage.  To take the first step.

Invisible Children are working to ignite the world, envisioning change on a global scale.  They didn't back down when told they could not, they simply looked for new ways to fulfil their 'I Can'.  The biggest audience for their video are young women from 13-17 years and young men from 13-24.  Our children have learned 'I can'.  We have helped to shape a generation that can see how their one voice can make a difference, that it can, when added to the voices of others, change the world.

How can you then deny to yourself the power of your voice to envision, and create the change that you want and need in your life?  You have as much power as you need to make it happen.  You need only to create change for one, by influencing the actions of one.  Be your one.  Because, in the end...

You are the difference you want to see in your life, so begin by going out and doing something different.... today.

Reach Out and Touch Someone

Most of us would agree that a gentle touch on the forearm, by someone that we know and care about, can bring us comfort, warmth, a sense of well-being, understanding, caring...  It can communicate many positive and heartfelt emotions, depending upon the situation and other outward signals of the sender.  Did you know though...  that the same touch, given by a stranger, can be surprisingly persuasive?

Consider the following research findings...

• Diners are more inclined to give their wait staff larger tips if they have been touched casually by them
• Strangers are more likely to perform small mundane tasks for others if they were touched on the forearm when the request was made
• Women are more likely to dance with you if you touch them lightly and briefly on the arm when asking
• If you touch a library user lightly on the arm when they register for your services they are more likely to rate your service favourably than those not touched when registering

Behavioural studies have certainly demonstrated, over and over, that we are much more favourably responsive to the other party (either them directly, or their requests) when we are touched casually (on the forearm) in conversation with them.  New research out, (A. Shirmer and colleagues) has shown that the source of the touch doesn't matter at all, it is the sense of being touched that enhances the brain's response.  Their study indicated that emotional information, when presented concurrently with touch, may be more motivating to the individual's brain, which then devotes more processing resources to that information.

Implications?  Certainly it's clear from an influence standpoint.  If you have developed enough rapport with the other party to enter their personal space, touching them briefly on the forearm when making a request of them will enhance the likelihood of gaining their agreement or support.  You could even forego making a request, simply use touch as a means of building and cementing the positive rapport you have been establishing, creating a stronger sense of relationship and good will.

Bear in mind...  I am talking about a brief touch, on the forearm.  Touching longer, anywhere other than the forearm is going to give you a reaction other than the favourable one we're after here!  I think that in our touch-phobic business world, we have swung so far onto the side of complete touch-avoidance that we have likely increased the impact and effect that appropriate touch would have.  I have definitely noticed a greater emphasis on the handshake in recent years, perhaps because it is our only remaining 'appropriate' form of physical contact within the realm of the business environment. 

Perhaps there is a small psychological advantage for those who do implement a small touch here and there.  Such an innocuous gesture may provide an even more significant positive effect when used with an audience that is now missing any form of physical connection with their audience.  A subtle way to stand out and enhance your likability and promotability?  It would seem so.

My final piece of advice for you regarding touch and the workplace.  Are you confused by the definition of forearm?  Not sure what the definition of a light gentle touch is?  Still trying to distinguish in your mind the difference between a touch and a grasp?  Then... don't.  Just... don't!