Dream Less, but Expect More!

We have all been told, on numerous occasions I'm sure, to dream big, that if we can't dream it we can't achieve it.  The cold hard truth is though... Dreaming doesn't make it so.  It turns out that thinking about what we want in life doesn't get us closer to achieving more. However, becoming clear about we 'expect'... will.

The Placebo Effect in medicating and treating individuals is well documented. A patient administered a sugar pill, if they expect it to reduce their pain, will typically experience pain relief. The patient expected the 'drug' they were receiving to be effective, to a certain degree, in reducing their pain and therefore they experienced that degree of pain relief.

In a well-known study students were divided into two groups; high and low IQ. Only teachers were informed which group each student was in. The students knew nothing of the division. After eight months, the High IQ group was performing significantly better than the Low IQ group. However, unbeknownst to the teachers, the students had been randomly assigned to the two groups. The groups actually had no bearing on the actual IQ of the students. Remember also, the students knew nothing about the assigned groups and yet their performance suffered due to the arbitrary classification. The determining factor? The expectations of the teachers themselves. The teachers 'knew' which group each student belonged to and therefore had different expectations for each that unconsciously influenced the results and achievements of each. 

This is big. Think about it for a minute. What you expect of/from others influences what you will likely receive from them. Pretty powerful stuff!

Take this concept and apply it back to the concept of your dreams. We all know that our dreams aren't true. We don't really expect them to occur, we don't hold them as a certainty. Is it little wonder that we don't achieve them? Instead, we have to reframe our dreams as certainties. We have to 'expect' them to occur if we want to truly experience and achieve them. It is through these unshakeable expectations that we continue to persevere, that we continue to move forward. It is this certainty of expectation that helps us to cope with frustration and disappointment along the way. We may experience setbacks but we are better poised to keep going and pushing through when we expect that things will turn around. 

I see this phenomena play out often with coaching clients. It is not unusual for people to express a desire for more, better or different in their lives. However, when questioned about their expectations I find that, although they would like or hope for better, they don't truly 'expect' things to change. As a result, they don't tend to engage in the behaviours necessary to drive the change they want. If you don't expect that your efforts will make a difference, you'll be hard pressed to expense the time and energy into those efforts.

Our expectations are critical to our experienced outcomes. Note that expectancy is a non-conscious process. It is an unconscious prediction that manifests in the conscious mind as a certainty. Hoping for something does not convey that same sense of certainty that expectancy does, therefore you do not feel the same compulsion to invest in making it happen. Expectations drive attitudes and behaviours which, in turn, lead you to engage in actions that drive your desired (expected) results. Hoping or wishing for something does not generate a call to action and therefore you tend to remain safely ensconced in your armchair, surrounding by those unfulfilled hopes.

How does this look?

• You hope to win a lottery some day but you expect to spend the rest of your life earning $50,000.00 per year. Your current salary? $50,000.00. Typically, research shows us that we each tend to earn the salary that we truly expect that we are worth, that we expect is possible for us.


• You want that new promotion, but you expect the boss to say no. You're not surprised when that is what they say.


• You want to lose weight and keep it off but you expect that you will always have to struggle with your weight and yo-yo dieting. Sure enough, you somehow manage to regain those 10 pounds you just lost

Sound familiar?

The difference between wanting or hoping for something and what our true expectations are is the key differential in what we truly experience and receive in our lives. If you truly want something different then you need to build the expectations that will support that desire. Challenge your limiting beliefs and existing expectations, replacing them with those that support those desires and dreams. Otherwise... they will continue to remain simply hopes and dreams, as ethereal and unreachable as the clouds drifting by outside of my window.

In a nutshell...we GET what we EXPECT.  

Was this blog post insightful, interesting and helpful for you?  I expect so!

Stop Dreaming, Start Scheming

When looking to modify and change behaviours it is not enough to simply identify a bad habit that we want to stop, or to identify a good habit we want to start, we ideally want to link the two. Solely focusing on a bad behaviour we want to stop leaves a void that our brain seeks to fill. Without direction concerning what we would prefer to do, our brain may select a behaviour that proves equally bad at fulfilling our ultimate goals and objectives.

Similarly, merely identifying a behaviour we want to start leaves our brain scrambling to make room for that new behaviour. It will therefore look to eliminate an existing behaviour to clear that room. However, our brain doesn't typically make judgments on 'good' versus 'bad' and may therefore replace an existing good behaviour with your desired new habit, resulting in a break-even proposition before you even get started.

The premise of my last book, Stop This, Start That, was to give you 365 different success tips that highlighted what behaviours to stop engaging in, and what behaviours to replace them with.  Clean and simple.  Although 365 ideas may seem like more than enough to keep you busy for a lifetime, if not the better part of a year, I find that I am often in conversation with clients where additional tips and ideas surface.  This blog post grew from one such conversation.

There are numerous articles, books and videos that direct you to dream as big as possible, to envision everything that you would like to have and attract into your life.  Unfortunately though, they often don't provide further instruction, leaving you with the belief that creating a vision board or replaying a dream over and over is enough to create it as a reality.

I am a firm believer in opening yourself to possibilities and to creating a vision for yourself of where those possibilities can take you, but dreaming on its own is not enough.  A dream without action will lead to disappointment and regret. You can't continue to replay the same dream over and over, without taking any action to make it happen, and expect it to manifest. Dreams need help to come to fruition.

In which case, if you have something that you have longed for, wished for, dreamed for, that has yet to come true for you, it is time to Stop Dreaming and time to Start Scheming.  You need to sit down and develop a plan of action for making that dream a reality.

• What do you need to make this dream happen?  Are there specific skills you need?  Financing? Contacts? Do you need more information, education or direction? 
• Who could you talk to, what book could you read, what course could you take?
• What would be the first step you could take toward turning your dream into a reality?  What's the second, the third, the fourth?
• What obstacles exist preventing you from taking action?  How could you circumvent them?

Dream big, dream deep, dream wide.  But don't get so caught up in the act of dreaming that you overlook the need to start scheming.  All dreams need a plan to become reality.  Start building your plan now to start living your dream.

Everyone Starts Small

The internet has revolutionized the way in which we work.  It has connected us to more information and more people in ways that would have been impossible without it.  All good, right?

For some though, the availability of information is misleading and can prove de-motivating.  When we Google an idea or a concept we quickly see that there are 372,461 posts about that same idea.  The count may even be in the millions, which instantly leads us to believe that our idea is not new, not novel and will not be of interest to anyone else. They already 'get it' elsewhere.

The internet can quickly serve as a means of comparing ourselves  with others, proving to us that there is nothing 'new' to be done.  Believing that it has all be done before can result in our never bothering to try. After all, why would someone hire us to do it for them (whatever 'it' may happen to be) when there are so many others that have clearly been doing it longer, can do it better, have established systems in place.  With the help of the internet we can quickly find ourselves being sucked down the comparison rabbit-hole which tends to highlight for us why we shouldn't do something rather than why we should.  Our comparisons create doubts and inertia, preventing our ideas and dreams from ever coming to light.

However, we need to broaden our perspective and recognise that every one of us has a blend and mix of unique gifts that no one else has.  Your experiences, outlook and skills will appeal to some in ways that no one else's will.  There are more than 7 billion people on this planet.  It is impossible for those 372,461 folks you googled earlier to have reached them all.  As long as you are offering something that people want and need there will always be a market for your gifts.  

Despite the number of published authors out there, there is always room for more story tellers.  Despite the number of talented singers out there, there is room for more voices and songs.  Despite the number of great Italian or Thai restaurants out there, there is room for another to make a go of it.  

Don't let someone else's success hold you back from seeking your own.

Everyone starts small.  Every 'great' person began as you need to; with a kernel of skill, with limited experience, but with a lot of drive.  The 'greats' got to where they are through practice and experience.  They learned along the way. They didn't wait to be great to start.  It doesn't make sense then to compare yourself to those that are at a different stage in their journey.  

We may be skilled at something but hold ourselves back because we feel that there are others that are better.  What we fail to see though is that there is room out there for us to offer our service too, because it will be different.  Everything you do is imbued with you.  Your 'you-ness' will have an impact on the service you provide simply because it is unique to you. Your 'you-ness' is not duplicatable. 'You' have never been done before which means that, regardless of what you're offering, no one has experienced exactly what it is you do.  No one.  

Singers can all sing the same song but deliver completely different experiences, because each song is imbued with 'them'.  Some appeal to you more than others, while other audiences find others' renditions more appealing.  That's why there is room for more than one singer in the world, more than one author, more than one artist and more than one of whatever you offer.  

Whatever you offer has never been done before because it has not been done by you. You are unique and the world deserves to have you share those unique gifts. Only you can offer them 'you'.  

What Are You Waiting For?

What are you waiting for?

For Monday?
For the New Year?
For someone  to love you, notice you, admire you?
For you to be thinner, wiser, in shape, better skilled?
For the perfect moment, perfect place, perfect person?
To be perfect yourself?

We all have dreams and ideas.  We all would love for them to come to fruition.  The only thing separating us from those whose dreams become a reality... is taking action.  We have to break the habit of 'waiting' and learn to make the most of the moment we are in.  There will never be a better time.  There is a Chinese proverb that states "The best time to plant a tree was 20 years ago.  The second best time is now."  You can get caught up in recriminations about not having taken action sooner or you can simply begin.  Now is better than never.

For many of us, our fears serve to hold us back and prevent us from fulfilling our dreams.  Two of the biggest and most common fears that limit our success are the Fear of Failure and the Fear of Rejection.  However, giving in to these fears creates hesitation and indecision instead of action.  We can learn to conquer our fears by cultivating a habit of courage, the courage to take action.

The following ideas are offered as suggestions, ideas and perspectives to help you narrow the gap between your intentions and your actions.  Use these as a guide to help you shift from inaction to action, to help in moving out of the 'waiting room'.

1.  Don't wait for 'Perfect'.  There is no perfect person, time or place. There will always be something that is not 'right'.  If you focus on what is 'missing', rather than everything that is there, you will never be satisfied and will therefore never move forward.  Focus instead on everything that is 'right' about the opportunity and your skills.  Recognise when things are 'good enough' to move forward.  Conditions will never be perfect, but they will often be good enough to get started.  Use your actions to help drive them closer to the perfection you seek.

2.  Do.  Build your confidence, your track record, your experience, and your action-taking-muscles by simply Doing-Stuff.  Taking action and getting things done is the best proof of your ability that there is.  You can't just think about doing, you need to take action. The longer that ideas sit in your head the weaker and more distant they become.  The more that you learn to take action, the easier that taking action becomes.

3.  Deal with your Fears by Taking Action.  One of the best cures for your fears is to simply push through them by taking action.  It is typically all of our 'worrying' that feeds our fears.  Taking action eliminates the worry, teaching us that things were not as bad as we had made them out to be.  A great lesson to take forward when we challenge other fears that are holding us back.

4.  Ideas Alone Don't Bring Success.  It is not your ideas that make you successful but the implementation of them.  An average idea - acted upon - will take you further than a dozen brilliant ideas that are simply taking up head space.

5.  Shift What Ifs to Why Nots.  What ifs are worries.  These are thoughts of 'what if this happens?' that hold us back.  In an effort to avoid them we fail to take action.  Instead, shift your 'what if' scenarios to 'why not' scenarios.  Why not try?  Why not you?

6.  Small Steps.  Instead of thinking of the giant step needed to shift you from here to there, break it down into small, manageable steps.  When we view 'everything', all at once, it can seem daunting.  However, look only to what you can do Now.  What is one small step that you can take - right now - that moves you forward.  Do it.  Then look for the next small step you can take... and repeat.  Every small forward step takes you closer to your goal.

You have dreams, you have ambitions, you have ideas waiting to be implemented.  There will never be a better time.  If you are not currently moving forward on fulfilling your dreams then it is time to seriously ask yourself... What am I waiting for?  Listen to the answer and then take steps to eliminate those barriers, giving you a clear path to truly achieving everything you want from your life.

Live Without Regret: Top 5 Regrets of the Dying

How would you choose to live today - if you knew you only had 6 months to live?

Pretty powerful question, isn't it?  However, despite it perhaps being a somewhat morbid thought, we are all dying.  We likely have significantly longer than 6 months, but our time here is limited and, therefore, so too are the experiences that we can choose to fill our time with.

Are you filling your time with experiences that are meaningful and fulfilling?  Will you be in a position to look back on your life with few, if any, regrets?

I went skydiving
I went rocky mountain climbing
I went two point seven seconds on a bull named Fu Man Chu
And I loved deeper
And I spoke sweeter
And I gave forgiveness I'd been denyin'

And he said, Someday I hope you get the chance
To live like you were dyin'                             

 (Tim McGraw lyrics - Live Like You Were Dying)

Bronnie Ware is an Australian nurse who spent a number of years working in palliative care with patients in the last 12 weeks of their lives.  She began a blog recording her patients thoughts as they reflected back on their lives and ultimately wrote a book called The Top Five Regrets of the Dying.  She found that there were strong and consistent themes that surfaced repeatedly.

1.  I wish I'd had the courage to live a life true to myself, not the life others expected of me.

All too often we get caught up in worrying about what others might say or think that we hold ourselves back from doing what we dream of.  We don't dance in the rain, we don't sing with the windows open, we don't laugh out loud.  We live a life of unfulfilled dreams.

What would you do if you weren't worried what others would say?

2.  I wish I hadn't worked so hard.

Almost every man Bronnie nursed expressed this regret, of having spent so much of their lives caught up in a race not of their making.  Only you can determine whether your work is fulfilling all of your dreams or not, but it is worth taking the time to assess it's true value to you.

What is working hard giving to you and what is the cost?  Is it worth it?

3.  I wish I'd had the courage to express my feelings.

We often suppress our feelings in order to maintain peace in our relationships and sometimes as a means of avoiding getting hurt.  However, many of us experience stress and illness because of unexpressed and unresolved feelings and, sometimes, we miss out on positive relationships and levels of intimacy because we withhold our feelings.

What feelings are you failing to give voice to that are serving to limit the life you live and the 'you' that you could become?

4.  I wish I had stayed in touch with my friends.

This is a big one for many people in today's world of never-changing 'busyness'.  We get so caught in the 'doing' of activities that we fail to give our friendships the time and effort they deserve and need to truly flourish.

What friendships have you let slide and what can you do now to reconnect and rekindle them?

5.  I wish that I had let myself be happier.

It is surprising how many feel that happiness is something that happens to them rather than recognising that happiness is a choice.  Old habits and patterns may leave us stuck in our comfort zone rather than pursuing new activities, people and experiences that would open us to the happiness we seek.  Happiness, it seems, is a matter of perspective, of seeing something as an opportunity rather than as a setback.

What steps could you take to reframe the way you are viewing negative or limiting circumstances to free you to feeling happier about your life and options?

Although the fear of dying is pretty universal, thinking about our death should serve not to limit or restrict us, but to motivate us to live our lives more proactively, purposefully and passionately.  Consider this...

What's your greatest regret in life so far... and what will you do NOW to change it?

And... for those of you that have not yet had the pleasure of listening to Tim McGraw's song - Live Like You Were Dying...  do yourself a favor and take a moment now, or you'll regret it!

And so it Begins...

... another New Year.  Fresh and untarnished like that first snowfall.  The snow so deep that it drapes all of the objects beneath it, rounding their surfaces and softening the landscape.  The snow as yet walked on, with its unblemished surface.  This is your year.  You get to lay down your own tracks, determine your best path. As you don your winter gear and head out into your year, what thoughts and plans do you have for what awaits you?

... another New Year.  Yours to do what you you want with it.  What are your expectations for the year?  A new job, house or relationship?  Perhaps it's time to focus on strengthening the relationships you have, or your skills in your current role.  Maybe it's time to focus on your personal and spiritual growth, perhaps your health.  If so, what new experiences and learnings do you have in store?  What path do you plan to take to get you there?

... another New Year.  To do more of what makes you smile, more of what stretches and challenges you, more of what creates memories worth holding on to.

... another New Year.  To close the door on the past year and open the door to the new and all it represents.  All of the new opportunities that await you, all of the new places to explore, all of the new people to meet, all of the new things to do and learn from.

... another New Year.  To step boldly forward into what can be, leaving what was behind.  Another year to be what you want, not what you were, to be 'more', however you define that for yourself.

... another New Year.  What are you going to do with yours?

Dream Less but Expect More!

We have all been told, on numerous occasions I'm sure, to dream big, that if we can't dream it we can't achieve it. The cold hard truth is though... Dreaming doesn't make it so. It turns out that thinking about what we want in life doesn't get us closer to achieving more. However, becoming clear about what we 'expect' will.

The Placebo Effect in medicating and treating individuals is well documented. A patient administered a sugar pill, if they expect it to reduce their pain, will typically experience pain relief. The patient expected the 'drug' they were receiving to be effective, to a certain degree, in reducing their pain and therefore they experienced that degree of pain relief.

In a well-known study students were divided into two groups; high and low IQ. Only teachers were informed which group each student was in. The students knew nothing of the division. After eight months, the High IQ group was performing significantly better than the Low IQ group. However, unbeknownst to the teachers, the students had been randomly assigned to the two groups. The groups actually had no bearing on the actual IQ of the students. Remember also, the students knew nothing about the assigned groups and yet their performance suffered due to the arbitrary classification. The determining factor? The expectations of the teachers themselves. The teachers 'knew' which group each student belonged to and therefore had different expectations for each that unconsciously influenced the results and achievements of each.

This is big. Think about it for a minute. What you expect of/from others influences what you will likely receive from them. Pretty powerful stuff!

Take this concept and apply it back to the concept of your dreams. We all know that our dreams aren't true. We don't really expect them to occur, we don't hold them as a certainty. Is it little wonder that we don't achieve them? Instead, we have to reframe our dreams as certainties. We have to 'expect' them to occur if we want to truly experience and achieve them. It is through these unshakeable expectations that we continue to persevere, that we continue to move forward. It is this certainty of expectation that helps us to cope with frustration and disappointment along the way. We may experience setbacks but we are better poised to keep going and pushing through when we expect that things will turn around.

I see this phenomena play out often with coaching clients. It is not unusual for people to express a desire for more, better or different in their lives. However, when questioned about their expectations I find that, although they would like or hope for better, they don't truly 'expect' things to change. As a result, they don't tend to engage in the behaviours necessary to drive the change they want. If you don't expect that your efforts will make a difference, you'll be hard pressed to expense the time and energy into those efforts.

Our expectations are critical to our experienced outcomes. Note that expectancy is a non-conscious process. It is an unconscious prediction that manifests in the conscious mind as a certainty. Hoping for something does not convey that same sense of certainty that expectancy does, therefore you do not feel the same compulsion to invest in making it happen. Expectations drive attitudes and behaviours which, in turn, lead you to engage in actions that drive your desired (expected) results. Hoping or wishing for something does not generate a call to action and therefore you tend to remain safely ensconced in your armchair, surrounding by those unfulfilled hopes.

How does this look?

• You hope to win a lottery some day but you expect to spend the rest of your life earning $50,000.00 per year. Your current salary? $50,000.00. Typically, research shows us that we each tend to earn the salary that we truly expect that we are worth, that we expect is possible for us.


• You want that new promotion, but you expect the boss to say no. You're not surprised when that is what they say.


• You want to lose weight and keep it off but you expect that you will always have to struggle with your weight and yo-yo dieting. Sure enough, you somehow manage to regain those 10 pounds you just lost

Sound familiar?

The difference between wanting or hoping for something and what our true expectations are is the key differential in what we truly experience and receive in our lives. If you truly want something different then you need to build the expectations that will support that desire. Challenge your limiting beliefs and existing expectations, replacing them with those that support those desires and dreams. Otherwise... they will continue to remain simply hopes and dreams, as ethereal and unreachable as the clouds drifting by outside of my window.

In a nutshell...we GET what we EXPECT. 

Was this blog post insightful, interesting and helpful for you?  I expect so!

The Death of Dreams

• 'You've never really been any good at that sort of thing'
• 'I've heard there are tons of people going after the same thing... almost no one ever makes it'
• 'You know that never happens to people like us'

These are the types of things 'they' say, the kinds of innocent-seeming statements 'they' make to slowly, but surely, kill our dreams.  You know - those visions and plans we have that would somehow serve to make us 'more' than we are now, that would have us do different, to get different, to be different.

We all have people in our lives that would rather we stay where we are in life. They will offer their thoughts under the guise of caring...

• 'You know it's only because I care about you that I'm telling you this...'
• 'It pains me to say this...'
• 'You know I love you but...'

The expectation, of course, is that if they care about us, if they love us... maybe they are right.  Oh, we may not be so willing to let go of our dreams completely, but their words plant the seeds of doubt and we hesitate. The continual reinforcement of these messages serves to water those seeds, allowing them to take root and grow, eroding our self beliefs, until our dreams drift away.

'They' say it's out of love that they tell us such things... the you can'ts, you aren'ts... but is it really?  Often, we are told these things less from a belief that we truly couldn't and more from a fear that we truly could! The objections 'they' offer us are less about us than they are about them.  They like things as they are.  They like us as we are.  Mostly because, in some way, we - as we are - make them feel better about themselves as they are.  If we change in some way then it changes things... for them!  They may feel bad... about themselves.  Because if we can do it, then all of the excuses they have given themselves as to why they aren't doing it get challenged.  

Regardless of the dream that you have, others in your life may not want you to change for one of two reasons.

1. they felt better about having/being/doing more than you when you had/were less (they like feeling superior to you and don't want you leveling the playing field)
2. They felt better about not having/being/doing something because you were right there with them, providing them with proof that it's not just them (misery does love company after all!)

These people are dream stealer's. They will do whatever they can to kill your dreams off so that their dreams aren't threatened.  Make no mistake, this is done out of love of themselves, not of you.  We need, therefore, to learn to maintain our own belief and momentum, by ensuring that our self-love supersedes the need to be loved by those 'others' in our life.  Out of that self-love comes the commitment to live our dreams not negate them, to live a life of self-belief not self-doubt, to live a life of purpose not regret.

Let others choose their own path, just as you need to choose yours.  And... for all those that doubted and questioned your dreams and choices?  Let your success stand on its own and serve as your personal statement of...

I Told You So!

Be the Change, Be Your Change

I recently watched the movie 'Machine Gun Preacher', about ex-drug-dealing biker Sam Childers and his ongoing support of 100's of homeless Sudanese children.  Then, this week I, like over 30 million others, watched the viral YouTube video Kony 2012, Invisible Children's efforts to dedicate the year 2012 to not only helping raise awareness of the atrocities and crimes committed by the LRA's leader Joseph Kony, but to create enough outcry that those with power are compelled to take action.

Kony has been wanted by the International Criminal Court for crimes against humanity for decades, and yet he continues to abduct children from their homes, forcing young girls to becomes sex slaves and young boys to become soldiers in his army.  To date it is estimated that he has taken more than 30,000 children.  Their voices have not been loud enough for resources to have been committed to the search and capture of Kony, but the Kony 2012 initiative is designed to lend our voices to theirs.

This is a campaign initiated by a few, who were also told that their voice was too small to make a difference, that were told they would not be able to create the change in the world they wanted to see.  However, they were unwilling to accept this answer and to accept that wrong could be allowed to persevere. Instead, they looked for a way to make it happen, to create the momentum for change.  They found their voice...





This is the big-scale picture of change.

My message to each of you today is not based on the need for each of you to get involved with this campaign,  this is not a blog focusing on political action or global change initiatives.  This is a blog focusing on personal change, personal growth and empowerment.  Instead, consider this a call to not only help change the world but to perhaps begin to make the personal changes you need to... for you, by beginning to embrace the message that the young people of Invisible Children did, that

We CAN make a difference,
We CAN be the voice of change.

And, in particular, that we can be the difference we want and need in OUR lives.  It is never too late to begin to live the life we want.  We just need two things to make it happen.  Clarity and Courage.

Clarity.  

• Clarity of Purpose (What do you want?)
• Clarity of Possession (What do you have?)
• Clarity of Person (What do you need?)

Courage.  To take the first step.

Invisible Children are working to ignite the world, envisioning change on a global scale.  They didn't back down when told they could not, they simply looked for new ways to fulfil their 'I Can'.  The biggest audience for their video are young women from 13-17 years and young men from 13-24.  Our children have learned 'I can'.  We have helped to shape a generation that can see how their one voice can make a difference, that it can, when added to the voices of others, change the world.

How can you then deny to yourself the power of your voice to envision, and create the change that you want and need in your life?  You have as much power as you need to make it happen.  You need only to create change for one, by influencing the actions of one.  Be your one.  Because, in the end...

You are the difference you want to see in your life, so begin by going out and doing something different.... today.

Be the Change...

We're at that time of year when people's minds start to naturally think about the New Year and everything that they hope and wish it will bring them.  As we have been taught, everyone tends to dream big.  the bigger the better... right?  Unfortunately, Big dreams also tend to mean big plans which can often seem overwhelming for many to get started with

This year, I invite you to take those dreams and break them down into much smaller steps.  Even one small action can have an overwhelming ripple effect in your life, giving you the impetus and courage to take another.  At the end of the day, you are the source of the Change you want to see in your life, your career and your relationships.  It all starts with one small step.  Don't minimize or denigrate the power of the small... the cumulative effect of a series of small actions can have a tremendously huge impact.  On yourself, and on others. 

You are the source of the difference you want to see in your life, so go out and do something different... today!          Cindy Dachuk

Dream Less... but Expect More!

We have all been told, on numerous occasions I'm sure, to dream big, that if we can't dream it we can't
achieve it. The cold hard truth is though... Dreaming doesn't make it so. It turns out that thinking about what we want in life doesn't get us closer to achieving more. However, becoming clear about what we 'expect' will.

The Placebo Effect in medicating and treating individuals is well documented. A sugar pill, administered to a patient who expects it to reduce their pain, will typically experience pain relief. The patient expected the 'drug' they were receiving to be effective, to a certain degree, in reducing their pain and therefore they experienced that degree of pain relief.

In a well-known study, students were divided into two groups; high and low IQ. Only teachers were informed which group each student was in. The students knew nothing of the division. After eight months, the High IQ group was performing significantly better than the Low IQ group. However, unbeknownst to the teachers, the students had been randomly assigned to the two groups. The groups actually had no bearing on the actual IQ of the students. Remember also, the students knew nothing about the assigned groups and yet their performance suffered due to the arbitrary classification. The determining factor? The expectations of the teachers themselves. The teachers 'knew' which group each student belonged to and therefore had different expectations for each that unconsciously influenced the results and achievements of each.

This is big. Think about it for a minute. What you expect of/from others influences what you will likely receive from them. Pretty powerful stuff!

Take this concept and apply it back to the concept of your dreams. We all know that our dreams aren't true. We don't really expect them to occur, we don't hold them as a certainty. Is it little wonder that we don't achieve them? Instead, we have to reframe our dreams as certainties. We have to 'expect' them to occur if we want to truly experience and achieve them. It is through these unshakeable expectations that we continue to persevere, that we continue to move forward. It is this certainty of expectation that helps us to cope with frustration and disappointment along the way. We may experience setbacks but we are better poised to keep going and pushing through when we expect that things will turn around.

I see this phenomena play out often with coaching clients. It is not unusual for people to express a desire for more, better or different in their lives. However, when questioned about their expectations, I find that although they would like or hope for better, they don't truly 'expect' things to change. As a result, they don't tend to engage in the behaviours necessary to drive the change they want. If you don't expect that your efforts will make a difference, you'll be hard pressed to expense the time and energy into those efforts.

Our expectations are critical to our experienced outcomes. Note that expectancy is a non-conscious process. It is an unconscious prediction that manifests in the conscious mind as a certainty. Hoping for something does not convey that same sense of certainty that expectancy does, therefore you do not feel the same compulsion to invest in making it happen. Expectations drive attitudes and behaviours which, in turn, lead you to engage in actions that drive your desired (expected) results. Hoping or wishing for something does not generate a call to action and therefore you tend to remain safely ensconced in your armchair, surrounding by those unfulfilled hopes.

How does this look?

• You hope to win a lottery some day but you expect to spend the rest of your life earning $50,000.00 per year. Your current salary? $50,000.00. Typically, research shows us that we each tend to earn the salary that we truly expect that we are worth, that we expect is possible for us.
• You want that new promotion, but you expect the boss to say no. You're not surprised when that is what they say.
• You want to lose weight and keep it off but you expect that you will always have to struggle with your weight and yo-yo dieting. Sure enough, you somehow manage to regain those 10 pounds you just lost

Sound familiar?

The difference between wanting or hoping for something and what our true expectations are is the key differential in what we truly experience and receive in our lives. If you truly want something different, then you need to build the expectations that will support that desire. Challenge your limiting beliefs and existing expectations, replacing them with those that support those desires and dreams. Otherwise... they will continue to remain simply hopes and dreams, as ethereal and unreachable as the clouds drifting by outside of my window.

In a nutshell...we GET what we EXPECT. 

Was this blog post insightful, interesting and helpful for you?  I expect so!

The Power of Desire

At the recommendation of someone I greatly admire, I finally picked up a copy of Napoleon Hills' complete text of 'Think and Grow Rich'.  Certainly, I had heard, or read, snippets of it in the past, had read numerous authors referencing it, but it had never moved from my 'to be read' list.  Until now.

I have to admit that already the first chapter has given me pause to think.  The topic?  Desire.  Not a word that we typically apply to our lives as a whole.  We might stop to question what we 'want' in and from our lives, what we 'need' to get by and, perhaps, might even occasionally give voice to our dreams.

But, somehow, desire takes elements of all of these, incorporates them and elevates them.  Desire is stronger than just want or need.  It isn't as transient.  Desire is not fleeting.  It speaks to a consistency and commitment to thought and action belied by both want and need, which are more situationally based. 

Additionally, our desires are more concrete than our dreams.  Dreams, by their very nature, are less substantial, more corporeal, making them less tangible and therefore likely unattainable.  Desire is more earthy though. It has a visceral component to it that provides an anchor for those dreams. It is more concrete, more substantial and, therefore, achievable.

It is the strength of our desire for a 'thing' that gives us the drive to achieve and succeed.  However, admonitions to be 'practical', to be 'grounded', to be 'realistic and logical' in planning our lives and careers has led us to suppress our DESIRE, such that we are left doing, but not feeling.

It's hard to feel passionate about the work we do and the contributions we make when they lack any connection to our deepest desires.  I am beginning to believe that it is the reconnection to our desires that is the catalyst for remarkable change to occur.  Gaining clarity over our desires not only provides us with the destination, but it fuels the trip.  Without it?  We're likely to get caught up in doing and being and going something/somewhere less meaningful or fulfilling.  We're living.  We may even be 'successful' by other people's standards, but at what cost to us?

How much more excititng and energizing to be engaging in activities that feed and fulfill our desire, that move us toward our hidden, and all too often, unspoken dreams?  If this stirs in you a spark of wanting, a 'desire' for more, then I invite you to begin to reconnect with your desires and passions.

Exercise:  (I somehow always manage to work some kind of homework in, don't I?)  You've spent years, perhaps even decades, in stifling and burying your desires.  Don't expect them to reveal themselves to you overnight.  Though...  certainly be open to it should it happen that way for you!

• Consider - if there was enough money in whatever you chose to be or do...
• What would you be...
• What would you do...
• ... and... most importantly...why?
• Explore - how you felt as you answered the above questions.  What does it reveal to you about your desires?  Is there a way to begin integrating more of it into your life right now, no matter how small?  If yes...  then get started and do it!

Remember, no more effort is required to aim high in life, to demand abundance and prosperity, than is required to accept misery and poverty    

                                                                                                      Napoleon Hill