Tip Thursday - Language

Sometimes a small subtle shift in our language is all that is standing in our way. Align your language with your desired positive outcomes - what you DO want - not with the potential downside of the activity.

Instead of... What if they say NO? ask... What if they say YES?
Instead of... What if it doesn't work out? ask... What if it does?

Focusing on what you don't want leaves you building your defenses, leaving you ill-prepared to take advantage of opportunities that arise. Orient your brain to focus on what you do want, to get it working on moving you forward.

The Key to Accomplishing Anything

No matter what it is that you are looking to accomplish, whether it's to..

• exercise more 
• eat less
• read more
• watch tv less
• pay bills on time
• get to work on time
• meet deadlines
• learn a second language, play piano or golf

you won't get there without Discipline.  Nothing is ever achieved without it.  Discipline is the one unifying element that is necessary for any sustainable long term success.  As the common element it therefore makes sense for us to learn to cultivate and develop ours.  According to Brain Tracy, discipline is...

The ability to do what you know you should do, whether you feel like it or not.

 It's our discipline that pushes us to get out of bed when we'd rather hunker down under the covers.  It's our discipline that keeps us on track, working toward our goals, even when we'd rather take a detour... through the cookie cupboard in the kitchen.  It's our discipline that helps us to adopt a long-term perspective and to set aside any short-term gratification that may derail that longer term objective.

It is little wonder then that most high achievers have a tendency to think in a longer-term perspective. They are significantly more skilled in side-stepping any immediate gratification if it prevents them from obtaining their longer term goals.  The good news is that your level of self-discipline is not pre-set.  Like a muscle, it can grow stronger with practice.  And, like a muscle, it can grow weaker with dis-use.

Although many of us would prefer to believe that the most successful athletes and singers and musicians are at the top of their game because of luck or good genetics, the fact is that whatever innate talent they have would be nothing without the discipline it required to cultivate and develop it. Those who are the 'best' at what they do have put in time, every day, to become the best.  They have said 'no' to other activities that would have prevented them from doing what they knew they had to, if they wanted to be the best. It is not always the most talented person who succeeds, but the most disciplined. It is those that that have the discipline to invest the time and energy needed to grow their talent, develop their skills, to work upon their goals.

For those of you willing to do what you must, to obtain what you want, here are a few tips to help you develop the discipline needed to get you there.

• Know your Why.  In order to push through the discomfort you will experience in pushing toward your goal it is critical that you know What you want, Why you want it and What you are willing to do to get it.  If your why isn't strong enough you'll never get out of bed.
• Remove any temptations or distractions. There is no need to make things harder than they need to be.  If your goal is to lose weight then ditch all of the cookies and chocolates hidden in the house!
• Don't wait for the 'right' time to start.  There is no right time, there is only now. The longer it takes you to start, the more excuses you will create and barriers you will build.  Stop talking about it and start taking action.
• Visualize the long term results.  Keep a clear picture of what the long term results are that you are working for and keep it front and center.  If you want to strengthen your ability to say no to any of the moments of instant gratification that may cause you to stumble, keeping a strong mental picture of what you want to achieve will help remind you of why 'no' is the right answer.  (and to feel proud each time you use it!)
• Create routines.  The sooner that you build habits that support the actions you want to take the easier it will be to do what you need.  Setting up routines that have you engaging in the same behaviour patterns each day will help you create goal-sustaining habits.
• Avoid exceptions. Don't allow any exceptions to the behaviours you 'should' be engaging in until they have become habit. If you do slip, start over immediately. You want your brain to recognise the slip as the exception it is, not to accept it as a desire to revert. Your old behaviours and habit patterns will make attempts to reassert themselves. Not allowing exceptions in the beginning will help prevent this from happening. 
• Define the behaviours.  Once you have chosen the discipline that you want to develop, spend time defining how you would behave if that discipline were already a habit.  What behaviours would you be engaging in?  These then become your target behaviours, the behaviours of your success.
• Regular review.  Review your progress regularly and celebrate your successes.  Keep your momentum by recognising and rewarding the gains you have made.  Just ensure that your rewards are supportive of your goal.  It should go without saying that you don't reward yourself for refusing to eat ice-cream for dessert by having a bowl of ice-cream!
• Learn from your bad days.  And you will have them.  Rather than using the bad day as an excuse to toss in the towel, use it as an opportunity to understand what is likely to undermine your self-discipline and work to plug that leak!  Bad days provide insight into areas of weakness that you can then focus on and strengthen.  Welcome the insight and stay on track.

I often have people comment about how disciplined I am about my work, about getting my blog and books written, about my ability to actually get work done while working from a home office.  They typically also comment that they could never do the same, that they aren't disciplined enough. However, the truth is that I actually am not disciplined, so I have to be disciplined.  

I have created rules and routines to help me get the work I want done... done!  The good news is that it gets easier over time.  Where I once had to force myself to sit and write I now write to the routines I have put in place.  What's even better is that the more you persist the more disciplined you will be. As you focus on being disciplined you become more disciplined.  Although being disciplined in one area of your life does not necessarily mean you will be disciplined in all, it does mean that you now have a model of success that you can draw on to develop a more disciplined approach in other areas. 

Who's Your Target Audience?

We can easily get caught up in trying to be and deliver too many things to too many people. When looking to build our success it is far too easy to fall into the belief that the more people we please the greater our success will be.  However, it can quickly become overwhelming, and clearly impossible, to please everyone.  So where should you focus?

Your family and friends will always have input.
Your boss will certainly highlight their needs.
Your co-workers will offer their own take about what they want.
Your clients and customers have yet another perspective.

When you are just starting to build your career or new business it can become difficult to direct your energies to those activities that will best serve to propel you forward.  You have limited and finite resources.  You clearly can`t create a product that suits everyone`s needs, can`t deliver a speech that resonates fully with everyone, can`t complete a project in a way that satisfies all.  How do you decide what to do, what to say, what to deliver, what to offer?

Consider using the 2 Review process (with thanks to Seth Godin for this) to serve as your litmus test. When you look at the speech you intend to deliver, the business services you are offering, the project you're initiating, write two reviews for it; a five star and a one star review.

• 5 Star Review.  Write a review from the perspective of someone who was blown away by what you did and delivered.  This is a review from someone who totally gets what you're doing and loves it.  They admire your ambition, your drive, your vision, your message.
• 1 Star Review.  Then write a review from the perspective of someone who hates your message, who is critical of the work you are doing and the direction you are taking.

Now consider... who are you investing your time in pleasing?  Is your focus aimed at turning the naysayers into advocates or are you focusing on strengthening the deliverables to those who are championing you?

Regardless of whether you are just starting your career or business or have the launch of both well behind you, playing to those who love you will always prove to boost your success more than will trying to convert others to your cause.  

Becoming clear about what people love, whether about you or your product, and giving them more of it is the secret sauce to success.  There is a reason that corporations invest millions of dollars in consumer research... the need to continue to satisfy their customers.  You are no different.

The time that you spend in trying to minimize the negative feedback and criticism, to convert the naysayers, is time away from satisfying those that are ready to buy - you and your services. Typically, the greater your success the greater the number of critics you will have.

If you have no critics you'll likely have no success.    Malcolm X

All of the 'greats' in their field have clarity over their vision, and hold true to what their customers, not their critics, value and want from them.  Sure, it's hard not to take it personally at times, but recognise the source.  Typically, those that are critical of you, your message and your actions, are those who are not taking the steps that you are.  Their attempts to hold you back are more indicative of their insecurities than they are reflective of you.

Your goal should be to create with the goal of receiving more 5 Star Reviews and not with the intention of trying to avoid the 1 Stars.  Often, the best sign that you are 'making it' is that there are people who are ticked off by that very fact.  The best way to deal with these folks is, of course, to follow Taylor Swift's advice and 'Shake it Off!'

What Are You Waiting For?

What are you waiting for?

For Monday?
For the New Year?
For someone  to love you, notice you, admire you?
For you to be thinner, wiser, in shape, better skilled?
For the perfect moment, perfect place, perfect person?
To be perfect yourself?

We all have dreams and ideas.  We all would love for them to come to fruition.  The only thing separating us from those whose dreams become a reality... is taking action.  We have to break the habit of 'waiting' and learn to make the most of the moment we are in.  There will never be a better time.  There is a Chinese proverb that states "The best time to plant a tree was 20 years ago.  The second best time is now."  You can get caught up in recriminations about not having taken action sooner or you can simply begin.  Now is better than never.

For many of us, our fears serve to hold us back and prevent us from fulfilling our dreams.  Two of the biggest and most common fears that limit our success are the Fear of Failure and the Fear of Rejection.  However, giving in to these fears creates hesitation and indecision instead of action.  We can learn to conquer our fears by cultivating a habit of courage, the courage to take action.

The following ideas are offered as suggestions, ideas and perspectives to help you narrow the gap between your intentions and your actions.  Use these as a guide to help you shift from inaction to action, to help in moving out of the 'waiting room'.

1.  Don't wait for 'Perfect'.  There is no perfect person, time or place. There will always be something that is not 'right'.  If you focus on what is 'missing', rather than everything that is there, you will never be satisfied and will therefore never move forward.  Focus instead on everything that is 'right' about the opportunity and your skills.  Recognise when things are 'good enough' to move forward.  Conditions will never be perfect, but they will often be good enough to get started.  Use your actions to help drive them closer to the perfection you seek.

2.  Do.  Build your confidence, your track record, your experience, and your action-taking-muscles by simply Doing-Stuff.  Taking action and getting things done is the best proof of your ability that there is.  You can't just think about doing, you need to take action. The longer that ideas sit in your head the weaker and more distant they become.  The more that you learn to take action, the easier that taking action becomes.

3.  Deal with your Fears by Taking Action.  One of the best cures for your fears is to simply push through them by taking action.  It is typically all of our 'worrying' that feeds our fears.  Taking action eliminates the worry, teaching us that things were not as bad as we had made them out to be.  A great lesson to take forward when we challenge other fears that are holding us back.

4.  Ideas Alone Don't Bring Success.  It is not your ideas that make you successful but the implementation of them.  An average idea - acted upon - will take you further than a dozen brilliant ideas that are simply taking up head space.

5.  Shift What Ifs to Why Nots.  What ifs are worries.  These are thoughts of 'what if this happens?' that hold us back.  In an effort to avoid them we fail to take action.  Instead, shift your 'what if' scenarios to 'why not' scenarios.  Why not try?  Why not you?

6.  Small Steps.  Instead of thinking of the giant step needed to shift you from here to there, break it down into small, manageable steps.  When we view 'everything', all at once, it can seem daunting.  However, look only to what you can do Now.  What is one small step that you can take - right now - that moves you forward.  Do it.  Then look for the next small step you can take... and repeat.  Every small forward step takes you closer to your goal.

You have dreams, you have ambitions, you have ideas waiting to be implemented.  There will never be a better time.  If you are not currently moving forward on fulfilling your dreams then it is time to seriously ask yourself... What am I waiting for?  Listen to the answer and then take steps to eliminate those barriers, giving you a clear path to truly achieving everything you want from your life.

Failure or Near-Win?

So much of how we experience life is based on how we perceive it.  Shakespeare himself highlighted this in Hamlet when Hamlet says "There is nothing either good or bad, but thinking makes it so".  It is our thoughts that shape our perceptions and, in turn, our experiences.  When we apply this to the concept of Success, it stands to reason then that the way in which we view our apparent 'lack of Success' will influence the actions we take in the future and, in turn, the level of Success we achieve.

There is a vast difference in our minds between thinking of our 'lack of success' as a failure or as a near-win. Both mean that we have not  hit our target, to have fully achieved what we set out to.  However, the label we apply to that result determines what comes next.  The 'label' will ultimately serve to determine the actions we take, either propelling us forward, turning us in a new direction or leading us to give up the attempt.

Studies have been conducted that look at the impact of achieving silver or bronze in the Olympics.  In many studies it has been found that Bronze medalists are far happier with their achievement than are Silver medalists.  Bronze winners are happy because they medalled.  They tend to compare their achievements against all those below them, all those who did not medal, and count themselves fortunate.  Silver medalists however, compare their achievement against the Gold medalist, the place that they had aimed and fallen short of.  They are therefore not as happy with their result as are Bronze medalists.  If we were simply looking at who is happiest with the outcome of a race we would then find it better to finish Gold, Bronze and then Silver.

However, further studies have taken a longer term perspective, reviewing the impact of the finish on future performance.  These findings have determined that more silver-place finishers go on to achieve gold in future than do bronze.  That 'Near-win' has served to reinforce their need and desire to train harder, propelling them forward.  That near-win leads them to believe they can eliminate the gap existing between them and the gold, cementing their focus on that goal.

How many of us might have pushed a little further, done a little more, had we categorized our lack of a win as a near-win, rather than as a failure?

How many of us would have stuck with something longer if we had felt we were 'close' to succeeding?

Our perspective of an event not only serves to define how we feel about that event, but also our future actions.  It's those near-wins that push us forward, that propel us to do more, to try harder.  This is what true mastery is about, the ongoing pursuit of excellence.  It is about the desire to continuously improve, whether your skill or knowledge, and to use that new-found ability to do more and better.  Masters of art, of literature, of sport, of music... became so out of the determination to improve upon their near-wins, their 'almosts', their 'can do betters'.  It was the constant pursuit of 'better' that led to their mastery.  The desire for 'better' being driven out of their view that they were almost there.  Not being there yet was not a failure, it simply meant they were close, that they were not done.  Success meant being closer today than they were yesterday.

Think of how this small shift in your thinking and perspective might be applied to your life.  Where have you applied the label of 'failure' to your actions that you could replace with the vision that they were all 'near-wins'?  How does this impact and perhaps alter your choices and future actions?

We tend to thrive when we have more to do, not when we feel we've done it all.  What 'more' is there for you to do and experience in your life?  Focus on your near-wins, turning each into a winning strategy for yourself.

Bullet Journalling

Still looking for a way to keep those New Year's goals and plans in check?  Find that your desire to use that

App to keep yourself organized, or that hot new 'system' that's out has fallen by the wayside and is now collecting dust in the corner with your exercise ball?  Don't despair, web designer Ryder Carroll may have the simplest solution for you yet!

After over a decade of development, trial and error, Carroll has introduced to the public his method for planning, tracking and note taking - all in one simple little notebook.  The Bullet Journal Notebook uses any blank paper notebook, providing an Analog system for the Digital Age.  The ease and the simplicity of the system are likely its strongest benefits.  No steep learning curve here.

Track the Past, Organise the Present, and Plan for the Future

 Check out this video for a quick overview and demonstration...



I have long kept a blank book on my desk, always in easy reach, within which I keep an ongoing record of quotes, facts and information crossing my desk that I don't want to lose.  Someone mentions a great book and I jot it down.  I read a quote that resonates within me, I jot it down.  I come across a fact or statistic that I know I will want to use in a program or future article, I jot it down.  Rather than writing them onto sticky-notes that end up getting lost or stuck to something that got filed elsewhere, I always know where to find those 'missing' pieces of information.  A quick flip through past entries will always spark an idea, action or new thought, helping to shift me out of any state of inertia that may have overcome me.

Carroll's use of his journal is inspired.  It doesn't require any fancy Apps or programs, no complicated systems to learn or perfect.  Simple systems are often the most powerful - because we do them.  Nothing works if you don't use or do it.  If you've been struggling with keeping yourself organized or on-track, or have found that your systems for keeping up with your life seem to be sucking up more time than you're spending on doing the things on your list - maybe it's time to grab a blank journal and give it a try.  You can pick up a little more information on Carroll's system by visiting his website at www.bulletjournal.com.

In the end, all that matters is that you have a way of getting things done.  Finding a way to keep yourself on track can help you not just get more done, but helps you to stay busy doing the right things.  Any system that helps you do this is the 'right' system... for you.  If you haven't found yours yet, give this one a go.  The simplicity of the system may be just what you have been looking for!

Planning your Becoming

It's that time of year where the internet abounds with ideas for setting your resolutions, suggestions on keeping your resolutions and consolation to those that break them.  You can find tools and articles to help you set your goals, ways to make them SMART, and systems to help you break them down into manageable bites and schedule them.

Instead, I want to suggest that you add a dimension into your goal-setting this year.  All too often we focus on what we want to do or have.  Our focus is on what we want to 'get' out of and from our goal setting, but we spend little time reflecting on what that achievement will make of us.  We are all shaped by our experiences in some way.  What we live through, the way we approach and experience it, will shape the person we become.  It therefore makes sense to devote some time to considering, and planning, our Becoming.

“The major reason for setting a goal is for what it makes of you to accomplish it. What it makes of you will always be the far greater value than what you get.”  Jim Rohn

We can all set goals that are achievable, allowing us to check them off the list and feel good about ourselves in being able to do so.  However, asking ourselves whether that goal aided us in becoming 'more' of the person we want and hope to be, is likely going to be a more challenging criteria.

Instead of simply establishing that almost inevitable New Year's resolution of weight-loss (come on... we all likely have a few pounds to lose after the holidays!) consider instead that the goal is not simply to lose weight.  In Planning your Becoming you take this a step further.  Perhaps you have always struggled to lose the weight, or perhaps your challenge was not in losing but in keeping the weight off.  The goal then is not truly to merely lose the weight but to gain the ability to remain with a lifestyle plan that allows you to create and maintain a healthy weight.  What do you need to 'become' in order to make this true of you?  A weight-loss plan merely becomes the vehicle by which you become the type of person that no longer needs a conscious weight-loss plan with a definitive start and stop, you simply 'are' the weight you want to to be, leading a lifestyle that supports that - effortlessly.

Your efforts shift slightly as your focus shifts.  No longer are you rewarding and celebrating each pound lost as the milestone, but instead rewarding the resiliency to stick with the plan, you recognise each donut you say no to as a nod to your determination, each sit-up and push-up as a testament to your internal strength and determination.

These are the life-lessons that surround us, that have not only helped shape the person that we have Become thus far, but that continue to shape us into the person we will be in the future.  Who do you want to be? Craft and plan now for your Becoming.  Build goals that test and strengthen and build the character traits you admire, the skills you want to possess, the values you believe in.  It's not simply about checking things off of the list, it's about checking the right things off.

Take a look at your list of resolutions and goals for the year and assess what their accomplishment truly means to you.  What life lessons will they provide, what character traits do they support or allow you to test or discover, what values do they build?  Who you Become is within you to create.  Begin shaping it consciously by establishing goals and accomplishments that support your Becoming.

Everything we do teaches us something about ourselves.  Spend your time wisely, teaching yourself those things that are worth learning.

Setting your Life GPS

I may have many skills in life but having a good sense of direction is definitely not one of them!  My son, at
age 4, was already correcting and directing me when driving together.  It means that, for someone like me, the GPS proves to be one of the greatest inventions of all time.  It helps me to get where I'm going, and to arrive on time, without needless detours.  When heading out the door on a business trip, especially somewhere I've never been, my family will ask if 'Hugh' is accompanying me.  (yes... I have named my GPS Hugh, given that I have it on the Australian man's voice setting!)

When I'm just driving in familiar surroundings my GPS is all but useless to me.  (sorry Hugh)  It lets me know where I am, but I don't need to know that if I already know where I am.  The only time that it proves its worth is when I've told it where I want to go and it helps me to get there.  This is especially helpful when I've lost my way.  If I know where I want to go, Hugh is there to help put me on the right path.

Life is not all that different.  If we know where we are already then we have little need for assistance from anyone else.  We are operating in the familiar and comfortable, in the 'known'.  It is when we step off the beaten path though, and begin to venture out into the unknown that we could use some help in finding our way.  However, we need one essential piece of information if others are going to truly be of assistance.  We have to be able to tell them where we want to go.

The GPS in our car is all but useless if we do not let it know our destination.  So too the receipt of any life advice.  We need to, in essence, GPS our life.  We need to take the time to determine our desired destination and then seek out the help and advice we need to get there.  Without that clear understanding of where we want to end up, people's advice (well meaning though it may be) will often serve to steer us off course.  Moving, perhaps, to a destination of their choosing, but not to our own.

Taking the time to set our Life GPS helps to ensure that the actions and steps that we take move us in our desired direction, and help to keep us on course.  The only downfall with my Life GPS, unlike the one in my car of course, is that it doesn't sound like Hugh Jackman!

Creating Your 'New' Normal

Change is tough.  We know how difficult it is to change our habits... eat less sugar, exercise more, get up earlier... whatever our particular need.  However, perhaps we're making it harder than it need be.

Most changes that we try to introduce into our lives tend to be made in an 'all or nothing' framework.  We want to exercise more so we join a gym and plan on going 3 times a week.  We want to eat less sugar so we cut out all sugar from our diets.  We want to eliminate caffeine so we stop drinking coffee.  Period.

These typically prove to be big challenges for us.  Perhaps too big.  We feel the loss.  We struggle and... we typically quit.  It proves too big and painful a shift for us to make and we therefore revert to our old ways, our comfortable habit patterns.  Perhaps though, it is not the goal that is wrong but the path we've chosen to get us there.

Think of your existing habit pattern as your current 'Normal'.  Think of this like a point you've set on a thermostat.  If you decided you wanted to reduce energy use in your house by dropping the preset temperature by 5 degrees, from the 73F you are comfortable with to a desired 68F... you would walk around wearing sweaters or toting a blanket complaining about the cold.  Instead, reduce it by 1 degree.  Try it for a week.  It will likely prove to be a minor adjustment that you acclimatize to fairly quickly.  In week two, drop it another degree.  Your ultimate goal is to get it down to 68 degrees.  Don't make it all about having to get there all at once.

Leo Babuta, of 'Zen Habits' fame (see below for a link to his book if you haven't read this yet!) speaks about the need to create a 'New' Normal for ourselves.  When he decided to eliminate sugar from his coffee (and he took a lot of sugar!) he didn't do it all at once.  Instead, he reduced his sugar by half a teaspoon for the first week.  At first it didn't taste as good to him, but then it started to taste 'normal'.  At that point, he then reduced it by another half teaspoon.  He continued this pattern until, ultimately, he learned to love his coffee with no sugar.

Don't make change harder than it needs to be.  Introduce incremental changes that move you closer toward your ultimate goal.  If your current normal is to sleep in until the last possible second before you race off to work, but you would like to have more time in the mornings, whether to have a more relaxed start to your day, to fit in a little exercise or meditation, or to just read quietly for half an hour before heading off to work...  start small.  Instead of waking up an hour earlier, start with 10 minutes.  Make that your new set point, your new normal.  When those 10 minutes are comfortable for you, they feel natural and normal... reset your clock adding in another 10 minutes.  Eventually... you will have your hour and, perhaps more importantly, you will have your hour without feeling the loss or sacrifice of sleep had you tried for the full hour all at once.

Creating a New Normal for yourself is perhaps the easiest way to create a new habit.  Who said that breaking habits or introducing new desirable habits had to be a struggle?

Our minds tend to adjust over time.  That's my change process - I gradually adjust what's normal to me      ... Leo Babuta

       

The Attraction of Distractions

Let's face it, even before technology came along and made it easier, we had little difficulty in allowing ourselves to become distracted from seemingly 'important' tasks.  Now the advent of the internet and the advancement of technology have allowed our distractions to become just one click away!  Enough so that I have heard productivity consultants refer to our electronic devices as 'Weapons of Mass Distraction'!

We have, in fact, become so obsessed with these devices that recent reports have found that 67% of cell phone owners checked their phone for missed calls/messages/alerts - even when they had received no notice of any being received.  Additionally, more than half reported sleeping with their phone by their bed so that they wouldn't miss any calls or messages while they were sleeping.  In becoming more 'connected' through technology we are becoming more disconnected with our work and what drives our success.

If we think of a Distraction as being anything that pulls us away from our Purpose, as opposed to simply our Task, the need to minimize and/or control our distractions becomes more important.  How then can we control our distractions to increase our productivity? The following five tips are key for controlling the siren call of your favourite distractions.

1.  Stop Multi-Tasking.  I have written before about the dangers of multi-tasking (see Multitasking - Friend or Foe).  Recent research has now found that your IQ points will drop for any day that you change tasks more than 10 times over the course of it.  5 full points for Women and 15 points for Men.  Yes, sorry guys, but research does show that you have more challenges with multitasking than women.  In essence, multitasking itself is proving to be a distraction, often negatively impacting both quality and quantity of work produced.

2.  Plan Backward.  Many of us schedule our time wrong and create To-Do lists with too many big-ticket items on it.  Merely looking at it is overwhelming.  Instead, we should start with our final objective in mind and work it backward.  Start with the goal, break it down into milestones and then individual tasks.  Put the tasks on your To-Do lists.  Looking at smaller items on your daily lists seems less-daunting and increases the likelihood of getting it done.  Additionally, the more we can break our objectives down into smaller bites the less prone we are to interrupt them with distractions.

3.  Establish Routines.  Having established routines and times set for handling mundane items (such as emails, returning calls, checking on your Facebook status) prevents you from doing so constantly.  You know you'll get to it, you know it will be waiting for you, but you will now be checking it on your time, not on someone else's posting schedule.

4.  Own your Agenda.  I love the quote... "An emergency on your part does not constitute and emergency on mine", and it is fully applicable to this point.  You need to set boundaries and guard your schedule and timelines.  Other people have their own Agendas and will be working toward fulfilling them.  Your agenda can quickly become 'busy' with simply getting things done for everyone else.  They get to check off items from their To-Do list but yours remains intact.  Ensure that you recognise that their Agenda is no more important than your own.  I'm not saying to not be responsive to others, but don't feel that you need to drop what you are doing every time that someone else has an 'emergency'.  Assess then respond.  Often 'later' still works.

5.  Work in Chunks.  Research indicates that our productivity remains highest when we work in 60 to 90 minute intervals, scheduled with short recuperative breaks in between.  This is how our body was built...  learning to work within its normal and natural rhythms helps us to maintain our productivity, focus and, most importantly, energy.  (more information on this can be found in the article...  Turning Energy into Time, or by taking a look at our ebook on the subject)

And so it Begins...

... another New Year.  Fresh and untarnished like that first snowfall.  The snow so deep that it drapes all of the objects beneath it, rounding their surfaces and softening the landscape.  The snow as yet walked on, with its unblemished surface.  This is your year.  You get to lay down your own tracks, determine your best path. As you don your winter gear and head out into your year, what thoughts and plans do you have for what awaits you?

... another New Year.  Yours to do what you you want with it.  What are your expectations for the year?  A new job, house or relationship?  Perhaps it's time to focus on strengthening the relationships you have, or your skills in your current role.  Maybe it's time to focus on your personal and spiritual growth, perhaps your health.  If so, what new experiences and learnings do you have in store?  What path do you plan to take to get you there?

... another New Year.  To do more of what makes you smile, more of what stretches and challenges you, more of what creates memories worth holding on to.

... another New Year.  To close the door on the past year and open the door to the new and all it represents.  All of the new opportunities that await you, all of the new places to explore, all of the new people to meet, all of the new things to do and learn from.

... another New Year.  To step boldly forward into what can be, leaving what was behind.  Another year to be what you want, not what you were, to be 'more', however you define that for yourself.

... another New Year.  What are you going to do with yours?

Finding Your Passion

When it comes to choosing a career direction we are often told to 'Follow our Bliss'.  The goal being,of course, to engage in work that we love and are passionate about.   For many of my clients this proves to be good in theory but much more difficult in practice.  Most lament that they don't seem to feel passionate about any job and therefore they feel they must settle for something that they are perhaps only mildly interested in.

Often the challenge in determining what 'job' might push your 'passionate button' rests in getting past the title. We have preconceived notions not only of what specific jobs and roles do, but of whether or not we are capable or suited to do them.  All too often we discount opportunities simply based on their title, and all that conveys to us.  'No, I wouldn't like that' or 'No, I don't have the skills for that' or, even worse, 'No, I could never do that'... are the phrases that limit our choices and restrict us from truly being able to explore, and determine, where our true passion lies.

The following exercise has proven useful to many of my clients in uncovering new paths and new sources of passion for them.  If you're feeling a little stuck or want to establish that 'path of purpose and passion'... give it a try.  You might be surprised what you discover about yourself, your interests and the path you could be on!

The Work...

Step One.  Get rid of your labels.  We want to start with a clean slate, no preconceived notions about what a 'job' is or does or whether you would be interested in it, good at it, or qualified to do it.  So... no focusing on titles, just ignore them completely.  For our purposes they are completely irrelevant. So too with job level...  we don't care what it is, how much money it pays or where it's located.  Also irrelevant.

Step Two.  Go to the job boards and read as many descriptions of different jobs as possible.  Read descriptions from different areas, disciplines, levels.  There is no pre-qualifying what might be a fit for you.  We are working from the broadest part of the funnel here, so you want to go as wide and broad as possible.  You don't currently know where your passion lies so don't disqualify anything before you check it out fully.

Step Three.  As you read over the descriptions, highlight for yourself any aspect of the description that strikes you as interesting or exciting.  It doesn't matter whether it is practical for your lifestyle or whether you have the skills to do it.  Keep an ongoing list of these elements, adding to the list any segment from any description you read that stirs your soul, or that moves you even a little!

Step Four.  Once you have uncovered a number of items and recorded them in your log, start to categorize them by their key skill and functional areas.

Step Five.  Analyze any of the trends and insights that you gain concerning the areas of interest that are now uncovered.  Spend some time thinking about how it fits to your current career path.  Are you on the right path already?  Are there some minor shifts and tweaks you need to make to strengthen your interest and passion?  Is it a major change that is needed to set you on the right course?

Step Six.  Determine what you need to create this new direction for yourself.  More education?  A coach or mentor to help bolster your skills?  A new role entirely?  Consider what you need to set you on the right path and list them.

Step Seven.  Should be intuitive...  go out and take action.  Even one step in the right direction will feel empowering and help stir the embers of your passion, filling you with purpose.

Oh, and one final caveat.  This is your list, your choices, your passion.  Other people get to choose their own path, don`t let them choose yours.  Sometimes what others want for us will not align with what we want for ourselves.  Uncover your passion and pursue it.  You only get this one go `round...  it`s a much more interesting ride to fill it with work that you love and that fulfills your purpose than spend it working to fill someone else`s.

Now or Later?

Our actions have consequences 

The difficulty that many people have in achieving their goals or in fulfilling their purpose rests in this simple statement.  Those who seek immediate gratification will rarely do the work today that is required to fulfill a goal down the road.  Often not achieving a goal is as basic as this.  Do you want your reward now or later?

Highly successful people know and understand the difference.  They are able to suspend any need for immediate gratification if it means that their 'bigger' goals down the road are more likely to be met.

• you can't meet your goal of losing ten pounds if you are unable to delay the immediate gratification you would gain from a chocolate chip cookie... NOW
• you can't ever buy the house of your dreams if you are unable to save the down payment because you need to spend your money on a movie... NOW
• you aren't likely to get that promotion down the road if you aren't willing to put in your dues... NOW
• you aren't helping to 'save' the environment if you can't forgo the convenience of buying bottled water...NOW

In the 1960's, Stanford professor Walter Mischel conducted what is one of the best known and classic studies in this area, referred to often as the Marshmallow Experiment.  He and his team tested hundreds of children aged 4-5 by doing the following.  They brought each child into a private room and sat them at a table.  The researcher placed a marshmallow on the table and offered each child a deal.  The research explained that they needed to leave the room for a while.  If the child did NOT each the marshmallow while the researcher was absent, then they would receive a second marshmallow.  However, if they did eat the marshmallow while the researcher was gone, they would not receive a second.  The researcher then left the child alone with the marshmallow for 15 minutes.

The choice was clear.  1 treat NOW or 2 treats LATER.

Some children ate the marshmallow immediately, while others visually struggled until succumbing. A much smaller group waited the 15 minutes out and received their second marshmallow.  

The fascinating part of this research was what was revealed during the follow up.  Researchers followed the children over 40 years, tracking their progress in a number of areas.  What they found was that those children who were able to delay their gratification...

• ended up with higher SAT scores
• had lower levels of substance abuse
• experienced a lower likelihood of obesity
• had a better response to stress.

Those wo were able to delay gratification out performed those who didn't in whatever capacity the researchers measured.  It makes sense when you consider... those who are able to delay watching TV in order to study are far more likely to have better grades.  Those who can delay the immediate gratification of eating a donut (or 2 or 3) are less likely to gain weight or become obese.  

Every seemingly small action we take today either works in support of our desired end goals or it doesn't.  It is that simple and that difficult.  You need to determine how much you want that bigger picture and take the time to review your current actions against it.  The 'now' will always be alluring, working to seduce you away from achieving that end goal, unless you can keep yourself fixated on the true benefits of what that 'later' goal will look like and feel like for you.  The better you can feel it, see it, taste it... the more likely you will be to stick with your plan for getting there.  If you make it feel real, it will feel achievable and therefore actionable.  

Building your willpower is all about making your end goal as tangible as possible and differentiating between the benefits of NOW versus LATER.  Making your 'later' look and feel better than any immediate gratification you get from doing something 'now' will help you stay true to your course.  

A Pearl of a Book

On my most recent vacation, a driving trip along the East Coast of Canada, I had the opportunity to catch up on some of my reading.  Of particular note was the book A Pearl in the Storm: How I Found my Heart in the Middle of the Ocean, by Tori Murden McClure.

For those not familiar with Ms. McClure, she is not only the first woman to ski over land to the South Pole, but the first woman and first American to row solo across the Atlantic ocean.  A Pearl in the Storm is her recount of her attempt and ultimate successful crossing of the Atlantic Ocean in her rowing boat, The Pearl.  Tori's first attempt to cross the Atlantic was in 1998, at age 35, in her 23 foot plywood boat.  1998 is still on record as the worst hurricane season ever experienced on the North Atlantic.  Multiple hurricanes, gales and storms caused her to abandon her crossing when a series of storms nearly tore apart her boat and killed her.

With no ultimate goal or thought to make another attempt, Tori was struck by the words of Muhammad Ali when he told her... "You don't want to go through life as the woman who almost rowed across the Atlantic".

In 1999, at the age of 36, Tori travelled 2,962 miles in 81 days, in a 23 foot long, 6 foot wide, 1,800 pound rowboat to be the first woman to successfully row solo across the Atlantic.  No, as it turns out, Tori was not content to live out her life under the description of  'almost'.

What 'almosts' are you currently living under?
What goals have you fallen short of achieving - for whatever reason?
Are you content with 'almost' having attained them?
What's stopping you from going after them now?
What actions could you take right now to start you back on your path?

Give it some thought.  Often 'life' gets in the way of our achieving something meaningful, pushing and pulling us off course much like the hurricanes and gales Tori experienced.  In calmer times and seas though, it is up to us to correct our course and renew our efforts.  If it is something that matters then it is something worth doing.

My 'Almost'?  going for my 3rd Degree Black belt in TaeKwondo.  Too busy, too old, too out of shape, too something!  The excuses are gone now though.  I am in training and am making the attempt.  Next Grading is in December.  Let's see if I can wipe out my 'almost'.

What's yours?

The Motivation of "More"

I was working with a client a couple of weeks ago, he must have been all of 35, and we were speaking
about what his thoughts were for his career in the future.  Pretty basic question and, although I don't expect everyone to have a clear defined roadmap of exactly what they want, I would typically expect someone his age to respond with some variation of...  more, different, or other as desired goals.  

I was taken aback then by his response...  'I'm done'!  

35 and... this is it?  

Now, don't get me wrong.  I don't think that everyone needs to strive to be CEO, to own their own business or even want a management role.  That's not my point.  More, different or other don't require a move 'up' so much as they imply that you are open to a change at some point.  A change that perhaps tests out and develops a new skill, gives you the opportunity to try something different, expands your perspectives, lets you learn something new, upgrades your skills... SOMETHING!

But... 'I'm done'?????  A possible 30 more years of working and... you're done?

I consider myself a work in progress.  I reserve the right to be better at something tomorrow, than I was today, to know something tomorrow I did not today and to therefore make better decisions and choices for myself as a result.  I think back to what and who I was at 35 and have a hard time reconciling that with the person I am today, the growth I have experienced, the learning, the development, the career shifts...

Although we all have different levels of comfort with the concept of change, we need to leave ourselves open to even incremental changes occurring, to prevent stagnation.  We can't just simply 'stop' where we are because nothing else around us enters into the same holding pattern.  Life doesn't exist in a vacuum.  It moves, grows, shifts over time, as do the people in our lives.  We too need to move, grow and shift in order to, at the very least, accommodate the shifts and eddies of those around us, lest we be left behind.  

Leave yourself some wiggle room by keeping your options open.  Envisioning a future that is 'more' or 'different' from your current situation does not have any value associated with it as to how 'much' more different it is.  The size of the shift is up to you and whatever your comfort zone will accommodate, but not leaving that opening implies no change at all.  Nada.  This is the very essence of stagnation.  

Live your life with the one true aim of being 'more' each day.  Being more in some small way, each and every day, creates incremental but definitive growth.  This small step of possibility leaves the door open to other possibilities that you wouldn't be otherwise.  No one knows for certain what the future holds, but if you don't leave yourself open to potential and possibility, I can guarantee what your future won't hold.   

Leave a small crack in the door for opportunities and change.  Just the very acknowledgement of wanting 'more' of some kind can be a catalyst for change that you wouldn't have imagined otherwise.  

And... for those of you who dare to be bolder, join me in my preferred vision.  

When my time comes, sometime past the age of 100,  I expect to be dragged off to heaven by angels while wailing the whole way... 

But...  I'm not done yet!

A Time to Reflect...

This is the time of year when it is nice to take some time to sit down (in my case with a nice steamy hot cup of Chai Latte in hand) and reflect back on the past year and to then look to the one ahead.  All too often we fall into the trap of only doing one or the other. 

1. We always look backward.  For some... there is the strong tendency to always be looking into the past, at what they have achieved, at how they have lived so far.  This is a necessary part of the reflection process, for we need to take time to recognise and celebrate how far we've come, how much we've achieved, but don't make the mistake of getting so mired in the past though that you can't see how much further you can go.
2. We always look forward.  For others... the future holds the biggest allure and they are always looking for 'what's next'!  They are constantly pushing and driving toward achieving and doing 'more' with their lives.  We certainly want to use our look to the future to inspire us to continue to grow and learn, to discover more of the world and ourselves, but we also want to ensure that we acknowledge all that we have lived through, for our past helps to shape the person we've become.

Both of these elements needs to be considered.  First, to reflect back on the past year and to acknowledge and embrace all my achievements, everything that I have experienced and accomplished.  For me, this was a busy year, packed with lots of new opportunities and TONS of new learnings.  As I have looked to venturing into creating some training programs to offer my clients through the online learning platform, I have had to battle my own technological learning curve.  It's been work but it is coming together and I definitely feel good about stepping outside of my comfort zone and taking up the gauntlet of giving it a try.  Without trying there is no knowing. 

As much as there has been a serious amount of work this past year there have also been times to spend enjoying friends and family, from time spent at the cottage to time spent in Europe, to smaller moments catching up over lattes.  An essential part of any life well lived I believe; the balance of experiences, the richness of relationships.

Looking forward I am excited about the possibilities that this year will bring.  The new program launches in January and so we will see not only if all the work from the past year pays off, but what other possibilities it opens up moving forward.  I've built in a 90 day health challenge and am now consciously committing to my Third degree black belt in TaeKwondo.  Travelling, cottaging... all help to shape the way my year will unfold. 

Reward backward, motivate forward.      Cindy Dachuk

What about you?

How was this past year for you?  What did you accomplish and achieve?  What special moments did you capture in your heart?  Did you take time to fully celebrate each?  If not... take the time now to list everything that you accomplished and recognise and reward those achievements.  Reinforce the action you took, no matter how small it may seem to others, that helped shape who you are and that took you a step closer to who you will become.

What about this coming year?  What plans are you making for steps that move you forward?  What are you looking to learn, to experience, to try?  What relationships are you committed to starting, developing, growing?  What actions are you planning to take to create a fuller, richer, more meaningful life for yourself?  Open your mind and heart to your dreams and build a step or two toward them.  All journeys begin with a single step... what will yours be?

Remember... you are the difference you want to see in your life, so go out and make a difference... today!

The Art of Giving... Up!

At this time of year, much of our time and attention is taken up with preparing for the holidays; in buying and wrapping that special gift, in donating our time and/or money to support others in need, in spending time with family and friends, gifting them with our attention and love.  It is truly a time in which we are focused on giving openly and readily to others.

However, as much as there is often talk and direction offered concerning how to GIVE; how to give bigger, better and more, rarely are we given instruction on the need to develop our skills in Giving Up.  In fact, much of the push from society at large, and even well-meaning family and friends, is to strive harder and do more, all in the name of success. 

This constant focus and emphasis today on being 'Successful' comes at a cost, one which is rarely expressed.  We continue to often unknowingly and unwittingly pay the price for succeeding, without ever questioning whether it is a price we are truly interested in paying.  Studies are now showing that even our children are leading overcrowded, over structured and overwhelmed lives, resulting in them losing out on much-needed relaxation time and sleep.  This pattern results in a loss of focus, a drop in their productivity and a stronger push and urge for them to 'try harder', all of which serves to strengthen the downward spiral.

We often hear that to be more successful takes willpower.  However, our willpower is not unlimited.  We do not have an infinite capacity to push and focus.  Therefore, as we strive and push in one area of our lives, we might overuse our willpower and lack the willpower that we need in other areas.  Therefore, if we are depleting all of our willpower resources in our drive and push to succeed in business, we might find that we lack the willpower we need to say 'no' to that second dessert, or to get out of a toxic relationship. 

Now, those that know me will understand that I believe in defining and going after your goals.  However, you also know that I believe in balance.  There is a price and cost associated with any action that we take in our lives, which is why I always emphasize the concept of 'choice' with my clients.  I urge them to ensure that any action they decide to take is one they have chosen, after having recognised and accepted the impact on the availability of other choices. 

Perseverance is required for breaking through barriers, for overcoming obstacles.  Not everything worthwhile in life comes easily or the first time we strive for it.  However, if you have goals that are truly unobtainable, that are causing you undo stress, frustration and angst, that are negatively impacting your health, then it might be time for you to Give Up.  Despite the negative stigma that others often attach to 'quitting' or 'giving up', we need to recognise that they serve a very useful purpose. 

There are times that we work toward a goal because of what it can do for us in the long run.  However, once started on a given path we may find that it doesn't lead us in the direction we wanted, or that it satisfied our need sooner than we thought.  We must reserve the right to then readjust, to abandon that goal sooner than anticipated. 

Very early in my career I was working in social work.  However, I recognised a need and desire to do something other than that.  In order to transition into 'business' I decided to pursue an MBA.  I wanted my applications to be taken seriously and therefore the MBA appeared to be an option that would get me the recognition I desired.  Once hired into a company though, I was faced with the fact that I couldn't continue to do both well.  My work travel schedule prevented me from participating in the group activities required by my MBA program, I was not 'learning' the material so much as squeezing in moments to satisfy the requirements of the professors.  The dilemma therefore was...

• My career was growing but my time and attention on my MBA was suffering. 
• I could certainly focus more on the MBA to get better grades and more learning from the program, but I would need to slow my career path.

As I really sat down to assess and analyze my options I found that I kept coming back to one key issue.  I was having trouble considering quitting the MBA program as a legitimate option... because it meant QUITTING.  I was taught you don't quit something you start.  If you quit, you were a loser.  There were no in-between options. 'Just suck it up and get it done!' was the phrase that kept running through my head.

However, whenever I thought about why I was doing my MBA, what I wanted to get out of it, all I came up with was the fact that I wanted to use it to get 'business' to take me seriously, and help make my transition from social work into the business sphere.  In short... the MBA had already done what I needed it to do.  I then questioned... if I finished the program, what more would I get from the time, money and effort? 

The bottom line...  I consciously made the decision to Give Up.  I left the program, determining that the additional time would be better spent redirected toward my career and leisure/personal life.  Quite honestly, a decision once made that I never regretted.  I had seven increasingly responsible roles in the 6 years that I was employed with that company, none of which I would have been able to create had my focus been split.  I got married and was able to enjoy my new husband and two wonderful stepchildren.



The biggest lesson of course was in learning to recognise the difference between when to push through a barrier and when to give up on something.  This represents a lesson that many of my clients struggle with continuously.  When faced with the possible need to Give Up on a Goal of your own, consider using some of the following thoughts and questions to help you clarify your decision.

• What exactly is the purpose of the goal you have set?
• What have you already achieved in its pursuit and is that enough?
• What values of yours does it satisfy?
• Are there alternative ways of satisfying those values?
• Is this a goal you are pursuing for yourself or for others?
• How much stress is the pursuit of this goal causing you? 
• Is the price of pursuit one you are willing and able to continue to pay?
• What is the impact of pursuit on other areas of your life?
• What really is the impact of disengaging from the pursuit of the goal?

Use any, or all, of the above to help you assess whether the goal is one that should be continued or set aside.  Use the questions to help you make that determination consciously.  Studies by Wrosch and his associates found that overall, people who were able to disengage from 'unobtainable' goals were far happier than those who continued to pursue them. 

In the end, the decision needs to rest with you as only you can determine the true value and meaning of a goal to you and your life.  Just bear in mind that the Art of learning when to Give Up may be the very lesson you need to learn to free your time and focus to achieving want you truly want in life.

Reasons or Results

I just spent this past weekend attending a training program and got caught up in the concept referenced in the title of this blog - Reasons or Results.  The general principle behind this concept is that, when faced with doing something different, attempting to introduce 'new' or 'more' into your life, you can either have the results you have achieved, or you will have reasons for not having results.  But... you won't have both.

I see this all the time in coaching sessions.  I will ask a question about a particular course of action we had previously discussed, an action step that the client had determined was critical for them achieving the success they want in their life, and I get reasons as to why they couldn't, didn't and hadn't taken that step.  Sure, they all sound reasonable...

• lack of time
• boss dumped more work on them
• felt a bit sick
• wasn't sure what they were supposed to do
• didn't have the support, resources or knowledge they needed 
• the dog ate their homework...

You get the picture.  Reasons.  Reasons as to why they didn't take the promised action.  Reasons as to why they didn't move forward.  Reasons for not having what they desire most in life.  Reasons why they didn't do what they said they were going to do. 

The question is not whether the reasons are justified or not.  In the minds of each of my clients, their reasons always seem like the best choice at the time.  However, often the 'best' choice is simply the most expedient.  It's the most comfortable.  Making a difference in your life though is about change.  That means discomfort.  You therefore need to be vigilant when reasons start arising that prevent you from moving forward.

Sure, those reasons may seem valid, but your subconscious mind is a tricky thing.  If it sense your hesitation and reluctance to push forward, it is going to do what it can to help you out, including coming up with reasons to stay where you are.  The reasons may sound good and solid, but they are still going to prevent you from getting what you want in your life.

Instead, you need to use your conscious mind to maintain control, keeping your eyes firmly fixed on the action that you need and want to take to fulfill your goals.  Use your conscious mind to keep a firm reign on your subconscious thoughts.  Your 'reasons' are generally the explanation behind why you are not managing to reach your goals.  Each time a new 'reason' arises, examine it, determine whether it is critical or not, useful or not, valid or not and then make a conscious determination as to whether it is truly a reason to stop moving forward or merely your subconscious attempt to maintain the status quo.

Ultimately, you want your forward movement to be a conscious choice.  you can have reasons why something wasn't achieved, or you can have results, but you will never have both.  Your choice as to which you would prefer.

Run Your Own Race

Last weekend had the half marathon for our area starting from the park across the road from my home. Seeing those runners brought back to mind my experiences in running marathons and, in particular, the life lessons I learned along the way.

The goal of most first-time racers is typically just to finish! They may have a rough goal of the time they would like to complete the race within but, if being honest, most really just want to cross that finish line. They have likely invested in their training schedule; worked on their pacing and stride; learned about what will fuel them throughout the race. Often the most overlooked element though is an understanding of how quickly and easily they can get caught up in the hype and the moment of the race and end up running someone else's race.

That starting gun goes off, the crowd surges forward and they get caught up in the energy and excitement of everyone else around them. Before you know it, they are starting off too fast, running at a pace that quickly leaves them exhausted and, ultimately, without enough energy left to finish. One of the biggest causes of not finishing is getting caught up in running a race other than your own.

I was lucky enough, before my first marathon, to have someone emphasize to me the need to know and understand your race intimately. To know the feel, rhythm and beat of your stride so that you don’t get pulled off of it by others around you. This takes requires you to build that element into your training plan, to gain the clarity you need about yourself to be able to focus and stick to it on race day.

I don’t run marathons anymore but I do still apply the lessons of the race every day. In our work and personal lives, we can become easily distracted by the noise of those around us. There is never any shortage of people that are willing and eager to tell us what we ‘must’ do, what we ‘should’ do. I’m not saying don’t listen, but it is necessary to weigh these suggestions against your own plan. If it fits and it helps… keep it. If it pulls you off course… ditch it. Unless there is a definite strategic reason for doing otherwise, stay the course and run your own race.

Don’t allow yourself to get caught up in the feeling of ‘momentum’. Momentum alone can be deceptive. You are busy, you are accomplishing things, but it they aren’t activities that move you forward in the direction you’ve set for yourself then, when it’s all over, you just might find that you’ve crossed the finish line of a race you never intended to run and ended up somewhere you never really wanted to go.

• Decide consciously what race you want and choose to run.

• Do what you need to prepare and train yourself for that race.

• Take action to move you forward. If you’re running a race of your choosing, any action that moves you forward, even small steps, gets you closer to that finish line.

Remember this also. Your race is run by you. There is no first, second or third place… there is just finishing. There is you and that finish line.

Clarity of purpose, Focus of Intent… now… GO!

Got a Goal? Keep it to Yourself!

Got a goal? Want to increase the odds of achieving it? The latest research out is showing us that you increase your odds significantly if you don't tell anyone about it!


For years research has shown us that the mere act of writing down your goals gives them a permanence and reality in your brain that helps drive you toward achieving them. In studies, participants that wrote down their goals, versus those that did not, were more than 60% likely to achieve them.

If Step One in achieving our goals is to define them, then Step Two must certainly be the need to write them down.

Our typical third step is usually to start talking to others about our goal. Conventional wisdom has typically said that telling others about our goals helps to motivate us to succeed and, also, creates a form of peer pressure to persevere. We aren't going to want to share with others that we abandoned our quest and we therefore keep on pushing toward it.

New research out though, shows that this conventional wisdom is, in fact, a fallacy.  It seems that typically, when we share our 'big' goal with someone else, they will get excited about it. Their excitement, in turn, makes us feel good about ourselves and our goal. This feeling serves to convince the brain that the goal has already been achieved and it stops driving you forward.

This phenomena is referred to, in psychological circles, as Social Reality. It's the impact of that social gratification on the brain's perception of what is real and what is, as yet, still a thought or ideal. The very acknowledgment by others of your goal, gives it a reality in the mind's eye that leads you to be less motivated toward achieving it than more.

The bottom line therefore is that 'telling' someone about your goal will typically make it less likely to happen. But we are, by nature, relatively social creatures. When we are excited about an idea or a goal we naturally want to share that excitement with others. If you feel the need to share your goal, but want to avoid the social gratification trap, make sure that you emphasize how much work you still have to do, how much further you still have to push, in its achievement. You need to clearly let your brain know that it is not a fait accomplis but rather a work still in progress.

So, Step Three in the goal achievement process?  Keep your mouth shut!