Tip Thursday - Body Language

When people wear a white coat (such as doctors) more people are convinced by and believe them
than someone with the same title and experience speaking to them without one. The coat is just a prop but its underlying messaging has a significant impact upon the perceived credibility of the message. A simple tool to use to help your message be received favourably.

Obviously the white coat is a tool that is available only to those in the medical profession but... consider what an 'authority' in your industry and situation would wear... and wear that! It may be a subtle cue but anything you can do and use to help your message be heard and received favourably is one worth using to your advantage.

Tip Thursday - Body Language

We've all heard that a smile can be incredibly powerful.  However, research has also shown that it is a contributor to your overall success in business and love. Researchers have reviewed photos of couples and found that those who were not smiling in their early photos together were 5 times more likely to experience divorce.

Additionally, other researchers found that in reviewing the early sports photos of professional ball players that those smiling in their early rookie cards were significantly more likely to experience success in their professional careers.

The key to this is the link to optimists. Those who are more optimistic - and that's what smiles tend to show - find it easier to get along with people and to expect good things to happen to them, thereby contributing to their success in marriage and, at least, in professional baseball!

Tip Thursday - Body Language

There are few gestural cues that transcend countries and cultures, but there is a universal body language of triumph. Studies conducted with both blind and seeing athletes have found that all athletes make the same body language expression when they won their event - regardless of the sport.

Even blind athletes who had never seen anyone display the behaviour exhibited the same cues. The classic body language of a winner? Arms and hands raised above the head, mouth open and face pointed up toward the sky signalling their triumph.

Tip Thursday - Body Language

When listening to an opponent speak pay attention to your body language. Studies have found that when a nonspeaking debater expressed continuous disagreement or disbelief in what their opponent was saying, by frowning, head shaking, mouthing rebuttals... the audience tended to view them as deceptive and the speaker as truthful. Some times speakers will use negative body language in an attempt to sway the audience to their point of view.

Studies like the one above indicate that if you are unaware of your body language you may be inadvertently influencing the perception of your audience - in a less than desirable direction. When listening to others pay close attention to what you may be inadvertently communicating - ensuring that your body language is delivering messages of your choosing!

Tip Thursday - Body Lanaguage

When it comes to tough negotiations any little edge you can get is a plus. Successful negotiators
know that it is often the small, unconscious signals and cues that can influence your outcome in a positive way.

When someone is saying something or behaving in a way we don't like, we often make the mistake of looking them straight in the eye, which can create a more confrontational environment.

Instead of looking them in the eyes look at the bridge of their nose. It won't get their back up the same as looking them in the eyes might, but it will prove unsettling to them and will often lead them to drop their eye contact and stop their rant.

It may take a little practice but it can serve to help stop a tirade or to undermine a power play.

Tip Thursday - Body Language

Yes, I understand that having crossed arms may simply indicate that you are cold, or that it's a
comfortable position for you to hold your arms. However, your audience will unconsciously take your folded arms to mean that you are closing yourself off from the conversations. Having your arms crossed in front of your body effectively creates a barrier signifying to others that you are distancing yourself from the conversation.

If you want to appear open and interested then this is a gesture you should avoid. Interestingly, studies have shown that audience members sitting with crossed arms were far less likely to think favourably of a presenter (or what they present) than those with a more open posture.

If you want to 'be' open you must ensure that your body language is open. Apparently we not only signal our openness to our audience, but to our brains as well!

Tip Thursday - Creativity

It can sometimes be challenging to come up with new and creative solutions to things.

Psychology professor Nicola Baumann found, in an experiment she conducted, that clenching your left hand into a fist (versus clenching your right) triggered a brain circuit associated with creativity.

Clenching your left fist may be all that you need to activate your innovation and creativity. Certainly worth trying the next time you're feeling a little stuck!

But That's Not What I Meant!

How often have you caught yourself protesting...  'That's not what I meant'?
How often have you found others misunderstanding, misinterpreting or simply missing your messages? Unfortunately for most of us, a misunderstanding on the part of the audience is most often due to poor communication on the part of the speaker.  Us.

The fault rests on the focus of speakers on the development and delivery of their message, rather than on its receipt.  Most speakers are very content focused, wanting to ensure that the content of the messages they share is accurate and direct. However, they typically fall short on working to ensure that their message delivery systems are aligned with their content. In short, they focus solely on the messages they are delivering with their words and do not take into account the messages being simultaneously delivered through their voice or body.

"More miscommunication and misunderstandings arise simply through a misalignment of messages between 'what' you say and 'how' you say it than any other communication error"

When someone misinterprets your desired message it will most likely be due to a failure on your part to align your spoken words with your non-verbal messages than it will be due to your audience's failure to listen appropriately. Our expectation that others will listen to our words, without our message being influenced by any sub textual messages we are sending, is unrealistic at best and destined for misunderstanding and misinterpretation at worst.

We know that the messages that others receive from us are based 50-95% on our non-verbal messaging, not upon the words we choose to share with them.  At a minimum then half of the messages we deliver to others, in any given situation, are driven by our non-verbal messages. Half.

Now consider how much time you have invested in understanding those messages, in studying what your voice and behaviours are telling people about you, about your content. What are your non-verbal messages doing to heighten your credibility? What are your non-verbals doing to diminish it?

It is not enough for us to 'know' what we are talking about if we cannot get others to understand it, accept it, believe in it or... believe in us. Powerful and successful communicators understand this. Top influencers study this. Those of us that want our messages to be heard and understood need to as well.

In this pursuit audio recordings are your best friend.  With the accessibility to recording devices on every cell phone out there you have no excuse to not record key messages and review them for clarity of communications.  The following are some of the main things you might want to look and listen for...

• Think first of what you are attempting to do with the message you intend to deliver.  Are you trying to explain, persuade, motivate?  The goal of your message will have an impact on the 'how' of your delivery.  Be clear about this before reviewing your recording, providing a measure to review your messages against.
• Pay attention to the speed of your delivery - both voice and body. Neither should appear manic! Too much speed will seem out-of-control and decrease the credibility of both you and your message.  However, if you are looking to motivate and excite your audience your voice and movements should be a little faster than normal, that heightened energy helping to drive them to also feel excited. If your message is more thoughtful or serious then your movements and voice should be slightly slower than is usual for you, providing a little more gravitas, generating a message that you are in control of the situation and affording the audience a little more time to take in the information and process it.
• Ensure that your gestures are sized in proportion to the message and the audience. If you are delivering to smaller audiences your gestures will occur within your own personal space. If speaking to a larger audience then you will have to extend your gestures further for them to be seen. 
• Your voice must project and drive the emotional response that you want from your audience and needs to fit the message you are delivering.  You cannot expect to motivate and inspire the crowd if you sound bored with what you are sharing. Lead and model the response you want them to emulate.
• Pay attention to the direction of your hands. Gesturing up is positive while downward is negative.  Both have their uses but each must support the content. Gesturing downward while attempting to convince your audience that good days are ahead will lead your audience to distrust you and to believe the situation is worse than they thought. 
• Use your eye contact to connect your audience to you and your message. There is no better tool to use, to show you are interested in them (and not just on you and your message,) than connecting with them at a personal level. Your eye contact is a primary tool for doing this.

Watch for the above points while reviewing your video recordings, working to strengthen the alignment between your spoken and unspoken messages.  The closer you come to ensuring they are all saying the same thing, the stronger your messages, the greater your credibility and less often you will find yourself feeling the need to protest 'but... that's not what I meant'!

(and... if you require further direction or support in learning more about your body language and how to use it to greater advantage, just let us know!  That is, after all... what we do!)

Tip Thursday - Body Language

Research has already shown that all of the facial cues that accompany a lack of sleep make men and women appear less attractive. However, additional research has shown that the droopy eyelids also make you appear less intelligent and mentally agile. When over-tired our mouth corners tend to turn downward which can make us appear sadder. We certainly know that feeling over-tired affects our focus and energy levels, but its impact on our body language signals will also have an impact on our perceived level of attractiveness and intelligence - both of which tend to impact promotional opportunities. Getting a good night's sleep may prove to be one of the best things you can do to assure your success!

Tip Thursday - Public Speaking

Whenever possible avoid using a Lectern when speaking in public. I know that it's a great place to hold your notes but it also serves as a barrier between you and your audience, which can make you appear more distanced and separate from them.

Additionally, since it blocks the view of much of your body, your audience is unable to 'read' much of your body language, making it far more difficult for them to determine your credibility and, therefore, the believability of your message.

The more open you appear the more they will come to trust the message you are delivering. This is a lesson Nixon learned (belatedly) in his first on-air debate with Kennedy, but one you can begin using immediately to up your presence whenever you speak in public.

Tip Thursday - Body Language

A quick little sign to watch for when conversing with someone is the Lip Pull, which is when a person not only purses their lips but pulls them quickly off to one side of the face. This is a quite dramatic facial gesture, readily seen by others.

Typically this is a quick gesture that lasts for just an instant, though it could be held a couple of seconds. The lip pull tends to mean that the person dislikes or disagrees with what is happening or being said. It can therefore be a very telling gesture, letting you know when someone is unhappy, even when they are trying to hide it from you!

Tip Thursday - Body Language

When giving stand up presentations, people are often unsure of what to do with their hands.  Here is where the Clinton Box comes in.  Bill Clinton, back in the 90's, was known for not always using his gestures effectively - and was quickly told to keep his gestures above the waist and below his shoulders. Additionally, for groups of less than 50, his gestures should also not extend very far beyond the width of his shoulders. This is a speaker's 'safe' zone for gesturing. In effect... don't touch anything above your shoulders and certainly nothing below your waist!

Bill went on to be a very polished and effective speaker but the Clinton Box was born from his tendency to gesture 'outside of the box', getting himself into some difficulties with his audience and, in particular, the press.

3 Top Body Language Tips for Interviews

When it comes to interviews most prospective candidates invest their time in identifying the success stories to share and in committing them to memory.  A clean suit, a few small talk topics and they are ready to go.

Those who are more savvy to how decisions actually get made though know to also pay attention to what their body language is telling others. They know that it is not just what they are saying but how they are saying it that influences how the interviewer will view their responses. Although there are certainly numerous behaviours you could engage in that could help to support the stories you share, here are my top 3 'must do' body language tips to help you appear confident, capable and infinitely hire-able'.

1.  Posture.  Ever since Amy Cuddy's infamous TED talk on power poses, there has been an increased focus on the positive effects of adopting a more powerful pose.  However, here I want to focus on the more common and practical elements of posture.  I find that most people are conscious of trying to maintain better posture by keeping their shoulders back and their chin up.  However, they do so while rounding out their lower back.  They sit and stand in this softened posture, effectively reducing their height, projected energy and perceived confidence.

In your interviews it is important that you come across as someone that will get things done. This requires you to project energy, which is difficult to do from a compressed or slumped position. Extending upward through the lower back is all that it takes to affect a more positive pose, strengthening the message that you are someone that will hit deadlines, push projects through and make things happen.


2.  Eye Contact.  There is a lot of misinformation out there about eye contact.  I find my audiences are often under the impression that strong and direct eye contact means constant and unbroken eye contact.  It doesn't.  Constant eye contact can, and will, prove intimidating.  Although different cultures and countries will have their own acceptable levels of eye contact, in North America we typically fall into maintaining eye contact about 70% of the time during conversations.

This means that it is perfectly acceptable to look away while you gather your thoughts.  What does become important about eye contact is the need to maintain it comfortably.  If your eyes dart about or you are only maintaining eye contact for a second or two at a time you will appear nervous, insincere or uncomfortable. The believability of your stories will likely suffer as well.  Instead, maintain eye contact for 4-6 seconds before smoothly breaking away, looking to the side to gather your thoughts, rather than up or down, and then confidently re-engaging.

Most people will find it easier to maintain eye contact when they are in listening mode than when speaking.  This is fine and helps to show interest.  When speaking though, it is important that you at least appear confident about the content you are sharing.  Keeping the chin up heightens the perception of confidence and looking away laterally when you need to break eye contact will help you to do this.  Note that glancing away to take notes or taking advantage of when they do also helps give you a bit of an 'eye contact break'.

3.  Hand Gestures.  The main things to consider about your gestures is that they should be smooth, controlled and purposeful.  For most discussions your gestures should take place within your own personal space, which keeps them size-appropriate.  Ensure that you keep the hands visible to your audience, which helps to engender trust.  Perhaps the most important aspect of your hand gestures, and one worth practicing prior to an interview, is that most of your gestures should be made with the palms up.

Palms down gestures are directive. They are absolute and therefore are perfect when you are saying 'no'.  They indicate that you are decided on your point and are not open to engaging the input of others.  In contrast, palms up gestures are collaborative.  They are more open, highlighting more of a willingness to work with the other party.  This makes them perfect for interview situations where you would like your interviewer to see you as a good fit for the existing team.  Palms up gestures will help you be viewed more favourably and should therefore be the more frequent gesture.  You may have stories highlighting your decisiveness where a palms down gesture will help to highlight that ability, but most stories will serve you better accompanied by gestures where the palms are visible.

These three tips will serve you well in your next interview should you practice adopting them.  As you review your stories, don't just practice the words you plan to use, but practice also the body language that will accompany them.  The more aligned your body language is to your verbal message, the more believable and credible that message will be.

Tip Thursday - Body Language

An interesting body language 'tell' to watch for is what is called 'Eye Blocking Behaviour'. When

someone rubs their eye or places their hand in front of their eyes, this is often a sign of discomfort, disbelief or disagreement. They are distancing themselves from you or the conversation in general by creating a barrier between you and them.

This behaviour is so hard wired into us that people born blind will cover their eyes when they hear things they don't like. This is a behaviour coming from our unconscious, driven by our limbic brain, so it is a good 'tell' to take note of. Know that if someone is agreeing to help you with something, but are engaging in this behaviour, that they are not very happy about doing it. Either respond to their discomfort by letting them off the hook or ensure that you reward and thank them appropriately for helping you out!

Talk the Journey, Not the Destination

Communications are a tricky thing at the best of times. 

Attempting to integrate technology into our communications serves to influence us in ways that we may not realize. We often hear that our time-starved audiences will not read emails of more than a paragraph, necessitating us being succinct in our written communications. Add in the popularity of texting and twitter and many come to believe that the best messages are those reduced to mere sound bites.

We hear so often that people's time and attention spans are in such short supply that we need to cut our communications to the chase, getting to the point as quickly as possible. I see this often when reviewing client's proposed speeches, where their talking points are more directed and their statements simply a sharing of final thoughts. In essence, people think that addressing the 'time and attention' issues are best given priority and they therefore focus on sharing their conclusions. The problem; shorter is not necessarily better.

What is lacking in people's messages today is a description of the journey. This is where the true meaning and learning in the messages is. What were the ups and downs, the trials, the tribulations? What did you experience that I can learn from? What were the hurdles you overcame that I can relate to? What were the fears you managed, the challenges you faced, the work-arounds you created?

By focusing on shortening the message to avoid 'losing' your audience you have lost the point. You have failed to engage me, connect with me or make me care. The journey is where your audience begins to understand why they should care, why what you have to share matters, why they should listen. People's attention spans may be short, which doesn't mean your messages need to be short but, rather, that they need to matter. Let people know why what you're sharing matters to them.

Instead of focusing on condensing your message into sound bites, focus on delivering your message in a more compelling way. Deliver it in a way that draws your audience in and makes them want to listen.  Beyond ensuring that you highlight what's in it for them, use techniques that capture the minds and hearts of your audience.

• Variability.  Vary your vocal speed, your volume and your inflection to draw your audience in. Switching things up keeps you from sounding monotone. If you sound boring the audience tends to think your content is also.
• Pauses.  Use pauses to help vary your speed but also to punctuate what you are saying. Pause before and after you make important points to ensure your audience is listening fully to the point and has a chance to store it appropriately, helping them to remember it. Use pauses to direct attention to you and what you are saying or to build some anticipation and suspense.
• Gestures. Research clearly shows that speakers who use gestures are viewed more favourably and their content is remembered better. If they like you they will listen and having the audience remember your content is typically the point of giving a speech in the first place.
• Eye Contact. Engage your audience by using your eye contact to connect with them and draw them in. Look at your audience to have them feel part of the conversation. 
• Stories. Use stories, analogies and examples that help make your content more relatable and memorable. Give the audience a mental image they can take away with them that moves them and creates meaning.

People may be being pulled in multiple directions, they may be overloaded and stressed out, but they are far more capable of listening then we give them credit for.  Your job as a speaker is not to shorten and dumb down your messages but to work at your delivery, making it more interesting. Funnily enough, the more interesting you are the more interested your audience will prove to be. 

Tip Thursday - Body Language

In order to engage someone in more productive conversation, especially on a topic that may be
difficult or challenging, consider where you are going to sit, relative to them.

Sitting directly across from them will feel confrontational, creating more of an 'us' versus 'them' dynamic. Instead, consider sitting on the side of the table that is kitty-corner to them.

This position diminishes the confrontational feel and makes the conversation feel more collaborative. Changing the environment can help change the mood, which may be all that is needed to open the dialogue.

Tip Thursday - Body Language

A study of TED Talks most popular and viral speakers reveals that they use an average of 465 hand gestures when they talk. Less popular speakers tend to use less than half as many.  The likability of the speakers was impacted by the amount and type of gestures used.

Do you use your hands when you speak?

Further research has found that gesturing helps speakers to think better and to therefore speak with greater clarity.  For listeners, gestures help to facilitate their understanding and retention of the information they are listening to. It was even found that the students of teachers who gestured while speaking fared significantly better than students of teachers with minimal gestures.

Review video recordings of yourself when speaking to determine how much you tend to gesture and whether you need to 'switch' things up a little.  (if you need someone to review your video with you let us know... that's what we do!)

Tip Thursday - Body Language

Our shoulders are often overlooked, but are far more expressive than we realize. 

When confident our shoulders are back and squared off, when depressed or even anxious we tend to drop our shoulder downward and even hunch them forward. We may raise them to indicate we don't know, roll them to flirt, shimmy them when dancing, raise one when hesitant, straighten them when showing respect. 

Although the face tends to get most of the focus when it comes to reading body language, don't overlook all of the messages that the shoulders are sending you. When people might be trying to mask what their face is revealing, the shoulders just might be leaking a message you want to hear.

Tip Thursday - Body Language

When looking to defuse overly emotional and confrontational situations, you can use your non-verbal communications to help subdue the other party. 

Rather than standing face to face, shift your positioning so that you stand shoulder to shoulder. 

Turning your feet away from them slightly will help you appear less intimidating and confrontational. Tilting your head will make you appear like you are listening, which will help them begin to do the same. Slowing down your vocal speed and dropping your volume will also help to de-escalate the situation. 

Tip Thursday - Body Language

A positive cue to watch for in your interactions with others are what are called `gravity defying` behaviours, where the body is unconsciously moved in a motion upwards... against gravity. 

For example, raising the toe upward while standing (while the heel remains on the floor) is generally a sign that the person is feeling positively disposed toward what is being said. This type of behaviour is rarely seen with clinically depressed individuals. 

When people are excited and interested you tend to see more gravity defying behaviours. Just another little cue to keep in mind when `selling` someone, whether a product or even on an idea!