Tip Thursday - The Brain Game

When it comes to the way that we tend to think, there are a number of biases and fallacies we
regularly fall into that have a highly influential effect upon our actions. One such bias is the Optimism Bias, which is a cognitive bias leading us to believe we are less at risk of experiencing a negative event than is someone else.

Smokes believe they are less at risk of cancer than are other smokers, drivers believe they are less likely to be in a car accident than others, traders believe they are less likely to lose money than their peers. The optimism bias influences many of the choices we make over the course of our lives, if not our days. However, overly positive assumptions can lead to miscalculations and poor choices like a failure to save for retirement, neglecting health issues or making a bad investment.

However, the optimism bias can also serve to motivate us and give us hope. As with all things, there is balance. Learning to recognise when our optimistic biases are leading us to make choices that don't serve us in the long term allows us to choose differently - ideally better. Conversely, there will be times when our optimistic tendencies will serve us well and should be allowed to instill us with the hope we need to persevere.

The challenge is in learning to differentiate the two.

Prime your State for Success

You wake up feeling tired and overwhelmed, dreading the day ahead.

You are in the midst of your day and are struggling with finding a solution to the latest problem to cross your desk.

You arrive home after a long and busy work day, looking forward to crashing on the couch, when your daughter reminds you of her school project you promised to help with.

Sound familiar?  We all face similar situations daily, times when we lack the energy and focus to fully and successfully handle what we must. It is far too easy to allow the overwhelm to over-take us, to allow our emotions to lead us to thoughts of  'I can't', 'It's too much', 'I`m not`.

Instead of being driven by our emotional state though, we need to learn to take control. We don`t need to be at the mercy of our states when we can readily shift our state to be what we need it to be in order to face the challenges in front of us.

Many of the world`s most successful people have a morning routine they follow in order to set their state for the day. They know that how they feel drives what they do and will therefore impact what they achieve that day. These short routines/rituals allow them to establish the mental and emotional mindset they need to accomplish what`s in front of them.

In Psychological terms the actions they take are called Priming. We know that our exposure to various words, images and concepts can have a major impact upon our behaviour. Often this occurs unconsciously.  It is the reason why so many advertisers pay for you to hear and see their messages. They are 'priming' you to buy their products. However, there is nothing preventing us from using this same principle deliberately upon ourselves in an effort to increase our success.

We know that energy is life.  It therefore follows that the quality of our energy will determine the quality of our life.  Starting our day by reinforcing how tired we feel, how tough the day is going to be, how much we are dreading it will only serve to prime our minds to find each task we undertake to be difficult and overwhelming.  Instead we need to start each day with positive energy.  

Many successful people find that engaging in a minute or two of activity (jumping jacks would work but so would a vigorous walk) is enough to get their body feeling awake, energized and ready to tackle the day. You don`t need a full workout routine to produce a change in your physiology, to prime yourself into a positive state.

Tony Robbins, world famous Performance Coach, is a strong advocate of the need to prime himself daily. He has an established 10 minute routine he follows, regardless of where he is in the world, to help him set his mental and emotional state for the day.  He does a cold water plunge, followed by a breathing exercise followed, in turn, with 3 minutes of focusing on 3 things he`s grateful for, 3 minutes focusing on the presence of God and 3 minutes focused on three things he`s going to make happen that day.  This 10 minute routine sets the pattern for his day.

"To me, if you want a primetime life, you've got to prime daily"  Tony Robbins

How do you start your day? Are you dragging yourself out of bed thinking about how much more sleep you need? Are you thinking about the meeting you wish you could avoid, the project you're behind on, the to-do list you can't seem to ever get to?

How's that working out for you so far?

Why not try something different? Why not get out of bed and do 50 jumping jacks (or so) to get your heart pumping and to feel some energy and then take 1 minute to think about what you're grateful for and then 1 minute to think of 3 things you are going to achieve that day.  Note I said 'going to' achieve, not things you 'want' to achieve.  Language here is everything, you are priming yourself to get things done.  

That's a 3 minute routine that no one is too busy to follow. Try it for a week and see how much better you're feeling and how much more you've achieved by only investing 3 minutes each day. A small social experiment that could pay big dividends to you. 

Tip Thursday - Happiness

Research shows us that Happiness is not a 'condition', it's a response. Therefore, it is not the situation you are in that is making you more or less happy but, rather, your response to it. 

Focusing on the shortcomings, the downfalls, the don't haves and am nots leaves you responding in a negative way. 

Your situation doesn't define you, your attitude in that situation does. Not everything in your life is miserable, but focusing solely on the one thing that may be can leave you feeling that way. Focusing on the positive and good things leaves you more energized for shifting out and away from those that aren't

Are You Flourishing?

Typically, the goal of Psychology has been to relieve human suffering.  However, the work of Dr. Martin Seligman has been changing the face of psychology by focusing on Prevention; on how people can learn the skill sets that prevent psychological suffering in the first place. Therefore, rather than trying to help you feel better after you feel bad, the goal is to develop the skills needed to feel good most, if not all, of the time.

The Shift:   from Relieving suffering.... to.... Preventing suffering

In his latest book 'Flourish', Seligman - the undisputed father of Positive Psychology - builds upon his earlier work on Authentic Happiness to teach us not only how to be happy, but how to truly Flourish and Thrive.

Positive Psychology is the study of Well-being, the systematic practice of kindness, gratitude, of counting your blessings, exploring your strengths, etc.  It teaches resilience and optimism, two key skills that are supposed to be better predictors of your achievement than is IQ.  According to Seligman, well-being can be learned and is a skill critical for us to go beyond 'okay' with our lives and learn to 'thrive'.

Well-being is comprised of 5 elements, following the Acronym PERMA...

P - Positive Emotions
E - Engagement
R - Relationships
M - Meaning (Purpose)
A - Achievement

We know from research that those who experience a stronger overall sense of well-being on a consistent basis also experience increases in; productivity, satisfaction, physical health, confidence, motivation, achievement, creativity...  Who wouldn't want more of this?  In order to help you to increase your level of well-being, your overall feelings of happiness, consider implementing some of the following suggestions...

Positive Emotions

Let's face it, we've all got problems.  We all face challenges, and we sometimes don't seem to have much going on to smile about.  However, Positive Emotions can serve to help us move up and out of the morass of negativity faster and easier.  If we focus on the past with feelings of pain and regret, or look upon the future with fear and trepidation then we are fostering negative emotions.  Instead, we need to shift our mental focus. When thinking of the past seek out memories that were positive for you, that make you smile even while thinking of them.  Learn to be thankful the negative times of the past are, in fact, past. The more that we strengthen our positivity 'muscles', the easier it is to feel the emotions naturally, more strongly and for longer periods of time.

Engagement

When we are disengaged we are listless, bored and distracted.  Engagement is 'secret sauce' to motivation, enabling us to focus, produce and achieve.  When we are engaged in an activity we enter a state of 'flow', what athletes refer to as being 'in the zone'.  We are absorbed in the activity, time seems to fly by and we experience a sense of accomplishment and achievement in the end.  Typically the more we are engage in work and activities that utilize our unique personal strengths and talents, the more engaged we will be.  Identify yours and seek out ways to utilize them more fully in your work and your life.

Relationships

We are, by nature, social creatures, wanting a sense of connection to others.  Establishing strong relationships with others helps us to develop our sense of well-being.  Knowing that we have others around us that we can depend upon, to help us to maintain balance in our lives.  Positive relationships involve a positive and equal exchange, whether it be of emotion, energy, support or time.  Any relationship though that is one-sided or that creates a negative energy or emotion diminishes our sense of well-being.  Seek out the relationships in your life and work that build you up, not tear you down.  Create a list of people that are in your life, whether personally or professionally, and determine whether their influence on you is predominantly positive or negative in nature and impact. The next step?  Spend more time with those whose influence is positive and less with those that are negative.

Meaning

We all want, and need, to feel part of something larger than just ourselves.  Feeling like we make a 'difference', even in some small way provides us with a sense of purpose to our actions and our lives.  Being part of something beyond ourselves provides us with a sense of community, giving us a feeling of belonging.  It is far easier to be engaged in our work if we believe that it is benefiting someone, somewhere, somehow, that our work counts in some small way toward that bigger picture. Often we get so caught up in just 'doing' that we lose sight of the larger impact of the work we do, the value it has to others around us.  Spend time reflecting on just how your role and actions, personally and professionally, contribute to the bigger picture or greater good.  Making these connections for yourself can go a long way to recognising the value and worth of the contributions you make each day.

Accomplishment

Working toward and achieving goals helps us to feel that we are moving forward with our lives. Establishing a sense of accomplishment builds our confidence in our ability to handle more in the future, which further strengthens our coping mechanisms.  If we fail to recognise just how much we have achieved and overcome in the past then we likely will fail to fully take advantage of all we are capable of achieving in the future.  Most of us get so caught up in the 'doing' of things though that we often fail to even give ourselves credit for everything we have done.  To help with this, it makes sense to maintain an ongoing log of your accomplishments and achievements.  Start out by listing everything you have achieved thus far in your life, but continue adding to it as you remember more and achieve more.  This listing will also serve as a motivator for you whenever you are feeling a little down or are lacking a little confidence.  This file with all of your achievements, awards, kudos and successes should serve to highlight for you not just how amazing you have been, but how many more amazing things you have yet to achieve.


Want to check out Dr. Seligman's book for yourself?  Use the following link to get going...

Making Your Luck

My eldest son is 'lucky'.  He has won more contests and free stuff over the years than anyone I know. Most are envious of his luck, typically lamenting how they just aren't that lucky, that fate somehow hasn't treated them the same.  However I know from first hand experience that he makes his luck.

He wins more contests because he enters more contests.  If there is a chance of winning anything, he drops his card into the slot, fills out a ballot, completes an entry.  Most people I know don't do that.  They determine that it isn't something they are interested in, not something they'd use, they don't want everyone to have their contact information... and they don't 'win' as often.  In essence, you can't expect to win 'it', if you're not in it!

This discrepancy though got me to wondering about whether this same attitude relating to contests and giveaways exists within the larger context of 'luck', especially when it relates to life opportunities. According to Dr. Stephann Makri, in looking into why some people seem 'luckier' than others, serendipity is more than just an accident.  Apparently 'lucky' people all recognise opportunities that present themselves and take action on them.  In his book The Luck Factor, author Richard Wiseman concurs that some people aren't necessarily luckier than others, they are just quicker to spot and take advantage of opportunities.

There is some research supporting the view that extroverts tend to be a little luckier than others, but this is simply because they tend to engage more people and more connections tends to correlate to having more opportunities.  It stands to reason then that luck can be cultivated, we can indeed create our own luck.

The following are some key tips to help you increase your Luck Factor...

Prepare yourself for Chance.  All of the studies indicate that those considered to be lucky tend to be much more open to new opportunities.  Exposing yourself to new opportunities and perspectives increases your chances at continuing to have more opportunities.  To practice your openness begin by looking at a situation that you have an established view and opinion on and then come up with 5 plausible alternative views.  Learning to broaden our perspectives helps prevent us from closing ourselves from new opportunities too quickly.

See Serendipity everywhere.  Serendipity is described as chance encounters that lead to happy outcomes. Don't just prepare yourself for chance, begin actively seeking it out.  Serendipitous events surround us, but we have to see them in order to act upon them.  You have probably experienced them a couple of times in your life, a chance encounter with someone that connected you to an unexpected opportunity.  However, as with anything, you see more of what you attune yourself to see.  You may feel that you saw no orange cars on your drive in to work but, primed to watch for them, you see five on your drive home.  Watching for serendipity helps to see and experience more of it in your life.

Take a Break.  Although conscientiousness has its benefits, it is no true friend to serendipity.  Being too rigidly focused on the tasks at hand creates a tunnel vision that limits your ability to give chance a... well... chance.  You have to allow yourself to be a little off track and loose in your thinking sometimes to be open to 'interruptions' to the process.  As we get older it may be more difficult for us to experience 'luck' in our lives because we often become more set in our thinking and our habits of behaving.  We need to relax and loosen up a little to give room for chance to step in.

Say Yes.  When we are first faced with new opportunities our first reaction is usually a combination of Intrigue and Anxiety.  Your path is determined by which one of these feelings you give in to.  Over time, we tend to develop our habitual responses and patterns of behaviour by selecting one response more than the others.  This is why some people's path is paved with more happy coincidences and opportunities, while someone else's path is riddled with regrets and roads not taken.  Managing your fears, developing your courage, increases your 'luck'.

Embrace Failure.  Not every opportunity turns out well or works out for us the way we would have liked. However, lucky people are resilient.  They don't view failure as a reason not to try again in future, they simply learn what they can and need from the failure so they can apply those learnings to the next opportunity.  Most successful business owners have had failed businesses first.  That's what taught them what it took to be successful.

Use the above tips to strengthen the 'luck' that you experience in your life.  We get more of what we work on and for in life.  Some may describe the result as 'luck', others may see it is a the by-product of work and focus.  Gary Player, a professional golfer once said...

"The harder I practice, the luckier I get"

Cultivate and build your luck by building your awareness and openness to it.  There is no reason to simply sit back and wait for opportunity to knock.  Why not open the door and invite it in?


To check out more on this subject, and to get even more ideas on boosting your luck, check out The Luck Factor for yourself...

STOP Wasting your Mental Resources

Let's face it, we all have only so much conscious thinking space and time available to us.  Stop wasting yours by engaging in unproductive thought processes like Worrying and Making Excuses.  The time you spend in these types of activities simply wastes your Mental Resources. And, to make matters worse, when you catch yourself engaged in a negative thought, such as worrying needlessly, do you let it continue?  If so, you are encouraging the brain to continue to think in these same ways in future.

Instead, you want to catch yourself engaging in these wasteful moments of thought, such as worrying needlessly, and STOP the behaviour.  Yes, tell your brain to STOP!  This is a Pattern Interrupt, which means you are deliberately interrupting a habitual pattern of behaviour.  By literally (and out loud if you're able) telling your brain to STOP, you interrupt its habitual pattern, making it more susceptible to suggestion. In that moment, tell the brain how you would prefer it to think and operate.

As your brain then modifies its thinking pattern and shifts itself to a more positive direction, don't forget to reward it for doing a good job!  Let it know that you appreciate the more positive path and direction and how much you will enjoy seeing more of the same in future.  I know this may sound vaguely silly, but our brains are us.  They like being rewarded for good and appropriate behaviour, just as we do.  Stopping the inappropriate behaviour and reinforcing the positive helps to establish a clear distinction between the two that is hard for the brain to ignore in future.

Use your Mental Resources and talents wisely by orienting them in a direction that serves you.  If you find it difficult to Stop worrying, then give the brain something to do instead.  Your brain loves solving problems so give it one to focus on, especially one that aligns with your goals.  Deliberately distract your brain from focusing on worrying elements and shift it into solving challenges that help move you into positive directions. We all have more brain power than we think, but we often squander what we have.  Stop wasting your mental resources by using them in unproductive ways and direct them to establishing more positive habits.

Time to Detox... your Mind!

We all have a negative thought or two from time to time, a moment in which we think we can't, that we're not good enough, that our job, our friends, our life... sucks!  Think for a moment though of how often you have those thoughts.  How often are you thinking negatively, of what you aren't, what you don't have, what you can't do?  If we are what we think, then these toxic thoughts are likely killing us.  In fact, Dr. Carolyn Leaf has often shared that 75 to 95% of illnesses we face are a direct result of our thoughts.  What we think about most affects us physically and emotionally.  Just as we may perhaps take measures to detox our body of harmful elements, maybe it's time to also consider the need to detox the mind!

"Watch your thoughts, for they become words.  Watch your words, for they become actions.  Watch your actions, for they become habits.  Watch your habits, for they become your character.  And watch your character for it becomes your destiny.  What we think we become"             Margaret Thatcher

The following list represents my Top 5 Toxic Tips... the five thoughts that you need to begin corralling and controlling now to Detox your Mind.

1.  Stop the Victim Mentality.  Thinking like a victim (that things happen 'To' you) puts you immediately at the control and mercy of others.  They seem to have control over what you feel and what you are experiencing.  Shape your world by shaping your experiences.  How you respond to events around you is always within your control.  Take back this power and use it to create experiences that serve you, not restrict you.

2.  Eliminate all of the could-haves, would-haves and should-haves from your vocabulary.  Each one of these highlights something we missed, that we lack, that we aren't.  Instead, focus on the choices you did make that led you to experience something positive, that helped you develop and grow a new skill, that provided you with an opportunity you would have missed otherwise.  The moment we make a choice we have something that we did not choose, just as we have something we did.  Focus instead on the choices you made and what you gained, rather than on what you missed out on as a result of the choice.  

3.  Learn to accept 'What Is'.  There are some things in life that are not within our control to change.  Death and Taxes are two!  Any time spent wishing or hoping they were different is a waste.  Accept these, build plans around them, move on, and focus on the elements that you can change to improve your outcome.  The words of the Serenity Prayer become your mantra for this Toxic Tip... "Grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, the courage to change the things I can, and wisdom to know the difference".

4.  Begin fertilizing on your side of the fence.  Stop thinking everyone else's grass is greener.  Time spent envying others is never positive. Instead, put that time into doing what it takes to create the yard and life you want.  You can have what others do if you are willing to invest the same time and effort.  If you are, get on with it.  If you aren't, stop whining about it.

5.  Stop Worrying about What Others Think.  Trying to make choices that satisfy everyone in your life is futile.  You can't possibly please 'em all, leaving you feeling badly about everything.  Instead, focus on making choices that serve you best.  Likely they will prove to also satisfy the majority.  Too much time is spent worrying about what others may think, only to find that they hadn't cared about the outcome of the decision in the first place.

"You wouldn't worry so much about what others think of you if you realized how seldom they do"                      Eleanor Roosevelt

Spending time in Detoxing your Mind is a positive investment in... you!  Eliminating the garbage that accompanies all of the negative thoughts opens your mind to new possibilities and ways of thinking. Definitely a winning strategy for more success and happiness in your life.  Surely a worthwhile investment to make.

Pack your Bags...

Whether your business works to an actual 'year' ending in December or not, we all tend to have an internal clock that does.  We can feel the current year ticking off the seconds toward its close, and can sense the New Year lurking around the corner, waiting to begin.

We anticipate the impending end of the year and often look to it for closure; an ending to all those things that did not go 'right' for us this year, an ending to moments that have come and gone, an ending to projects we worked on, activities we accomplished, relationships we moved away from.  Look to the ending of the year as closure on those parts of ourselves and our lives this year that deserve and even, perhaps, need an ending. Let them remain here in this year, without being dragged forward into the next.  This conscious sense of completion is often what we need to prevent us from carrying unwanted luggage with us into everything that is yet to be.  

Before focusing on what is yet to be though, we should always take time to consider what luggage we do want and choose to bring with us into the New Year.  We may have unfinished tasks to continue to work on, we have relationships that provide us with love and strength that move forward with us also, we have accomplishments that instill us with pride that should be packed and brought forward to everything else that we do.  Many people make the mistake of bringing the wrong set of luggage with them into the future.  Don't you be one of them. Pack all of the negativity of the past into the cases clearly marked and labelled as... 'Toss'.  Don't hoard these memories; clear out your mental cupboards for new experiences, emotions, beliefs, relationships and skills.  However, also recognise that there is a set of luggage, labelled 'Keep', that represent all of the positive elements in your Bring Forward pile; the relationships that support and build you, the memories of your 'Wins' and successes, the skills you have developed, the hopes for more and better in your life, the optimism and faith they will happen, the determination to ensure they do, the belief you are deserving.  

Start the New Year by bringing into it the the right baggage, leaving behind any of the baggage that would get in your way, that would prevent you from being and becoming all that is within you.  Pack your bags for the trip you want to take, leaving behind everything that would simply weigh you down.  Take the time now to Pack your Bags for the kind of trip you want the New Year to be, leaving behind all of those articles that don't and won't serve you.  

You get to craft the year you want to have.  Begin now by metaphorically packing for it.  Consider taking pen to paper and creating an actual list of what you want the New Year to look like, and then creating the corresponding shopping list of skills, memories and people that will support those goals.  This is your packing list.  Put them in your bags, pick 'em up and get ready to step into the New Year, armed with what is needed for you to succeed!  

That is my wish for all of you - a truly happy and successful New Year!

Building the Thankfulness Muscle

We seem to spend an inordinate amount of time thinking about what we don't have in our lives, with what's missing, with what ticked us off, with what's going wrong.  Why does it often prove so difficult to consider what we do have, what is right in our world, to think about what we are thankful and grateful for?  Like any skill in life, it turns out that being thankful takes... practice! As it happens, our thankfulness muscles may simply be a little underused and need a bit of a tune-up!

Let's face it, we probably would have little difficulty in creating a complaint list!  In fact, many of us might ask for a second piece of paper in doing so!  Would we find the creation of a gratitude list as easy? Likely not. We know from research that there are many benefits to becoming more proficient at being grateful:

• writing in a gratitude journal for 15 minutes each evening helps you to worry less at bedtime and sleep longer and better afterward
• increases overall sense of life satisfaction and happiness
• increases your sense of achievement and success
• tends to increase loving and kind gestures
• improves mental alertness
• staves off certain psychological disorders
• improves overall physical health and well-being

It seems that thankfulness has a lot to commend it.  Rather than spending time dissecting why we don't seem predisposed to 'do' it more (or beating ourselves up about it!)... let's just jump to the recognition that displaying a little more thankfulness and gratitude in our lives would be a good thing!  Like any muscle that has been left too long unused though, our Thankfulness muscles have likely atrophied over time.  We many need to strengthen them a little before truly seeing and experiencing the full benefit.

Consider taking two minutes at the end of each day to write down three things you are grateful for that day.  That's it... just three!  

This may prove a little more daunting at first than it sounds.  It is not unusual to struggle to come up with some things we are grateful for that rise above... I'm thankful for air conditioning or... I'm thankful that the drive-through got my order right!  That's okay... baby steps!  You wouldn't want to hop up off of a lifetime on the couch and run a marathon without some preparation either!  We're just developing your thankfulness muscles here.  Over time you will gradually see a shift in the quality, nature and, perhaps, even the volume of things you are grateful for each day.

As with anything, you tend to get what you focus on.  Setting a mindset to begin to recognise and identify things to be grateful for helps you to recognise them when they come along.  You'll likely find that there were plenty of things to be grateful for all along... you just weren't disposed to notice them. Like anything, seeing the good (instead of the bad) is largely a conditioned habit.  It just takes focus. With a little two minute mental exercise each day, you can strengthen your thankfulness muscle and start reaping the positive benefits, an insight that I am truly thankful for!

It is Personal!

I am tired of the phrase... 'It's not Personal, it's Business'.

I'm tired of its overuse, I'm tired of people brandishing it like a shield to preface every potentially 'bad' conversation and, in particular, I am tired of people using it as an excuse for poor, rude and insensitive behaviour.

Where's the love people?  Where are the conversations that get personal?  Where are the conversations that let others in our lives - even those we work with - know that they matter?   Where's the 'constructive' feedback?  You know... the feedback that we can actually do something with.  Not the comments that are simply mean, cruel and spiteful... but those pieces of information, offering insights, that are coupled with ideas and suggestions for improvement?  Hmmm...  apparently it takes more thought than to simply offer criticism.

Let's face it folks... we're all human beings.  We all have feelings.  (yep... even him!)  Let's start taking accountability for the words that we say, the information we choose to share and take ownership for their impact and results.

Want to take it a step further?  Join a movement.  I happened to come across this site on the internet - a site that is dedicated simply to bringing a little more joy, happiness and... well... gosh-darnit... love into people's lives.  It's a site dedicated to writing and sending anonymous love letters.  A great way to perk up some stranger's day.



As much as you can use the site to forward a letter for you... why not take the initiative to write and leave a letter somewhere, for someone?  If you leave the 'more love letters' site name, you can always check back to see if your letter gets posted/mentioned... see how your gesture impacted someone.

Come on...  let's band together on this one...  let's MAKE it personal!

Don't Worry... Be Happy!

I have clients that are worriers.  I have family that are worriers.  I have friends that are worriers.  I worry about them!

In all seriousness though, worrying is seemingly becoming a very pervasive emotion.  Now, perhaps it is more simply a reflection of my coaching profession, but there seems to be an upsurge in the number of worriers that I am encountering.  An impact of our economic times?  Perhaps.  But it does seem that more people are worried about their futures than ever before, in recent times.  However, the act of worrying itself does nothing to improve their state but, it can very well have a significant impact on making things worse.

Worrying is like sitting on a rocking horse, it gives you something to do but you don't get anywhere doing it.                   Tony Robbins

 Worrying itself is neither a proactive or effective emotion.  Certainly worrying about a problem or situation in no way improves or changes it.  However, the effects of worry are much more negatively insidious than may be immediately apparent.

1. A key implication of worry is that things will not turn out well. Let's face it, we don't worry about things turning out well, just that they might turn out poorly for us.  The focus of worrying is all negative.  I won't get that promotion... I might lose my job... What if I fail at my task?... I might get hurt...  These are all what-if scenarios that lead us to inaction, rather than risking the possibility that they may occur.
2. The energy of worry is a heavy burden for us to carry.  It has a physical impact on us and can prove very debilitating for us over the long term.  Just as we know that carrying an extra 100 pounds of excess weight will have a physical impact on our body, causing early wear and tear and strain on our muscles, organs and heart... so too with worry.
3. Worry is not just physically debilitating but mentally debilitating as well.  We create worry loops in our mind that play endlessly, preventing us from engaging in the very thoughts that would lead us to the solution we desire or the action we need to take.
4. Worry expands.  It ripples out beyond us.  Even as we worry about ourselves, we also worry about others in our lives that we care for.  Although this is done out of love and concern for them, we slowly begin to push that negative energy onto them, forcing them to also begin to carry the worry load.  The more they begin to assume and duplicate our burden, the more self-doubt begins to creep into their perspective, thus limiting their growth and potential. Not our intention, surely!

Worrying can be a healthy response to life when it is realistic in its frequency, strength and duration.  When it becomes extreme though, it becomes almost addictive.  We have all heard of adrenalin junkies, those extreme athletes perhaps that pursue the next big adventure that provides them with that adrenalin high.  The truth about worrying though is that it also causes a release of adrenalin into the body, which can prove just as addictive.  We now become worry-junkies, constantly finding something new, something more, to worry about, thus getting our adrenalin fix.  We might get the immediate reinforcement of that adrenalin, but our worry and fears will keep us from going after what it is we want from our life and leave us with nothing but our worries to show for it.

Instead, we need to take control of our thoughts and redirect them in more positive ways.  When we are worrying, we are thinking about the possibility of negative outcomes.  We fear the 'what ifs'.  This is all thinking about the future though.  We are projecting outward the possible negative outcomes of a particular action.  Instead, we need to become more fully present in and focused on the present.  The more we maintain our focus on today, the less we have to worry about.  Every time you find yourself thinking the 'what ifs' or 'yes buts', redirect your thoughts back to the problem at hand and the actions you can take now.

Worry, like fear, is all in the mind.  We are afraid of the possibilities that may potentially exist for us and it paralyzes our actions.  Instead, consider all possibilities.  Nature likes balance... why not you?  Every time you find yourself thinking of  a negative possibility, balance it with its positive counterpart.  Break the negative worry-loop by disrupting the pattern and inserting a potentially positive outcome.  Just beginning to recognise that there are outcomes that may prove helpful and beneficial can go a long way to reducing your anxiety.

Show yourself, and others, your support.  Say... 'I know I (you) will get through this - what can I do now to support it?'  This will prove more helpful to everyone than pointing out every potential pitfall.  And... in the end, adopting the attitude of Bobby McFarren (the title of this blog post) or a mantra from Disney's Lion King... Hakuna Matata...  couldn't hurt either!

 

No... we need to learn to say Yes!

Ít's amazing to consider that a small, two-letter word has such control over the way in which we view ourselves and the world, but the word 'NO' is a significant contributor to our failure to achieve as much in our lives as we are capable of and desire.  Research shows us that the average child has heard the word 'no' over 40,000 times by the time they reach the age of 5.  Now... multiply this by the number of times that a child would likely have said no to themselves, whether consciously or unconsciously, and we are looking at one of the strongest and most heavily reinforced messages...period.

I recognise that we use the word no with children in an effort to protect them.  'No, don't touch that, it's hot' is not designed to undermine their self-esteem but rather, to prevent them from a potentially nasty burn.  It's a direction given out of love and caring.  However, those no's add up creating, very early in our lives, an over-developed 'protective's ubconscious self.

No... don't take that job, you might fail
No... don't do that, people might laugh
No... don't try that, you might get hurt

95% of our waking hours are spent on autopilot - allowing our subconscious mind to direct us.  Our autopilot does serve a useful purpose for us, preventing us from having to consciously think about everything that we are doing.  We don't have to think about breathing, our subconscious mind takes care of ensuring that we continue to do so.  We don't have to think about 'how' to make our muscles work together to allow us to run, we just decide to run and our subconscious takes care of the rest.  Our subconscious mind then is constantly working and is never at rest.

There are elements of the programming our autopilot has received though, that do not work for us as effectively as others.  Certainly, the impact of all of those No's adds up and has our subconscious mind making choices for us that prove limiting in the long-run, often preventing us from achieving and doing everything that we might.  Instead, we need to reprogram some of our autopilot's scripts, shift our patterns of thinking, to open up new choices and paths.

To start that reprogramming process... refuse to say 'No' for an entire day.  This does not mean that you need to agree to everything anyone else suggests, but it does mean you must find an alternative to 'No'.  For example...

• ... I would prefer something else... instead of No, I don't want it
• ... Please do 'X' ... instead of No, that's wrong
• ... 'X' is more preferable... instead of No, I don't like that
• ... I am unable to... instead of No, not gonna

Keep a list of how many times you slip up over the day (if indeed you do!).  A simple little checkmark on a piece of paper will do, using one side of the page to record the number of  'No's' used and the other side to record each 'Yes'.  You might be surprised by the final number of each, especially since you were trying to avoid saying No.  The one-day experiment goes well?  Try it for a week, then try it for a month!

Think you can?  (hope you said... YES!)