Challenging Beliefs to Unlock Creativity

As a Manager it can prove challenging to get your team to think of new approaches and ways of operating. So much of the regular day-to-day grind seems to drill in the 'this is the way we do things here' type of thinking that asking for out of the box thinking can prove daunting.

We've heard that change isn't easy. Rarely do we explore why. Primarily, change requires shifting our mindsets which proves problematical because they are largely held unconsciously. To change we must modify approaches based on beliefs that we hold as truths, which is responsible for creating the rigidity of our thinking. We hold truths as absolutes, meaning they are largely unquestioned. We hold truths and beliefs about...

• how work gets done
• how people should think
• how people should interact with one another
• science, technology, human nature, business, religion...

Everything we say and do is built upon our beliefs, our expectations of what works, why and how it works and beliefs concerning the application of that information we hold to be true. But, what if we challenged one or two of those beliefs? What if one or two of the beliefs we hold were... wrong?

The impact of shifting only one or two beliefs would be huge. Other beliefs, that are based on or dependent upon that first belief being true, would also be called into question. Challenging only one belief would open up avenues and opportunities of change. Shifting only one belief could lead the way to creating new approaches and ways of thinking. Certainly questioning even one belief would challenge the rigidity of our current thinking.

Often it is our existing beliefs that are standing in the way of change. We need to challenge those beliefs to open a new door of opportunity.

To begin the mental shift necessary to unlock your creativity you need to start by acknowledging that a different outcome or reality is possible. This acceptance allows the potential for a shift in thinking to occur.  Without it your mind remains closed to a different way of thinking. Allowing for just the possibility that 'different' or 'other' might exist is a critical first step.

Interestingly, even the process of thinking about how your thinking and belief structures are built begins to shifting your thinking. Opening yourself to accepting that some of your beliefs may not be absolute creates the possibility for new opportunities to take root.

If you want your people to become better at recognising opportunities, to being more creative in problem-solving, in finding different solutions, you need to begin by getting them to challenge some of their current thinking beforehand. Start by getting them to think about the structure and routines in their day that might be contributing to cementing their belief systems and stifling their creativity. Open their thinking by getting them to switch up their routines.

• take a different route to work
• sit in a different seat at team meetings
• reorganize their office layout
• do something different at lunch
• eat a new food for dinner instead of 'it's Wednesday so we have spaghetti'

Switching even small elements of your daily routine gets your brain shifting out of auto pilot and becoming more aware. After all, you can't take advantage of opportunities you don't see. Once your team's brains are primed to begin seeing possibilities and potential get the them to begin asking the critical question... What if this wasn't true?

This is the question that opens up those new doors by challenging assumptions, beliefs and truths. By questioning one belief, by asking what the impact is of it not being true, you create a domino effect of possibilities. Though all may not play out, you are likely to find some that are worth pursuing, that create the very possibility you needed.

To unlock the creative talents of both you and your team, begin by getting your collective brains off of autopilot by challenging some of your beliefs. Shifting just one belief or 'truth' may be all it takes to unlock a host of new approaches and possibilities. True change doesn't happen one person at a think but, rather, one thought at a time.

The Cost of Avoiding Change

There is no shortage of articles that will extol the benefits of change such as; increased personal
growth, progress and opportunities. Regardless of the benefits that could be listed though, there are those that opt not to adopt change. Generally, the avoidance of change occurs because the perceived benefits do not outweigh the perceived costs.

However, when taking a look at the cost/benefit ratio, it is important that all true costs be identified. Typically, the assumption is that the cost of 'not' changing is the loss of the perceived potential benefits of the change.  However, the impact of not embracing change is far greater and more insidious.

Although we may be choosing not to embrace changes, preferring to maintain the status quo, it turns out that we may not be factoring in the true costs to us of avoiding the change. Research has shown that the following factors also impact us whenever we avoid change...

• Reduced adaptability.  The more often we avoid change, the less adaptable and flexible we become, which makes us ill-prepared to face new situations in the future.  Think of your ability to deal with and manage change as a muscle.  The more you use it, the stronger it gets. However, the reverse is also true.  The less you use it the weaker the muscle gets which means that you are not likely to have the strength needed to see a future situation through when it is not possible to avoid it.  Continuously avoiding change leaves you with few coping strategies for facing future events.
• Stagnation.  We may be comfortable with our current situation, but that doesn't mean we don't want more or better for ourselves.  However, our failure to embrace change will result in reduced skills, talents and abilities. We can't possibly be capable of fulfilling 'more' in the future if we are unwilling to push ourselves to take on more today.  Our skills become obsolete, significantly limiting future opportunities, until we become redundant and unnecessary. Instead, we need to continuously be upgrading our skills and knowledge, to remain current and viable. 
• Fewer Future Opportunities.  The less we say 'yes' to opportunities today, the less likely we are to say yes to them tomorrow.  Additionally, the less we say yes today, the less others call upon us with opportunities in the future because we have trained them to look elsewhere. If you are not open to exploring new opportunities and challenges today, then don't be surprised that future opportunities pass you by.
• Increased Stress.  Although people will often avoid change because they feel that it is too stressful on them to embrace it, long-term studies find the reverse to be true.  Failing to embrace change leaves you with limited opportunities, reduced income, and more repetitive work which will lead to increased stressors over the longer term. 
• Reduced Self Esteem.  One of the greatest factors in building and renewing our self-esteem is our sense of achievement.  As we push ourselves to take on and try new things we build our confidence and belief in ourselves. By avoiding taking on new tasks we fail to stretch ourselves and provide new examples of our capabilities and talents. Our seeming 'lack of success' then leads us to view ourselves as less successful and less capable which reduces our confidence, completing this downward spiral in our self-belief.  Our self-esteem is built through our successes, however small, which requires us to challenge ourselves with something new periodically.

"I used to say, 'I sure hope things will change.' Then I learned that the only way things are going to change for me is when I change."    Jim Rohn

Change is never easy and not all change is desirable.  There may very well be changes that it is in your best interest to say no to.  However, there are many changes that would prove beneficial to you in the longer term, that would help you grow, build your confidence and open up new opportunities for you.  Understanding the true cost of saying 'no' to these moments will perhaps help you to overcome your hesitation and make the 'yeses' easier to say!

Tip Thursday - Habits

We often have the best of intentions for creating new, positive behaviours but struggle to maintain them. One of the best ways to ensure that your new, desired behaviours get locked into habit is to set up defined 'Triggers' that help you to action that behaviour at specific times. These triggers serve as reminders that help you to activate the behaviour. Maybe you want to remember to check your schedule each morning before leaving for the office so you don't overlook meetings by being pulled off track by someone else's crisis the moment you step in the door - trigger your reminder to check by leaving your scheduler by the coffeemaker. When you go to grab your morning coffee... check the schedule. Want to learn to breathe more deeply each day? Set up some electronic reminders on your phone. When you hear the ping it's your signal to take 3-5 breaths from the diaphragm. Your triggers are most effective when they are attached to a habit that you already 'do' consistently (like having a coffee in the morning). Since this is a behaviour that is already habit your new behaviour becomes linked and anchored to this existing behaviour, helping to shift it into habit... faster!

Tip Thursday - Change

Typically we introduce change into our lives one small little step or nugget at a time. Incremental change can result in huge gains over time. However, there are times in which we experience an overnight and seemingly radical change in behaviour, often generated by the Lightning Bolt of insight. This occurs when one single idea seems to click and take root, changing the habits of a lifetime. Instead of incremental change we experience radical change. It is next to impossible to create the lightning bolt, but it carries a powerful message for us.  For it to be a harbinger of change we have to be open to the messages the lightning bolt brings with it, rather than resistant. Your lightening bolt can come disguised as a book, an illness or disease, a sudden change in a job, a relationship beginning or ending, a death, a birth... Instantaneous and life-altering potential.

Doing versus Changing

Take a look at your day to day actions and ask yourself... how much of the time I spend working each day is focused on getting things done and how much is involved in actions that are changing how things get done?  The answer may surprise you.

Many of us spend the majority of our days getting things done.  And many of us get a lot done.  There is a significant volume of work that finds its way onto our desk that we actively work at answering, resolving, processing, reporting, delegating, fulfilling and getting 'done'.  Enough so that we are stymied when we don't get the promotion.  You know... 'the' promotion.  The one that we thought all of the work we had been devoting extra hours to had set us up for.

Although we may question the 'why' of being passed by, the answer probably rests in the question I posed in the beginning of this article...  Are you doing things, or are you changing them?

Getting things done is a great way to prove your value to the organization.  If you are surrounded by those that are not as committed to contributing their efforts to achieving results, then it is a great way of trying to ensure your employability, as much as is possible in these times of rightsizing at will. However much getting caught up in the 'doing' of a role may contribute to guaranteeing your continued employment, it is in no way a guarantee of advancement.

At some level there is a definitive shift in the perceived value of an employee from simply being able to push through a volume of work to a focus on the transformative nature of that work.  Leaders are required to think beyond the box.  They are not simply maintaining the status quo, but are finding ways to improve it, to increase efficiencies, to decrease waste, to increase productivity, to create a competitive advantage, to identify new opportunities, to build growth.  In short, a leader needs to introduce change.
This requires leaders to feel comfortable with change.  They must be able to identify what changes are needed and assess the value of various options.  They must be able to communicate the change and rally support behind the vision. They establish systems and processes that allow that change to become integrated into the operations of the organization.  And, most importantly, they need to do it again, and again.

The mistake that many make, in building their careers and attempting to increase their promotional 'attractiveness' to the senior decision-makers, is to focus on volume and not on change.  However, asking a potential leader what they changed in their current role is a key question toward uncovering what type of leadership you could expect from them.  If you promote based on volume completed, don't be surprised if you create a leadership team that focuses their efforts on maintaining the status quo,

If you aspire to assume greater Leadership roles then you need to start focusing on ensuring that all of the 'doing' in your day is creating and driving some positive change for the organization.  This is where the true value in effort lies and are the stories that support your bid for advancement.  Engage in the activities now that allow you to have great examples and stories to share when you are asked in your next interview... "What were you responsible for changing?"

It's Time to Take Notice!

Changes occur, whether in science, in corporations, in life, in ourselves because someone has taken notice of

something and determined to do something about it.  Think about it…

• ·         Scientists are studying and trying to understand the root causes of diseases and are therefore uncovering new ways of treating them
• ·         Technological advances have been made in great leaps because people continued to focus on and experiment with new ideas

The important question then becomes - What are you focusing on?

We have the ability to change virtually anything about ourselves and our lives, but we need to understand what we want to change, why we want to change it and how we plan to go about it.  Many people identify something they would like to have or do, with little thought given to why they aren't currently doing it.  This simple introspective step is the critical key to being successful in changing and maintaining new behaviours.  

Many of us spend our time accumulating knowledge but little time in developing our self awareness.  This lack of understanding of we are and why we choose what we do is often the biggest barrier to our getting what we want  from our lives.  It is our lack of self awareness that prevents us from developing ourselves as fully as we can, or as much as we probably should. 

“We are already the most over-informed, under-reflective people in the history of civilization” Robert Kegan, Lisa Lahey (Harvard-based Psychologists)

True development involves making changes.  It is about transforming the way we think, react and behave. It is our lack of understanding and awareness of how we currently think and behave that is our biggest hurdle to overcome. Most of us work long hours. We are constantly juggling priorities and we rarely feel that we have enough time to devote to what is most important to us. Sadly, many of us are too caught up in simply ‘keeping up’ that we have lost sight of what is truly important to us in our lives. This state of 'busyness' has led us to being less introspective and less self aware.  However, limitations always begin with a lack of awareness.  You don’t (and can't) change what you don’t know needs changing.

• What is the impact on you and on others in your life of the choices you have made?
• What would be the impact in your life of making a different choice?

These are questions we need to explore to accept that we are who and where we are in life because of the choices that we have made.  Our discomfort, dissatisfaction and dissonance is of our own making.  If we want different, we need to choose differently.

We are skilled at self deception however, which allows us to avoid discomfort, to be accepting of  (if not feel good about) what we are doing, what we believe, what we have become.  We therefore avoid taking a more introspective look because we are afraid of what we’ll see.  Learning to pay more attention to our feelings, as we are feeling them and before we start deluding ourselves about how we truly feel, allows us to make more reflective choices about how we want to live our lives. to reflect further on what was really happening when you made that decision.  

If you find yourself feeling as though you need to justify the choices you've made, especially to yourself, you likely are in self-delusion mode.  Instead, use this as a signal to reflect further on what was really taking place when you made that decision, how you really felt about it, what you might have preferred and why you opted out of choosing it.  

To heighten your awareness and to become better at Taking Notice of potential positive areas of change, consider maintaining an Awareness Journal.  Establish a couple of set times each day to use as checkpoints to determine – and record – how you are feeling in that moment. Record what you are doing and how you are truly feeling about the activity. Learning to observe our emotions helps us to learn to become more intentional in our actions.

Fully 95% of our behavior is a habit, whether through our unconscious or in direct response to external stimuli.  We are run far more by our primitive reactionary brains that we like to believe. It is through mindfully and deliberately exploring how we truly feel about the situations we are engaged in, and what our desired outcomes and preferences are, that we can gain more conscious control over our actions, driving our outcomes.  

We will not achieve anything that we are not intentionally focusing on in life.  If we want to lose weight we must focus on making choices and taking actions that will lead us to that end.  If we want to get fit, stop smoking, get a promotion, learn a new skill, or take up a new hobby we need to become more mindful about how we truly feel about the desired outcome, how we feel about the individual choices and actions that will take us there. Are you willing to do what it will take to achieve your desired outcome?

We get what we notice and pay attention to.  What are you focusing on?

Leadership Tool Essential - Let's

To get anywhere in life, you need to challenge yourself.

• to be 'better' at a sport by running faster, jumping higher
• to speak in a way that is compelling and memorable
• to write a play or music that makes someone feel

First we must learn to challenge ourselves, to push ourselves beyond our existing capabilities.  Even incremental changes shift and change us, creating growth.  

Why not challenge others to do the same?  

As Leaders you are called upon all of the time to introduce change to the organization, which is typically met with resistance.  Many try to drive change by outlining a vision, pointing a finger at it and saying... Now go for it.  Make it happen.   This will prove effective only for those that 'get' the vision, that found it compelling. You may feel that these are your self starters, but they are likely those for whom the vision clearly supports their Personal Why.

Others may go a step further by defining a change and handing over a complete step-by-step plan for achieving it, along with the admonition to 'Do it'.  For some this also works.  The goal alone was insufficient, they needed the path.

Each of these techniques is effective some of the time, with some of the people.  Outlining the Vision + Path may capture more people than the vision alone, but you have still not managed to include everyone.  You are still leaving some behind, standing at the entrance to the path.

To truly lead a change, to ensure that all are compelled and willing to follow, you need to add one final step. Start by giving them the vision and goal.  They need a target.  Make it as compelling as you can.  Then, outline the key steps to moving forward.  There are always multiple paths to follow, some of which are significantly better than others.  Ideally, you want your people to walk the same path.  Give it to them or create it together, just make sure it's clearly marked.

To draw in those that are hesitant to step onto the path you've created though, you need to stand beside them, point to the path and say... Let's.

Let's begin

Let's walk the path together

Let's make it happen, you and I

Let's.  So simple yet so inspiring.  Contained within that simple word is the strength and power of the team.  No longer are people left to navigate the path alone, they are now part of a group making things happen, together. 

Their individual insecurities, vulnerabilities and fears can be supported through the strengths and actions of others.   They can take turns being weak and being strong, in having questions and in having the answers, in leading and in following.

Let's - sets us on the path together.

You want to create change?

You want to inspire others to follow?

Then stop directing individuals with the directive 'You Change'.  Make a true difference by gathering people close and saying 'Let's Change'.  

 

Time to Detox... your Mind!

We all have a negative thought or two from time to time, a moment in which we think we can't, that we're not good enough, that our job, our friends, our life... sucks!  Think for a moment though of how often you have those thoughts.  How often are you thinking negatively, of what you aren't, what you don't have, what you can't do?  If we are what we think, then these toxic thoughts are likely killing us.  In fact, Dr. Carolyn Leaf has often shared that 75 to 95% of illnesses we face are a direct result of our thoughts.  What we think about most affects us physically and emotionally.  Just as we may perhaps take measures to detox our body of harmful elements, maybe it's time to also consider the need to detox the mind!

"Watch your thoughts, for they become words.  Watch your words, for they become actions.  Watch your actions, for they become habits.  Watch your habits, for they become your character.  And watch your character for it becomes your destiny.  What we think we become"             Margaret Thatcher

The following list represents my Top 5 Toxic Tips... the five thoughts that you need to begin corralling and controlling now to Detox your Mind.

1.  Stop the Victim Mentality.  Thinking like a victim (that things happen 'To' you) puts you immediately at the control and mercy of others.  They seem to have control over what you feel and what you are experiencing.  Shape your world by shaping your experiences.  How you respond to events around you is always within your control.  Take back this power and use it to create experiences that serve you, not restrict you.

2.  Eliminate all of the could-haves, would-haves and should-haves from your vocabulary.  Each one of these highlights something we missed, that we lack, that we aren't.  Instead, focus on the choices you did make that led you to experience something positive, that helped you develop and grow a new skill, that provided you with an opportunity you would have missed otherwise.  The moment we make a choice we have something that we did not choose, just as we have something we did.  Focus instead on the choices you made and what you gained, rather than on what you missed out on as a result of the choice.  

3.  Learn to accept 'What Is'.  There are some things in life that are not within our control to change.  Death and Taxes are two!  Any time spent wishing or hoping they were different is a waste.  Accept these, build plans around them, move on, and focus on the elements that you can change to improve your outcome.  The words of the Serenity Prayer become your mantra for this Toxic Tip... "Grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, the courage to change the things I can, and wisdom to know the difference".

4.  Begin fertilizing on your side of the fence.  Stop thinking everyone else's grass is greener.  Time spent envying others is never positive. Instead, put that time into doing what it takes to create the yard and life you want.  You can have what others do if you are willing to invest the same time and effort.  If you are, get on with it.  If you aren't, stop whining about it.

5.  Stop Worrying about What Others Think.  Trying to make choices that satisfy everyone in your life is futile.  You can't possibly please 'em all, leaving you feeling badly about everything.  Instead, focus on making choices that serve you best.  Likely they will prove to also satisfy the majority.  Too much time is spent worrying about what others may think, only to find that they hadn't cared about the outcome of the decision in the first place.

"You wouldn't worry so much about what others think of you if you realized how seldom they do"                      Eleanor Roosevelt

Spending time in Detoxing your Mind is a positive investment in... you!  Eliminating the garbage that accompanies all of the negative thoughts opens your mind to new possibilities and ways of thinking. Definitely a winning strategy for more success and happiness in your life.  Surely a worthwhile investment to make.

Building Habits - One Step at a Time

If you're like most people, you've likely got some bad habits kicking around that you would like to change,
or perhaps have some 'good' habits you'd like to adopt.  Possibly you have even tried stopping a bad habit in the past (or starting a new good one), only to abandon the attempt as it proved too difficult for you to achieve or stick with.  For some people, the all-or-nothing approach works.  They define the 'new' habit or system they want to adopt, replace the old ineffective one with it, and... keep doing it until it is comfortably ensconced as the new habit.  They make it seem easy.

For many of us though, it's much more of a struggle.  We want to lose weight, exercise more, stop smoking, meditate, read more, get up earlier... we have endless lists of things we'd like to do that prove almost impossible for us to make happen.  We then get demoralized by our attempts and settle in trying to 'live with' the fact that we just aren't cut out to be thinner, healthier, smoke-free...

In these cases, we need to try a different route to our end goal, not to abandon it as unobtainable.  We need to take a more counter-intuitive route.  Consider the following.  When IBM had the most dominant sales force of any organization, they did so by assigning their team the lowest sales quotas of any of their competitors.  The thinking was to give their sales force quotas that weren't daunting.  They wanted their people to feel that the goal was obtainable, not to be too intimidated to even begin.  They found that not only did their sales people pick up the phone and start calling, they worked to exceed the assigned quota.

The idea then is to start small.  Give yourself a target that is so easily achievable that you can't help but to exceed it, creating an instantaneous win.  By the time you have reached that point you have likely created enough momentum that you continue a number of steps beyond your target.  Reaching a goal is always motivational.  Exceeding your targets... more so.  It becomes self-perpetuating.

If you want to... start flossing your teeth every day, start out by planning to floss only one tooth.  Odds are... once you've flossed one, you can't help flossing them all while you're at it.  Finding the time in your morning routine to floss your teeth every day can seem like too much time that you don't have.  Flossing one tooth?  Much easier to fit into your schedule.

If you want to... begin running 3 kilometres every day, start out by planning to just run around the block.  Odds are... you'll begin to find that once you're dressed and out there, you'll run further.  Perhaps not every day to start but you'll hit days where the sun is shining, your stride feels smooth... and away you go.

If you want to... write a book, start out by planning to write 2 crummy pages a day.  Not good pages, crummy pages.  Who couldn't write two bad pages?  Odds are... once you sit down to write you'll find you hit a groove and write more, and better.

In each example, we have set a low enough target that it is not intimidating.  Often, the biggest hurdle for people to face is simply in starting.  Make the target low enough that beginning isn't an issue, that you are excited to start because you think... 'I can do that!'  Once we start the second biggest hurdle kicks in which is sticking with it.  When the goal is set too high we can easily become discouraged or demoralized.  It becomes easy to abandon our attempts, believing we'll never make it, that we aren't cut out to do it.  We quit before the new habits have a chance to take hold.  If we get our wins early in the game though, if we build it in such a way that we exceed our expectations consistently, then we have built in the positive reinforcement of our efforts.  We continue.

When we're looking to change our habits what is important is not how fast we make it happen, but that we make it happen.  If the all-in approach works for you... great!  If not, try the approach described above.  Both paths get you to the same end destination.  Which route you take to get there will only be questioned by those who want to replicate your success.

Creating Your 'New' Normal

Change is tough.  We know how difficult it is to change our habits... eat less sugar, exercise more, get up earlier... whatever our particular need.  However, perhaps we're making it harder than it need be.

Most changes that we try to introduce into our lives tend to be made in an 'all or nothing' framework.  We want to exercise more so we join a gym and plan on going 3 times a week.  We want to eat less sugar so we cut out all sugar from our diets.  We want to eliminate caffeine so we stop drinking coffee.  Period.

These typically prove to be big challenges for us.  Perhaps too big.  We feel the loss.  We struggle and... we typically quit.  It proves too big and painful a shift for us to make and we therefore revert to our old ways, our comfortable habit patterns.  Perhaps though, it is not the goal that is wrong but the path we've chosen to get us there.

Think of your existing habit pattern as your current 'Normal'.  Think of this like a point you've set on a thermostat.  If you decided you wanted to reduce energy use in your house by dropping the preset temperature by 5 degrees, from the 73F you are comfortable with to a desired 68F... you would walk around wearing sweaters or toting a blanket complaining about the cold.  Instead, reduce it by 1 degree.  Try it for a week.  It will likely prove to be a minor adjustment that you acclimatize to fairly quickly.  In week two, drop it another degree.  Your ultimate goal is to get it down to 68 degrees.  Don't make it all about having to get there all at once.

Leo Babuta, of 'Zen Habits' fame (see below for a link to his book if you haven't read this yet!) speaks about the need to create a 'New' Normal for ourselves.  When he decided to eliminate sugar from his coffee (and he took a lot of sugar!) he didn't do it all at once.  Instead, he reduced his sugar by half a teaspoon for the first week.  At first it didn't taste as good to him, but then it started to taste 'normal'.  At that point, he then reduced it by another half teaspoon.  He continued this pattern until, ultimately, he learned to love his coffee with no sugar.

Don't make change harder than it needs to be.  Introduce incremental changes that move you closer toward your ultimate goal.  If your current normal is to sleep in until the last possible second before you race off to work, but you would like to have more time in the mornings, whether to have a more relaxed start to your day, to fit in a little exercise or meditation, or to just read quietly for half an hour before heading off to work...  start small.  Instead of waking up an hour earlier, start with 10 minutes.  Make that your new set point, your new normal.  When those 10 minutes are comfortable for you, they feel natural and normal... reset your clock adding in another 10 minutes.  Eventually... you will have your hour and, perhaps more importantly, you will have your hour without feeling the loss or sacrifice of sleep had you tried for the full hour all at once.

Creating a New Normal for yourself is perhaps the easiest way to create a new habit.  Who said that breaking habits or introducing new desirable habits had to be a struggle?

Our minds tend to adjust over time.  That's my change process - I gradually adjust what's normal to me      ... Leo Babuta

       

House Wanted!

We're moving.  Soon.  The problem is... I haven't yet found a new house to move into.  Okay, so there have been some hiccups along the way preventing me from taking action on this sooner (aren't there always?), but now that I have started looking it is interesting to see the life lessons that I am getting.

To start with, we are downsizing.  We don't need a large house anymore (kids are 'mostly' gone!) and, quite honestly, I would rather travel the world with my money than sit in something my money pays for.  I don't consider myself particularly materialistic, so I figured that the downsizing 'thing' would be a snap.  However, it is amazing how much 'stuff' you accumulate over the years that becomes labelled 'necessary' to and for the way you live.  Sheer number of books alone requires more shelving than I will ultimately have.

I started the house-search with few requirements.  I, mistakenly, believed that I would be an 'easy' client to please.  Once out looking though, it quickly became apparent that instead of my adapting to fit the house, I am going to require adaptations be made to the house, to fit the way I live.

For instance, I do not and will not require both an eat-in kitchen and a dining room.  One or the other will need to go to give me more usable space.  Kitchens are make or break areas for me.  If it doesn't at least have the potential to be a kitchen that is functional for me... I'm done.  Don't even show me the rest of the house because I won't get past it.

What I am discovering is that in order for any new house I purchase to become my 'home', I will need to make some changes to the house that allow it to work to fit the way I live. I am unwilling to modify the way I live to fit the house.

This is a lesson hard-won over my lifetime;  having often found myself over the years compromising my choices on behalf of others.  Typically, these 'compromises' made the other party far happier than they ever made me.  Perhaps I'm unwilling to compromise my wants in purchasing a house because I have money on the line, but it's sad to recognise that all of my compromises in the past also came with a price.  One which I'm not sure that I was clear on having paid.

My lesson through all of this?  Ensure that you are clear about exactly what you are getting from your exchanges with others AND what the cost to you is.  Don't ever say yes unless it is a price you are willing to pay.  I know that I have been guilty of over-paying in the past.  If this experience has taught me anything it has highlighted for me an unwillingness to continue to pay for something that I am not getting an equitable return from.  Certainly not in business and not in my personal life anymore either.

Will I find the perfect house?  No.  But really, I'm not looking for perfection.  I simply want a house that has the potential to become my home.  As long as it has the ability to change to fit my lifestyle I'm willing to sign.

'Reasoning' our way to Mediocrity

A great opportunity comes our way BUT we don't have the time available to take advantage of it... ... the money... OR... the expertise... OR... we're lacking the support from home we feel we'd need... OR... we'd have to move... OR... the dog's been sick and needs us... OR...
OR...

You get the picture.  There are never a shortage of Reasons for not doing something.  Few of us lack reasons for not taking on a new challenge, often because it seems scary or intimidating to us.  Perhaps we're afraid of trying something new because we don't want to fail.

Regardless of the reasons our conditioned mind created for us, the source typically stems from an underlying fear.

• Fear of failure
• Fear of change
• Fear of loss
• Fear of alienation
• Fear of risk...

The fear creates Reasons as to why we should not consider or attempt something new.  Our reasons will sound realistic.  Our reasons sound true.  Our reasons sound logical.  They serve one main purpose though.... they keep us in our comfort zone, and staying in that zone prevents us from learning, growing and expanding.

And... if we are not learning and growing, we become firmly entrenched in mediocrity.  We will be 'okay' but we will not be living an 'amazing' life.  If you are 100 years old, looking back on your life, how would you prefer to be describing the life you've lived?  Okay... or Amazing?

People who are unable to motivate themselves must be content with mediocrity, no matter how impressive their other talents".   Andrew Carnegie

If you find yourself always giving in, without question, to all of the Reasons for not doing or attempting something new, you are choosing the status quo.  You are choosing to remain firmly within your comfort zone.  Reasons don't get you there, only action will.  Therefore, you can have Reasons for not choosing action OR you can have the Results gained by having pushed through your discomfort and taking action.

Sometimes our reasons are justified, but all too often they are simply a knee-jerk reaction of our brain to the thought of change.  If you don't start challenging all of the reasons your brain gives you for not doing something, then you are going to find yourself stuck in the rut of mediocrity.

When next you find yourself confronted by a list of reasons for not taking action, tell yourself...

I can have Reasons, or I can have Results

And then... ask yourself...

What Results are these Reasons keeping me from achieving?

If you are unwilling to let that result go, then you need to see those reasons for what they are - Excuses - and push on through.  Few people looking back on their life are satisfied with all of the reasons for not living the life they desire.  Instead, we are satisfied and gratified to look back and see that our heart's desire was fulfilled.

What do you want to look back and see?

Personality vs. Character

Although often used synonymously, these terms represent two very distinct attributes of being. Personality is generally believed to remain fairly constant over time, and is inclusive of traits such as extroversion, competitiveness, organization, assertiveness and the like.  Though these characteristics may feel as though they mellow over time (our years of experience seeming to temper many of our more extreme personality traits), we often feel that there has been a bigger shift in our personality taking place than is actually the case.

Personality therefore, is deemed to be largely hereditary in its origin.  Character, on the other hand, is believed to be shaped more through socialization and experience.  Our belief systems drive much of our character, which means that, unlike our personality, they may shift and change over time as our experiences impact our beliefs.  This does not mean that character changes are easy, we do not easily give up our beliefs, but it is possible, typically in the face of huge emotional upheaval.

It is our character, comprised of such attributes as honesty, trust, kindness, respect, loyalty, courage, that establishes our morals and ethics.  As a result, our character is not as easily seen or read as our personality may be.  Think of Personality as sitting more on the surface of our interactions with others, while our Character is a little more deep-seated.  In essence...

• Personality: is what we say and do when everyone is watching
• Character: is what we say and do when no one is watching

The challenge we each face relates to our ability to accurately gauge the associated personality and character of others we are working and interacting with.  Studies show us that we tend to be better at accurately decoding personality elements but are not nearly as intuitive or accurate in our assessment of character.  In fact, we have a strong tendency to assign more positive character traits to those we deem to have a more attractive and positive personality.  This, of course may not have any direct correlation, but we tend to think that if someone is more outgoing, confident and fun that they are also more honest, moral and kind.  Making this association could come back to bite us in the butt later though, when we discover that our fun-loving friend is much more deceitful than we had earlier believed.

Generally, it is found that we have two key reasons for unconsciously linking personality to character.  

1. we want to think positively of people that we like (so we assign them other positive characteristics)
2. truly trying to assess someones character is extremely time-consuming.  In fact, the best way to assess someones character is to observe their behaviour during truly character-challenging situations, using their behaviour there as a predictor of future behaviour

So...  

• the friend that is the life of the party, so much fun to be around... but who speaks about others behind their back...
• the business partner who seems so easy to talk to, open and gregarious, but who easily pockets 'extra' change given by a server in error...
• the prospective life partner who seems like the 'perfect' complement to your personality, but who never returns items they 'borrow' from others...

...may each require a closer inspection.  You may find that your perception of their Personality is influencing the accurate judgement of their Character.  In our relationships with others, personality may help us with our initial attraction to someone, but it will be character that makes or breaks it in the long run.  Deceitful and unethical behaviours are all a question of Character. 

How has yours been shaping up lately?

Be the Change, Be Your Change

I recently watched the movie 'Machine Gun Preacher', about ex-drug-dealing biker Sam Childers and his ongoing support of 100's of homeless Sudanese children.  Then, this week I, like over 30 million others, watched the viral YouTube video Kony 2012, Invisible Children's efforts to dedicate the year 2012 to not only helping raise awareness of the atrocities and crimes committed by the LRA's leader Joseph Kony, but to create enough outcry that those with power are compelled to take action.

Kony has been wanted by the International Criminal Court for crimes against humanity for decades, and yet he continues to abduct children from their homes, forcing young girls to becomes sex slaves and young boys to become soldiers in his army.  To date it is estimated that he has taken more than 30,000 children.  Their voices have not been loud enough for resources to have been committed to the search and capture of Kony, but the Kony 2012 initiative is designed to lend our voices to theirs.

This is a campaign initiated by a few, who were also told that their voice was too small to make a difference, that were told they would not be able to create the change in the world they wanted to see.  However, they were unwilling to accept this answer and to accept that wrong could be allowed to persevere. Instead, they looked for a way to make it happen, to create the momentum for change.  They found their voice...





This is the big-scale picture of change.

My message to each of you today is not based on the need for each of you to get involved with this campaign,  this is not a blog focusing on political action or global change initiatives.  This is a blog focusing on personal change, personal growth and empowerment.  Instead, consider this a call to not only help change the world but to perhaps begin to make the personal changes you need to... for you, by beginning to embrace the message that the young people of Invisible Children did, that

We CAN make a difference,
We CAN be the voice of change.

And, in particular, that we can be the difference we want and need in OUR lives.  It is never too late to begin to live the life we want.  We just need two things to make it happen.  Clarity and Courage.

Clarity.  

• Clarity of Purpose (What do you want?)
• Clarity of Possession (What do you have?)
• Clarity of Person (What do you need?)

Courage.  To take the first step.

Invisible Children are working to ignite the world, envisioning change on a global scale.  They didn't back down when told they could not, they simply looked for new ways to fulfil their 'I Can'.  The biggest audience for their video are young women from 13-17 years and young men from 13-24.  Our children have learned 'I can'.  We have helped to shape a generation that can see how their one voice can make a difference, that it can, when added to the voices of others, change the world.

How can you then deny to yourself the power of your voice to envision, and create the change that you want and need in your life?  You have as much power as you need to make it happen.  You need only to create change for one, by influencing the actions of one.  Be your one.  Because, in the end...

You are the difference you want to see in your life, so begin by going out and doing something different.... today.

Questions, Questions, Questions

There is power in questions.  Often, the answer we need is driven only by our ability to question, to seek out the answer in the first place.  Is our lack of answers then a result of not having asked the right questions or is it more a reflection of not having asked enough?

As children we are full of questions; ongoing, ever-ending questions.  There is no thought about whether the question is good or bad, smart or insightful, interesting or thought-provoking, worthwhile or boring.  It was simply enough that we didn't know something and wanted to.  As we grew though, we started to become more self-conscious about what our questions might say about us to others.  We didn't want others to know that we didn't know something, that we didn't understand.  We became worried about what others might think of us and we started to filter our questions.

As adults, we ask fewer questions.  We try to find more information out on our own than simply asking someone to share their insights and knowledge.  Typically because we don't want to look dumb.  There's a risk in asking and so, we don't.

Asking fewer questions though means that not only do we often fail to take in all of the information that we want and need, it also means that we tend to lose our questioning skills.  We ask fewer questions, often of a poorer quality.  We stop refining our questioning skills which results in a drop in the quality of the questions we do ask.  The true result?  We stop getting quality answers. 

The Quality of our Answers is Driven by the Quality of our Questions

The bottom line is this.  If you don't have answers in your life...  start asking more questions.  And I mean MORE!  Don't stop.  The more questions the better, because at this stage you don't know what the 'right' question is!   The more questions you ask, whether of yourself or others, the more answers you will get.  The more answers, the more insight and, ultimately, the greater the clarity of your final 'answer', the choice you make. 

Choose now to enhance the quality of the choices you make in the upcoming year by asking more and better questions. 

“Quality questions create a quality life. Successful people ask better questions, and as a result, they get better answers.” — Anthony Robbins

Don't filter your life by filtering your questions.  Likely the very questions you are afraid to ask are those that contain the answers that you need.  Make this upcoming year one in which you truly embrace the Art of Asking Questions, starting with yourself.  If you refuse to ask yourself the tough questions, you might want to start with the following question...

Why?  What am I afraid of uncovering/discovering by avoiding asking that?

A good question to use when trying to determine why we're afraid of asking questions!  A child's favourite question - Why?  Make it yours.  Simple, yet effective, it can help you to uncover your barriers, challenge your beliefs, question the seemingly obvious and uncover the non-so-obvious truths.  When you feel resistance, your fallback question should always be 'Why'. 

Make this upcoming year one in which you embrace the Art and Practice of Questioning.  More answers lead to better choices, which lead to greater growth.  The life you want starts with a question.  Are you ready to ask yours?

Be the Change...

We're at that time of year when people's minds start to naturally think about the New Year and everything that they hope and wish it will bring them.  As we have been taught, everyone tends to dream big.  the bigger the better... right?  Unfortunately, Big dreams also tend to mean big plans which can often seem overwhelming for many to get started with

This year, I invite you to take those dreams and break them down into much smaller steps.  Even one small action can have an overwhelming ripple effect in your life, giving you the impetus and courage to take another.  At the end of the day, you are the source of the Change you want to see in your life, your career and your relationships.  It all starts with one small step.  Don't minimize or denigrate the power of the small... the cumulative effect of a series of small actions can have a tremendously huge impact.  On yourself, and on others. 

You are the source of the difference you want to see in your life, so go out and do something different... today!          Cindy Dachuk