Tip Thursday - Performance Improvement

Priming is the psychological term used to describe our increased sensitivity to a stimulus that happens NOW, due to an experience or stimulus that happened in the recent past. For example, students asked to unscramble words related to the elderly (such as... Florida, retire, wrinkle) tended to walk significantly slower when leaving the testing room than did control subjects.

This is all a non-conscious activity. We are all unconsciously primed by events and experiences around us all the time. Knowing this we can then work to deliberately prime our unconscious minds to increase our performance.

Surround yourself with pictures and memorabilia of high performers that you admire and respect to influence what you do. Really be clear though about who and what truly inspires you, not just what you 'want' to inspire you. It must be personalized specifically to you for it to work its subtle unconscious effects.

Thinking Backward to Move Forward

When it comes to Personal Development you likely have a laundry list of things you'd like to do, things you think you should do and things you think you'd better do. There is seemingly never a shortage of actions we could take that would 'improve' us, our careers, our lives in some way. The challenge, of course, is that we can't actively work on them all. In which case, we need to choose what to focus on to move us forward.

The best way to move through the clutter of improvement projects is to consider...

If you were looking back at your life two years from now, what would you have done over those two years for you to feel good about yourself and your achievements?

This question is designed to help you clear your way through all of the mind-clutter and to hone in on those actions that will net you the result you desire. The reason this technique works so well is that looking forward is difficult while looking backward is easy. Looking forward means that we are peering into the unknown, which can cause us to hesitate in making choices in case we choose wrong. We don't want to waste the next two years working on something that doesn't move us in the desired direction and we therefore fail to commit to taking action.

However, when we look backward we are typically reviewing fact. We are able to discern what actions we took that led to the results we achieved. Placing ourselves two years into the future and directing our minds to look back over the past two years, to review what actions we would have taken to achieve what we did, plays upon that fact-based mind-set we expect to have when looking backward. It again helps us to reduce the list of possible actions to those that will make the difference for us.

Being in that fact-based mind-set also helps us to recognise the actions we need to take from those we are comfortable in taking. This technique therefore helps to shift us out of our comfort zone by acknowledging the actions we need to take to reach our desired goal.

When we look forward to our desired goal we may be able to identify the steps we need to take but we are then also faced with doubts as to our capability.  However, when we start at the end and look back our mind is already viewing those same actions as steps we have already taken and therefore builds our confidence and capability. This simple redirection of thought breaks down our barriers and self-doubts rather than building them up.

We know that our mind is a powerful tool that will help us to achieve what we can conceive and believe.  Starting with a vision of the successful future you desire, and then looking backward at what you have done to get there, trains your mind to believe in the possibility.

1. What does your desired future look like 2 years from now?
2. What steps did you take to get there?
3. You've got your action list, start making it happen.

Three steps to ensuring that you are doing what you need today to have the life that you want and envision tomorrow. There's really nothing like thinking backward to help you in moving forward.

Prime your State for Success

You wake up feeling tired and overwhelmed, dreading the day ahead.

You are in the midst of your day and are struggling with finding a solution to the latest problem to cross your desk.

You arrive home after a long and busy work day, looking forward to crashing on the couch, when your daughter reminds you of her school project you promised to help with.

Sound familiar?  We all face similar situations daily, times when we lack the energy and focus to fully and successfully handle what we must. It is far too easy to allow the overwhelm to over-take us, to allow our emotions to lead us to thoughts of  'I can't', 'It's too much', 'I`m not`.

Instead of being driven by our emotional state though, we need to learn to take control. We don`t need to be at the mercy of our states when we can readily shift our state to be what we need it to be in order to face the challenges in front of us.

Many of the world`s most successful people have a morning routine they follow in order to set their state for the day. They know that how they feel drives what they do and will therefore impact what they achieve that day. These short routines/rituals allow them to establish the mental and emotional mindset they need to accomplish what`s in front of them.

In Psychological terms the actions they take are called Priming. We know that our exposure to various words, images and concepts can have a major impact upon our behaviour. Often this occurs unconsciously.  It is the reason why so many advertisers pay for you to hear and see their messages. They are 'priming' you to buy their products. However, there is nothing preventing us from using this same principle deliberately upon ourselves in an effort to increase our success.

We know that energy is life.  It therefore follows that the quality of our energy will determine the quality of our life.  Starting our day by reinforcing how tired we feel, how tough the day is going to be, how much we are dreading it will only serve to prime our minds to find each task we undertake to be difficult and overwhelming.  Instead we need to start each day with positive energy.  

Many successful people find that engaging in a minute or two of activity (jumping jacks would work but so would a vigorous walk) is enough to get their body feeling awake, energized and ready to tackle the day. You don`t need a full workout routine to produce a change in your physiology, to prime yourself into a positive state.

Tony Robbins, world famous Performance Coach, is a strong advocate of the need to prime himself daily. He has an established 10 minute routine he follows, regardless of where he is in the world, to help him set his mental and emotional state for the day.  He does a cold water plunge, followed by a breathing exercise followed, in turn, with 3 minutes of focusing on 3 things he`s grateful for, 3 minutes focusing on the presence of God and 3 minutes focused on three things he`s going to make happen that day.  This 10 minute routine sets the pattern for his day.

"To me, if you want a primetime life, you've got to prime daily"  Tony Robbins

How do you start your day? Are you dragging yourself out of bed thinking about how much more sleep you need? Are you thinking about the meeting you wish you could avoid, the project you're behind on, the to-do list you can't seem to ever get to?

How's that working out for you so far?

Why not try something different? Why not get out of bed and do 50 jumping jacks (or so) to get your heart pumping and to feel some energy and then take 1 minute to think about what you're grateful for and then 1 minute to think of 3 things you are going to achieve that day.  Note I said 'going to' achieve, not things you 'want' to achieve.  Language here is everything, you are priming yourself to get things done.  

That's a 3 minute routine that no one is too busy to follow. Try it for a week and see how much better you're feeling and how much more you've achieved by only investing 3 minutes each day. A small social experiment that could pay big dividends to you. 

The Stories We're Told

Most of us can think back and recall warm moments when we were young, sitting cuddled on a parent's lap while they read to us. As adults we can also remember replaying those same moments with our own children or with beloved nieces or nephews. What is it that we were sharing with these children of ours? Warmth? Love? Caring? A love of books? Perhaps all of these elements. Interestingly, though, we may have also shared more than we intended, especially when it came to shaping the minds and belief systems of our young daughters and nieces.

A 12 year study was conducted of top award-winning children's books. The study was undertaken to review the hidden messages that we inadvertently communicate to our children. The results?

• On average, there was only one female character for every three male characters
• There was only one female 'leader' character to every ten male 'leader' characters
• There were over 100 different occupations that were held by the male characters while there were only 50 different occupations held by the female characters
• The five top female occupations in the children's books?
• Housewife
• Witch
• Dancer
• Singer
• Artist

Other favoured female occupations? You have to know that teacher and princess were in the top ten!

Now, think back to your favourite stories from your childhood. How correct is this study? If you're like most of the women we've spoken to, the above figures are a fairly accurate reflection of the stories they were told when young. Most of the women remember best the stories of Snow White and Cinderella. In each story the female lead character was a victim that needed 'rescuing'. By a prince, no less.

How too did these stories impact the perceptions and expectations of others around us? One female senior executive shared her struggle to 'make it' in the world of engineering.

"What was most interesting to me was not the resistance that I got from the men in my classes or from the work-world. I expected that. It was the resistance that I got from my mother and grandmother. The field that I had chosen for myself just didn't fit with their expectations. They had wanted me to be a teacher. It's funny now though. The aspect of my job that I enjoy the most is coaching and mentoring young women in engineering. Guess I'm teaching after all!"

This is an example of a woman that fought against some of the stories she was told as she grew up. How many of us though still hold many of those stories in our heads, measuring ourselves against them each day? How often do we come up lacking?

Think of our seeming need to express and measure our womanhood by the cleanliness of our homes or the number of after-school activities our children are engaged in. How many of us think we are somehow lacking if we 'fail' to make home-cooked meals for our families, feeling guilt overcome us each time that 'Martha' appears on screen?  After all, baking from scratch is 'A good thing' right?

Whatever happened to telling our daughters about women that struggled to manage raising three kids and hold a full-time job? A woman that might not have managed to have the house perfectly in order, the smell of fresh bread baking when others awoke or a drink in hand for hubby when he came home, but a woman that managed to have a hug and kiss for her kids when she saw them at the end of their school day, despite having gone to work with baby spit-up on her collar, getting yelled at by the boss for something he forgot to do, putting a run in her hose while trying to juggle two sacks of groceries and the dry cleaning out of the car, while mentally wondering what would defrost quickly enough to feed everyone?

Spend a few moments right now thinking about the stories you hold in your head that create images of perfection that just don't fit with life today. I don't mean your life, I mean anyone's life! What ideals are you holding yourself to that leave you feeling like you're always falling short, despite all of your best efforts?

Only by coming to understand what these myths and stories are can we begin to refute their relevance to our lives. Once we acknowledge the stories we're still holding onto and the fallacies they represent can we then recognise and appreciate in ourselves how much we've done and continue to do.

Ultimately, it's up to us, because there is no fairy godmother or knight on a white horse in our world folks. We need to consciously create the standards we're trying to live up to and not be driven by comparisons to some story we were told by others. We need to start telling ourselves better and more realistic stories because I'm willing to bet that even Cinderella had trouble fitting into that damn show after she turned 40!

Tip Thursday - Influence

What you expect often influences and changes what actually and ultimately happens. Your expectations of outcomes leads you to interact differently and is often a fundamental component of ensuring that the outcome you expected occurs. For many situations though, expectancy is a non-conscious process.

The classic study in this phenomena was in 1968 where researchers split students into two groups - High IQ and Low IQ. Teachers were told which students belonged to which groups but no one else was informed, including parents and the students themselves. After 8 months the High IQ group performed remarkably well on tests while the Low IQ group performed poorly.  About what you would expect.

The twist though was that ALL students had been RANDOMLY assigned to the groups. Membership in either group had no reflection on actual IQ scores. The only variable was the expectation of the teacher. The teacher had different expectations of the two groups and those expectations began to subtly alter and shift the actual performance of the students themselves.  Pretty powerful. Expectation is therefore a powerful precursor of outcome and, ultimately, of success or failure.

Tip Thursday - Language

Sometimes a small subtle shift in our language is all that is standing in our way. Align your language with your desired positive outcomes - what you DO want - not with the potential downside of the activity.

Instead of... What if they say NO? ask... What if they say YES?
Instead of... What if it doesn't work out? ask... What if it does?

Focusing on what you don't want leaves you building your defenses, leaving you ill-prepared to take advantage of opportunities that arise. Orient your brain to focus on what you do want, to get it working on moving you forward.

Forget About Following Your Passion

How often in your career have you been told that you should 'Follow Your Passion"?

The belief that this is the sole path to finding satisfying and fulfilling work has led many to feeling despair over ever experiencing passion for the work they do. However, when questioned what work they would rather be doing, what work they feel passionate about, many are unable to answer.

Given the admonition to follow their passion, many then engage in a search to find and define something they are passionate about.  However, it is this search that often leads them further from engaging in work that is meaningful than closer to it. The hard truth is that rarely do passion and ability align.  They are definitely not synonymous.

Passion and Ability often have very little to do with one another.

Believing you should follow your passion may lead you to attempt to build a career around a hobby you love and enjoy, but that you are not skilled enough at to ever make a living from. Pursuing your passion beyond the hobby level may prevent you from pursuing meaningful work that you do have skill and competence in, that you could be successful at.

Your happiness in the work you do has very little to do with the work itself, but everything to do with how well you do it. Your success can lead to passion.  You can become passionate about the work you do by becoming better at it.  Focusing on how to make you and your output more valuable is far more likely to help you build a career that you can be passionate about than chasing your passion ever could.

In his book So Good They Can't Ignore You, Cal Newport talks about the need to engage in Deliberate Practice in order to build your skill and your value.  This deliberate practice requires you to stretch your skills past your comfort zone and to seek out ruthless feedback on your performance, all with the intention of then applying those insights to improve your performance.  This is the same technique used by professional musicians, athletes and even professional chess players.  Is is through Deliberate Practice that you can expand your skills and increase your value.  In essence, build your mastery to build your passion.

There are typically numerous fulfilling opportunities missed by focusing solely on following your passion despite the fact that passion itself is not enough to assure success.  Instead, follow the opportunities life presents you with to prosper. Being good at something will typically lead you to feeling passionate about work that utilizes those skills and abilities.

Don't follow your passion to find fulfilling work, but do bring it with you, applying it to all that you do.  That's where success, fulfillment and happiness ultimately will all be found.

How to Reach Your Goals Faster

I was running my first ever marathon. I had set the goal and I had trained but I had never hit a point

where running felt easy, or natural or comfortable for me.  In fact, it was always painful.  My hips ached (I didn't know at the time I have degenerative arthritis in my hip) and each step forward became increasingly more difficult. Despite the pain, despite the tears, despite the belief I couldn't possibly take one more step, when that Finish sign came into view I actually picked up my pace and ran (or hobbled) faster to cross over.

This phenomenon is not unusual.  Most marathoners actually sprint across that line with all of their remaining energy.  It seems that there is a special brain event that occurs called 'The X-Spot', which is when the brain releases a flood of endorphins (and other chemicals) that provides them with the energy needed to accelerate.

This X-Spot is indicative of how powerful a force goal attainment can be. The magic moment occurs when the brain realizes that success is not only possible - but probable.  Positive psychological research demonstrates that this reaction of the brain occurs not just when someone sees the finish line of a goal, but the moment they realize the probability they will succeed. This means that it is our perception of our success that drives our brain to release chemicals that will accelerate our success.

To manage this process though, we need to manage our perceptions.  

1. Clarify the goal. We must have a clear and defined goal that we are targeting. Our brains are constantly mapping out action paths we can take and assessing how close we are to achieving our goals. However, the brain can't work effectively for us if it is unsure about what it is that we are trying to accomplish. The clearer we are about the 'what' we want to achieve the less energy we waste on unnecessary course corrections along the way.

2.  Make it Closer. The closer we are to achieving something, the more we believe it's possible for us to achieve it.  That's why reward cards that say buy 12 get one free, with two purchases already 'given' to you are more effective than reward cards saying buy 10 get one free, with no purchases pre-stamped.  Both cards require 10 purchases, but more people attain their free item and faster, with the card where they already had 2 stamps - simply because it appeared that they were already on their way.  The goal seemed closer.  Give yourself a perceived head start by designing goals with progress already achieved highlighted.  Look backward to review how far you've come, which emphasizes the distance traveled rather than how far is yet to go.

3.  Make it Bigger.  This refers to the perceived likelihood of your achieving your goal.  If we think that the possibility is small  we create a visual in our minds of a very small target which implies that the odds of our ever hitting the target are also small, like the center of a bulls-eye. Instead, flip it. Make that Bulls-eye target larger than the rest of the board.  Remind yourself of all of your past achievements, how well you have handled pressure, the difficulties you have overcome. Creating the expectation that this is just one more hurdle to jump in a long list of hurdles successfully overcome increases the psychological belief that you will also hit this target.  It's now bigger.

4. Recalculate the Energy of Achievement.  For every task we face our brain calculates out the perceived amount of energy and effort needed to achieve it.  The more mental effort and energy required to accomplish a goal, the more likely we are to abandon it.  To help maintain your focus then, it is important to avoid 'awfulizing' a task, making it seem like it will take an inordinate amount of time and effort. Stop watching the clock, tackle your more important tasks earlier in the day when your energy is higher, routinize your peripheral activities so they don't drain energy unnecessarily, don't tackle two challenging tasks back to back without building mental recovery time in between.  

Fundamentally, the biggest key to achieving your goals faster is to train yourself to focus more of your brain's resources on success than on failure. Create your energy X-spots by focusing on your target and on how excellent your chances are of hitting it. Focusing your brain on how great your probability of success is will give you the energy and drive you need to succeed.  

Tip Thursday - Visualization

Don't overlook the positive impact of your ability to visualize your success... upon your actual levels of success. 

In a study conducted at the University of Chicago on visualization, they had a group of participants all throw basketball free throws, measuring their accuracy. They then divided them into 3 groups. 

The first group didn't practice at all, the 2nd group practiced shooting free throws for 1 hour a day for 30 days, while the 3rd group simply spent 1 hour a day (for 30 days) visualizing shooting free throws. They then retested their free throwing accuracy. 

The 1st group showed no improvement in their ability, the 2nd group improved their ability by 24% and the 3rd group - those that only visualized shooting free throws increased their accuracy by 23%. This is the key reason why professional athletes spend just as much time visualizing their success as they do physically practicing for it. Bear it in mind the next time you are looking to strengthen your skill in any area. How you visualize it will very much influence the outcome you achieve.

Creating a Sense of Progress

Perhaps one of the biggest and most consistent leadership challenges that my clients face is the

puzzle of motivation.  They all struggle with how to motivate their people in an effort to keep them focused and producing.  They play with recognition and reward systems in an effort to keep productivity levels up.  Despite their inventiveness and creativity in whatever reward systems they create though, they continue to face challenges in motivation.

Taken down to the personal level though, individual clients also complain of a lack of motivation, often putting it down to the need to get too much done in too little time that they feel burnt out.  It is hard to get motivated to keep slogging when there is just so much more left to do and the end is not in sight.

As it turns out, this last statement is the key.  We are so caught up in being busy that we have lost sight of the 'end', of what it is that we are trying to achieve. We therefore are left at the end of the day having invested 8 hours (or more) of our lives, without any sense that we have made a difference, that we have completed anything of value. Researchers have found that giving people a clear Sense of Progress is more effective at getting people enthusiastic about what they are doing than giving them goals, incentives, recognition or any other kind of reward.  

In fact, this finding was so important that it was recognized as Harvard Business Review's number one breakthrough idea of 2010.  However, it seems that most of us didn't get the memo.  Perhaps because the Progress Principle really isn't all that sexy sounding even though it is effective.  

Progress Principle:  The more that people experience a sense of progress, the more motivated they will be to accomplish more. 

Marketers have long embraced this concept, using it to influence our buying patterns.  A Columbia University study determined that the closer we are to 'earning' a free coffee, the more frequently we start buying coffee. It seems simple enough, but upon closer examination, this is the Progress Principle at work.  Loyalty cards track our purchases, providing us with a method for tracking our progress toward the achievement of a goal, typically a 'freebie' of some kind. 

What's also important to consider is that our goal progress can even be 'illusory' and it will up our motivation.  Consider the impact of two different loyalty cards...

1. A 10 stamp card - in order to get a free coffee
2. A 12 stamp card, with the first 2 stamps 'given' to you as a bonus - in order to get a free coffee

In essence the two cards are identical, buy 10 coffees, get the next free. However, in studies, the owners of the second card purchased their 10 coffees faster than the members of the first loyalty card. Those two bonus stamps made people feel that they had already achieved some progress toward the goal, which left them feeling more motivated to take further action to complete the task.  The Sense of Progress is so powerful that even of Illusory Goal Progress motivates us forward.  

This is an important point to consider, especially after the completion of a goal.  In the first example above, when you redeem your card you are given a fresh, blank card to begin again.  However, research shows us that motivation and performance slow down appreciably right after a goal is achieved.  That blank card is a 'start again' moment that is disheartening, not motivating.  The 'Bonus Stamp' card though has already got a start made.  It already has a couple of small achievements noted that prove motivating toward taking the next steps. It helps get over the motivation drop following goal completion.

Interesting... but how can we use this and apply it to our own goals and challenges in order to up our productivity?

1. Chunk a large project down into smaller goals.  It is far easier to monitor your progress using those smaller steps, which helps keep your motivation up.
2. Each of your chunked project steps, when completed, become 'Bonus Stamps' for the next project chunk.  Your first couple of steps for a goal will always have some early components to it that are already done,  Typically we leave these off of the plan, because they have already been handled.  Instead, include them in your plan, giving yourself recognition for them and some 'Bonus Stamps' for the next phase. If they were steps someone else took before handing the rest over to you, include them anyway.  We know that Illusory Goal Progress works, get it working for you.

Loyalty cards are simply progress tracking systems. Ensure that you have systems in place that help you to track your progress.  Build your own personal system to help you track and reward your progress. We already know that we can be influenced by such systems to help others achieve their goals, why not put the same principle to work to help us stay on track and meeting our goals? 

Creating a Sense of Progress is far more effective at getting us enthusiastic about what we're doing. It serves to catalyze and nourish our motivation and spurs greater progress. We can easily see where our work has made a difference, helping us to feel more purposeful and valuable. If you feel that your motivation seems to have taken a vacation (if not relocated permanently to another city), build your own Big Project Loyalty Card system and see what tracking your progress more actively does to help bring your motivation back online.  

Swapping Words: A Path to Success

At the heart of this blog post is the foundational belief that the only thing standing in the way of you and your success is... you.  Unfortunately for most of us, we don`t openly recognise exactly how we are blocking ourselves from achieving all that we desire.

Most of us have clarity over everything that we want.  The challenge is that although we want more, we just don`t want to have to do more to get it. This isn't a comfortable thing for us to acknowledge though, certainly not to others.  Turning to our boss and saying that yes, we would certainly love to get a promotion - just as long as we didn't have to do anything more to get or keep it - isn't likely going to get us that promotion after all.

Instead, we create reasons to explain `why` we didn't get that promotion.  We use our reasons to explain our behaviour.  However, our reasons are simply our obstacles, our excuses. They form barriers that excuse us from taking the action that would move us forward. We can become so committed to our reasons that they become our truth, becoming embedded in our very language.

According to Professor Bernard Roth, of Stanford University, in his book The Achievement Habit: Stop Wishing, Start Doing, and Take Command of Your Life, there are 5 primary phrases that we should eliminate from our language.  Swapping these dis-empowering words for alternatives that are more positive and compelling can have an immediate impact on heightening our achievement and success rate.

Professor Roth`s Top 5 List...

• Swap out `But` with `And` - The word But is an extremely limiting word that is often misused in place of the word And.  Enough so that it even sounds correct when used that way. However, its use can shift a neutral statement into a negative one.  Consider a person who is afraid of flying and is offered an amazing internship on the other side of the country.  Saying "I want this internship BUT I'm afraid of flying" shuts down the opportunity.  Using 'but' in this way links two very separate truths, making one sound like a reason to not pursue the first. Replacing 'but' with 'and' though allows your mind to separate the truths and to therefore recognise that accepting the internship simply requires finding alternative ways to deal with the fear of flying.
• Swap out 'Have to' with 'Want to'  -  The use of the phrase 'have to' makes the circumstance sound as though it is being forced upon you, creating resistance and resentment.  Swapping it with the phrase 'want to' reminds us that we have personal choice.  We don't 'have to' take a course to upgrade our skills, we 'want to' open up future opportunities by taking it.
• Swap out 'Can't' with 'Won't'  - This is an interesting one to consider since most of us find ourselves describing what we can't do quite often.  However, the use of can't implies that something is impossible for us.  Saying that we can't drive a car implies that it is physical impossible for us to do so, while saying that we won't drive a car reflects our personal choice not to learn to drive.  You are in control of what you choose to learn to do or not.  Replacing can't with won't is empowering, putting the decision firmly back in your control.
• Swap out 'I'm afraid to' with 'I'd like to' -  Using the phrase I'm afraid to, as a reason not to pursue a course of action, acknowledges your fear, rather than your desire, giving the fear more weight.  By highlighting your fear you set your mind up to awfulize the situation, to consider all that could go wrong, creating a big roadblock.  Saying I'd like to acknowledges your desire, which is more positive and pleasant.  Generally highlighting the positive benefits of taking a course of action makes it far more compelling, increasing the likelihood that you will pursue it.
• Swap out 'Help' with 'Assist' - When we ask someone to help us, we are reducing our personal sense of empowerment.  The word 'help' is associated with helplessness creating an image of someone incapable of completing the task on their own.  However, looking for someone to assist you recognises that you have the capability on your own, if you chose to. Far more empowering.

Our language helps to shape the way that we view the world around us and, perhaps more importantly, how we view ourselves.  I'm willing to bet that you could hear yourself in one if not more of the examples given above. The five word swaps above, if made consistently, would represent enough of a positive impact on your personal perspective of you to up your Achievement and Success profile. Which ones are you going to activate and swap for your increased success?

The Key to Accomplishing Anything

No matter what it is that you are looking to accomplish, whether it's to..

• exercise more 
• eat less
• read more
• watch tv less
• pay bills on time
• get to work on time
• meet deadlines
• learn a second language, play piano or golf

you won't get there without Discipline.  Nothing is ever achieved without it.  Discipline is the one unifying element that is necessary for any sustainable long term success.  As the common element it therefore makes sense for us to learn to cultivate and develop ours.  According to Brain Tracy, discipline is...

The ability to do what you know you should do, whether you feel like it or not.

 It's our discipline that pushes us to get out of bed when we'd rather hunker down under the covers.  It's our discipline that keeps us on track, working toward our goals, even when we'd rather take a detour... through the cookie cupboard in the kitchen.  It's our discipline that helps us to adopt a long-term perspective and to set aside any short-term gratification that may derail that longer term objective.

It is little wonder then that most high achievers have a tendency to think in a longer-term perspective. They are significantly more skilled in side-stepping any immediate gratification if it prevents them from obtaining their longer term goals.  The good news is that your level of self-discipline is not pre-set.  Like a muscle, it can grow stronger with practice.  And, like a muscle, it can grow weaker with dis-use.

Although many of us would prefer to believe that the most successful athletes and singers and musicians are at the top of their game because of luck or good genetics, the fact is that whatever innate talent they have would be nothing without the discipline it required to cultivate and develop it. Those who are the 'best' at what they do have put in time, every day, to become the best.  They have said 'no' to other activities that would have prevented them from doing what they knew they had to, if they wanted to be the best. It is not always the most talented person who succeeds, but the most disciplined. It is those that that have the discipline to invest the time and energy needed to grow their talent, develop their skills, to work upon their goals.

For those of you willing to do what you must, to obtain what you want, here are a few tips to help you develop the discipline needed to get you there.

• Know your Why.  In order to push through the discomfort you will experience in pushing toward your goal it is critical that you know What you want, Why you want it and What you are willing to do to get it.  If your why isn't strong enough you'll never get out of bed.
• Remove any temptations or distractions. There is no need to make things harder than they need to be.  If your goal is to lose weight then ditch all of the cookies and chocolates hidden in the house!
• Don't wait for the 'right' time to start.  There is no right time, there is only now. The longer it takes you to start, the more excuses you will create and barriers you will build.  Stop talking about it and start taking action.
• Visualize the long term results.  Keep a clear picture of what the long term results are that you are working for and keep it front and center.  If you want to strengthen your ability to say no to any of the moments of instant gratification that may cause you to stumble, keeping a strong mental picture of what you want to achieve will help remind you of why 'no' is the right answer.  (and to feel proud each time you use it!)
• Create routines.  The sooner that you build habits that support the actions you want to take the easier it will be to do what you need.  Setting up routines that have you engaging in the same behaviour patterns each day will help you create goal-sustaining habits.
• Avoid exceptions. Don't allow any exceptions to the behaviours you 'should' be engaging in until they have become habit. If you do slip, start over immediately. You want your brain to recognise the slip as the exception it is, not to accept it as a desire to revert. Your old behaviours and habit patterns will make attempts to reassert themselves. Not allowing exceptions in the beginning will help prevent this from happening. 
• Define the behaviours.  Once you have chosen the discipline that you want to develop, spend time defining how you would behave if that discipline were already a habit.  What behaviours would you be engaging in?  These then become your target behaviours, the behaviours of your success.
• Regular review.  Review your progress regularly and celebrate your successes.  Keep your momentum by recognising and rewarding the gains you have made.  Just ensure that your rewards are supportive of your goal.  It should go without saying that you don't reward yourself for refusing to eat ice-cream for dessert by having a bowl of ice-cream!
• Learn from your bad days.  And you will have them.  Rather than using the bad day as an excuse to toss in the towel, use it as an opportunity to understand what is likely to undermine your self-discipline and work to plug that leak!  Bad days provide insight into areas of weakness that you can then focus on and strengthen.  Welcome the insight and stay on track.

I often have people comment about how disciplined I am about my work, about getting my blog and books written, about my ability to actually get work done while working from a home office.  They typically also comment that they could never do the same, that they aren't disciplined enough. However, the truth is that I actually am not disciplined, so I have to be disciplined.  

I have created rules and routines to help me get the work I want done... done!  The good news is that it gets easier over time.  Where I once had to force myself to sit and write I now write to the routines I have put in place.  What's even better is that the more you persist the more disciplined you will be. As you focus on being disciplined you become more disciplined.  Although being disciplined in one area of your life does not necessarily mean you will be disciplined in all, it does mean that you now have a model of success that you can draw on to develop a more disciplined approach in other areas. 

We've got to Nourish to Flourish

What are the words that you whisper in your own ear? The words that you tell yourself when you
mess up, when you're about to step out on stage, when you're going to attempt something for the first time, when you accomplish something, when you are competing with someone for a promotion?

Do you offer yourself words of encouragement, support and love?  Or... do you instead offer words of discouragement, criticism and hopelessness?

We've got to Nourish... to Flourish!

In order to grow straight and strong, we have to learn to speak to ourselves with words of encouragement.  We have to balance out, if not drown out, the voice of our inner critic.  They have had free reign in our minds for far too long, with little provided to counter all of their You-can'ts, You-arent's, You-don'ts.

I'm not here to tell you that you can do anything.  This is far too broad a statement for it to possibly be true.  However, you can do anything better than you can do it right now.  I can guarantee that if you try it, if you practice it... you can do it better.  You might not get to be 'the' best... but you can get to be 'your' best.  A far healthier and more achievable goal, and a change in perspective that is needed to get you up and out there trying!

When we start by thinking that we'll never be 'the' best at something we give up before we've begun. However, few of us need to strive to be 'the' best.  Unless you're competing to be the World's Champion in something, you needn't even be bothered by the thought of it.  Instead, we are simply looking to be 'our' best.  We don't even know what that would look like if we never begin.

Creating a strong sense of self-worth comes through repeatedly trying something.  It is through repetition that we develop the skills, experience and capability in something.  However, to keep on trying we need to become comfortable with the thought and fact of failure.  It's part of the trial process and an integral part of the learning experience.  We can't begin to learn what 'better' looks or feels like without it. When you fail at an attempt it doesn't define you, it simply defines that attempt. Explore what didn't work and determine what to try differently in your next attempt.  It's the getting back in the game after defeat that builds your resiliency, resourcefulness and, most importantly, your self esteem.

Perhaps two of the strongest words that you can tell yourself are "I Can".  These two little words can be used to create and strengthen your sense of self-worth like no others.

• I can handle this
• I can figure this out
• I can make this work
• I can manage
• I can get through it

Like the little train chugging up the hill, thinking you can is often all that's needed to take on new challenges, develop new skills, to nourish your self belief.

What would you accomplish if you believed you could?

We can proactively build our self-esteem, creating positive momentum, by doing.  Getting things done is proof that you 'can', providing the motivation needed to activate your 'more' muscle.

The following are my Top 5 Tips for how to Nourish your self-esteem, to nourish your inner Cheerleader, so you too can Flourish and grow...

1. Start Small.  Take on something that you can start immediately and that is relatively easy. You want to get some fast and easy wins that create the momentum of success. Offer yourself some definitive proof that you are capable and competent. Give your Cheerleader some early and easy wins to cheer about, giving them examples to help stifle your inner Critic.  
2. Have a vision.  You want to have some clarity about where you're going.  Once that ball is in motion we want it to be difficult to stop. We want your positive momentum to keep that ball constantly in motion... we just want it to be rolling in a direction of your choosing!
3. Do something you're good at.  Build your wins.  Doing something you're good at builds examples of success that will give you the confidence you need to tackle less-skilled tasks. Proving you have talent and worth in one area helps you to handle the inevitable failures you will experience while learning something new.  Failure is part of the natural process of growing and serves a very useful purpose.  However, having examples of things we ARE good at, ARE capable of, ARE successful at helps us to hang in through the challenging stages of learning something new.
4. So something that scares you.  In order to truly flourish you are going to have to try something new.  You may have talents and abilities you will never know you have if you never challenge yourself to attempt new things.  To truly come to know all that you are and all that you can be you need to step outside your comfort zone and try something that makes you a little nervous, that you're a little unsure of.  Just think of the doors that open for you each time you push that fear to the side though.  Your cheerleader is now leading you forward saying... Wow!  If you did that, maybe you can also do this!  Oh... the opportunities that await!
5. Give yourself Recognition.  Look at everything you just did!  Look at what you tried!  You need to recognise your accomplishments, reward your bravery in stepping forward. It is important that your attempts and successes get noticed and celebrated, even when it's just a party of one.  Even if things didn't go exactly as planned, it was a step taken in the journey of getting there.  It deserves recognition. At the end of each day, highlight a minimum of 3 things that you did, you accomplished, or you tried... they are deserving of recognition.  Begin learning to see your wins and to celebrate them.  Build the positivity and momentum that keeps your ball rolling forward.

What would you accomplish if you believed you could?

Go and make it happen!

Just Do the Work

We seem to live in a world of quick fixes.  Everyone is looking for short cuts to get where they want to go, wanting an easy route to success.  The concept of working for what you want is put down as an antiquated and outdated way of thinking, one that is far too slow in achieving one's desires.  Instead, success is an immediate need, one best delivered 'overnight'.

The 'Overnight Success' is a celebrated concept that people never seem to tire of listening to or speaking about, however it is nothing more than a seductive lie leading people to 'see' the success without 'hearing' the story of how it was achieved.  The truth that few are willing to accept is that there is no such thing as an 'Overnight Success'.

"A true overnight success is someone who has carried bucket after bucket of water to fill up a well.  People celebrate you the moment it all spills over, without realizing the 10,000 buckets you carried to make it happen.`    Paul Angone

 It`s not simply that people don`t realize the work it took to become successful, it`s that people don`t want to hear it.  They want to believe in the hope that they could do nothing today to prepare for it and yet, could wake up tomorrow... successful  They avoid hearing and seeing the truth.

• The author whose `first` book becomes a number 1 bestseller. The truth? They wrote every day since they were 14 and wrote and rewrote every page in that bestseller 20 times over, living and breathing that book for the past two years.
• The inventor who launches a product that makes millions.  The truth? They have a garage and basement filled with past 'ideas' that cost them time, money and even family, that never saw the light of day but screamed 'failure' to anyone who saw them.
• The entrepreneur whose new business just sold to Google or Facebook.  The truth? They have had two previous businesses go bankrupt and almost lost their home in the pursuit of this latest business, facing more rejection and naysayers than those who offered support.
• The actor whose first role makes them a household name and box office draw. The truth? They waited tables to pay for acting classes, pumped gas to afford food and slept in their car to be able to go on casting calls only be told they were not 'special', were too fat, too thin, too young, too old, not pretty enough, not black enough, not white enough.

And yet... you think success comes over night?

Success comes through all of the nights leading up to that last moment, all of the days and nights of hard preparatory work that were needed to create the moment that tips you into success.

You must create your tipping point by doing the groundwork.  No one talks about this aspect of success simply because no one wants to hear it.  No one wants to hear about the work and effort that went into creating your success because then it means that they too would need to put in that same hard work to enjoy all of the trappings of success.

But... they don't want the struggle.. they want the result.  They want the 'stuff'.

It's the Lottery Mentality at play, the hope that they can go to sleep and wake up rich and successful. We all know the odds of 'winning' at this game though.  The jackpot is $50 million?  Sure, buy a ticket.  However, this isn't meant to be your life strategy.

We may envy the winners their luck, but we admire those who have created their success. To be like them though, we need to be prepared to put in the work required to get there.  We must invest in our future by putting in the effort needed to net us the desired rewards.

Hard work might not guarantee you success, but a lack of hard work surely guarantees you a lack of success. It might not be sexy, but the truth often isn't.

Why Your Best is One of the Best Success Strategies

We are all, by nature, creatures that want to do our best.  We thrive in environments that allow and enable us to operate at our optimum.  It is when we are doing our best work that we are the most fulfilled and satisfied.  Doing anything less than our best has a way of eroding our confidence and sense of personal value.

Why then do we settle for less?
Why do we offer up less than we're capable of and then lament receiving less than we desired in return?

Doing our best does not mean that we need to be or do perfect.  It simply means that we are doing the best we can, with what we've got, in the current situation.  Giving our best will vary from day-to-day because we are not the same each day, nor are our circumstances.  However, when we offer our best we have no reason to judge ourselves harshly or to feel guilt or shame for having offered less than we were able.

It is those people that are giving everything they do everything that they've got that can expect the biggest rewards and best opportunities.  As Oprah Winfrey once said...

Doing the best at this moment puts you in the best place for the next moment

Doing your best is more likely to position you favourably for new opportunities than doing less ever will.  Wanting the best of everything that life has to offer you requires you to give life the best that you have to offer.  It's an even trade. In order to prepare yourself for the best future possible then, you must be doing everything you can today to prepare for it.  Giving whatever task you are engaged in the very best you can creates a mindset of excellence that helps your best to grow and improve. Use some of the following suggestions to help you to recognise and grow your best.

Let go of the thought of perfection.

Striving for perfection can be one of the biggest barriers to doing our best that there is.  Perfect is elusive and unobtainable.  Therefore, we are never happy with what we are producing, continually wanting to tweak it, improve it, make it better.  However, doing our best allows us to let go of projects, recognizing that it is as close to perfect as we can make it given our current skills and abilities, the deadline we face and the circumstances we are producing it under.  Letting go of the thought of 'perfect' allows us to complete things, learn from them and move on.  This allows us to get better, our 'best' to improve and therefore our value to grow.

Be open to learning.

Opening ourselves to new thoughts, ideas and ways of doing things allows us to continue to contribute at our highest level.  It is when we close our minds to  learning anything new that 'doing our best' becomes an excuse rather than a goal.  We must be committed to excellence, committed to the view that our 'best' is based on the potential within us which must be nurtured and challenged and developed.

Gauge your feelings.

How we feel about the work that we have done is a great indication of whether we are truly operating at our best or not.  When we feel excitement and pride we are more likely to be operating at our better and higher levels of performance.  However, when we experience disappointment in the outcome of a task it often relates back to the fact that we did not do everything in our control to contribute to it. We don't get the results we long for but we likely got the results we deserved.  Use your feelings as a gauge to determine whether you are giving something your all or are holding back.

No limits.

'Doing your Best' is not intended to be a limitation.  The offhandedly delivered 'oh well, I did my best' phrase, after not achieving what you had hoped, often describes a situation in which we truly didn't.  It is a pacifying phrase meant to excuse the result you achieved.  If you are operating at your best, each and every day, then there is notable improvement that is taking place.  There will be a passion and excitement, a positive energy that you are applying to your actions and the work that you are doing.  In this mindset of excellence you will not be brushing off lack-lustre performance or results but will be already planning on how to improve it.  Doing your best is therefore not limiting, but empowering.

Our personal goal should be to live each day such that we can end each day saying with confidence and pride - "I did my very best, there was nothing more I could have given".  Imagine how we would feel about our lives, about our selves, if each day we were ending it this way.  This is a goal worth striving for and a life worth living.

Unwrapping Your Gifts!

We all have our own special and unique gifts; talents and skills that we excel at.  Yes... everyone, including you!  The issue is not whether we have strengths or not, but whether we know and understand what they are.  It is pretty difficult to utilize our strengths fully if we are still struggling to understand what they are.

Unfortunately, many of our experiences in life have taught us to focus on our weaknesses, on what we typically end up labeling as our shortcomings.  In grade school we had those big red circles highlighting those shortcomings.  Our parents likely spent far more time focusing on how to pull up our grades than they did on how to build on the areas that we excelled at and our workplace managers tend to do exactly the same.  However, it is important to recognise that our performance over a range of skills will always vary.  We have some activities that we will be better at than others.  In the picture below, these are the 'above the line activities', those areas in which we tend to exceed expectations.

We will also always have some areas in which we fall short.  Always.  We cannot be good at everything, nor should we expect or try to. Unfortunately, our parents and bosses have trained us to agonize over the below the line results.  We put our focus, energy and even money into improving those skills.  However, for most of them, the best we can hope to do is to raise our skill level to the meets expectations line.  For the most part this is fine.  There are many areas in our work and our lives where being and doing 'good-enough' is, in fact, good enough!  We know that there is a law of diminishing returns telling us that additional effort is not going to net us the equivalent in return, in which case that additional effort could be put to better use elsewhere.

However, there is a far larger problem.  If we are focusing all of our efforts on improving the below the line skills, and not focusing on the above the lines skills at all, then we are creating a system of mediocrity.  We get what we focus on.  If we only focus on pulling our weaknesses up, and not on growing or developing our strengths, then our talents fall down to meet that middle red line, even while our weaknesses grow.  However, in the end, we are simply meeting expectations.  This does nothing to inspire or motivate us, and is therefore the problem with many corporate performance management programs.

If you are looking to advance your career, or to build your business, then uncovering and leveraging your strengths is the single most important thing you can do.  

It is through our unique gifts, our talents and strengths, that we add the most value.  These are the skills that set us apart from the crowd.  The good news is that we are most satisfied and energized when we engage in work that utilizes our key talents and strengths.  This is when we do our best work, this is when we truly shine.

The little stumbling block in all of this of course, rests in uncovering just what your true gifts are.  If you catch yourself denying you have any or are at a bit of a loss in identifying them clearly enough to build some career strategies around them, then follow some of the suggestions below to help you to discover your strengths.

Take an Assessment

There are numerous online tools that you can use to help you to uncover your strengths, the most popular of which is Strengths Finder.  You can take their short version for free or pay a nominal fee to take the extended version for greater insights.  If you buy their book (See below for link) then you get a link to take the full assessment for free.  If you decide for some unbiased insight then these tools can be useful but don't take them as gospel.  Use the results as a starting point of your exploration and couple them with some of the suggestions below to gain greater clarity.

Follow the Feeling

Learn to pay attention to how you are feeling over the course of your day.  When we are using our gifts we will experience greater levels of energy and engagement, a sense of Flow or a feeling of being in the Zone.  Time will move more quickly during these moments and we are more likely to derive feelings of satisfaction, excitement, interest and pride from activities utilizing our strengths.  In general use the following to help you to uncover insights into your strengths and weaknesses.

• Strengths - are energy boosters
• Weaknesses - are energy drainers

Experiment

Sometimes, to uncover our gifts, we need to get out and try new things.  We often have undiscovered strengths, only because we have not explored our abilities fully.  Experiment a little.  Follow an interest or a passion.  Dabble in something new, explore opportunities you may have given a pass on - all with an eye to discovering new abilities and talents.

What's Different?

Pay attention to what you do differently than everyone else.  When we meet expectations, or operate below the line, we are usually just following the direction of those around us.  However, when we are playing to our strengths we feel more empowered and confident, often stepping off onto our own little path.  Looking for your areas of difference, in thinking or approach, can often highlight a talent or gift you have overlooked.

Others Know

Gain some insight from those around you.  Consider what others typically seek you out for.  What help and advice do your co-workers look to you for?  Often, those around us recognise our talents long before we do and will ask us for help in those areas, knowing we do it better than they ever could.  However, because our true gifts may feel so natural and comfortable to us, we may downplay their value and fail to recognise that those skills don't come as readily to others.  Others know the value - use their insight to build your recognition of the value.

• Exercise.  Get others in your life to share a story with you - a story about when they thought you were are your 'best'.  As you gather the different stories, review them looking for common themes and threads that indicate your strengths.  

Of course, once you have identified your gifts and strengths, you need to develop an action plan on how to build and leverage them.  Volunteer for activities that use your gifts, build a career path that utilizes and grows them, even offer support to others in the areas of your talents. All will help you to capitalize on your gifts in ways that help highlight the tremendous value you represent.  For additional help with your strategies you can check out Marcus Buckingham's book on putting your strengths to work (see below). 

You represent a unique blend of skills and talents that no one else has. Unwrapping your gifts allows you to offer the world the best you have and are. Focus on your above-the-line skills.   Above-the-line is above average.  Above-the-line is about meeting your expectations not theirs, and above-the-line is above what most others are offering, leaving you standing head and shoulders above those around you.

Great view from up there!


Book Links:

Motivating Others - No Magic Pill

Wanting something is not enough.  I may 'want' to lose 10 pounds, but without the motivation to take action on that desire I will not lose a pound, let alone the 10.  When you consider how much we struggle with motivating ourselves to take action is it any wonder that one of the biggest challenges that managers face is in motivating their people?

Unfortunately, everyone is looking for a quick fix answer, a single motivating methodology that will work equally well with everyone.  In many respects this is indicative of how leaders sought to motivate their people in the past, typically using either the 'Carrot' or the 'Stick' approach.

The Carrot

In essence, the carrot approach is based on a system of rewards, the provision of some extrinsic element that will serve to raise productivity and drive performance.  This may be seen through the use of formal bonus for performance programs or even with more informal 'gifting' of sports tickets, gift cards, paid time off, prime parking spaces etc.

Interestingly though, studies on the use of money as an incentive have found that it is effective only when reinforcing mechanical skills.  Here higher pay led to better performance.  However, when the task called for cognitive skills financial bonuses actually worked the opposite, with higher pay leading to poorer performance. Eventually, most managers ultimately tend to find that the benefits of carrots are short-lived requiring more frequent and 'bigger' carrots be provided, typically for reducing returns.

The Stick

Others have attempted to motivate more out of fear, using a negative form of reinforcement; fear of failure, fear of losing money, fear of losing their job.  As much as some may feel that 'the stick' creates immediate action and responses, it is rarely seen to deliver top performance and typically induces additional debilitating results (such as stress).

No One-Size-Fits-All Approach

As much as both the carrot and stick have been used frequently in the past, and continue to be used today, research supports the view that Motivation happens one person at a time.  There is no magical approach that works equally well with all, no one-size-fits-all approach.  Instead, you need to uncover the inner motivation of each member.  Understanding the personality style and preferences of individual contributors will tell you a lot about what motivates each.

• Some want the opportunity to contribute
• Others want the freedom to choose 'How' to contribute
• Some want the exposure and recognition that contributing may bring them
• Others want the respect of others for their contributions

Each perspective is valid and each represents something different that is valued. 

Ability is what you're capable of doing.  Motivation determines what you do.  Attitude determines how well you do it.       Lou Holtz

Finding out what drives the behaviours of others, what their personality preferences are, allows you to tap into their personal motivators.  Those who are more Competitive will tend to like to win, while those who are more Cooperative will be more motivated by an opportunity to affect the 'Greater Good'.  Those who are more Innovative will love the opportunity to work on a new start up project or venture, while those who are more Conventional will be more motivated to work on a project that is in support of strengthening existing processes.

Motivation happens one person at a time

The better you are at creating an environment and working climate that taps into what already motivates people the more satisfied, happier and appreciative will be your team.  Given that we are more productive when we are feeling good, the benefit to the organization is an increase in productivity.  There may not be a Motivational Magic Pill, but you can create some magic none-the-less!

Are You Flourishing?

Typically, the goal of Psychology has been to relieve human suffering.  However, the work of Dr. Martin Seligman has been changing the face of psychology by focusing on Prevention; on how people can learn the skill sets that prevent psychological suffering in the first place. Therefore, rather than trying to help you feel better after you feel bad, the goal is to develop the skills needed to feel good most, if not all, of the time.

The Shift:   from Relieving suffering.... to.... Preventing suffering

In his latest book 'Flourish', Seligman - the undisputed father of Positive Psychology - builds upon his earlier work on Authentic Happiness to teach us not only how to be happy, but how to truly Flourish and Thrive.

Positive Psychology is the study of Well-being, the systematic practice of kindness, gratitude, of counting your blessings, exploring your strengths, etc.  It teaches resilience and optimism, two key skills that are supposed to be better predictors of your achievement than is IQ.  According to Seligman, well-being can be learned and is a skill critical for us to go beyond 'okay' with our lives and learn to 'thrive'.

Well-being is comprised of 5 elements, following the Acronym PERMA...

P - Positive Emotions
E - Engagement
R - Relationships
M - Meaning (Purpose)
A - Achievement

We know from research that those who experience a stronger overall sense of well-being on a consistent basis also experience increases in; productivity, satisfaction, physical health, confidence, motivation, achievement, creativity...  Who wouldn't want more of this?  In order to help you to increase your level of well-being, your overall feelings of happiness, consider implementing some of the following suggestions...

Positive Emotions

Let's face it, we've all got problems.  We all face challenges, and we sometimes don't seem to have much going on to smile about.  However, Positive Emotions can serve to help us move up and out of the morass of negativity faster and easier.  If we focus on the past with feelings of pain and regret, or look upon the future with fear and trepidation then we are fostering negative emotions.  Instead, we need to shift our mental focus. When thinking of the past seek out memories that were positive for you, that make you smile even while thinking of them.  Learn to be thankful the negative times of the past are, in fact, past. The more that we strengthen our positivity 'muscles', the easier it is to feel the emotions naturally, more strongly and for longer periods of time.

Engagement

When we are disengaged we are listless, bored and distracted.  Engagement is 'secret sauce' to motivation, enabling us to focus, produce and achieve.  When we are engaged in an activity we enter a state of 'flow', what athletes refer to as being 'in the zone'.  We are absorbed in the activity, time seems to fly by and we experience a sense of accomplishment and achievement in the end.  Typically the more we are engage in work and activities that utilize our unique personal strengths and talents, the more engaged we will be.  Identify yours and seek out ways to utilize them more fully in your work and your life.

Relationships

We are, by nature, social creatures, wanting a sense of connection to others.  Establishing strong relationships with others helps us to develop our sense of well-being.  Knowing that we have others around us that we can depend upon, to help us to maintain balance in our lives.  Positive relationships involve a positive and equal exchange, whether it be of emotion, energy, support or time.  Any relationship though that is one-sided or that creates a negative energy or emotion diminishes our sense of well-being.  Seek out the relationships in your life and work that build you up, not tear you down.  Create a list of people that are in your life, whether personally or professionally, and determine whether their influence on you is predominantly positive or negative in nature and impact. The next step?  Spend more time with those whose influence is positive and less with those that are negative.

Meaning

We all want, and need, to feel part of something larger than just ourselves.  Feeling like we make a 'difference', even in some small way provides us with a sense of purpose to our actions and our lives.  Being part of something beyond ourselves provides us with a sense of community, giving us a feeling of belonging.  It is far easier to be engaged in our work if we believe that it is benefiting someone, somewhere, somehow, that our work counts in some small way toward that bigger picture. Often we get so caught up in just 'doing' that we lose sight of the larger impact of the work we do, the value it has to others around us.  Spend time reflecting on just how your role and actions, personally and professionally, contribute to the bigger picture or greater good.  Making these connections for yourself can go a long way to recognising the value and worth of the contributions you make each day.

Accomplishment

Working toward and achieving goals helps us to feel that we are moving forward with our lives. Establishing a sense of accomplishment builds our confidence in our ability to handle more in the future, which further strengthens our coping mechanisms.  If we fail to recognise just how much we have achieved and overcome in the past then we likely will fail to fully take advantage of all we are capable of achieving in the future.  Most of us get so caught up in the 'doing' of things though that we often fail to even give ourselves credit for everything we have done.  To help with this, it makes sense to maintain an ongoing log of your accomplishments and achievements.  Start out by listing everything you have achieved thus far in your life, but continue adding to it as you remember more and achieve more.  This listing will also serve as a motivator for you whenever you are feeling a little down or are lacking a little confidence.  This file with all of your achievements, awards, kudos and successes should serve to highlight for you not just how amazing you have been, but how many more amazing things you have yet to achieve.


Want to check out Dr. Seligman's book for yourself?  Use the following link to get going...

It's Not Easy Being Green: Dealing with Professional Jealousy

We have likely all found ourselves, at some point in our careers, using others' success as a way and
means of gauging our own.  Comparing ourselves to others can be a positive motivator, inspiring us and opening us up to new realms of possibilities.  In this scenario then, others' success highlights for us what we too may choose to strive for.

However, we may find ourselves, in making these comparisons with our peers and co-workers, experiencing a professional form of jealousy.  We may feel resentment or anger over their achievements and frustration with our apparent lack.  Envy and jealousy can create stress and pressure that may hinder our success.  In this situation our comparisons to others become disruptive and debilitating, leading to negative emotions and behaviours.

Ultimately, any time  that we spend worrying about what others are doing is time away from doing what we could and should be doing which definitely prevents us from achieving all that we might. When you find yourself feeling a little 'green-eyed- with jealousy, use any of the following tips to help you gain control and keep you on track to adding to your own list of successes.

Take a Big Picture Approach

When we only see the final (often bragged about) accomplishment, we fail to understand the 'how' it came about; the struggles, the sacrifices.  We often wouldn't be so envious of something someone had achieved if we knew everything that they had to do to get it.  If we would never be interested or willing to make a similar investment, then it is far easier to let the jealousy over the achievement go.

Refocus Your Energy

Instead of directing your energy into the 'Woulda', 'Shoulda', 'Coulda's', put your focus into what you can and will do to achieve the same great levels as your colleague.  What can you be doing - Now - that puts you in a better position to receive that promotion, that award, that funding, next time around... and start doing it!

Create Your Brag Bag

Build your confidence and self-esteem  by maintaining, and reviewing, your own personal success journal.  Often, when we view the success of others we feel bad about ourselves because we don't have ready access to our list of achievements.  Maintaining a success journal, in which you document all of your successes and achievements, can serve to remind you of everything that you have achieved, helping you to put your co-worker's accomplishment in perspective.  Rather than allowing their achievement to highlight what you're not, your success journal can direct you instead to focus on everything you are and have done.

Stop Looking

If you are looking too much on what other people are doing and accomplishing... stop looking. Unfriend them.  Unfollow them.  While it's good to keep up with the overall happenings in your industry there is a 'Healthy' level of insight and an 'Unhealthy' level.  If the attention you are paying to someone else is not serving you in a positive way, then STOP and fill your time with activities that will be more productive.

And... if you have found that your successes have left you with jealous onlookers, begin distancing yourself from them.  You don't need their toxic energy preventing you from achieving even greater heights.

5 Steps to Building your Self Confidence

Perhaps one of the most common requests that I receive from my coaching clients is for guidance on how to feel more Confident. Perhaps one of the most highly prized, and envied, characteristics of leaders is their confidence, that ease and belief they have in their ability to make things happen.

We know also that highly confident people tend to: get promoted more and faster, be seen as more attractive, make more money, be seen as charismatic, be remembered longer, be viewed as more decisive, smarter, and even taller.  In fact, the list is far longer than this but it all stems from the projection of confidence.

This is all well and good for those that possess confidence, that belief in their ability to perform, but what about those of us that could do with a little more of this quality?  That struggle to find it in ourselves to believe in ourselves?

The good news is that confidence is not something that you are simply born with, it is something that you can develop and grow.  To start it is helpful to have a clear idea of who you are, gaining a clear picture of what your current strengths and abilities and even weaknesses are.  You need to have a clear perspective of what you currently bring to the table, in order to know what to work on and what to promote.

If you need to gain a better perspective on this, complete the following exercise.  Divide a piece of paper into three columns and label them Strengths, Weaknesses, Accomplishments.

1. Strengths.  You want to understand the Strengths you possess because these are the areas that you are most likely going to want to promote to others and perhaps build your expertise around. 
2. Weaknesses.   I deliberately label the second column Weaknesses and not Developmental Needs because you don't want to waste time in developing weaknesses that aren't needed by your current job or that you do not possess an interest in.  You can't be good at everything so don't waste time that could be spent creating excellence in a strength just to create mediocrity out of an unnecessary weakness.  
3. Accomplishments.  The third column requires you to compile a list of your Accomplishments to date.  Large or small you have them.  Don't stop until you have listed at least 20. Any obstacle you have overcome in life is an accomplishment.  Anything you did that you felt a sense of pride in doing or attempting is an accomplishment.  If you struggle with completing any of your columns then consider enlisting the aid of a few close friends.  Ask them to complete the form for you, using their responses to help you gain some perspective on strengths and accomplishments that you are failing to recognise and give yourself credit for.  

Many find that just completing the exercise above helps them to already feel more confident about themselves and what they offer.  It is sometimes far too easy to lose sight of everything that we have accomplished, everything we do possess strength in when we are only focused on what we lack.  We are all a constant mix of strengths and weaknesses, successes and failures.  It is important to always be looking at the full picture and not just a portion.  As good a starting point as this is though, I offer the following 5 tips for helping you to continue to gain and strengthen your confidence.

• Focus on Learning and Improving.  Developing our skills and knowledge about something can increase our confidence and belief in our abilities in that area.  Often our lack of confidence stems from our belief that we don't know enough or that we lack the necessary skill. Use your understanding of your strengths to build your skills and talents.  We can't be great at everything, but we can all be great at something.  Pick your area and focus on strengthen your skills in that area.  

• Don't aim for Perfect.  Making mistakes is normal.  Use them as an opportunity to learn. Not leaving any mental room for the possibility of mistakes can undermine our confidence, feeding into the belief that we can't do it.  Instead, expect mistakes, learn from them and move on.  

"A person, who never made a mistake, never tried anything new"    Albert Einstein

• Start Small.  It is the act of doing and accomplishing things that builds our confidence to do more and other in future.  Even small steps have a positive impact.  Take action, get it done and build positive proof of your ability.  Doing things builds your confidence, worrying about doing them builds your fear.  Take action.

 "Nothing builds self-esteem and self-confidence like accomplishment"  Thomas Carlyle

•  Do Your Homework.  There is no substitute for preparation.  The more prepared you are for something, the more confident you will be in your ability to achieve it.  Don't focus on how much better prepared you 'wish' you were, focus on being as prepared as time and circumstances allow.  Preparation, of however much, is always better than none.

• Keep a Success Log.  As you likely discovered, trying to recall our accomplishments can be a difficult task.  Far better to maintain an ongoing Success Log, in which you continuously record your victories, both large and small, as they occur.  As we continue to focus forward, on all we want to accomplish, it can become far too easy for us to lose sight of all of the successes that got us to this point, or to minimize their value and import.  Recording them as they occur will help to remind you of everything you overcame to get to where you are, helping you to minimize any doubts you may have about your abilities to overcome barriers in the future.

Our confidence is not static, it rises and falls in the face of different situations and their perceived level of challenge.  Use the above exercises and tips to help you to gain the level of confidence you need to face those challenges head-on, to become all that your meant and deserve to be.  I know that there is greatness in you and have every confidence in your uncovering it for yourself.