Learning to Receive Feedback

When it comes to Feedback, most of the discussion is generally centered around how to deliver your messages.  Equally important however is our ability to receive feedback. We are far more comfortable in hearing 'job well done' but are not likely to grow as far or as fast in our chosen careers if we don't become equally comfortable in hearing and seeking out how we can improve.

Our potential growth is actually a factor of three elements;

1. our ability to ask for feedback, 
2. our openness to receiving the messages and 
3. our willingness to take appropriate action based upon that feedback

Although all of the above are teachable, the barrier to receiving feedback well tends to fall at the juncture between our desire to learn and grow with our desire to also be accepted and respected. Developmental feedback has a perceived negative component to it that leaves us feeling less accepted, less respected and less successful. Wanting to save ourselves some possible pain we then learn to avoid feedback as much as we can. 

Charles Jacobs, in his book Management Rewired: Why Feedback Doesn't Work and Other Supervisory Lessons from Brain Science, shows that when people receive feedback that is counter to their self-image, they are far more likely to change the information they hear than they are to change themselves. In essence we unconsciously massage and edit the information to make it more palatable to us. The problem, of course, is that we then lose the value of the feedback itself and no longer are to act upon the content given.

We all have internalized sensitivities about ourselves, our values, our relationships that feedback can unconsciously 'hit' causing us to become defensive. Sheila Heen and Douglas Stone, in their book Thanks for the Feedback, The Science and Art of Receiving Feedback Well, highlight three primary triggers to feedback;

1. Truth Triggers - the challenge to SEE
2. Relationship Triggers - the challenge of WE
3. Identity Triggers - the challenge of ME

Understanding what triggers have been activated by the feedback will help you to not only understand your emotional response to it but gain control over it. The following points will also prove helpful in your bid to become a far better receiver...

Just One Thing.  When asking for feedback ask for just One Thing that you could focus on in the next 30 days to improve.  We can typically only really focus on one negative thing at a time anyway so ask for feedback in a way that allows you to truly focus on improvement rather than becoming overwhelmed by too much perceived negative content. Smaller chunks of feedback gained more frequently is easier to process and work on, advancing you faster.

Listen Fully.  Listen to what is truly being said rather than your internalized interpretation of it. Pay attention to your response, both intellectual and emotional, allowing the message to remain intact and not coloured or influenced by your responses.

Time to Reflect.  The more difficult the message is to hear, the more important it is to allow yourself time to fully absorb the message and to balance it with your beliefs and understanding. Don't feel that you have to say or do anything other than offer your thanks to the giver before you have digested the message fully.

Don't Argue. Don't allow your triggers to take control. Don't defend, don't dismiss and don't denigrate. Simply offer your thanks and then take the time you need to process the information given before choosing an appropriate course of action.

As with any skill, receiving feedback well can be learned. Learning to actively seek our feedback on a regular and timely basis may prove more insightful and helpful to your development and growth than anything else you might do. People are going to be far more specific when delivering feedback immediately following an activity and are going to be far more honest and direct with their comments when they learn that you are open to hearing and gracious in your response.

(for your reference, here are links to the books I mentioned above...)

         

Tip Thursday - Accepting Feedback

Receiving less than desirable feedback from a boss or peer can be tough to take, but often learning and acting on the message is what's needed to propel your career forward.  Rather than being defensive, openly accept their feedback and ask for suggestions.

"I would like to do what I can to change that, do you have some suggestions to help me?"

Turn what could be a negative conversation into a positive one, where your critic becomes your coach!

Yes, And Principle - An Improv Technique at Work

Improvisational comedy troops use a number of techniques to help them work together seamlessly, building instantly upon each others ideas, able to adapt readily to any changes in direction and content that are thrown at them.

One technique I invite you to steal, and use as your own, is the Yes, And Principle.  This technique provides you with a structured way of thinking and responding to other people's thoughts and ideas. All too often we barely listen to what the other party is saying, preparing instead our rebuttal. The Yes, And technique begins from a position of requiring you to have listened fully to what the other party was sharing. You can't possibly know how to respond if you haven't heard what was said.

When we follow someones comments immediately with our own, without there being any connection between their comments and our own, it can sound as though we are dismissing, disinterested in, or disagree with, their thoughts.  It can sound like we are saying 'no', serving to negate the perceived value of what they were sharing.

Beginning our response with Yes, And... serves to build upon their ideas rather than negate them. While an immediate 'no' shows you have not been open to ever exploring their idea further, the 'Yes' shows an openness to and acceptance of the idea they offered. It is supportive and open, demonstrating that you trust and value their opinion.

The 'And' then builds upon the ideas already brought forth, rather than starting over or tearing down the previous ideas.  It helps the team continue to remain open to exploring new and different ideas, all of which serve to enhance the end result.

In business, there are two areas in which the Yes, And Principle can immediately be implemented, to positive benefit...

1. Brainstorming.  This is a great tool to use in developing and building ideas because it leaves all paths open.  Closing ideas off too soon can limit the directions available to you, while keeping ideas open allows you to circle back, in ways you might not have been able to imagine previously, enabling you to create something bigger and better.  In brainstorming the 'Yes' serves to acknowledge and accept others' ideas, while the 'And' allows for an elaboration of the idea, building and extending upon it.  In Apple you might have heard...
• I think we should consider making a 'better' phone...
• Yes, and... wouldn't it be great if it took pictures...
• Yes, and... we could create games and apps that let people use it like a mini computer
• Yes, and...
2. Feedback.  When providing people with constructive criticism and feedback on their ideas, we often mistakenly jump immediately to areas that require improvement or additional thought.  In essence, we highlight the flaws in their thinking. This can end up sounding negative, which may shut the other person down.  Instead, begin with Yes, And.  The yes immediately creates a supportive dialogue, which leads the other party to remain open to listening further. It creates a powerful attitude of affirmation that helps inspire trust. You can then follow with what is good about their idea highlighting what works, before then sharing how you think it could be better, offering your suggested improvements.  

Improvisational comedians are masters at listening to and building upon others ideas.  To create a seamless and unified experience for the audience, they must be prepared to abandon their 'vision' as being the one true vision, and be prepared to accept whatever any of the other team members present, viewing it as a gift. Rather than tossing it aside, they hold onto it, adding to it with their own ideas, enabling the skit to grow and develop.  Without the openness and willingness to accept what comes before 'you' will create a skit that is disjointed and disconnected.  The power of the Yes, And technique can serve you in much the same way, allowing those around you to feel valued, while still enabling you to have an impact on the direction taken. That's what building a team is all about.  

5 Tips for Getting More Feedback

We would all love to get feedback on our performance more regularly than we do. Regular feedback is an important way for us to improve our performance at work. However, it is not unusual for many in the workplace to receive feedback only during their annual performance review. The feedback they receive is not timely enough and likely not specific enough to prove truly helpful in positively impacting performance.

Given that many of us have managers who dread having to complete an annual review, let alone sitting down for performance dialogues more regularly, how might we arrange to get the feedback we need, when we need it, to help us improve our performance faster?

1.  Ask.  This may seem like an obvious point to start with but that doesn't make it any less effective.  And, despite its obvious nature, it doesn't tend to be something that people do consistently, if at all.  Don't sit complacently by, assuming that no news is good news.  Ask people how you are doing.  If you feel this is a little too self-directed then ask people what you might have done differently or better to have met their needs. People will not only open up about your performance, but will offer suggestions you can use to please them better in future. It's your choice as to whether you fulfill those needs or not, but it will tell you a great deal about not only how best to serve others, but about what motivates them also.

2.  Question.  Don't simply take the first response you get.  We often interpret someone's feedback through our own personal filters which may lead us off the track they were highlighting.  Before you invest your time and effort in improving in a direction you believe they wanted, ensure you take the time to clarify what they shared.  Get a clear picture and specific suggestions before you begin to take action.

3.  Listen.  People give you feedback continuously, whether you ask for it or not.  However, we are typically too caught up in our own thoughts, wants and needs to pay attention to it.  Even when others are venting about a project, or the direction it has taken, they might be sharing some feedback for you regarding your role in it.  And, it should go without saying, that if you've asked for feedback then you need to listen to what people share with an open mind.  Don't rationalize the feedback, don't become defensive and don't shut down.  This is information you need to improve; accept it graciously and decide later what value it brings you.

4.  Observe.  Pay attention to the reactions and behaviours of those around you.  You can gain a tremendous amount of feedback just by taking the time to focus on and observe others.  Are people looking away and yawning when you are delivering a speech?  Are you being sought out for your advice and help or are others being sought out instead?  Do people share confidences with you or only talk about the weather? People's actions and behaviours around us tell us a great deal about what they think of us, how we make them feel, what their level of trust is.  Take the time to observe others for trends that are trying to tell you something.

5.  Learn.  Learn from your successes.  Learn from your failures.  Learn from your observations.  Learn from the observations of others.  Your experiences provide you with some of the best feedback that there is, but you need to take the time to assess the messages, learn from them and alter your approaches and behaviours accordingly.

Our performance is our responsibility and is our ticket to more.  Waiting for a once-a-year performance discussion, to ascertain how you are doing, is not going to enable you to improve as quickly as you could if you were receiving feedback in a more timely manner.  Certainly seek more frequent feedback from your manager, but don't limit yourself to their insights.  Broadening the scope of the feedback will provide you not only with more feedback, but will enable you to understand which actions would positively impact more people and therefore more opportunities.  Take charge of your personal improvement plan by taking a more active role in getting the information you need to improve.

Beware the Critics!

Have you ever received 'constructive' feedback that truly wasn't that constructive? Feedback that was more of a critical diatribe than anything practical or useful?

All too often people today are quick to criticize but slow to offer any truly constructive suggestions for improvement. Doing so would mean having spent time thinking about solutions for you and most people just aren't willing to invest the time. Talking about what's wrong, what doesn't work for them, what they don't like is easy. Being clear about what they want instead... well... that takes some thought. Unfortunately, many of your biggest critics don't happen to be the biggest thinkers.

The truth is...if you do something poorly... people will criticize you.
The truth also is... if you do something well... people will criticize you.

Your challenge, of course, is recognizing which critics to pay attention to. True feedback will always come with a clear understanding of not just what was 'wrong', but what is 'better'. Criticism without direction is simply an attack and more likely to stop you dead in your tracks and prevent forward movement then it is to create a course change and spur your momentum.

Additionally, those offering their critical insights often do so from a completely different world view than your own. Any behaviours that deviate from their view of what's 'right' must therefore be 'wrong' and corrected.  Listening to this feedback and making adjustments to your direction as a result of it only serves to take you from your chosen path and shifts you onto theirs. You must be diligent in ensuring that any critics you listen to are those that will serve you in moving further in your desired direction... not theirs.

Criticism that serves you is helpful. Criticism that serves the other party is useless.  It's critical for you to know the difference. Pay close attention to the critic. If they are neither someone you like or respect, that's a good starting point for knowing you should probably ignore their input. Listening to, let alone acting on, anything they have to say will likely prove a waste of your time and talent.