Tuesday, May 1, 2012

The Death of Dreams

  • 'You've never really been any good at that sort of thing'
  • 'I've heard there are tons of people going after the same thing... almost no one ever makes it'
  • 'You know that never happens to people like us'

These are the types of things 'they' say, the kinds of innocent-seeming statements 'they' make to slowly, but surely, kill our dreams.  You know - those visions and plans we have that would somehow serve to make us 'more' than we are now, that would have us do different, to get different, to be different.

We all have people in our lives that would rather we stay where we are in life. They will offer their thoughts under the guise of caring...
  • 'You know it's only because I care about you that I'm telling you this...'
  • 'It pains me to say this...'
  • 'You know I love you but...'
The expectation, of course, is that if they care about us, if they love us... maybe they are right.  Oh, we may not be so willing to let go of our dreams completely, but their words plant the seeds of doubt and we hesitate. The continual reinforcement of these messages serves to water those seeds, allowing them to take root and grow, eroding our self beliefs, until our dreams drift away.

'They' say it's out of love that they tell us such things... the you can'ts, you aren'ts... but is it really?  Often, we are told these things less from a belief that we truly couldn't and more from a fear that we truly could! The objections 'they' offer us are less about us than they are about them.  They like things as they are.  They like us as we are.  Mostly because, in some way, we - as we are - make them feel better about themselves as they are.  If we change in some way then it changes things... for them!  They may feel bad... about themselves.  Because if we can do it, then all of the excuses they have given themselves as to why they aren't doing it get challenged.  

Regardless of the dream that you have, others in your life may not want you to change for one of two reasons.
  1. they felt better about having/being/doing more than you when you had/were less (they like feeling superior to you and don't want you leveling the playing field)
  2. They felt better about not having/being/doing something because you were right there with them, providing them with proof that it's not just them (misery does love company after all!)
These people are dream stealer's. They will do whatever they can to kill your dreams off so that their dreams aren't threatened.  Make no mistake, this is done out of love of themselves, not of you.  We need, therefore, to learn to maintain our own belief and momentum, by ensuring that our self-love supersedes the need to be loved by those 'others' in our life.  Out of that self-love comes the commitment to live our dreams not negate them, to live a life of self-belief not self-doubt, to live a life of purpose not regret.

Let others choose their own path, just as you need to choose yours.  And... for all those that doubted and questioned your dreams and choices?  Let your success stand on its own and serve as your personal statement of...

I Told You So!

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