The Introvert Challenge

It is no coincidence that many of my clients are Introverted by nature.  Most of my practice is centered within North America, a place in which many Introverts find themselves struggling with trying to fit in and be recognised in working environments that predominantly recognise and reward Extroverted behaviour.  As life here in North America becomes more competitive and fast-paced, with the growing emphasis on the need to be a 'team' rather than an 'individual' contributor, Introverts today are facing more challenges than ever before.  Is it any wonder then that more of them are turning to coaches for help and direction?

It's interesting though, that different cultures have different styles, some of which value Introversion for its many strengths.  Individualism, more characteristic of direct, fast-paced communication (such as that found in the US and Germany) is more closely aligned with Extroversion, whereas Collectivistic societies (such as those found in East Asia) are more aligned with the characteristics of Introversion.

Despite the emphasis on Extroversion in North American society, Introverts make up 50 percent of the population.  Interesting then, to consider that most Introverts feel they are in the minority and that it is important, if not critical, to their careers to adopt more Extroverted tendencies.  Much of the work of coaches, such as myself, tend to be focused on helping Introverts to not just recognise but to capitalize on the strengths they bring to the table;  helping them to develop strategic and comfortable ways to promote themselves and those abilities.

Some quick thoughts and tips for Introverts to consider, that even you Extroverts may benefit from...

• Email can be a great communication tool for Introverts, providing them with the time they need to fully formulate their thoughts before sharing, and a communication forum that is comfortable.  Consider using this as a strategic way of sharing your thoughts and insights, not just as a tool for arranging a meeting time.
• The longer a meeting goes on, the more thoughts and information an Introvert has taken in and is processing.  As a result, they are less likely to be vocal.  Instead, consider speaking up early in meetings.  Your thoughts will be cleaner and more direct and you will have demonstrated already, to those present, your willingness to contribute. 
• Introverts are not likely to be the most vocal person around the table.  Therefore, when you do decide to share something, it is important that you say it in a voice that makes it easy for others to hear you.  It is worth investing some effort in using audiotape to cultivate a voice (strength, variability, volume) that helps convey your message.  You may not speak often, but you do want to speak in a way that lets your audience know that you are worth listening to.
• Posture can also make a big difference.  Introverts will often shift their mental focus internally, in order to process new information.  As they do, their body positioning and posture tend to also shift and change.  Typically, the head and eye contact will drop, shoulders may round forward... all of which serves to soften the overall posture and presence of the individual.  Instead, work to maintain an upright posture, shoulders back, head up and eyes forward.  Even when not speaking you can still convey to others that you are confident and comfortable.

The Value of 'New'

I had the pleasure of not only spending this past long-weekend at the cottage, but to have our eldest grandson (not quite three and a half) spend the weekend with us.  It was a pure joy watching him explore the cottage, the beach, the water, the creek, the paddle boat... No hesitation, just the constant refrain... 'Let me try that!'

Now that I'm back at the office and reflecting back on those moments, it occurs to me that many of us, as adults, have lost this willingness to try and experience new things.  We get so caught up the comfort of familiarity that we often go out of our way to avoid trying something new or different.  I see this with clients all of the time; clients who 'want' something different in their lives, as long as they don't have to 'do' anything different!  We're scared of looking silly as we learn or develop a new skill, we're concerned that others might 'see' or 'talk' about our lack of skill, we're afraid of the changes that something new might bring with it.  We have a host of reasons for not trying.

Not introducing something new into our lives is fine, as long as we are fully and completely satisfied with everything that we are, do and have in our lives.  I'm not convinced that anyone could fully and honestly say that this is true for them though.  Would there be nothing that you didn't harbour a secret interest in learning or experiencing?  Nothing that you hadn't wondered how it would feel to try it, to do it?  That curiosity is what we find most appealing about young children, but often the first thing that we restrict in ourselves, as we let our fear of the unknown or 'new' gain dominance.

Change seems to be a scary word today.  Too much seems to be changing around us, too fast.  For many, 'new' is synonymous with change and therefore 'new' is to be avoided.  However, let's reframe the thought of introducing newness into our lives.  Instead of 'new' equalling 'change', consider that...

• New = Growth
• New = Discovery
• New = Learning
• New = Opportunity

So...  let's work on creating an answer to the age-old question...  What's new with you?  The phrase 'nothing' is no longer an acceptable answer.  Your task is to now go and find/create/experience something new in your life.  It needn't be large, but it also needn't be small.  Think instead of something that you would like to experience or learn.  What would you like to try, have, be, do, taste, feel, see, learn...  Whatever word kick-starts a thought for you - Go With It! 

Nat King Cole started his amazingly successful singing career as a piano player.  In his mind... he played piano.  Period.  When playing in a bar, he was confronted by a patron who asked him to sing a song.  His response... I don't sing, I play piano.  However, when the owner of the bar told him to sing or he was fired, he sang.  He tried something new for him.  They heard something new for them, and his new career as a singer was launched. 

Now, we may not experience this level of success from our attempts at 'new', nor do we need to.  The point is though, had he let his comfort zone of being a 'piano player' overtake him, he would never have discovered a hidden talent and a hidden love.  What talents and skills are you keeping buried in your failure to explore something new?  What joys might you discover if you were to introduce yourself to new people, activities, places, things? 

Don't just think about this article.  Do something about it.  Take action.  Because... you know... the next time I see you I expect an answer to my question...

What's NEW with you?